Amal - Jackie's post was quite clear. Also, the way you describe your marriage has nothing to do with the so called rules that have been posted. There has been no train wreck or belittling. If someone makes a post, comment, statement then they should be prepared to back it up, very simple. I also wanted to point out that this topic pretty much died yesterday and you revived it today which is were it started to become a so called train wreck.

LB - I may not be married right now, but I was married for 4 years so I do know what marriage is. No one is saying that a woman shouldn't cook or clean. What we are saying is it should not be a condition of the marriage. Would Ali leave you if you didn't cook and clean? I will most definitly do these things in my home, but not because I'm scared my husband will leave me.

Charles - You have done quite a bit of instigating in this thread without adding anything of value. I don't think you realize that your comments fuel the fire. There is no reason for you to defend one member or another, we are all grown and can handle it ourselves.

Everyone else, seriously this is getting old. Every disagreement is labled as a train wreck. I don't see any personal attacks here. I don't see name calling. I don't understand why people have to make a big thing out of nothing. If people want to discuss this topic then thats all it is, a discussion not a train wreck. If you don't want to participate then don't read, why is that so hard to comprehend?

I put that example because that is on my list... pretty good huh

I think this sounds just as bad. It indicates that the wife felt she could slack for 2+ years because he was dependent on her to stay here and only felt she needed to act like the wife she should have been all along once he can leave.

Yes!! More good ideas. They ARE "outside" activities.

Oh he will make sure my tank is filled in more ways than one

Was that the peanut gallery response you were hoping for?

I think that's sick.

He can take his as$ back to where he came from if that's the kind of man he is.

who was i defending this time?

eta: i fail to see how my comments add fuel to this. it seems to be off and running on it's own. i was hoping my posting a pic of a train wreck would slow down things but apparently not

Yeah but if I may, depending on where you live I'd also add making sure that the car is heated/air conditioned before she has to enter it.








a-yup!

kind of brings up another muslim related marital topic though......so we're all on the same page, it's just not allowed to have sex when the woman is menstruating and no anal but everything else is fine and dandy right? (that whole doing it through a hole in a sheet isn't real, right? )

Oh I've already hinted at how lovely and thoughtful it would be if a husband clears the snow off and warms up the wife's car in the morning.

Recent convert?

On the contrary he knows exactly what his actions are doing and that's the point.







Now I know why you are called the Princess. where are those cookies?

that is a good point too.... oh please pm me the recipe my lasagna always turns out runny

presumption on your part. or maybe you're just offended by my presence

Oh God, Doodle...don't bring that into this forum! That kind of craziness only belongs on ES

Just a side note..I think the hole in the sheet thing was only brought up to make her look "special" or "unusual". I highly doubt she ever practiced that.




a-yup!

kind of brings up another muslim related marital topic though......so we're all on the same page, it's just not allowed to have sex when the woman is menstruating and no anal but everything else is fine and dandy right? (that whole doing it through a hole in a sheet isn't real, right? )

Here you go my dear....

I tried to make it for the man or the women... either case it is bad... but no one is perfect.. anyone can wake up one morning and say "wow I messed up, but I will try to make it right" ??

Sure, but why would that time just *happen* to be around when your spouse is receiving the 10-year green card? Unless the green card somehow affects your marriage. Why should it?

I complete agree. To me it sounds like a person would be using the fact that the man only has a 2 year conditional green card to their advantage.

Jackie said yesterday "it's in your power" referring to how a marriage will turn out, esp at GC time. When she posted that, I automatically went the "it's both party's responsibility" route, but now that I think more about it, she's right.

It is in the sponsor's power.

If you think your man might leave at GC time, YOU HAVE ALL THE POWER. Pull the dang application if you find out he's the kind of man who would leave for insignificant reasons once he gets what he wants from the relationship.

It should not.... but I have seen alot not only with this type of marriage, but with all types... people are not perfect

All types? What other type do you mean? In this case one party is obviously benefiting from the actions of the other (green card).

no worries the cookies were just the trick

I meant that not all marriages are the perfect, "I love you, you love me, we love a both the same" I've seen people married for there family, married for money, stay married for money, stay married because they have been married for 30 years, uhh married because she is afriad to leave, married for the kids, married etc.... so many

I don't think USCIS equates GC fraud with any of these scenarios.

Ok, I don't think you are getting the point. You are correct that people do stay married for those reasons. However someone that stayed married out of obligation is different than someone completly changing who they are in a marriage because their spouse is about to get a 10 year green card.

I have a question for the people posting in here.

If you found out that your husband's PRIMARY reason for marrying you was a greencard but he was nice to you and treated you well, would you end the marriage?

Yes I would end it. The foundation of a marriage is trust. If the marriage was not built on that foundation it will crumble anyway.

Where's that DUH banner Charles had!??! I'd end the marriage. And maybe end some other things for him, too.

here ya go

I stand corrected! We were just at intermission.



That's a no brainer for me.

Yes!

I will note that I have not argued with nor insulted anyone on this thread.

Yes you have!

I beg to differ.

Don't argue with me!

nor did I say we are only talking about GC fraud....

ok, however, that is what this thread is about, the current discussion is about changing your wifeliness when it gets closer to your SO's 2year or 10year GC so that you ensure he stays once he receives it.

My husband will get his 10 year card when he gets here, insha'allah. Is it too late for us? I haven't had much of a chance to be "wifey" so far.

maybe I missed your point, but I was thinking outside the box in terms of understand many different reasons someone would do something like that.. not all women are as strong as the women here... some will do whatever it takes (even something wrong) to keep (what they think) is something that they don't want to loose....

Yes, ma'am!

yeah your right... I went in a different direction I'm going to deep in thoughts today...


sorry guys

It's ok, it's more relevant at least than when we were just discussing cooking and cleaning for whatever reason.

Thank you for your kindness and understanding in this most delicate situation

Everything you said is correct, people do stay married for all those reasons and more, I just wanted to point it back to the original discussion, especially since we were talking about **not** staying in the relationship. Of course, tone is never something that can come across in posts.

So fast his head would spin. Because then we'd have what, two years and change before his primary reason for getting married disappeared? Why would I bother wasting my time? Plenty o' fish in the sea.

On the larger question, there's a difference between modifying your own behavior and compromising, as part of being in an adult relationship, and changing your behavior radically in the hopes that someone won't ditch you/hit you/cheat on you. If I make lasagna for C. because he likes it and it makes him happy, that's a good thing. If I make it so he won't hit me or go out looking for women, that's pretty awful.

So, do you have something to contribute to the topic or you just wanted to do a drive-by Mr. Bossy?

What, you didn't like my photo?

Absolutely!