My wife is from Colombia. We went all through the gut-wrenching, nerve-wracking processes and stages of the K-1 visa etc., etc., etc. and, having read nearly all the information shared by others in these forums, my experience has shown me there is one area that has been sadly neglected, and that virtually none of the government forms nor processes deal with at all. This is Culture Shock.
Most of the time, we are so caught up in filling out forms, getting more passport photos taken, making sure all the forms are in order before we send them to the appropriate office, counting the days, all the writing, the expensive phone calls and all the agony of waiting and waiting. But then suddenly, his/her K-1 visa is granted and we buy the ticket from wherever our beloved one is to get here, and suddenly, they will be here in a matter of a few days. As with me, I was an absolute nervous wreck waiting for the plane to arrive in Denver. But finally, it did. Now, I thought, for the most part, we can get on with our lives as long as we are together.
However, an unforseen problem I did not count on, nor was even that aware of, arose. When my wife came here to be with me. . . forever. . . I did not think too much about what she was giving up for me; she left behind her grown children, her family, her food, her language, her home, her customs, her friends, her culture, her job. . . EVERYTHING that she ever was, all the things that made her the wonderful woman she is, was now over 4000 miles away on another continent. She suffered many weeks over this. Not every day, 24 hours a day, but frequently enough that it did worry me. Culture Shock can be severe enough to cause headaches, vomiting, diarrhea and other ailments caused from change in altitude, climate, food, language, customs, inability to communicate and so on. To top it off, her father was killed in an accident and she could not really leave the country to go to the funeral.
My point is, ladies or gentlemen, when your new spouse arrives in the U.S., please be prepared for Cultural Shock in him/her in some form or another, as it WILL occur. I would counsel EXTREME patience, kindness and understanding, even though he/she may seem terribly unreasonable, demanding or downright mean or even hateful at times. Do not give up!!. Listen to them, be there to help when they want or need it, leave them alone when they want to be alone. Our international relationships are NOT the storybook ones where the boy marries the girl next door and they raise a family all in the same Small Town, USA. In addition to the many problems that confront new marriages, we have taken on the additional burden of many new things, such as language difference, customs, and so on. It will bother them much more than you think.
Let your new mate go at their own speed; don't hurry them to learn English or cook like mom does or to study the state driver's manual to get a driver's license. . . let them work into these things on their own. It is REALLY tough on them because in most cases, it is an entire brand-new world to them. I have awakened many times on various nights to find my wife softly crying, missing her family. The sad part is, there is really nothing one can do to make this all "go away". I am there always with reassurances, hugs, a listening NON-JUDGEMENTAL EAR, and trying to ignore the sharp barbs of critisizm she slings at me at times from out of her pain. I have tried many times to put myself in her shoes, to imagine what it is like leaving behind EVERYTHING, and I simply cannot imagine it. Many times, our new mate comes here to be with us possessing only their personal honor and the fervant hope of a successful marriage.
Please don't ever give up on them; tell them you love them all the time even when they may not be lovable. Be free with hugs and compliments. Do little things for them that readily show them that you really do care. Then, when the days for them begin to change and they grow more comfortable with you, your kindness, loving attention and endless patience will pay off in big dividends.
I wish for all of you the very best in this adventure we all have embarked upon!

GREAT POST!

I tell you... when my wife got here MAN what an experience. We soon found out that it was not just us. She has some other firends who have been living here in the states before her and they too had stories of BIG fights and one even made it all the way to the airport with tickets in hand to go back to Colombia.

BUT they all found their way through it and are comfortable in their relationships. As my wife and I continue to try and accomplish. It is NOT perfect by any means and alot of it is my fault for being quick tempered, but I know I love her and I know she loves me and together we will get through the hard times.

If any of your wives/finacees need some fellow Colombianas to talk to, message me for her email address.

Perhaps I should send this on to the Missus.

But having arived on a K1 at DIA myself:

1 Not all of us had our ticket bought for us! Missed that one.

2. I am guessing that many here are familiar with where they are going by prior visits, but holidays are not the same as living somewhere.

3. The Drivers License test thing amused me, that is certainly an area that worried me, I knew that US do not take the test seriously, but until I experianced it I could not be certain.

4. I have a few friends who are/speak English, and of course I was familar with many Amercanisms, but still find new ones, 'Period' was the latest.... I was lucky enough to be able to carry on my main Sport, and that is always a good way of expanding your circle.

5. Food, well I miss the variety, I am guessing there must be similarities between Colombian and Mexican food and there is no shortage of the latter, but yet to find a decent Indian. I remember going into a P F Chang, my first visit to a Chinese restauarant, OK pseudo, where the staff was not totally Chinese. But to be fair there are good Vietnamese and Thai near me.

And being mistaken for an Australian can get very boring. Still do not get that one.

The Internet helped, and one of the first things I did was extend our Satellite Package to get Fox Soccer Channel.

I appreciate your words very highly because of the facts I have never think about.
I am just now in this waiting time so blind of love to my fiance and can only think about being with him forever.
I am from Denmark and for sure another culture here. 12000 km away from him.
So I know for sure that there will be a time where everything will be very much up to him to oversight because of a big culture shock I maybe will get.

We have known eachother for 3 years and 1 year is gone now since we were together in real life.
So many complications to get this visa.
But within the coming 6 weeks we will get a decision and can start plan our new life.

Sweetie

Will thank you everyday for this topic

Sweetie

Great post! I'm from Brazil and moved to Puerto Rico. I know PR is closer to Brazil culture wise than the US, but my biggest issue here is that I am fluent in English, but not in Spanish, so I had the language shock anyway. In that sense even if PR and BR are closer in culture, it'd been easier if I was live in US. I had bad bad days, felt selfish, abandoned, etc. Cried, screamed, but luckily my husband was there for me all the times, and even though he might not have understood me at first, once I told him why I was crying, screaming, he felt really sad that he couldn't help me more than by just hugging me, holding me.

Sometimes when he sees some sadness in my eyes he's the one that says "It must be really tough, but we'll get through together".

Wonderful post!

Your wife is a very lucky woman and I'm sure she will eventually realize that and appreciate you!

All the best for your life together!

Carla

Thank you for a wonderful post. As a Canadian, I did not expect to suffer culture shock, but even for me there was a time of adjustment where everything felt 'out of step' with what I had known. Being here on a visit is totally different than living here. Visiting you still have all of your ties and 'identity' back home; there is no way to describe what it feels like to leave everything that you have ever known behind and really start over anew, dependent upon another person for everything you have and do. Superficially, I adjusted quickly, but emotionally, it took a lot longer than I had expected and even a year after I was year I still found myself 'mourning' for what I had left behind. There was no regret and I love being here with my husband. I even love living in Georgia, but still, there was a loss and I had to deal with it. I can only begin to imagine what it would be like coming from a country that does not share a language or many of the same cultural experiences with the US! I have the greatest admiration for those men and women who make that choice; even when it means coming to live with the person you love, it is still a very courageous choice. I agree with the other posters - your wife is a very fortunate woman to have you here for her. I hope she finds her comfort level soon.

This is a really good post! I hope everyone will have a chance to read it!

A very understanding post.

The sad thing is that sometimes the immigrant partner just can't cope with the "shock".

It is far greater than many of our partners ever realise.

Thanks for such a great post, I also hope more people read and learn from it. It's wonderful to know that there are good people like you that can understand situations like this, not everybody can deal with such a thing. It's not easy to just "disconnect" from everything you know all your life and left behind.

My best wishes for you both.

It is a great post

For us, there was 1 comment made by an outsider - a DMV lady who did my drive test - that she admired me for being a strong person for moving here, leaving everything behind, to be with my husband.

That comment was a nice reminder for both of us.

Btw, I think she gave me passing mark because of that rather than my driving capability because I was so nervous that I almost turn right on red when there was a sign marked No Turn on Red.

Joel loves living in Georgia too, as this area isn't much different as home in the scenery dept. He doesn't regret moving here, although I do wonder how I am going to handle it when I eventually emigrate to Canada. We talked about this subject at length several times during our time apart. What amazed me...and still does...is that he gave up everything familiar, all his family and friends, job, etc. to move 2600+ miles away, to a new country for his lady and her daughter (who is now his daughter). Now that's love.

Great post, is just like listening to my husband.

Is true that the "adjustment" period is not easy for BOTH parts, which includes more than just language, customs, food, etc,.

Personally, when I decided to follow my sweetheart, I knew that my life was going to have a 180° change (Coming from Mexico, have not traveled long distances and basic english), but the worst part for me was while waiting for my 6 y/o son. There were times that I almost gave up, but as always, there was my husband to support me and TOGETHER find a way with LOVE, UNDERSTANDING AND PATIENCE to succeed every single day.

Now, we are happily together. My son is so lucky to have a father like him and me, what to say? He is the love of my life.

New


pd. Wishing to all of you a wonderful season, safe holidays and the best for the year coming!!!

What a fab post!! I emailed it to my hubby

What a fantastic post! Thank you.

I was having a conversation with a friends mother just the other day and she said to me how lucky I was to have a husband (to be) that was moving all this way, changing his whole life, leaving his family, to be with me.

Although I knew this, it was very amazing to hear someone else remind me of this. I AM very lucky.

Wise words, indeed.

I particularly liked this:


Even as a Brit landing in the US, there are enough subtle differences that I still feel out of place from time to time, nearly two years down the line.

Good luck to all incoming immigrants, and may they all have the love and support of someone like the OP.

A truly wonderful post! I am not moving anywhere but she is coming here in Feb. I have often thought that those that come have the strength and courage of the pioneers here in America. They traveled across deserts not knowing what was there, ran out of wate they died, got bit by a snake they died, broke a leg they died. Yet here, every week there are hundreds that are going to make the journey. It may not be as dangerous as in daysof old but certainly as scarey.

I just wanted to add, as an American i have a hard time driving 40 miles wqithout airconditioning.

What a lovely post!

We had actually discussed culture shock long before I moved here... even from a english speaking aliied country, it is the little differences that can get me down. After a year its not so bad but every so often I crave something from home.... or something frustrates me here, the banking system is horrible. I am not used to paying by cheques for even the day to day things... thats what the internet is for.

Adjusting to a new enviourment is a very hard step but an understanding husband/wife will help anyone through it. If worse comes to worse a quick visit home always helps. Its funny how just going back and seeing how much you have changed in such a short amount of time can make a person really appreciate the new life that they are building for themselves.

I liked this post.

We are already trying to prepare for this. I know I'll never experience what it's like to become an immigrant. Even though I'm willing to live in Brazil for awhile, I can't quite imagine doing it permanently. So even though I can't even imagine what my boyfriend is about to go through, and he tells me that all the time!, I hope that I can do all the things to help him out and adjust. Because I know it's hard for everyone, even tough people who act like they aren't freaked out.

Another culture shock element for some people from certain countries will be facing a lot of prejudice where they might not have before. For example, these days Spanish speakers get a lot of flack from the illegal immigrant debate, and I've seen a lot of increased prejudice toward "Mexicans" (which seems to mean anyone dark who speaks Spanish these days). I know my boyfriend is concerned about facing prejudice too because of his accent, when he is used to not experiencing any discrimination in Brazil.

Foreign SO's are giving up so much to be with us (Americans). It's truly amazing and completely humbling.

Excellent post. I can actually sympathize with some of what my fiance will go through as a former Peace Corps Volunteer. Of course, my situation was different, I had a different set of support systems and a ready-made job to keep me busy (and my fiance will not have to live in a stick hut as I did), but the cultural shock is definitely pronounced. And I took my job willingly seeking a different culture to immerse myself, whereas Sandra is coming only for me, and I still had many nights wanting to hop on the next plane back home, bitching about every little thing about the local culture or taking long, aimless walks because I couldn't sit around and wallow in my sadness. I already worry about her sitting at home while I'm at work or how I can organize a support group for her, etc. It is definitely a trying time.

Unimane. . . I worried a lot about this with my Colombian wife. However, being from a smaller community (18,000) word got around quickly "there was a new Colombian in town". Within a few days, she had found several Colombian women, one from El Salvador, One from Venezuela and one other from Peru. They quickly "formed" a bi-monthly gathering where they gather and chatter and bring food and gossip. Although my wife is still in the process of learning English ("Hallo! What your name?") they speak only Spanish at these gatherings. They are a great support group for her and I am so glad they are there. The other women are all married to American men (and I suppose from time to time, we get raked over the coals!). However, you may want to just ask your wife what she likes doing? Unless you are from some tiny town in West Texas, there are undoubtedly groups there whose predominant language and culture is a mixture of Latinos. Also, there are several good cut-rate long distance phone companies available on the Internet (2 cents per minute to Colombia!) so she can talk to her family when she needs to. The primary thing, is just be very patient with her, even during those fleeting moments when you feel like you could wring her neck. Offer to help her find something, but don't push her. Believe me, she will find something to keep her occupied very quickly.

Lija, I want to thank you for starting this thread and being open about your wife's adjustment process to a starkly different environment and culture.

If I may, I would like to share an adjustment that I am still trying to make, and it shows itself especially keenly during big holiday seasons in America, e.g. Thanksgiving and Christmas.

In Singapore, I had a pretty strong family unit made up of three people - father, brother, and grandmother. There is no mother in this picture because she walked out on us when I was 9. We grew as a fuss-free family after this experience. Dad was not an emotionally available man until I went to college and started leaving little notes and letters for him. Dad and brother became my best friends. But we were hardly the emotionally expressive family. We were simply there for one another, and we never stirred up any drama. Most of the time, in fact, we'd go about our own lives but never lost touch.

Thanksgiving Day is not a recognized holiday in Singapore. Christmas is commercially celebrated, i.e. pretty lights downtown, lots of sales everywhere, and the common practice for most is to hit the clubs or pubs.

In my husband's family here, "traditions" for both holidays border on the slightly ridiculous. Every year I feel quite drained. There is more emotional hoopla than I care for, and I have to guard myself against getting jaded about this whole we-are-a-family-so-we-have-to-do-every-important-thing-together deal. In the last 4 year-end holidays that I've celebrated with them, there is always some major drama that got sparked by the tiniest of things, like an e-mail or phone call.

My husband looked at me last night and knew I was not happy. When he asked if I was okay, I simply replied: "I will be after Christmas Eve." I also told him this is the last year that I want to witness the same crap that happens with clockwork regularity. If (and I know it will) the same things happen again next year, I am bowing out of the family "celebrations", and I will have no problem being honest about it with his family. He understood.

This sure sounds like a gloom-and-doom reply, and I apologize for the dampener during this happy holiday season. I grew up with a father who taught us over and over again that it is important not to make big mountains out of small lumps of dirt, and to be grateful for what we have and not whine about what we don't. My heart is aching for my family, even though I had returned for a brief visit for the first time in 1½ years just two months ago. And even though my dad passed away almost 5 years ago, I still deeply miss his brutally honest and drama-less presence in my life.

Happy holidays, everyone.

Ephesia-- First, let me comment on your spectacular English; it is absolutely phenomenal! Secondly, your comments pertaining to Christmas and the holidays, about them being commercial et al. Bingo! Most Americans are beginning to complain bitterly about this also. It is now becoming common knowledge that among U.S. retailers, the most popular song is, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus". If your mate is very supportive of you, go with that; start all new traditions of your very own; half American, half Singapore... I applaud you for speaking out so candidly! I wish you both the very best!

Lija

Hehe, thank you very much for your kind words, Lija. English is the first language in Singapore and every child has to get a passing grade in order to go to high school and college. My parents sent me to good schools. Many popular American and British programs are also broadcast in my homeland. I grew up watching Happy Days, Sesame Street, The Electric Company, Laverne & Shirley, etc. (yep, I'm a child of the 70s). My mom did one thing right in my young childhood - she never denied me books when I asked for them, so I developed a voracious reading habit quite early.

Update on the hoopla I had mentioned in my previous reply - it got nipped in the bud pretty quickly. We ended up having private family Christmas time with his mom and sister's family last night (yes, three days early). I was moody all day yesterday about this because it wasn't the first time we've had this arrangement. But I let it go by the time we left for his sister's home and the result exceeded my expectations. In fact, his mother's Christmas card to both of us made my eyes wet ... and I ended up feeling really foolish. Nevertheless, my husband and I agree that from next year onwards, Christmas will be a quiet and focused affair - nothing more, nothing less.

You were spot on about starting new traditions. We decided to break away from the norm this year. Instead of waking up at the crack of dawn and hauling our sleepy butts to his sister's on Christmas morning to watch our nieces tear through their pile of presents, we're going to stay home this year. We'll wake up whenever, and then just have a quiet morning with each other and our dog. I am also really looking forward to another new tradition which will take place tomorrow - we're going to spend Christmas with his dad by eating pizza and watching the Colts game on TV. LOL.

I wish you and your wife a wonderful Christmas. I am not one for political correctness, so bear with me when I say Jesus really is the only reason for this season. God bless you and your family.

Yep that one is a must

My Family seems to be filled with Drama Queens and Kings... I'm glad you brought this up.. As far as I can see,, Veronica's family isn't like that.. as far as I can tell..
So I will keep an eye on it.. Now if I can keep my Mom from ragging on and on about others...hhahahahaha Well I've boy-cotted family functions in the past because it becomes one big drama.. Thanks for the heads up... I didn't think of this...

Culture shock is definitely a reality and an aspect that even if one is aware of, cannot actually always know what to expect or how to handle. It can be frightening to both because it seems as if there is something wrong, but it isn't always something tangible or conscious that can be described.

Mixed in with all of the immigrant's feelings can be that of what the American feels...a big part of that being guilt. Guilt because we can't seem to help....guilt because of what the other has given up for us....guilt because we think that either we or the life here has somehow disappointed our significant other....guilt because we think they would have been happier not coming here...guilt when they say, "I had to throw that away" or "I miss this or that". It's a horrible helpless feeling and can cut to the core of us when we feel our significant other has been let down in some way.

It's very humbling to realize that someone gave up all they know, all they had, what they're familiar with, what they're comfortable with, just to be with us. How can one feel worthy enough for that? I think it important that the immigrant also is aware of the other's perspective and by communicating together that these frustrations felt by both can be minimized. Resentment by both can be easily maximized if care isn't taken and what each other is feeling isn't held as important to the other.

What was of a great help is an excerpt from a book and a section entitled Adaptation to Life in the USA. I don't know what book it is from, unfortunately, it was only this snippet that was posted. There is no specific timeline...everyone adjusts in their own way...and some never do. However, knowing those stages is helpful so that we can try to understand where the other is coming from, and feeling. It's true...sometimes there is nothing we can do but give a hug and a kiss.

Here is the excerpt:

1. The honeymoon period when all seems new and interesting. It is a very exciting time for all.

2. Period of weariness from the adaptation to a new environment. During this phase you start to understand, that you must work to adapt to a new life. You feel pressure, isolation, irritation, disorientation, and depression or apathy. You can start to eat and sleep too much. You can become upset over trifles. You, at times, feel ill.

3. Period of non-acceptance of the culture of the host country. In this period you suddenly feel animosity to the USA and are surprised, how Americans can live how they live. You begin to question why you have come to America.

4. New culture starts to make sense. You start to acquire new knowledge and skills. As you gain confidence, you become more sociable. You start to feel satisfaction that you begin to understand the American culture.

5. Adaptation to new the culture. There is a feeling of comfort. You begin to feel and seek interaction with the new cultural environment. You accept life and conditions of American culture and take pleasure in making the distinctions between your new culture and the old.

As a Brit that came here five years ago, and worked for the US Federal Government for three years prior to that, I still find that there are differences.......... and they are often not so subtle! lol

I only commented to my daughter the other day how you would have thought things would be so much easier by now, but they are just as difficult, in some cases even more so. Spending 3 hours grocery shopping for Christmas had us, and the staff at our local supermarket, all totally confused! In the end we were all in fits of laughter, as the differences we really thought were well behind us, reared their heads once more. One lady who worked in the store was from Bosnia and she was laughing, along with us, saying how nice it was to see that other people were experiencing the same frustrations she was and how it was good to see that we could, at least, laugh about them.

Yes, thank God, besides all the anguish of adjusting to an alien culture, there are those moments of hilarity when all one can do is laugh. Example: my wife being from Bogota, Colombia speaks, of course, Spanish. I have been slowly teaching her English besides her going to her regular classes. I was teaching her one day, the sound "th" makes in words like "the", "that", "these" and so on, as this sound does not exist in western hemisphere Spanish. She couldn't seem to grasp it. Finally in frustration, and, poking fun at English, she extended her tongue halfway out of her mouth, then pronounced "th", spittle flying all over. . . the result had me falling out of my chair in laughter.

She is doing far better at adjusting here for a few reasons; one, the surrounding country here in Colorado is not all that different from the country surrounding Bogota. Secondly, there are several Colombians, El Salvadorians, Peruvians, etc. here in town, and they are a great support group for her.

Another side of this cultural shock thing, is that few have mentioned that once the new immigrant has been here for one or two years, several have gone back to their native country for a visit, as they were sooooo homesick. When the vast majority of them had the chance to return "home", they were only then aware of the great changes that had taken place within themselves; they were then almost fully aware that they, almost unknowingly, HAD built a new life at their new home with their new spouse, despite all the shock they suffered and were then satisfied to go back and continue on with their newly chosen life. This is, of course, under the assumption their new spouse had treated them well and there was a lot of love and patience there. My wife is dying to return to Colombia to see her family (I will go with her), but I am sure she will discover the same thing. It is RARE that everything will be exactly as it was when they left; their old friends and old haunts will not have changed any, it is THEY who will have changed, and they will not see their "old life" with the same eyes. It just seems to be nature's way of helping us cope.

May all of you have a wonderful Christmas, and may God bless all of you in waiting for your mates!

Lija

So true and such a valid point about the SO returning for a visit and realizing how much they have indeed changed and adjusted.

Rock on, Lija, rock on.

Even a week before my flight here last year on June 30, I had already started adjusting, so to speak. I had already known that not only will my life change and continue on in the US, the lives of all I knew and loved in Singapore would do the same without me there. Every day of my last week in Singapore, I watched my brother and sister-in-law very closely whenever they got home from work. They would talk about what they needed to get done the next month. They would discuss things to get for their new baby (who arrived 3½ months after I had moved to the US), and they would share with me all the details of their Japanese restaurant. On my third last night in Singapore, they had bought supper back for me and were already tucking in while I went to grab a spoon. As I walked back from the kitchen to join them, for some reason I stopped dead in my tracks to watch them from behind. I watched them eat, and listened to them chat about what was going to happen a week after I would already be in the US. It hit me for real that the two people closest to me would continue to forge and create their own world while I would be thousands of miles away doing the same. It didn't make me feel utterly sad or anything. It was just a very helpful realization.

The only real time I felt very homesick in the past 1½ years was when my niece was born and my brother played back her first cry on the phone for me to hear. He had made a video for me and figured I'd love to hear that cry. Oh dear me, I turned into a weeping mess for the rest of that morning.

Besides that occasion, I have not really missed my home in Singapore. I love being in the US and being next to my husband. I love the space and environment. I love the hospitality and warmth of the people here in Indiana. I love my husband's family because they show me frequently that even though none of us are perfect, we still love one another because we are family. Oh, and I definitely enjoy American football.

It was a little strange going back to Singapore two months ago for my first visit home. I had a blast catching up with my family and close friends. But towards the end of my trip, I couldn't wait to come back ... mostly because of the weather there. LOL. I also knew what I had suspected sometime ago - that my home now is definitely here and I wanted to return to it. And man, did I miss my husband!

Such a wonderful post Thank you!

Eventhough I've travel and lived in a lot of foreign countrirs - I still get a lot of culture shock - and that I miss Thailand very much.. eventhough I travel alot but ti's not like I'd be living there forever so this is totally different!! I cant imagine for the person who never actually live in other country - how hard it would be for them.. I know it'd be a lot more than me and mine is also pretty bad..

I passed through my ruogh time with love from my husband and his family - and that makes me feel that i've made a good choice.

It simply overwhelms me sometimes what Carlos "gave up" to come to the US that I find myself crying. Yes, we are together and yes, the opportunities are numberous here, but before we met he NEVER had any intention of leaving Colombia. There was no need to leave. He had the things that were important to him: family, friends, and a familiar country. In Colombia, as well as many other countries outside of the US, there seems to be a significant difference in familial closeness. In the US, we are often feel that we have to move away for college and then to a city for work. We often spend holidays like New Years boozing and with friends. But in Colombia, it is different. Kids stay with in the same vicinity as their family for easy access for dinners, parties and get-togethers. And, on New Years, family gets together and they celebrate toegether AS A FAMILY. It was culture shock this year when Carlos and I were talking about what to do for New Year's. When he told me that on New Year's, his family gets together at their own free will to eat, drink, sing, play the guitar, and make wishes on 12 grapes, and that Colombians do NOT spend $100 per person going out to bar only to not get any drinks bc it is too crowded, I was shocked. And, when he showed me a video last night of his family celebrating New Year's this year without him, I started to cry. These are the sacrifices on his part that overwhelm me to tears. However, there is another side. When Carlos saw me crying, he kissed me and asked me what was wrong. I managed to mumble something about him making a sacrifice. He looked at me and laughed, and then told me that it wasn't a sacrifice to finally be together. The point? He doesn't feel like he sacrificed anything.

I wish many happy years for all of you.




quote name='Lizzy' date='Dec 21 2006, 12:18 PM' post='630144']
What a fab post!! I emailed it to my hubby
[/quote]

What an awsome post!!!

My wife sacrificed a lot to be with me. She is having a hard time with the language and culture but she is coping. She tells me if I were to die she would move back because I am the only reason she is here. She had everything in Brazil and left it all to be with me. I am so proud of her and my love will always be there through thick and thin.

Some day we plan to move back to Brasil when my girls are older. Then it will be my cultur shock turn .

Luis and I also plan to move to Brazil one day, if possible, and although it will a culture shock for him I know he'll cope well, maybe even better than I have.

I know that, having been here for five years now, I would return to England if anything happened to my husband. There is nothing this country has to offer me that is better than where I come from. He is the only reason I am here.

I lived in Rio de Janeiro for some time, back in the mid-80's. The only thing I found hard to handle was the poverty in the favellas that surrounded Rio - it upset me a lot. But, i is an amazing place! Gentle people, family-orientated culture, just beautiful. I can see why one day you would move there.

Thank you for saying this. I have such guilt sometimes as the USC that it cripples me, and turns itself into resentment. My husband is very close to his family and many times, I feel like they hate me, although they have been nothing but kind and good to me. Whether there is resentment on their parts or not, I will never know. I am a talker, and feel that communication is imperative to resolution. I have tried to bring the issue of my feelings to the table-trying to explain myself. I have done this with his famil via e-mail a few times, and my sister in law seems to understand me well, but my MIL just avoided the subject. Maybe it was too difficult for her to talk about, but it only made my guilt worsen, as she is the type who will say nothing if she hasn't anything nice to say. It hurt me that she would not address this. I didn't tell my husband for months, as he had enough to think about... When I finally told my husband about it-he did not understand, and simply defended his mother. Sometimes, he cannot see things through my eyes.

I expected once my husband came here, my feeling would lessen-but that was only the tip of the iceberg. He misses his old home alot, and I cannot help him, which leads to exaccerbation of my guilt because I feel that without me, he would not have such heartache.
Sometimes, my guilt overcomes me.