Your husband rocks, Amy!




My sister in law gave me advice similar to this. She said, when dealing with "Eastern" men you must make them FEEL and THINK they are the boss but in reality you are the boss. She also told me...when an Eastern man is angry you should agree with him until he cools off then try to negotiate in a different way. She said, you will eventually get or do what you want anyways.

I agree with you most definitely. I can do stuff with the car if I absolutely have to..but I would much rather cook supper than get all nasty . He is all for doing that stuff... I also know plennnnnnnnty of women who would rather get dirty... To each their own

I'm kinda fond of him

Interestingly, a misunderstanding between Mohammed and I brought this topic to light for us tonight and shed some light on it for me. I want to share some thoughts if those who peruse this thread don't mind.

What someone mentioned about the husband needing to feel he is in charge, I have a better grasp on. I don't think it has so much to with dominance as many have perceived it although misunderstanding it as such (and some men DO see it as such) is easy to do.

We all know there have been authors who have made millions writing books about how Men are From Mars, etc. It's not a mystery that men have always by nature been the hunter/gatherers. The providers. Women are the nurturers, the caregivers. This isn't about culture. This is a physical reality. Our own bodies substantiate that and our mental and emotional needs support it as well. We can do most jobs equally, but we are not the same creatures when it comes to what motivates us and how we move through our realities.

Mohammed doesn't like feeling pushed or pressured. That's his "provider-ness" being threatened. In some men its more "at the surface" then others, and I think moreso in most Eastern men, having been accentuated by their cultural structure maybe more then in the modern West. He told me quite frankly when he feels I am pushing him it makes him feel weak and less of a man.

Likewise, when I interpret his moods sometimes as something I have done or failed to do, my "nurturer" is threatened. And guess what happens then? I PUSH and it just goes down hill from there. A total hunter/nurturer nuclear holicaust.

He has never behaved in a dominant manner with me. He tells me time again "Just be Jean" and he means it. But at the same time, he wants to feel like a man, just like I like to feel like a woman. There are definitely very subtle ways these needs can be nurtured in a relationship without the Rambo attitude. Just takes patience and communication to find it.

I saw this show on VH-1 today about sugar daddies and sugar mammas. It was soooo very hilarious.




Do you think that male dominance is an issue in relationships with significant age differences? I wonder if the male feels less in charge if say for example the woman is older.

I think if she "mothers" him and there is a significanct age difference, the feelings of being less in charge could be exacerbated.

This is what I am wondering. Especially if the woman has kids around the same age as their fiance. Would she be inclined to mother them in that case? I would think it would be difficult.

I don't see these sorts of communication tug-o-wars having anything to do with gender roles. I can just as easily push my sister or my mother and exacerbate a situation. I can see something like this as one person feeling misunderstood by another, thereby causing feelings of being bullied or dominated or bossed around, but feelings are just feelings, they aren't necessarily reflective of the reality of a situation (meaning, you are pushing, but you only want to get to the bottom of something, but he feels like you think he can't get it done on his own.....the reality is somewhere in the middle).

But I still don't see this as anything to do with gender.

so what do you think about male dominance in relationships with age differences? Is the woman going to baby the man? Does it matter if she has children around the age of her fiance?

Sarah Sarah Sarah, again with the older woman thing? When I am with my husband neither of us feel there even is an age difference, So this goes back to our personalities not our ages.

Thanks for your reply, I was curious to see what people think about this. I don't know what you mean back to it again... I think it's present everyday on VJ since there are many couples with age differences.

I guess I see this forum more about immigration similarities and since it is a MENA forum, culture similarities. I don't see the significance of the age differences.

I am not saying anyone has to see any significance, I am asking if anyone thinks it's an issue with male dominance in response to Jean and you already said no you don't see it that way. Thanks!

Point taken.

very nicely put!

I've never seen myself in the typical gender roles and explanations of male/female dicotomies such as those stated here. I'm not prone to want to cook and clean for fun, nor am I particularly maternal; I refused to spoil or coddle my kids, so I don't see myself doing that with a husband. The women in my family tend to be Amazon-like and fiercely independent.

As such, I'm not sure what a woman's role is or a man's role is as generalizations. I only know what my strengths and limitations are as an individual. The patterns within my relationships tend to be rooted in the chemistry between myself and each person I encounter. My relationship with my husband, while a gender dynamic, is far more complex than "you woman, me man".

I also don't get generalizations about ME men. I don't like being generalized as an ME woman. And, it's hard for me, being Arab, to see them as exotic or more masculine or macho or whatever the generalization of the day is. While there are traditions and customs to be considered, ME men are as varied and fluid in their personalities, ambitions, likes and dislikes as we are. They are also defined a great deal by their generational influences. The environment of my father-in-law, who grew up in a village and rarely went to school, is not anywhere close to that of my husband who is an urban cyber guy with a global view of the world and its possibilities.

While there are uncommon denominators, the world is becoming much more of a village than not. People have been interacting, marrying, and adapting across cultures and countries for centuries. This is nothing new. Thanks to the Internet, quick transports, and intergovernmental cross-overs, we can now do so more directly. That's the only big difference between then and now.

yawn... slow night

Are you a sugar momma Jean? You know I'm just joking with you

SUGAR MOMMA? Hahahahaha! Extravagence for me is a frozen burrito on a Friday night.

When I was younger I used to want a sugar daddy until I realized I would have to be nice to them. Kinda sours it a bit. Now I am stuck with a man out of love. Such a tragedy.....

I'm still chuckling to myself as I much my big celebratory, go all out, $.75 bag of Cheez Its. I'm such a diva.

Yea, peezy. I find myself agreeing with you a lot more lately. Maybe it's the Agadir connection

Sorry honey....I couldn't resist

Oh squeal! And its Friday too!!!

It's a connection rooted in sand, surf, and sun...the same reason I live in CA! Well, not really, but I am a fan of moderate climates and seascapes.

I don't think you could say ANYTHING to Jean right now that would ruffle her feathers. That girls is flyin high today!

I don't understand. Where is someone trying to ruffle Jean's feathers?

I think it was just added humor about the burrito picture ...not real ruffling of any feathers

Actually it was the sugga momma thing.

ahh ok I stand corrected

I don't know if you mean what I said about sugar mamma's but I didn't direct that at any one in particular. I just said I saw a funny TV show.

It wasn't what you said, someone else was teasing with Jean. All in jest of course.

It was only a joke. Jean's my buddy and has helped me through a lot. She knows I was just joking

That's what I thought so I was confused as to who was ruffling her feathers...