Curious.

Which part? Do you mean if his religious beliefs changed in that he's a Christian who became an atheist, or that they changed in that he's a non-judgmental Christian who started believing I was going to Hell?

Obviously the second one could cause some problems.

Our religious beliefs are very different but I think if his became completely opposite they'd still be very different. And could even be more different (see: scenario #2 above).

Religion is very important to both of us, even though we are different religions.

religion means nothing. So.....no.

"Opposite" is totally open to interpretation.

Thanks for responding!



We are both very non-religious. If one of us became religious, I think there would be a rocky path in our future. So in that sense, I think religion is very important to our relationship, in that we need it to not be there...if that makes sense.

I suppose that's a good point, yes. If Sian suddenly became a rabid Xian, I'd likely be somewhat put off. Her personality, thought processes and core beliefs would have to completely change for that to happen, and she therefore wouldn't be the same person I fell in love with. Don't think I could be with a Xian. Or anyone really religious, for that matter.

could spell the end, very.

could totally spell the end imo

It would depend for me.
He's nt religious at all....

so if he went from not religion, to evangelical Christian....that would be a REALLY tough adjustment.

But if he just went from methodist to episcopalian...I think we'd make it through

We already differ in our religious beliefs and I'm pretty open to anything. The only thing that would change things is if he were to want me to have the same religious beliefs, but that wouldn't really be a change in belief, so I'll have to say, yes I would feel the same.

No religion in this household so it would be a bit odd if some of it crept in. People can change, but if I found it to be a significant change and something I couldn't adapt to, I wouldn't be all that happy.

bullsh!t

I became interested in Buddhism after meeting my wife. Today we both attend a Buddhist temple where we worship. I find it much more fulfilling than other religions I had been involved in. So my beliefs have changed completely and have brought us closer together. I feel it has been my good fortune.

I think it would depend. If C. suddenly became an evangelical Christian, with the conservatism that's taken to imply (it shouldn't, but that's another rant), and expected me to do the same, we'd have some serious problems.

A friend of my sister got married, and her husband 'converted' to radical veganism and threw out all of her leather shoes and belts and wouldn't let her eat meat. The marriage lasted eighteen months.

???

This was a tough question to answer. I am spiritual but not religious, and my fiancee is philosphical but not religious. We were both raised Catholic. I don't think either of us would have a problem if the other went back to being catholic/christian as long as we didn't force it on each other. I'm generally pretty tolerant of all religions. I don't think it would mean an end to anything, but certainly it would require a lot of adjustment.

If my husband became extremely religious it would probably put me off a bit. Depending on how his personality changed, it might even cause me to reconsider if this is the mans for me. If he started demanding that I adopt his newfound beliefs, that'd be totally uncool.

Why do you think that's bullsh1t?

We're both very much not religious, and I really can't imagine that I'd have ever got involved with someone even remotely religious in the first place. For him to become religious in any way, would basically involve him becoming an entirely different person - thinking differently, believing totally different things (obviously), and... pretty much having a complete personality change. It would change who he is. So, yeah - as he'd have to become a totally different person from the one I fell in love with, and as that 'new' person sounds very much like someone I can't imagine I'd have gone for in the first place... best case scenario, I would feel very, very weird and uncomfortable with it, worst case scenario, it would cause major problems.

Lucky it's not ever going to happen, then!

To be honest, our relationship isn't built around a religious belief or non-belief. At the moment, we feel the same way about our beliefs. If one of us were to change, I seriously don't believe it would cause a rift, or a separation of love.

i think it would be fine should he feel the need to reaquaint himself with religion non-fanatically, but imposing it on me even in the slightest- no way - he knows that wouldn't fly in the least.

Hes baptist, and im just in limbo, i believe in alot of things neither of us care as long as religion doesnt become an argument.

Yes I'd feel the same. I don't see a grown up man changing his beliefs out of nowhere and even if he did I would support his decision.

I think it would cause problems in our marriage if one of us suddenly changed to another religion. I don't think it would be the end of us, but it'd be very very hard.

It's very important in our relationship. So if we weren't there to support each other anymore in our faith, which is the most important thing to both of us, we'd be very sad.

I think it depends on the religion as well. Some are more radical or devout than others. Some religions demand more in return than others. Some demand money and huge amounts of time. Others can be just a personal thing you do by yourself.

If Larry became a Baptist, who went to church many times a week, who preached to me to become Christian and gave huge swathes of our cash to the local church...then yes, I'd pretty much make my views known to him. I wouldn't be happy and that is no basis for an ongoing relationship.

If he became a private religious follower. I.E. if he decided to believe in a God/Goddess and worshipped in his own time and/or it involved only a 20 minute prayer/ritual each morning then I could cope with it.

If he started trying to convert me...well, I wouldn't think so much of him. I make my own decisions about life. People telling me what to believe in doesn't go down well and that would start to eat away at the relationship.

More and more people today I believe are changing their beliefs. If you look how many grown men/women are giving up their conventional Christian beliefs and becoming atheist or non-believers. I never fit into this mold of Christian religious beliefs due to what I felt. I wouldn’t elaborate on this, but I found a belief I am totally comfortable in. It is never to late no matter how old or grown up you are to make changes in your life may it be religion, yoga, exercising, stop smoking or drinking, etc. why are so many older people returning to college, maybe they don’t want to be a follower and want to learn and make their own life decisions. I do admire you that you would support his decision.

For better or worse, but that could be the 'worst'... we both have strong faith and balance each other in that regard.

Jen

Yes. I am not very religious myself but within the confines of my home, there are certain religions I will tolerate and many I will not.

You took the words right out of my mouth. I would be really concerned that there were deeper problems or issues if he or I changed that dramatically. Plus, I am a firm believer that parents need to approach parenthood as a united front and if we were not on the same page spiritually, it would be really hard to raise children that were not confused and lost.

Hey Alex,

I would like to clarify the difference between understanding Truth and how it is experienced, celebrated or expressed. For example, if my SO fervently believed in an ever-loving God - that Truth is not confined to one specific religion.

The reason I think that it's important distinction is that, IMO, part of the growth process of a lifetime commitment is spiritual. I think that all loving relationships have a spiritual aspect of them, so what you and your SO understand as Truth is significant to the relationship. I don't think, however, that it necessarily means the two of you must experience, celebrate or express that Truth in the same way.

I don't think I would. If he suddenly became ultra-religious, his entire personality would change, and his personality is one of the reasons I love him. I was married to someone who was ultra-religious once, and was raised in that kind of household, and I really don't want to do that ever again.

I hope he doesn't change. I love him as he is.

But we both passionately feel that we are not on any kind of spiritual quest or anything. We are not particularly interested in religion. If one of us became even particularly spiritual, I think it would put a strain on the relationship. There's no "Truth" with a capital T for us.

To many of the people who believe that, that is the 'Truth' with a capital T. Is it for you?

I feel in love with the person. If thier beliefs, did not change them for the worse, then yes I sould stay with them, but if thier beliefs changed for the worse, then who knows.

I won't speak for Rey, but to me, no, it's not. I recognize the possibility of any number of truths being THE truth, and the complete absence of any type of god-figure is just one of them.

But honestly, I just don't care. It has no bearing on my personal code of ethics and morals and having a firm belief would not make me feel more connected to the world around me.

The pursuit of that 'Truth' is a huge waste of time I'm not interested in (this is for me; I recognize a lot of people can devote their whole lives to this).

Our spiritual/religious beliefs are a huge common denominator for us and our entire relationship. I couldn't connect to someone who didn't share that part of my life. It's one of the things that brought us together, and one of the things that keeps us strong as a couple.

I honestly feel like it would be a betrayal in a way - if he became extremely religious. Mild religion I would be willing to tolerate because I love him, but I wouldn't like him. I've really thought about this because his mother and brother are really out there, practically cult style. I think it would be such a fundamental change in his personality, that that would be the problem.

I hear you. We are both non-religious, and that was one of the things that brought us together. I'm confident that he won't become religious, but if that ever happened, it would totally ruin us. I wouldn't be able to deal with it

Hmm I am not totally satisfied with the options given, but if my husband were changed his religious beliefs then our relationship would not end, but I would want to know what made him change... and if I was not convinced then maybe we would drift apart alittle, but still I donnow... I never thought about this ....hard question.

Totally! It would be like cheating on you, with God

I'm agnostic leaning towards atheism, he's catholic but doesn't practice, although he believes in God, angels, heaven, and all of that. We simply don't care.

We are both non-religious on the same way.
It's sort of funny to live in a Catholic country, and everyone was asking if we would have a religious wedding ... err no. I signed off any religion on the day I was 18 (even before going to school on that day), and my thinking has been more Buddhist influenced than christian since I was a child. And he considers himself a recovering jew ... so what kind of religious ceremony would two people who would be classified as buddhist and jew and who don't care of ANY religion select in a country where you can select between a religious and a religious .. I mean between catholic and catholic? (well the choice was another country to get it done).
I don't like anyone who tries to force the others their religious beliefs. If the religious belief change would be becoming any sort of fanatic, judgemental and telling others what is right and what is wrong .. I don't think it would do any good.
But I don't really see how either of us would turn that way.

You don't feel you experience anything between the two of you that is beyond expression? I don't think you need religion to recognize that element in your relationship. There are just too many life experiences that cannot be expressed...that to me is spiritual.

We would drift apaprt it could really cause problems, we already discussed what religious beleifs that we are going to raise our children.

It would be a huge confusing adjustment.

Well, I guess it depends on what religion. I think probably I would have the hardest time if he converted to Islam. No offense to anyone here by saying that, but it would just be hard for me to deal with. It would not end our relationship though.

-Jamie

Not sure. Hehehe it's hard for me to find something I think is beyond expression, since I'm such a chatterbox.

For me...beyond expression would explain why I can't put into words why I love Joel. The depths to which this man loves me is beyond expression as well. Ever hear the term "I haven't the words"? Well, that to me describes "beyond expression".

And I can be a chatterbox as well...lol, I'm very articulate at times.

Alex, if you haven't read Joseph Campbell, or seen his classic PBS special on the Power of Myth - please do - I know you'd find him fascinating. He was a lifetime student of world cultures and religion.

Here's some quotes of his:


"Every religion is true one way or another. It is true when understood metaphorically. But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors, interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble. "


"God is a metaphor for that which trancends all levels of intellectual thought. It's as simple as that."


"I don't believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive."


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

Steven, I've listened to "The Power of Myth" on CD.

How, exactly, is that supposed to lead me to a spiritual life? It's very fascinating, though.

I've listened to it, watched it, read it. It's fascinating and he's a great man, but I'm like Alex. Religion isn't in my reality and I don't ever think that there is anything "beyond words" about my relationship to my SO or anyone else for that matter.

I guess my confusion about this is why I voted the way I did....should my SO change significantly from being non-religious and agnostic/atheist to something opposite of that, I dont' see the relationship lasting.