Anyone out there have a child still living in the country they moved from? My children's father and I, through mediation, decided to let the young ones have a say in where they lived.. along with what we thought best for the moment. Our 9 yr daughter moved here with me, our 11yr old son stayed with his dad. We have had to deal with a great deal of scrutiny already over the decision to separate them, so I do not need any more of that. What I am looking for however is if anyone else has or is dealing with this type of separation. Some days I do ok, some days I do not so ok. My son and I are very close and we talk often. I try to keep things positive and bring up the next time we will be together and how wonderful it will be. The other night he tells me how much he misses me and wishes I could be there to tuck him in like I use to, how nothing comforts him like I can. When I hear these things is breaks my heart into pieces. The decision to move and make this life change was not an easy one, I stayed in an unhappy marriage for many years "for the kids sake". I think at times I could easily sway him into saying out loud that he would like to move here with us but I don't want to go there. I am trying to keep things positive for him. What happens then however is that my husband gets the messy breakdown when I cannot stay positive any longer. He has huge amounts of stress through work and school and the last thing he needs is to be worrying about me and my mental state. So then atop the guilt over not being with my child on a daily basis I have guilt over being unhappy at times with a most beautiful life I have been given by my husband. Something I am leary of as well is when my son comes to visit this summer, I want to be careful not to overcompensate and make the children here (my daughter and two step children) feel as if they have been shoved aside yet at the same time I need my son to feel as if he is just as much a part of the family as they are and I want to make up for lost time with him. Not sure what I am looking for here, it is not judgement as I say, or sympathy for that matter. Just similar stories if they are out there and what others may of been through in regards to such a situation.

I haven't experienced this, just wanted to extend my sympathies. It sounds like such a tough and heart wrenching situation.
Best Wishes

I KNow how you feel.........................My EX wanted my son to stay in the UK with him, The thought of moving here to a new place,new school etc was a bit daunting for my son too, so he wanted to stay!!.he has just had his Birthday he is now 10, it is very very hard, we talk almost every day, some times he is busy, ya know playing outside with his friends & stuff, but we chat online with webcams, when i see him on cam my heart just melts.....I will be going back to England soon for my CR1 interview & am SOOOOO excited as i will be seeing my gorgeous little man
It is my hope that when he has visited a few times (he has fear of flying) and also thinks it takes too long to get to America ...when he has been & when he gets a little older he will choose to come here to live with me!!...
I also left behind my other son, who is 22 and almost a grown up .......I miss him a great deal too.............but we talk, all of us talk, my older son has a morgage a girlfriend, cats.......and he is happy, so that makes me happy, BUT i cant wait to see them both again, and that day is going to be realy realy soon
So your not alone is what i'm saying, I know exactly how you feel
Amanda

Hi,
I am going to send you a PM.
Danette

HUGS

It must be hard for you.

I have one son here with me who is now 17, and my 21 year old son is at home. I get sad not being able to see him everyday like we did. He is 21 now and a young man, but I still miss him. I cant imagine for those of you that had to leave a smaller child. That would be a heart breaker for sure.

All you can do is get thru each day. Keep talking to them. I call my oldest son all the time.
I had the guilt feeling of seperating my sons too, as they are very close. I miss them wrestling and me having to tell them to settle down before one of them got hurt........lol. Miss seeing them walking down the lane together going for a walk . Just miss them being brothers and doing stuff together

Its hard no matter how old your child is that is left behind

I am sorry you have to go thro this. I have been in a similar situation at one point in my life. 11 years ago I lost custody of my children when I went thro my divorce, they were only small children and it broke all our hearts. I certainly remember those days when the pain seems overbearing and nobody can make it better for you. They finally came back to live with me when they got old enough to make that decision...but I can never get those missed years back.

They are all grown up now and I know I will be leaving them in a couple of years to move to the States...I will still miss them as much but I know they have their own lives to lead.

I guess I focused on other things in my life to get me thro'....ran some pubs...put myself thro Uni etc. I can't say it ever gets better but you do get more 'used' to it. I had another child later who was a great comfort and blessing to me, delight in the children around you (I am sure you do anyway)......but importantly be kind to yourself, you gave your children the choice and that was an amazing thing to do, he may well feel he made the wrong choice and I guess it is so hard for him wanting you and his dad.

Maybe you should talk to the other children before your sons visit and apologize in advance if you appear to 'over compensate' while if is there and explain how much you have missed him and he you.

All the best to you and I hope your spirits lift.

There are quite a few of us here in similar situations to yours. I left my kids behind 2 years ago,..I have twin girls. The seperation at times can be gut wretching, to the point of questioning your rights to your own happiness over your children. My children came to live with me only a month ago, and the adjustment has been difficult, again to the point of questioning if I did the right thing by now taking them away from the only lifestyle they have ever known. I was always getting my kids, I just had to deal with the seperation for two years.

I know Raphael also is seperated from her daughter at the moment.

Feel free to contact me if you need to chat.

I feel for you, I really do...

Jodee

Yep, there's a few of us on here but we don't mention it much becuz its bad enough having to leave them behind, but worse when you come into a Forum thats supposed to be here to support you and your Chastised for it. I usually don't post much on here about it cuz I end up in tears. ( which I am now)

Its gutwrenching to say the least. Luckily my daughter comes to visit, plus we go online on webcam all the time. You miss the small things tho, like hearing her little giggle. reading to her at bedtime, teasing her about the little biy who has a school crush on her. brushing her hair, drawing a bath for her, shopping for school clothes etc... I even miss hearing the kids programs she used to watch on TV. its funny cuz I used to complain that her TV was too loud. Now I would give anything to say have to say that.

My daughter lived with me all her life. She didn't want to live with her dad. her dad had agreed to let her move, but 2 weeks before our Interview he decided against it and withdrew the permission letter. I had been separated from my new hubby for over 2 yrs.( not even a visit) and after finally getting this Visa I was able to be with him. Whereas When others were delighted to get their Visas, mine was bittersweet knowing I would be leaving my sweet daughter behind. I often started to second guess my decision to move. My parents were my saving grace. They are very religious. They told me that things happen for a reason and if I wasn't meant to move to the states I wouldn't have gotten this Visa. That this is only a temporary separation from my daughter. In fact I still have joint custody and she will be moving here to me in 2 yrs when she turns 12. This is written up in our new custody agreement and it cannot be changed.

My daughter is coming March 12th for a visit ( spring break) she will also come for the complete Summer vacation as well.
All I can do is count the days and hope I get thru this temporary albeit devastating situation.
As for people judging those of us who had to leave children behind... as the saying goes... "Until you've walked a mile in my shoes...."

I know it isn't quite the same but I have 5 younger sibs, two of my brothers are in there 20's but the 3 younger ones are all under the age of 15... I was kind of like a second mom to the younger ones ... I miss them like crazy... I hopefully will be able to see them in April....

The night before I left, I was saying goodbye to them and I broke down and cried when I was saying goodbye to my little sister who was 9 at the time

I miss baking cookies with my 13 year old brother and I miss my 15 year old brother calling me "Monya"... (he called me that when he first starting talking and he still calls me that)....

I feel for all of you so much and I hope that you get to be reunited as soon as possible, be it for a weekend, long vacation or forever.

This thread is so good, I didnt realise so many more of you had been seperated from your kids like me, its something we just dont talk about.
but now i can say it out LOUD....."I miss my little man so much "

I didn't realize you left alone Amanda.....*hugs* to ya! Society does't take well to women who live without their kids..for whatever reason....I guess that's why there is a kind of 'silence' about it.....who wants to be criticized when there is already alot of pain....

The response here and the e mails to me in such a short time have been overwhelming and wonderful. I admit I was leary about posting this but my heart has been so heavy over this and it just helps knowing I am not the only parent going through this. As I responded to a good friend I met here on VJ, when I made the final decision in all this I really was looking at the big picture and what was best in the long run. I want my children to always follow their hearts and know nothing is impossible if they want it badly enough. If my daughter ( or son for that matter ) stayed in an unhealthy relationship for any reason I would be disapointed and so I made the choice to set an example and not have them in ten years from now ask me why I wasted even more years of my life pretending to be happy when most likely causing more damage than good. One thing is for sure, this whole life change has made me appreciate my time with family so very much. The details matter, I cherish every single moment. If only we had a crystal ball when making these decisons.. which is why as I said we must follow our hearts and believe in the choices we make. My heart goes out to each of you and please dont be afraid to share this type of thing.. I came searching for some comfort and found it because you spoke up.

Those of you going through this process with children, particularly those who must leave a child behind, are incredibly strong, and I wish you all the best.

Hello to all of you

I don't post here very often but I came across this post and had to reply. I also left my older daughter who was 21 when I left UK in 2003 and I have shared each and every emotion you have all written about. I too am crying because I miss my lovely girl and friend so much, not ever realising just how long we would have to be apart. The pain hurts so very much some days that I feel lost but nowhere near as lost as she does some days. I have a wonderful life here with my husband. I even have my now 21 year old son here and 3 step children but I still don't have my beautiful daughter and it hurts so much. I know that one day she will join me here in the US but I also know that it will take many years for that day to arrive. I feel for those of you that have younger children as I can't even imagine how you must feeling but I send you warmest wishes and speedy reunions with your child.

Maggie

name='Fetaria' date='Mar 2 2006, 11:13 AM' post='54758']
Anyone out there have a child still living in the country they moved from?

I have been here in the states without my children now for over a year and a half. They are now 14, 15 and 16. It was the hardest decision of my life to leave them and one I question constantly. I talk to them on the phone every day and am fortunate to see them at least once a month but it still isn't the same. I let my kids decide where they want to be. They of course chose to stay in the only home they've ever known. The most important thing to me was that they stay happy and staying in Canada is what makes them happy. They have so many friends and extra curricular activities there that I would never have pulled them away from. Their schools are wonderful and they generally do well. At there age, these things are most important to them. I love them with all my heart and they do me as well but we still and always will miss each other.
I also stayed in a bad marriage for my kids sake and was there about 10 years too long. I was a stay at home mom for 12 years so was able to give them a wonderful start to life and instill some great values in their lives.
I still cry myself to sleep at night sometimes and my husband doesn't always understand. He has two children 12 and 14 and we don't see eye to eye all the time. We only have them part time so that makes it a little easier on me.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I still have a wonderful relationship with my kids. I would love it if they one day decided to move down here but I know in my heart that won't happen. My oldest is considering coming here for college but we'll see.
My heart goes out to you and I completely understand your heartache.

Bonnie

I have to say this thread has touched my heart. I did not realize there were so many women out there that were in this situation. I lost custody of my son 4 years ago and it is the most heart-wrenching, hurtful thing that anyone can ever go through. I have made sure my son and I have kept a very close relationship over the past 4 years, he is 14 years old now. He always turns to me when he is in need of emotional support or any kind of support for that matter. He knows he can count on me for anything. So, it doesn't really matter how far away you are from your children, they still know in their hearts who their mom is. That bond can never be broken even if you are miles away from each other.

"So, it doesn't really matter how far away you are from your children, they still know in their hearts who their mom is. That bond can never be broken even if you are miles away from each other."
.. so true, I read that line many times over..

It was pointed out to me not long ago that the bond I share with my son is stronger than some parents have with their children that they live with in the same house every day. Distance cannot change that. I am still able to get on him about his homework from here and tell him to clean behind his ears and give him advice about girls.. whether he wants it or not!

So with Spring break and summer vacation coming soon I am counting down until I can be with again. I was wondering if anyone has landed any wonderful travel deals for flying their children back and forth? What have your experiences been in that? So far we have only flown my son back to Canada. We used United and Air Canada. They both charged a $60 unaccompanied minor fee on top the seat fee and I had to have someone meet him in Edmonton for the transfer between airlines. It was a small price to pay to not have to worry about him getting through customs or being alone at all.

Yes i did, my Ex was being a right prat about it, I didnt want to drag my son through a huge battle so i asked him what he wanted to do,we had a very good talk, over a period of a few months we talked about it lots, the up side & the down side, he chose to stay as thats where all his friend & the rest of his family is, I think the thought of changing school etc scared him too much, so i respected his wishes & so he stayed, but i told him that I didnt leave him there cos i didnt love him or want him, but that i left him there because i loved him so much & wanted him to be happy, and never to forget that no matter what it is that i will always be here for him, and if he ever wanted me so bad that i would hop on a plane in a heart beat to be there for him, we talk all the time and he puts his cam on, he is so vain posing on cam all the time.hahaha......so he knows that he only has to say the word & i will do everything in my poswer to bring him here to be with me, i do hope that as he gets older this is what he might want to do, he has just had his birthday he is now 10, my other son is 22 i miss him a great deal too.....
here's a picture of my handsome little fella

It doesn't matter how old your kids are, you miss them. Mine is 22 1/2 and I miss him like crazy. After being a single parent for years and it being just him and I, it's so hard to not be there. I tell my husband that I abandoned my son and hubby gently laughs and says that he's a man and he's right. But I'm not there with him and I hate that. I know that it was good for my son to go out on his own, but I think this is too far away. The same city would have been far enough apart.

At this point in my life I'm not sure that I did the right thing by moving here. I hope the feelings change.

I left behind my 21 yr old daughter and my now 24 yr old son and it is still gut wrenching. I figured that at their ages and finding their own way in life now, they might not miss me quite so much. But boy do I miss them! My girl is on her way to see me right now: via Thailand, Australia, New Zealand and Fiji. I can't wait to see her in mid-May.

Sometimes I find myself feeling very resentful towards my step-kids and their attitude towards their Dad and I. He never wants to upset them, being the non-custodial parent and they play on that with their guilt-trip games. It makes me want to scream 'at least you have your Dad' nearby. (I never do) but it sometimes it just seems so unfair and then I feel mean for thinking like that. Hard to put into words, but I imagine that someone here will know what I mean.

I do understand how you feel and you should not feel guilty or "mean" for your feelings for that what they are. We put too much guilt on ourselves for our feelings. As long as we don't take it out on our spouses or other children because they did not do anything to deserve the reaction to our feeling with that. There was no other choice for where we lived, I was the one who had to make the move and we talked a lot about this very thing. When I feel the resentment build I just have to remind myself why I am feeling that way and that my choices put me where I am today not anyone elses so to keep it at bay and not let anyone else suffer for it. As for your spouses children playing on his feelings of guilt, that is a hard thing to deal with. The thing with kids though is they learn fast how to work their parents and if he allows them to do so they will continue on with it.

Those are great pictures, Fetaria and euro. Thanks for sharing!!

Euro, your son is gorgeous and he knows it

Our boys are the same age and it sounds as if we went about things in a similar way. I could of fought for him, I probably could of won that fight. I have seen what happens in some cases where that happens though. It was not worth the risk of hurting the children so I kept things amicable. I knew that taking him away from his tight group of friends and the town he loves dearly would be hard on him. He is very close with his grandparents and has strong ties there. We make sure he knows I could be there within a day if need be and if ever he wanted to live here we could make that happen. Who knows what the future will bring, I would love if he was with me every day but if not, I know he will have a good life where he is and he knows he has unlimited unconditional love from his mom.







One more point for the day on this

I just read through the replies again for the umpteenth time and so many of you commented on how it doesnt matter the age of your children, the separation hurts just as much. This made me flip things around in my mind and think about how this affected my parents.. leaving them for the first time. I had never lived further than an hour away from them. My mom is still very sad over me leaving and I am 32. So now not only am I feeling guilty over leaving my son I have added guilt over what I am putting my mom through knowing she feels just as sad over losing me! I need a bubble bath

Thanks for those helpful words Fetaria. The thing is, we DID have a choice. He could just as easily have come to Britain but I was the one who made the sacrifice, because he wanted to be close to his kids (he still has a 12 yr old plus two grown up daughters).

Eek, just putting that into words makes me wonder if we really talked that one out enough. We will need to make sure we try hard not to let it come between us. Some serious talking needed this weekend.

This is so touching.

This thread is great support for us women that have left a child behind.

Lets keep this going so that we can all be there for each other.

I can relate to what Fetaria just said about her mom and leaving. That goes the same for me as well. I never lived far from my mother and father. I am the baby of the family too. I will never forget her face when she had to say good bye to me at the airport. It dam near killed me, seeing her so sad and crying. Very painful Same as the lost look I seen in my sons eyes when I left him that day. Plays on my mind alot. Just makes me sad to remember my sons eyes being so sad when we hugged for the last time.

But they are happy that I have finally found a wonderful man, and I know that. She is such a great mother. My son is a great young man. She was and is always there for me. Thats why I feel bad for my oldest son Matthew. I left him and I took his only brother with me.

Wow.. so you, like me took one of your children with you and the other one stayed behind. I knew I was not the only one to do such a thing.. but it sure seemed like it at the time. The morning I was waiting at the terminal gate with my son for him to fly back he hugged me and said.. "this hurts mom and its making my eyes wet" of course that got me crying and we both had very wet eyes. So now when he or I are sad about being apart we use that phrase that it is making our eyes wet. What is the age difference between your sons? Our deal is to have the children together here or there on each holiday and school break alternating between places so that they can have that time with each other. I hope it is enough for them to keep the sibling bond... time will tell. Another thing we have in common is being the baby of the family. Christmas 2005 was the first Christmas that one of us was not there.. and it was me. My parents were pretty much.. to heck with it we just wont celebrate which was so hard to hear because it was always such an event for everyone. I felt as if I turned everyone's world upside down by my decision to move. Everyone has been supportive and happy for my happiness.. just along with it has come a sense of grief over what we lost. Change is hard, especially these kinds of changes.



What a heartbreaking choice it was for you. A hard one not to let come in between too. My thoughts will be of you and your husband this weekend talking that through. Share with us if you can. Looks like so many of us can relate and can help each other through the not so great moments we all have had.

Absolutely!!....At christmas my mum got so upset. She was worried that if anything happened to me she wouldn't be able to attend a 'funeral' cos she cannot get on a plane(thro fear of flying). So, I know it was a weird but we assured her if that ever happened my ashes would be flown her...and she was happy with that

So this begs the question. Are we bad moms for leaving our children? Selfish by putting ourselves first before our kids? (these are my thoughts for myself) Is it wrong to put love for a man over love for one's children? My MIL's opinion is always that the kids come first. Does it say something about our weakness? That we can't be ourselves without a man?

I'm sorry if my questions stir up too much but I'm really thinking out loud, trying to figure out my own answers. I'm not throwing stones at anyone except myself. Voicing my worries about my own decisions.

You are not alone in your thinking I am sure. The questions you ask are similar to what I ask and what makes me feel guilt at times for the decision I made. No I don't think it makes us bad moms. I see bad moms in Walmart all the time hollering at their kids for being kids and hating the time they are forced to spend with them. Selfish is the one I spend a lot of time on. I think.. I could of waited 10 more years to choose the life I wanted. It was not so much the love of a man over my children, I was fine on my own. Life is very short and as I mentioned before I would hate to have , in ten years time, my kids look at me and say.. why did you waste all those years being unhappy? I would rather they remember me happy in love and set the example of a loving married couple, a stable couple for them to look up to. Even if it is only part time, I want my husband in my children's lives. He has already done wonders for them. His extended family have been a wonderful addition to their lives as well.. you just cannot have enough grandparents
I really do think the good out-weighs the bad.
Weakness does not even come into the picture.. think of the strength it took to be where you are right now.

Well I dont think we are being selfish.


This is the first time in 22 years that I have put myself first. I am lucky in a way that my oldest son is 21. It would be alot worse for me I know if my youngest didnt want to come with me. That would have been really a different story all together. When we were starting this process at home. My youngest was one minute saying he wanted to move, then the next month telling me he didnt want too. So this played on my head for a year while were preparing to come here. He doesnt have a relationship with his dad, not a good one anyways. Neither of my sons do. They love him I am sure, but they never talk about him. Jonathan hasnt talked about his dad in so long I forget when. They just came to relize that he had never been there for them and never will be. So that bothers me too that I am here, and my oldest sons father is just a dead beat. So he cant even rely on him for anything. Thats one reason I didnt want my youngest to stay at home with out me. I have always looked after them two boys. I told my oldest that the love I have for him and his brother is stronger than any love there is. A bond that is shared by the three of us and no one else.

I am thankful that my parents are good to Matthew and he loves them to peices. They are very close. So this helps me alot knowing that he has them in his life.

I have been here going on 10 months now. It does get easier, but it never goes away.

i left my 2 girls (6 and 4) in australia with their mum and there's not a day that goes by that i don't think of them and wish that they were here with my wife and i. at the end of the day i hope that they know that i love them and miss them. and i they ever need anything that they can call their dad and i will do everything for them.

matt

ps: here they are a christmas last year.

[attachmentid=397]

Fetara this is how my son and I are as well, he calls me when he needs help with his homework, he calls me when he is having trouble with anything. He is at that age now, puberty...oh my...so we are having to deal with that together. I have to say, he gets more support from me, being 1000 miles away than he does from his dad being right there under his nose. I mean I am not saying his dad is a bad dad, his dad takes care of him, he is just not the emotional type of person. He stays with me every summer and he looks forward to that every year, and it also gives him a break from his dad, so I think that is good. Even though we have been apart for 4 years now, he still knows who he can turn to know matter what, no what what the issue is and he knows he can talk to me about anything. The important key is to keep the communication lines open, I talk to him each and every day, and remind him that I am always there for him no matter what. He comes to me first when he has a problem even though I am not right there with him and that makes me feel great!!!!!

I also left my 2 children aged 19 and 23 back in Australia when I moved here 2 yrs ago, and I still dont know if I have done the right thing, My kids chose not to come here with me and both have their own lives but there are still many times that I feel that I have abandoned them, Their natural father has nothing to do with them and I am not close to my family so they are totally dependant on each other. We brought them here to USA over a year ago to visit and deep down i was hoping they would want to stay but both were happy to go home to their jobs, friends etc, and when I went home this xmas although they were so excited to see me they didnt seem to need me anymore and it hurt like hurt BUT like my hubby said, I should be proud that I had brought them up with confidence and independance that they can continue with life without me

I have had many people tell me that i chose with my heart and not my head when i moved overseas but my kids gave me their blessing

No one can make decsions like a lot of us have had to make without the regrets, guilt and heartache that have come with the decision but deep down we must know it was the right decision or else we would not have made it

Lynny

What an amzing thread........ i cryed when i read this.

Hugs to all you moms out there, i am trying to bring my 4 year old girl with me, i will keep you posted!

I have two daughters ages 26 and 23 who are back in Canada. Both work, have their own places but I miss them dreadfully. I keep telling myself that the girls are adults, they are independent but not being able to see them for a Sunday visit, on their birthdays, at Christmas, Thanksgiving etc still bites at me. How I wished we at least lived a few hours drive away from where they live. My son immigrated with me when he was 11 1/2 years old (he's now 15). He did not want to come here. His dad gave the permission for his son to immigrate so there hadn't been a problem with that. My son told me back then that I forced him to come to a place he didn't want to come to even though now he's fine. Now at least he talks of going back to Canada to "visit". If his dad hadn't let him come here back then, I probably would have not come myself.

I've mentioned it here a few times now that I've been talking to my husband about moving back to Canada in 6 years time when he retires. He's iffy on it but I'm working on it.

Best of luck with that. Are you planning on moving yourself and then your daughter to follow later? I so hope you are able to do so.

Thank you all for sharing this stuff....it's amazing to see just how many people are in this situation.

D will be leaving behind two daughters...and it truly terrifies me how it's going to all work out.

this just made me think about how much I'm gonna miss my sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's 13 now and we're SO close..... I couldn't stop crying for days when I moved out of my parents' house to live with Dave while he was here in Brazil. I can't even imagine how much I'm gonna cry and hurt when I move to the US!
She calls me Inha (she called me that when she first started talking too and still only calls me that).
The other day we had a little fight (sister stuff ) because she didn't want to go to the mall with me. Well I told her that I thought it was stupid that everytime she wants to go somewhere I go with her but sometimes I have to beg her to do things for me. Then later I went to her bedroom and said I was sorry and we made up. That's when I felt tears running down her face.... I asked why she was crying and she said: "I just realized that someday, when I grow up and want to go out with you and do stuff with you, you won't be here anymore....."
That broke my heart in so many little pieces that I still couldn't put them together!

Awwwwwww Hugs

Its hard thats for sure.

My oldest son called the other day and I was out, so my husband talked to him for awhile. He told Roger that he was so happy for me and his brother that we are here. He also thanked him for being so nice to us and taking care of us. He's such a sweet boy. I thought that was so sweet of him to say to his step father.
I was talking to his ex-girlfriend the other nite on MSN. She told me he misses us so much. She said everytime she talks to him he is so sad with out us there. He misses his brother so much. They were so close when we lived at home. It near rips my heart out hearing this, cause he trys to be so strong when he talks to us on the phone. I MISS MY SON SO MUCH Makes tears comes to my eyes as I type this. This part of this process sucks bad. I cant wait to see and hug him in August. I just want to see his beautiful smile.

What a sweetheart! shows you how well he was raised

He sounds like he's a lot like my son - missing his mom like crazy but trying to be a man and deal with it.

How interesting that is, my son does the very same thing. He tries so hard to be the big man and ask how my husband is and make pleasant conversation all the time about how good things are. It almost makes it harder to hear him like that. Then again it is just as hard to hear him complain about his nanny and how he even misses my sandwhiches. When we say goodnight we often get into a little silly war like I will say, I miss you.. to which he will say I miss you more.. until we cannot go any further. Last night he said.. "Mom? I miss you more than anyone has ever been missed (which started me bawling) then he said.. no come backs no returns" so that I could not top it. Not that I could anyway.

p.s. love the pictures, thank you for sharing your little ones

I do not have any children yet, but my fiance has 2 small children from his first marriage. I worry about him leaving them to move to the US for me. I tried living in France with him, but I couldn't find work. In reading your post, my heart goes out to you. My fiance tells me not to worry, they will come to visit, and we will go there. I can't help to worry because I don't want him to be unhappy when he comes here because he doesn't see his children. Also, we want to have children after we are married. I want them to know their brother and sister in France. I don't want my step children to think that they have been replaced. We have talked about our future and we have agreed to live in France when our future children are older.

It is so complicated. (I think that since his ex-wife keeps him from seeing the children, only if she is in a good mood, it won't be so different with him 4000 miles away) C'est tres dificil!

I am not sure what I can do to help it be easier for my fiance. I guess all that I can do it be supportive and listen to him. We can tell each other anything and I mean anything which helps.

Talk with your husband and share your thoughts. Don't let him think that everything is ok and you are tormented inside. Stress manifests itself. You will find comfort from him.

My Little girl is coming for Spring break ( 13 days!) on Sunday March 12th. ! We can't wait to see her, hug her and give her lots of kisses ! We talk on webcam all the time but its not the same as seeing her sweet little face!

Aww that's excellent news, Lily!!!

Enjoy your time with your daughter Lily...........

Awww Thanks Tracy & Peggy.
I can't wait to see my lil girl.
She is gonna be so excited when she sees her bedroom. I painted & re-decorated it. ( I'm an Interior Designer/Decorator by trade) I did it in her favorite Bratz Theme.

How sweet Lily, I am sure see will love it.

My daughter is very into Bratz.. would love to see pictures of what you did.

This thread is wonderful.....................I am in a similar situation but yet mine is quite different........I am the USC and I came to Lebanon with my husband to wait out this horribly long immigration process. He was deported and has a ten year ban, but we are hoping after the I130 is approved that we will be elligible to file a waiver and take us home sooner................anyway i have a 5 year old son from my first marriage. thankfully my ex husband and i are still on fairly good terms, however he didnt allow me to move my son here with me. Lebanon is a country that is very unstable so in all honesty i cant blame him for not wanting our son here.........however it breaks my heart to be away from my baby. ive posted a few different boards of my heartbreak and have been told i am a horrible mother......a lot of people have questioned me on this including my own family. they think i made a bad choice leaving my son with his dad.................with income limited and his dad not willing to pay for travel expenses i am not sure when i will be able to come back to the US and visit and i am not sure my ex will allow my son to come here even for a visit. i was talking to my husband last night about when i would be able to go for a visit, and right now neither of us are working so it is so tough to make ends meet. he knows how upset i am and it upsets him that he cant guarentee me anything. airfare is just so expensive for round trips.........there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think of my precious son, he is growing up now and i am missing out, he is starting school this sept and i wont be there to see him off and that tears my heart into shreds. i love and miss my baby and i cant seem to talk to him enough, his dad doesnt have internet at home right now so i have only talked to him twice on the phone since i have been here for 2mths...........................