Just a quick post.
This forum is a great resource, THANKS for those who make it happen.

My girlfriend has been in the US without a visa for 3 years, she is controlling and borderline violent, and combined with my good-heartedness, I was never able to end the relationship until now. She is finally back in her home country, the petition for the K1 visa is approved and the interview is on the 18th.

I need to stop the process, but would like some advice:

Is there a way the process could simply be put on hold to buy time? I am afraid she may get violent if I simply cancel, maybe I could tell her it was only on hold and wait it out.

If I do cancel the petition, is there a way to do this so with prejudice, in case of any threats to my person? She has been known to do this, even though she always apologizes later...

Thanks for the help and God bless.
Jetset55

Is she likely to be able to get back into the country to come find you?

jetset55,

Breaking it off is the easy part! To kill the Visa petition requires some effort from you.

Contact the Embassy in Bolivia. I would call and talk to a person (remember their name) and also, you need to follow up with a letter stating that you want "to abandon the petition without predjudice". Make certain to list both your names and the number assigned at NVC. Date the letter and sign it in front of a Notary. Send that to your Consulate ASAP via USPS, FedEx, DHL, UPS so that you can track it. When it arrives, call the Embassy and talk to the person you spoke with the first time. HURRY!

Best of luck to you
JoeyJoey

It sees unusual thatsomeone could be in this country without a visa and illegally for three years and get a K1 approval but then again who knows with immigrations.

Just write them and cancel the appointment and visa appliction. Then hire a bodyguard

Unless they're lying her previous illegal stay on the paperwork, she'll have to file for a waiver, won't she?

She did not have the K1 approved but the I-129F. The K1 will be approved or not at the interview. For what I know, because of her illegally stay she would have the visa denied and be able to file the I-601 waiver.

Really though, don't lie to her. Just man up and do what you gotta do.

Are you sure your fiancee is not my X-wife. Break it off now and be up front honest. If she has you doubting urself now and you are this afraid of her, it will only get worse. Cancel the petition and if she makes threats towards you, I would let teh embassy know that too. WOW! Payato

Can you take her or will she put you down?

Honestly, if she threatens you and can't get back into country, so what? If you don't want to be involved in the relationship then let her know.

Thanks for the posts.

You are all right, just need to get it done.

She is simply "emotional", and I had never experienced anything like this in the past (relationships).

One minute she's screaming and wants to cut your **** off, and the next minute she is crying and begging you not to leave her.
If the cutting part that worries me more, I simply want to let her down easy but don't see any other way than to just DO IT.

If she ever came here and tried anything I am sure I could "take her", but why involve myself in that conflict in the first place. That is why I thought of asking to have the visa denied, would make it harder for her to come back to the US.

Well, have some searching and letter writing to do, thanks for all and for the understanding, this is indeed a GREAT community.

JetSet55

Mate there is 1,000,000,000,000 fish in the sea that wont bring physical harm to you. Tell the loonatic that she is history and to enjoy here life in Bolivia. lol
You sound like a nice guy, dont waist your time on a waist of time, ok.
If she returned to the US to harm you CALL THE COPS. She will be shipped back to crappsville in no time.

Good luck buddy.

This is correct. I'm not one for lying, but could you tell her that you've just learned that due to her previous overstay, her visa will be denied? Depending on the country, approval of the 601 waiver is in no way a sure thing, so it's not a total lie . . .

You might just want to go ahead and fake your own death.



Juuuust kidding.

Good luck to you,
Sarah

Is the only reason she went back to Bolivia because of your K1 petition?

KitKat1, that is EXACTLY what I am looking for. Something plausible to explain why she wouldn't get the visa but not make me the bad guy. I even thought of calling the embassy and asking that they deny her, but then I thought they would think I'm a total idiot, and I don't want a denial to be on her record either.



Some days I wished I could have...



Yes, she is a person that cannot accept the truth and let go. This was the only civil way that she would leave.

...and also I felt responsible for her. She always said that it was my fault that she had fallen so hard for me, and that I needed to keep my commitment to marry her.
This was certaintly one of the worst decisions I have made, one that I have learned volumes from and hope that I don't live to regret...

she isnt violent...she is psycho.
She will be facing a 10 year bar on re-entry without a waiver. You gonna write a letter for the waiver telling of your hardships if the waiver is denied???...I dont think so.

So here's the official info:


http://travel.state.gov/visa/frvi/ineligib...ities_1364.html


Classes of Aliens Ineligible to Receive Visas

B ALIENS UNLAWFULLY PRESENT.-

(i) In general.-Any alien (other than an alien lawfully admitted for permanent residence) who-

(I) was unlawfully present in the United States for a period of more than 180 days but less than 1 year, voluntarily departed the United States (whether or not pursuant to section 244(e)) prior to the commencement of proceedings under section 235b(1) or section 240, and again seeks admission within 3 years of the date of such alien's departure or removal, or

(II) has been unlawfully present in the United States for one year or more, and who again seeks admission within 10 years of the date of such alien's departure or removal from the United States,is inadmissible.

Tell her it's a 10 year ban meaning her visa will be denied and she will not be able to apply again for 10 years from the date she left the country. If she does know about the 601 waiver process, tell her that you have been doing research and you have learned that the approval rate for fiance waivers in Bolivia is very very low and takes at least a year for processing. This may or may not be true, but at least you have the official information here (leaving out the detail that she is eligible for a waiver).

Why make it complicated; looking for an easy way out?

Just say that after further consideration, "we" don't work as a couple. Goodbye.

If relationships didn't end badly, they would not end. The truth is always best.

This is just my own opinion, but in the long run, I think you may be better off just breaking all contact with her, cancel the visa and simply don't respond to her in any way (change your phone number, email addresses and don't answer any of her letters).

If you don't do this, it sounds as if your relationship will continue on and on (even long distance) and she will be caught up in a going nowhere relationship (as will you). Better to sever all ties and in time she will get over you and vice versa.

you could tell her that::

1. you found out you are gay
2. decided to join the French Foreign Legion
3. Becoming a priest
4. kidnapped by space aliens
5. going to prison
6. like little girls
7. ...etc.

You have hundreds of options.

Well the poor guy is looking for a way to handle it without her psychoing out on him . . . he said she will not accept the truth and let go, so why not give her an explanation/excuse/reason that is completely out of his hands? I don't like the idea of lying, but I don't like the idea of a violent psycho fiance either!

Can't you just explain to her that it's over? How can she get back into the country to beat you up anyways? Am I being naive about something here?

That was the element I was emphasizing. She has no way of coming over here. Tell the truth, change your phone number. Case closed.

If it's that bad that you are fearful for your safety (or even life), I am sure something can be done to protect you. if she sends you threats based on this break up, you should report them (maybe to the FBI). I think that'll kill any chance of her legally returning to the states and castrating you.

yo this is so easy just dont send her the stuff she needs for the interview. better yet she gotta have a plane ticket so just dont send for her.

No, I don't think she would attempt to regain entry into the US, but it is within her ability financially and otherwise.

She is not particularly violent, but makes threats, and I don't appreciate that.

If I just cancel the process that is enough, but I'm a merciful soul and don't want her to be hurt.
But it's been three years living like this, being faithful to her, while still taking care that she wasn't feeling too rejected or otherwise.

It took so long because we first applied for a K3 visa based on a marriage in Mexico which was rejected because her divorce from a previous marriage was not finalized. But the marriage is still there, albeit probably invalid, and she has used that to threaten me as well.

At the end, I'm sure it's all hot air, but just covering my bases. I would like to be careful and finesse this as much as I can. I don't like to hurt people's feelings or create undue resentment in a situation, I don't think it's healthy.

Take care you all, I think I'm making progress and will keep in touch with what happens.

Good luck.............

I would just change my number and tell her your not interested in her anymore.

Case closed

Actually, that's a good point. She won't get the visa if you don't send her the documents she needs from you (affidavit of support and supporting documents, for one). Yet, I would still contact the embassy and tell them of your intention to withdraw the petition. I don't see her getting back into the US anytime soon (unless she goes to Mexico and somehow sneaks across the border), but I'd still change my phone number(s), etc. Who needs a psycho stalker, even if they are from another country?

I agree. Send the paperwork that says you are withdrawing the petition. If there is no marriage there is no reason for her to come back.

If that divorce was never finalized then the K1 won't work, either - as I understand it, you both must have been free to marry at the time the petition was filed. She wasn't. Now you've got 2 good reasons why the visa wouldn't have worked out anyway, the waiver mentioned earlier and the same thing that killed the K3 will kill the K1. I think, anyway - can anyone tell me if I'm right about that?

Well, the government did not consider the Mexican marriage valid for the aforementioned reason, and therefore MUST consider the K1 visa as a a valid application because they themselves rejected the K3 visa.
But in itself the marriage isn't much good because she does not have legal migratory status in Mexico and was still married when we married.
Beyond that I have no assets in Mexico, etc. etc.. I think this part is OK.

Just looking for a way to end it where I can still make it look like it wasn't my fault. But if there is none, I'll belly up and get it done. No harm in that, she'll get over it. I just feel bad for her. Even if she is a psychopath, she was very excited about the visa. She is like a little, spoiled kid, that's the best way to describe it.

that would work - but i'd still suggest he move - preferably to another state - right after he does that.

as i understand it, she is still considered legally married, which is why your marriage in mexico was ruled invalid for a k-3. she is also therefore unable to be a k-1 as she's not divorced.

With many tears I called the embassy Thursday and made my intention known to abandon the petition for the K1 visa.

I followed up with a fax on the same day. They were closed today and my significant other is very worried after not hearing from me since Wednesday evening.

I should have tried to get a receipt for her police record and send the affidavit of support but I have done neither.
The relationship is slowly slipping away, and I weep when I think of all the good times we have had together.

I composed a beautiful good-bye e-mail, but no longer have the heart to send it.
It is for the best, and for both of our futures, but I have never been very good at good-byes.
I really did love her, although she was a bit crazy. It was simply a mistake to join lives with someone who had a different vision and mentality.
And now I (and she) must pay the price for making "the two become one" only to later "put them asunder".

I need to get some sleep, anyone have any encouraging words to make this easier?

JetSet55

some encouraging words would be for you to remember what you said. That she is controlling and violent. Remember there are plenty of fish out in the sea.

Good luck and im sorry your going through this.

Wrote the letter, sent a prayer and sent it.
Sounds silly, but even like this, after being with someone for three years, you still hesitate before breaking it off.

Guess we're all human.

Thanks for the encouragement Matt85.

Well, I told her and now she is hysterical and depressed.
She loves me, she can't live without me, how could I do this to her, if she only could have the visa everything would be different...even her family joined in to lambaste me by e-mail. It's just one big party. :S

I feel like just going ahead with the visa and alleviating her pain, but then what? Another 2 years of staying in the same place and not moving ahead?
Then I am married to her in the US and what would she do to me then?
Is it worth the risk?
She sounds desperate, almost suicidal. It's bad.

Anyways...

You have a good heart to be so concerned about her, but only she is responsible for her words and actions. You can not save her from herself. I can't tell you what to do about this relationship, but to me it sounds like you would like to break apart and move on with your life. If thats true then take care of yourself and your needs. You wouldn;t be doing her any good anyway if you sacrifice yourself to give her something she wants.

Good luck.

remember how she treated you and how that made you feel when you were together before.....despite what she says now....she will not change.

You deserve....as we all do...someone who lifts us up.....not brings us down.

There's no easy way out of this type of situation. Trust me, I've been there. I do say hang in there 'cus you probably made the right decision given what you've told us. You'll hurt, she'll hurt, but you'll move on. I'd stick to that.

http://www.cheshuntabc.co.uk/Headings/Lear...boxing_tips.htm

Add to that what she could do to you after you file for AOS and sign the legally binding sponsor form... and then you two get into a fight and she runs off saying you battered her, and she gets to stay in the US that way...

It's not a decision that any of us could make for you. We don't know her like you do. We don't know the situation like you do. Only you, in the end, will know in your gut what's really right to do. But just think about her living in your house under a legally binding sponsorship form after AOS, with ways to be able to stay in your country forever where you don't have the comfort of the border seperating you two should she go beserk again. Does that thought make it worth this hardship while you break up?

For people who don't even know me, you have been a tremendous help.
I want to write to her, console her, tell her everything will be OK, just like I always did...until the next blow up.
It was always a repeating cycle. She would become hysterical over something that I had done or not done, then it was the battle of the wills, then the battle of the minds, then who could yell the loudest, things that are not part of me--manipulation and violence. Never had that happen to me before.
But when she got her pacifier "papi loves you", then she would turn into the most beautiful and tender person, sucking away at it.
A little Jeykll and Hyde. But it's the Hyde part I remember in moments like this. I am a fool, but I remember how tender and caring she was (at times) and how much this must hurt her.
Like I say, even her family wrote me to remind me of how cowardly I am, more of the same.

Thanks for your help. I'm sticking to my guns and we'll see what happens. We have no future together, I am sure of that, I just hate to see my little baby hurting so badly. I know how awful this must be for her. I've been there and it ain't pretty. But I guess I survived, and she created this with her pattern of manipulation and threats to get what she wanted.
It was the only way...

Thanks again y'all, just pouring out my heart on a Saturday afternoon.

Thanks...Jetset55

I was in a relationship that was the same. Well, not the psycho part but so much arguing and fighting that I wonder how it lasted so long, and it was simply 'cus I was afraid to break it off. I'd do it and come back, time after time, again and again, and the last time it was tough, but I kept in mind that even with good moments, we weren't happy all together. It was tougher on him who kept calling me at 3 am and so on and who hated me afterwards but time passed and now we've both moved on. You'll do the same.

This kind of reaction should be expected...since this is part (of the reason (or main) you are ending the relationship. She is used to you giving in and probably feels if she continues that the cycle will continue. Don't let the emotional manipulation tug at your heart strings. You made a decision that you felt was right and should stick to it. Don't respond to the emails and let you both move on.

Take care and with time you will feel better about your decision and know you did the right thing.

There must fifty ways to leave your lover

Read the current comments.

Wanted to ask for more quick help--girlfriend is desperate and says that if I stop the petition that she won't be able to get another one:

"I know that you are sufficiently intelligent and mature to find a solution to reopen the petition, but I still wanted to give you information that some immigration professionals gave me here, they said there are two ways, the first is that you come and talk to the embassy personally saying that when you cancelled the petition you were nervous or that we had had a fight and a misunderstanding which we fixed, that you didn't know what you were doing, were confused and stressed and that you were unsure because you were so far away, they say you can also say that by telephone.

With regards to whether the consulate will believe me enough to give me the visa, they say that the history of your relationship together is more than sufficient to convince them.

What they all agree on is that if you don't reopen the petition, it is improbable that they would give me a fiancee visa in the future, that they have seen cases where the people get married and then after a time divorce, but it is almost never the case that someone cancels a petition and that might make them think that it is fraud."

I AM NOT GOING TO MARRY THIS WOMAN, but I don't want to destroy her.

QUESTION: If I cancel the petition, does this affect her negatively for future visas with other persons?

I stated in the fax I sent last Thursday "without predjudice"?

Thanks, YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!!!

she is panicking.......not about you....just about the visa.

Ignore her pleas.....and get outta Dodge!!