Sounds good to me.

That's the tricky part isn't it. How do we know?

Both of these quotes work together for me... Noor andI discussed everything we could think of that we would run in to but never in a million years would we have thought of some of the issues we have had. 1 instance being ....how long to rinse rice (not a big thing..but it was an issue for a couple days as he IS the rice master) . He isn't expecting an Arabian wife and I'm not expecting an American husband but there are some things we had to adjust about ourselves that we didn't expect. I had to learn to accept his help in EVERY PROJECT I BEGIN (I still hate that and he knows it ..but he can't help himself sometimes) and he had to learn that it is ok for his wife to cook rice without rinsing it for 5 minutes in cold water and then letting it soak it hot water for 15 minutes. Small things that completely drive each other nuts but we had to learn to accept that. We also had NO IDEA that these small things would need to be adjusted to... some things are far more in depth than these 2 examples. you should absolutely be yourselves but there will have to be a little bit of tweaking in the long run. (just a little)

Okay, he tells you how long to rinse and soak the rice? lol That would drive me insane!

When I was in Morocco I was cooking potato salad for him, which he loves. Well he comes into the kitchen and starts telling me how to do it, like he knows! I calmly told him that since he knows how to do it I will gladly go watch tv and let him cook for me. He promised me to leave me alone and let me cook from then on (I will believe that when I see it).

oh yeah, actually he won't let me touch the rice anymore. He also swears that instant rice doesn't taste the same. I guess to the rice expert it wouldn't tase the same..but to me..no difference rice is rice for petes sake. He has a baaaaaaaaad habit of telling me how to cook and I hate hate hate hate hate hate it. We usually get into an arugment over it and he will say.."well, what is wrong with being more careful" what can I say to that??? Ok, so I'll wash the chicken in lemon juice and rinse it in hot water 3 times and boil it with a carrot...Anything so he won't bicker about it. Yeah..he is the food nazi and he never cooked in Jordan. I once was making Tabouli and he said... that isn't tabouli. I said..well, the box says to add etc etc, katha katha. He said.. they don't know what tabouli is, Jordanians know what tabouli is..let me make it.... WHAT!! THE BOX IS WRONG?? yeah..big deal in our home..If my kitchen wasn't open to the living room, I would force him to stay out and it wouldnt be a problem. We have some major issues with cooking and food types. I think we have worked most of them out alhamdulillah!!! I still love him more than anything

While you can't cover everything, I do think you can get a sense long before they come if they are a bit of a control freak in how they like things. I am extremely laid back, so my husband's quirks rarely bother me (and he has a few, lol). He is pretty laid back too, although not as much as me. This has helped greatly because neither one of us is overly particular about how things are done. I think the things that may not have been discussed beforehand can be problematic if you have two very particular people.

That's funny you say that! One of the things tht I found most attractive about Wadi is that he is even more laid back than me. If you ask him, he probably wouldn't describe me as laid back, but everyone else I know would. It's all relative!

I love your rice story! Mine had to show me how to properly cut cucumbers.

Jackie

We loved to cook together. He was infamous for sneaking in behind me and adding seasoning when I thought it was perfect, but that just ended in water fights and laughing.

it took me awhile to make rice perfect.... Rachid loves my rice and it is the easiest (now that I have it down) I cook what I love to eat and Rachid eats from that and likes it too... If I try something new I make sure I say "ok I have never made this so I don't know how it will turn out" like my fried chicken I can't make fried chicken to save my life ehehehe

Amal - 2 simple explanations. Food is prepared differently there because it is not the same quality as here. Chicken is washed that way because the don't have the FDA in Jordan and I don't think food is handled properly.

As far as the rice, its not nearly as clean as ours is here. They also soak because it takes longer to cook.

And yes, the tabouli box is wrong. I just didnt want you to think you were going nuts.

My husband thinks I am insane because I don't wash the chicken before cooking. I have no doubts if I tell him that our chicken is cleaner than his it will just piss him off...lol

My thought is, if you don't like the way I cook then do it yourself. If you don't want to cook then keep your mouth shut and don't watch. I'm still alive after phttt.l... years, so I must be doing something right.

Yeah it probebly will piss him off. I wash my chicken, actually any meat before cooking. I rub it down with lots of salt, sometimes vinegar and clean it really well. I guess it's just the way I grew up. I don't soak my rice though.

If you boil your chicken doesn't it come out super dry? I don't think I've ever eaten boiled chicken by itself except when it's in a soup.

Chicken should be rinsed, rubbed with flour, rinsed again, let sit for awhile covered in onions and pepper, rinsed again, and then cooked At least for my egyptian husband

I guess if you overcook it, then maybe it will be dry. However you have to remember that the chicken is boiled because alot of the dishes are stew-like dishes. Most of the time we don't boil it, we braise it.

By the way, washing chicken in hot water is unsanitary. Hot water creates bacteria in the chicken, you should always use cold water and make sure you thaw it out in cold water. Darn food saftey classes.

A Marriage, and the vows you take, are based on trust, honesty and love...If you don't think that lying to you to marry you goes AGAINST the principals of marriage and would STAY with that person?? Then I think you need to re-examine...big time.

I agree with Moody. I'd be LONG gone.

Exactly! The few times my husband started telling me how to do something I have been doing for years, I stepped aside. I will take advice on a Moroccan dish for a first time, but that relates to ingredients, not how to chop, slice, wash, etc.

I wash my chicken AND soak my rice.

What time is dinner? We'll be over!

I have never heard of rinsing and soaking rice. I thought 1 c rice 2 c liquid, 15 mins on the stove. I don't get it.

My MIL insists on rinsing a chicken with lemon or vinegar, and by the time she's done there is so much water everywhere that I'm pretty sure if there had been salmonella on the bird, it would now be on the floor and the counter instead.

Reminds me of the cooking habits when I was in Egypt. Wash the holy moley out of the food then use the dirtiest utensils in the kitchen to prepare it... eh. No big deal. I survived anyway.

Somestimes my mom soaks the rice, it makes each grain larger and cooks faster.

I thought rinsing/soaking the rice removed some of the starch stuck on the outside. *digs around for joy of cooking*

It does do that as well. You actually don't need to soak it to remove the starch, a good wash will take care of that. I bought a sieve/strainer large enough to fit 4 cups of uncooked rice. I wash my rice in it. Sooooo much easier.

I used to cook minute rice, but I found the long grain rice that I have to drive an hour each way (bleh) to get is much better. I learned to cook it from my ex Iraqi bf. He rinsed it, then lightly fried it in a little oil, then boiled it for approx 15 min. put on a lid and finish cooking for an additional 5 minutes.

I don't know if each of these steps make a difference, but the rice is light and fluffy, not sticky, which is what I like.

Sounds almost the same way I make my rice, lightly fry it, add water, salt, bring to a boil, let it simmer until done.

My favorites are Jasmine rice and Basmati.

I just saw this... I don't even know what to say. Doesn't know fiance know what he can and can't do?

sarah i'm disappointed in you!!!!

I posted that yesterday in your honor and you didn't even notice it till now????? you're slackin kiddo!

Actually I'm pretty sure you were serious about this. Why wouldn't you be? You were when you asked these things before!

Sometimes I *gasp* like to kid around.

Say it ain't so.

On topic for a brief moment:

Qur'an 30:21

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ~ِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجا ً لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّة ً وَرَحْمَة ً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَات ٍ لِقَوْم ٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

Wa Min 'Āyātihi 'An Khalaqa Lakum Min 'Anfusikum 'Azwājāan Litaskunū 'Ilayhā Wa Ja`ala Baynakum Mawaddatan Wa Raĥmatan 'Inna Fī Dhālika La'āyātin Liqawmin Yatafakkarūna

And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.


A good exercise - reflect on the meanings of the words mawada and rahma - roughly translated as love/affection and mercy/compassion. What actions in a marriage would show mawada and rahma? What would you like your partner to do, to demonstrate love and compassion? What do you do for your partner, to show mawada and rahma?

mhmm. Funny joke, just like the others.

I love this rahma.

thank you Rama for this... I sent a copy to my husband and asked if I could do anything else to make him feel loved more..

I wouldn't dare ask my husband this, I am sure his answer would embarass me!

I e-mailed him and asked... it was a very sweet answer

I know I will reqret this but what would your husband say??

Don't know if this was posted earlier, Lord knows if it could be found if it was, so I'll post it here:

http://www.soundvision.com/Info/marriage/basicsofhappy.asp

Fundamentals of a happy marriage

by Shahina Siddiqui


Faith: The most basic and essential attribute of a Muslim marriage is the common faith that binds the couple.

Since Islam is a way of life and not just a religion confined to weekly worship it becomes an integral part of a Muslim's life. The frame of reference shared by the couple eases communication and sharing of values which is not possible in an interfaith marriage. It is highly recommended that faith play an important role in the developing a loving relationship.

For example, as the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, that when a husband feeds his wife, he gets a reward for this act and Allah increases the bond of love between them. So when we love each other for the sake of Allah WE ACTUALLY INCREASE OUR FAITH.

Forgiving: When the Prophet Muhammad asked his Companions ‘do you wish that Allah should forgive you' they said, of course O Prophet of Allah. He responded, ‘then forgive each other'.

One of the main components of a happy marriage is that the spouses are able to forgive, that they do not hold grudges or act judgmental towards each other. It is expected that when we live with someone, situations may arise when we end up saying or doing things that hurt our spouses. The challenge is not to dwell on it or lay blame but to move past it. This can only happen if we are not too proud to ask for forgiveness and we are not stingy to forgive.

If we expect Allah to forgive us than we must learn to forgive.

Forget: When we constantly remind our spouses of all the times they let us down or hurt us we have not truly forgiven. Things that happened in the past must be left there and not be used as fresh ammunition in new situations. Couples who use this technique usually fall in a rut and become victims of their own pettiness, unable to break free.

Forbearance: Sabr (patience) is the most useful tool to have in managing a healthy lifestyle. Being patient and forbearing puts us in a proactive frame of mind it brings us closer to Allah through Tawakul and reliance .We develop an inner mechanism that empowers us to handle life's difficult moments. As Allah states in Surah al-Asr: "Surely by time humans are at loss, except those who believe and do righteous deeds and counsel each other to the truth and counsel each other to Sabr' (Quran, chapter 103).

Flexible: Many couples unnecessarily make themselves miserable because they are unwilling to bend a little.

We should not expect our spouses to be our extensions. They are their own selves with personalities, likes and dislikes. We must respect their right to be them selves as long as it does not compromise their Deen (religion). Being inflexible and not accommodating for individual differences leads to a very stressful and tense home atmosphere.

Friendship: This aspect of marriage has three components.

First is to develop a friendship with our spouses.The relationship based on friendship is more able to withstand outside pressures.

We honor, trust, respect, accept and care for our friends, in spite of our differences. These are the aspects of friendship we should bring to our marriages.

Unfortunately the only aspect that people think of bringing to their marriage which is highly inappropriate is the buddy scenario. Shariah (Islamic law) has placed the husband in a leadership role within a family. This requires a certain decorum, which cannot be maintained if the spouses consider each other as pals.

This should not be taken to mean that husband is a dictator but a shepherd who is responsible for and to his flock. This is a position of grave responsibility and places an enormous burden on the husband. Further more the children need to see their parents as friends but not as pals as this encourages disrespect.

Friendly: Second aspect of friendship is to have friendly relations with in-laws. When couples compete as to whose parents are more important it becomes a constant source of grief. Much valuable time is wasted trying to convince, one another of whose parents are most desirable. It is better if we accept, that our spouses will not overnight fall in love with our parents just because we want them to. As long as they maintain friendly relations that are cordial and based on mutual respect we should not force the issue.

Friends: The third aspect of friendship is our circle of friends. It is okay to have individual friends of the same gender but couples must also make effort to have family friends so that they can socialize together. If there is friction being caused by a certain friendship it must not be pursued at the expense of the marriage. Prophet Muhammad advised us to choose God fearing people as friends since we tend to follow their way. Friends should be a source of joy and not mischief.

Fun: Couples that do not laugh together have to work on sharing some fun times. The Prophet was known to play with his wives. A simple walk in the park can add much spark to the relationship. Taking up a sport together or watching clean funny movies is another way of sharing a laugh.

Faithful: It is commanded by Allah that we be faithful to our spouses. Adultery is a capital crime in Islam that is punishable by death. However there are various forms of unfaithful behavior prevalent among some Muslims.

The most common form is maintaining friendships with the opposite sex over the boundaries set by Islam, and the misgivings of the spouse. The latest trend of Internet relationships is also contrary to Islamic Adab (etiquette) and is causing serious problems between couples. Once a sense of betrayal sets in, repairing that relationship is difficult. Another form of not being faithful is when couples betray confidences. This is a trust issue and one when compromised eats away at the heart of a marriage.

Fair: Usually when we are angry or displeased the tendency is to not play fair. We try to convince ourselves that since we have been wronged it is okay to be unjust in our behavior and our statements. Allah states in the Quran do not be unjust under any circumstances, even if they be your enemy, and here we are talking about our life partners and the parent of our children. To use words such as "never" and "always" when describing the behavior of the partner is unfair and puts the other on the defensive.

Finance: One of the most common points of contention in marriages is money. Experts tell us that 80 percent of marital conflicts are about money.

It is therefore highly recommended that the couple put serious time and effort in developing a financial management plan that is mutually agreeable and is reviewed every six months or so. Preparing a budget together is also a helpful and wise way to handling household finances. It should be remembered that the wife's money in Islam is hers to do with as she pleases and therefore should not be considered family income unless she chooses to contribute it to the family

Family: Parenting can be a stressful experience if the parents are not well informed. This in turn can put extra pressure on the marriage.

Sometimes couples are naive about the changes that come in the lifestyle. This can cause in some cases depression and in some resentment and misunderstandings. One golden rule that must always be the guide is; that family comes first.

Whenever there is evidence that the family is not happy or not our first priority it is time to assemble at the kitchen table and discuss with open hearts and mind. Couples who have elderly parents have an added responsibility to take care of them. This can also be very stressful if the couple is not prepared.

A care plan must be worked out with respective siblings and parents as to who will be the primary care giver and what type of support network they will have. In case of mental incompetence a power of attorney must be in place. The making of a will is most essential .

Feelings: Prophet Muhammad \stated that Allah forgives all sins if we repent but not those we have committed against others i.e. hurt their feelings unless the person we have hurt forgives first.

Couples are sometimes very careless when it comes to their spouse's feelings, they take them for granted and assume that the other knows what they mean. It is surprising that people are more sensitive and courteous to strangers than they are to their loved ones. One must be ever vigilant and careful that they do not hurt the feelings of their spouses and if they invariably do, they should apologize as soon as possible. Since one does not know when someone they love will leave this world, is it not better to make amends when we have the time?

Freedom: Marriage in Islam is a partnership and not bondage or slavery. To consider the wife one's property is alien to Islamic concept of husband and wife role. The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed when members of the team are free to be themselves. Freedom in the common western since is to be free to do as one pleases or to be selfish. On the contrary, to allow freedom to one's spouse is to be considerate of their needs and to recognize their limitations.

Flirtation: A sure way to keep romance in marriage is to flirt with your spouse. Many successful marriages have maintained a youthful demeanor in their marriages by adopting special names for each other and secret communication styles.

Frank: Misunderstandings happen when couples are not honest with each other. Marital relationship is where the partners must feel safe to speak their mind with due consideration to the other's feeling, without compromising their own views. When the communication is not frank it hinders in the development of closeness and deep understanding of each other's inner self.

Facilitator: When choosing our life partner, we must, as the Prophet advised, look for a pious Muslim. The reason is that their first and foremost goal is the pleasure of Allah. This commitment to Allah makes them an excellent facilitator for enhancing their partner's spiritual development. In essence, the couple facilitates their family's commitment to Allah and His Deen.

Flattering: Paying compliments and indulging in honest flattery is a very inexpensive way to win your spouse's heart. Everyone likes to be appreciated and noticed. So being stingy about compliments is actually depriving oneself of being appreciated in return.

Fulfilling: To be all one can be to one's spouse is a very fulfilling and rewarding experience. To be in love means to give one's all. The heart does not put conditions or make stipulations. It gives without expecting anything in return, but such selfless giving is always rewarded tenfold.

Fallible: It often happens that our expectations sometimes are so high that we lose focus of the fact that we are fallible beings. When couples start to nitpick and demand the impossible they must remind themselves that only Allah is perfect.

Fondness: So many times couples fail to work on developing fondness for each other by [failing] to see their spouses as people through the eyes of their respective friends. Spending quality time alone doing and sharing activities are ways in which one can develop fondness.

Future: Smart couples plan for their future together. They work on their financial and retirement plans, make wills and discuss these plans with their children. This provides peace of mind and secures the relationship.

Only took us 27 pages to get back to topic

are we still taking about chicken in here... or did someone start a new topic.. ?? *trying to work and read these threads*

Trust, Rahma, to come up with something perfect to make us start to think about the topic again.

Rhama.......

you rock, dudette!!!!!

I always love when metaphors are used referring to the man in human terms and the women and children as animals.

Excellent Rhama, thx!

Sorry this is buggin me...it's not Rama or Rhama. It's Rahma Ok I feel better now.

Got it Jordiananprincess <hehe>