Um... you remember what you said about this woman being manipulative...?

What's she saying here? First of all she loves you sooo much and can't possibly live without you, and now she's moved on to 'you'd better bring me to the States and marry me, because if you don't I might have trouble getting a visa next time I want some guy to marry me and bring me over'? That's what it sounds like to me, at least.

As for whether she'd have trouble getting another visa in future (I suspect she's exaggerating at best about this... someone else will know more but if USCs are allowed to petition for more than one foreign fiance(e), I can't see that having had a cancelled petition would bar her from ever getting a visa in future, even if the application might be scrutinised more closely), that is really not your problem to worry about. But why is she so concerned about it, heartbroken as she supposedly is? You cancelled the petition without prejudice, that's all you can do - relationships end all the time, and this one isn't right for either of you. You're a good person to be so concerned about her, but this just sounds like sheer manipulation to me. You shouldn't feel guilty - and if you do, just remind yourself that the longer she has hope she might be able to change your mind, the longer it's going to take her to move on. You're not doing her any favours by even discussing it with her, she'll just think she can find a way to change your mind, as has happened in the past.

Good luck... it's a horrible situation to be in, but if you know this relationship is not going anywhere and isn't right for either of you, you're doing the right thing.

I, personally, think this shows something about her intentions. Now she's not upset about losing you... she's only upset about not being able to get to the US if some other guy petitions for her. So what's that mean, once she realizes you won't budge she'll go woo someone else and get THEM to bring her to the US instead?

And the "I know that you are sufficiently intelligent and mature to find a solution to reopen the petition", in my opinion, is a low blow. Seems like she's calling you unintelligent and immature if you don't re-open the petition. Such a kind thing to say to a person who feels as bad for her as you do.

You're a good man for feeling so bad for her. But don't put yourself in a compomising situation. She needs to move on.

I agree totally with MyBackPages!
And you JetSet55 has a good heart, this is clear!
Do what you should do it, I am sure you will meet someone as good as you are! With your good heart!
Now it's just to wait the time passes by... Time is a balm that will cure your heart.

Good luck from Brazil.

Holy moly.

#1. A cancelled petition never affects a second petition, other than having to explain it now under IMBRA. It won't cause a future denial.....just an explanation.

#2. She wants you to come over there and explain it to the Embassy? Oh that's really not even very clever....

#3. She's got a serious overstay. She won't make it past Border Control. Your butt is safe.

#4. She's not suicidal. She's a drama queen. Believe me she doesn't want to be dead.

OK, thanks guys.

You can't imagine how much it cheers me up to have this support.

Thanks for slogging through the loooooooooong thread to the end, hope it was worth it.

YES, in fact she is a real drama queen, and this is real life, happening the very same day and as we speak...

Will call the embassy tomorrow to confirm the cancellation and then get a lawyer to work on the rest. Can you say "restraining order"???

THX!!!!

Congratulations! She will survive.

OMG! This sounds so much like something I went through about 5 years ago that it's not even funny. An emotional manipulator - check; Had immigration trouble in the past - check; Threats of "suicide" - check; Threats/pressure from her family - check; Suddenly was more worried about losing financial support and getting into the US than she was about my well-being or our recently ended relationship - check! Guess what? Less than two weeks later, she had herself posted up on dating sites again after a year long relationship. Wow, she must have really cared about ME! Wanna bet your ex does the same? Why feel sorry for someone who can be so abusive to you, and then only be concerned about hurting her chances of entering this country. Love bites, I know. But you have to buck up and get some self-esteem.

My advice, as much as it hurts, and because you seem like a nice guy, is to cease ALL communication with this person NOW...and I mean, like yesterday. Change your number and get a new email address. Let your friends and family know what the new contact info will be, and cease checking the old email address. Also, let them know- if they happened to be close with her - not to have any communication with her either. I did the same, and I don't regret it for a moment.

You made a sound choice in getting her to go back while trying to make up your mind about this situation. Why change it now, when YOU know that you were so very correct about ending this thing? It's going to be rough on you for awhile...weeks, maybe months. But you are going to be SO FAR better off in the long-run. It seemed like hell at the time for me too, but all things soon will pass. And now I am going to be with the woman of my dreams very soon, someone who I have tremendous respect for, and has respect for me...and we show it to each other every single day without any question of reciprocity.

Sounds like you are starting to get it under control. Believe me, you're doing the right thing.

Good luck mate...we're all here for you

you're the best...thanks.
YOU'RE ALL THE BEST!!!

really u sound like a nice guy and u do desearve a nice girl also. hang in there and be strong. dont look back just look forward. i know u loved her and probably still do but she just wasnt the right one for u. good luck in finding the right one.

Just to give you guys some feedback, I spoke to the young lady today with the intention of finding out if she had gone to the interview, if in fact the fax had arrived and the petition had been cancelled, I didn't get a chance to confirm because the embassy was closed on Friday for a Christmas party.

She did in fact go and tried to convince them that it was a mistake, fortunately they stuck to their guns and I confirmed again this afternoon.
This girl is really desperate and it just reminds me of everything that I dislike about her.
I confirmed again with the staff here that it was indeed cancelled, and will follow up with another fax confirming the verbal confirmation.

It's really sad because this young woman knows what she wants, but she goes about getting it all the wrong way.
She prefers to make other people's lives miserable in order to enrich her own, has not gotten hold of the golden rule yet???

So I lied and told her I would call the consulate to see if the problem could be straightened out, I hate to do that but otherwise she would have been hysterical again. I needed to find out if she had gone and what had happened. Thank goodness the embassy responded to my request so quickly.

Thanks to all your help, I am very content alone at home, by myself but at peace with the world, no longer hating it...

God bless,
Jetset55

BTW, they said what she said about not getting another visa was BS, more cheap manipulation. 'nuf said...

jet

I'm glad that you're still resolute in your decision but to be honest you really aren't doing yourself or her any good by lying at this stage.

So she'll be hysterical again? She's going to be even more hysterical when she finds out you lied about it.

You've already done the hardest part...be up front from here on out and ensure she knows it's over or you're going to have to continually make up more lies...and she's just going to keep bugging you about it and contacting you.

Thanks pj1959us, you're right of course.

That little interchange was just a microcosm of the relationship. Little lies to help her handle the truth, enough to keep her from losing control and becoming violent. It's hard to do when you are a fundamentally honest person.

But it's hard not to fall back into that pattern, when that is all you know. It avoids the outbreak and at the end the job gets done, but then the person doesn't understand why you "lied". I never understood why she couldn't handle the truth, and that is at the core of why we can't be together.

If you cannot be honest with yourself and take responsibility for your actions, then you don't get my respect...

Well, thanks pj1959us, you're absolutely right. Tommorow I am seeing a lawyer to explain the situation and receive counsel. Before proceeding I wanted to document the death threats and also ensure that there were no legal snares she could trip me with before proceeding with the absolution dissolution of the relationship.

Jetset55

Would think it is better to break it quickly and be honest about the bitter truth. Stringing her along will only find you dead in a ditch someday. One more thing. Never go south of the Rio Grande after this.

Good luck

Documenting the death threats is a good idea. I agree with the others - be honest, up front, then change your methods of contact (new phone number, new e-mail address) and just break off contact with her. I think it's dangerous for her to be in your life, you need to cut her off sooner rather than later.

That is some drama. Cut her off, you only encourage her by continuing to talk to her. Change your phone! Don't answer the emails. How crazy she still went to the interview. LOL

You say this woman knows what she wants.....she wants a Green Card!

I agree with the others....break off all contact....so what if she gets hysterical and violent......she is back in her country.

Look after yourself and if the red flags are flying in your next relationship......RUN!!

Good luck

Have you seen the latest People magazine about an american burned to death in Brazil by his girlfriend. She hired a hitman. His family did't suspect until he didn't show up for his father's funeral. Be it for different reasons....money, If there is a motive like a GC behind a relationship other than real love, commitment, and desire for the well-being of your loveone....BE CAREFUL. If what this person wants is a GC then the statements on your application about a bonafide relationship are not true. We don't want to read about you in the news......

Why is it so hard to get rid of ALL CONTACT with her? Geez. SHe's nuts. SHe's manipulative. You're falling for it again, which you clearly state yet you continue to talk to her! She lives thousands of miles away & can't legally get in the the States!!!!!!!!!

STOP_TALKING_TO_HER.

Duh.

I think you need to just get and CUT HER OFF. Why even carry conversations with her, let her conversations go to voicemail and then if she says anything threatening, GO TO THE POLICE. Grow a back bone here. She's manipulating you guy.

You are a genius,.

BTW ***whispering****

Dont tell her we gave you all this good advice.

...and it's wonderful advice ***whispering***

I changed my handle just because I was paranoid she was reading the website. Maybe she's reading now...SHHHHHHH.

Spoke with her again, was a little more honest, but she keeps asking about the visa.

Won't give in, y'all, don't worry. Have a great support group!!!

Lawyer said to document death threats with a notary, doesn't think she has a leg to stand on regarding the divorce, marriage is probably invalid to start with, she doesn't have any means to contest it either...

Some good news, just trying to get some peace and move on. Feel sorry for her because she made some stupid decisions, but that's just me. An old softy.
An old 37 year softy that has been in too many relationships where he couldn't say no...
Is he learning yet?

Thanks to the help of some great folks.

Will keep you up to date as things move on. Looks like will have to move over to a divorce forum to continue the topic.

SALUDOS!
Jet

did I miss the part about you being married?

No offense, buddy, but before you get involved in another relationship, you've got some serious issues that you need to deal with. Forgive my bluntness, but your an enabler and you've just used dishonesty to make things 'easier'. You seem like a nice guy, but seriously get some counseling so you can recognize the destructive behavior within yourself that contributes to such a volatile relationship.

He's not finished with this relationship, probably gonna drag it out a few more years.

What A MESS. The enabling, lying & co-dependency here makes me sick.

Just wanted to say thanks again for all the people that supported me through this.

The person in question is back in her home country, the relationship is ended and the appointment with a divorce lawyer is for Tuesday.

Everything worked out thanks to some GREAT advice and support.

Couldn't have done it without some very CARING and WISE people.

THANKS AGAIN TO ALL!!!

Jetset55

Definitely did the right thing by getting out..that part was a no brainer. Just make sure you're not speaking to her AT ALL anymore now!! (not sure if you're still soliciting advice here or not?) Anyway, good luck to you in your future...but ...DON'T talk to her anymore! M.

PLEASE, DONT LOCK YOURSELf IN YOUR OWN JAIL...Free yourself now!
She is just trying to corner you and make you feel guilty which you must not.

also I read about her email to you that she worry that she cant get another K1-visa..see she only worries about it, but not concern about you and about your feelings. I know that you are a nice guy and a nice girl is really meant for you, not someone who will threat you and too violent in your relationship because if it is always will be, the relationship will not be healthy and for sure, will lead to divorce.

I hope 2007 will be a great blessing for you..leave all the past bad experiences and memories of 2006 and face 2007 with great positive and happy and meaningful relationship

Bloody hell.. what a farce.

Glad you got it sorted mate.

Beat me up, but I feel so sorry for this poor woman. She was simply
used.
While she was illegal, the man lived with her, and used her: she
either worked for him and he paid her nothing, or something like this,
or he just liked to have somebody submissive and in his power around.
She is evidently emotionally unstable, and he took pleasure in what
children call "teasing": making her agitated and violent, and then
soothing her, then again, never leaving her alone, playing with her
feelings, emotions and fears to be discovered. He needed her, so he
even entered into an invalid marriage, knowing that it will be
nothing, but that she will stick around.
When he finished with her, he sent her out, promising a "fiancee
visa", submitted all the papers, and played with her like cat with the
mouse, knowing full well that he never intended to have her back.
Then, a short time before the interview, he called her and announced
that it was over. She became hysterical, cried, threatened, he
listened and enjoyed it, but then decided that he needed an audience
and came here to post his "grievances". She understood that she was
used and fooled, and made went to her feelings.
I noticed how he first said that he wanted to cancel with prejudice,
and when there was no support he changed his intention. And that post
"shh, someone may be reading", is altogether not a post of a person,
stricken by grief and apprehension, but someone exceedingly pleased
with himself.
Then, if he was so much in "love", why keep her there and not send her
back sooner, to go through the legal procedure? Because he liked to
have her as a dependant, someone to play emotional games with and use
for all the might.
Sure she went to the embassy, they had typical victim/prosecutor
relationship, and she loved him, hated him and wanted to be back
"home", where she lived for many years. So, she threatened, begged and
cried.
I feel really sorry for her, and hope she will find a decent man.
This is my opinion on this story.

Is that country part of the visa waiver system ?

When our petition was cancelled I was able to enter later with visa waiver from the (UK)

If it isnt then I reckon she would struggle to get a 'real' visa - say a tourist visa.....

I dont think that advising you to tell her you have formed a relationship with a very large woman who is in jail for serial murder and who is being paroled to live with you next week helps at all......I am joking - I have been the subject of female violence and its no joke - like a 140 lb wild cat - I would rather fight a man any day.

Cancel the interview then write to the USCIS to have her named flagged on the computer for the overstay and the withdrawn visa ..

I don't understand what difference it would make for you just to cancel versus starting this whole hide n seek play.

What are you afraid of ? That she will hurt you ? She can't get to you without visa.

Ana

Call the embassy in Bolivia and report the visa as a fraud. Send a letter as a follow-up, including all the usual identifying numbers. Since you are the sponsor, that will effectively kill the process.

Well I just read this thread, and I can't believe I'm saying this but...I agree 100% with Steven. The only reason why I'm bumping this is because I think the bigger picture of the problem lies within the OP for not being upfront and honest in dealing with this woman. Regardless of how 'crazy' she is, she deserved the upfront truth..no hiding behind 'oh the embassy this that or the other'.

I'll leave ya with summat to chew on:



Does that include your own inability to take responsibility for your own actions?

I do wish you well, I hope the situation has calmed down & both of you have a chance to move on with your lives. But in future, honesty is always the best policy!

What is the worry if she is back in her country? Just cancell the petition and let it fall where it will.

Rob

After reading through the whole thread there are only two things I want to say:

1. YOUR MARRIAGE IN MEXICO IS INVALID, stop thinking about it, stop talking about it, it's like it NEVER happened... the woman was still legally MARRIED at the time to a man that was NOT you

2. STOP ALL communication with her NOW... don't use excuses like checking up on how the "interview" went to communicate with her, if you need to be sure that the process is indeed cancelled talk to the Embassy, they have no reason to lie and manipulate to you and you will know exactly where you stand.
Send her one last email if you wish in which you state very bluntly that you have realized the relationship was a mistake and that that is a reason why YOU CANCELLED the petition process. Period, Hasta la vista, DONE!

Cut this whole, boo-hoo I'm sorry stuff. Find some b**** man.

I'm sorry if this post is too blunt, but my husband has an ex wife that is the same psycho paranoid that this fiance of yours seem to be, and she went ballistic when she found out he remarried even though they divorced way back in 2001. She has not stopped harassing us yet, and unlike you, we do not have the great fortune of having the psycho be in another country half way around the world.
Ours is in the same town, and after experiencing what we have from her already I'm sorry but I have very little sympathy for you in terms of how hard cancelling the petition is. Just do it...

Um....this thread is like two months old. The OP hasn't been back.