Awww, I'm sry your apart from your little boy.
Perhaps if the father won't allow your son to visit lebanon, maybe you could meet at a different country half way in between or more stable? Maybe a country like England?

With My custody agreement I had lawyers put down in writing that my exhusband is to have reliable Internet service with webcam & mic so I can talk to my daughter on a regular basis.
Its also stated that my brother can pick her up once a month and take her to see my family/her grand parents. I think its important that she still has a connection to them.
I'm lucky my family has been very supportive. In fact when I second guessed myself on leaving , my parents told me that things happen for a reason and if I wasn't supposed to be in the states at this time, then I wouldn't have gotten this visa.


Wishing everyone who's had to leave Children behind , a quick reunion.

jessNgeorges

What a hard time you must be having. You are not a horrible mother. Even without the internet if maybe his father could take pictures, pictures are cheap. It would be a way for you to follow his progress. Start a scrapbook and add to it each time you get some. Send your son pictures of you. Write him letters. Even if his father has to read them to him. You do not have to be in the same room, our country for that matter for him to know how much you love him and how much he is thought of each day. My heart goes out to you, you are not alone in this.

Well i am facing the dilema right now. I have not psted on the boards for a long while becasue i just feel so upset and have not wanted to be judged.

My daughters father has signed and affidavit saying she can come and live with me in the states, she is 10, but my sons father will not. I dont want to drag my kids through a big court case, but at the same time, i dont want my sn to ever think i gave up on him.

I just dont know what to do, my son is not yet 4, i know i could some back for visits, and phone him, and talk to him online ( so to speak) .

ON the one hand i have this great future ahead of me, for myself and my kids, on the other hand if my ex will not give me permission then i have to leave my son behind. I know if i stay, i will feel a resentment in my sitation, and i dont want that to affect my relationship with my children. There is no option for Chris to live here as he is in the military,
I know only i can make this decision, but i have no support here at home, my family are unsupportive of my relationship.

Sry your Ex isn't being supportive in the move to have your son come with you.
I know how hard it is when your man is in the military . Everyone kept saying "Why doesn't he come here and live with you? If he loves you as much as he says he does, he would move here!" Well , thats impossible when he can't even get leave, let alone move to another country. My hubby was in the Air Force for 20 yrs. Ya can't just walk away.
Is it possible for you to contact a Child advocacy group in your city? Maybe they can mediate and arrange some sort of agreement between your ex & yourself. Maybe offer to pay for flights back home for the child . Maybe agree that you won't seek child support if he lets you move the child. Show that its in his best interest.
Goodluck!

I can definitely relate to all your stories. I came here alone and left behind my 3 kids. My two oldest boys were adults, but my daughter was 16 at the time, and then she followed me here last year.

But, on the sibling separation subject...... when my ex-husband and I split up 8 years ago, we gave all 3 kids the decision of who they wanted to live with. My oldest son decided to live with me, and my younger son and daughter lived with their Dad. I got a lot of negative comments from people about separating siblings. In our case, it worked out fine because my ex-husband and I decided we would always put the kids first and our needs second. We always lived walking distance from each other and the kids always came and went between our homes as they pleased. We had no set visitation schedule as we had joint custody of all 3 kids. It worked out very well for us, so siblings can be separated and still have a positive outcome.

I miss my two sons (almost 23 and almost 25) terribly every single day and I do sometimes regret my decision to move to the U.S. I miss the casual Sunday pot roast dinners the most. They have full lives.... jobs, friends, leisure activities.... so they are busy and happy. Thank goodness I only live 3 hours away and get to see them at least every couple of months. And we have a summer place in Canada, so they come and stay for the weekends at the Lake when they want to.

My heart goes out to all the Mothers (and Fathers) who have had to leave kids behind in order to be with the love of their lives!!!!!!

feel for everyone who had to leave thier kids behind... I left my 2 sons in Canada as well.
here is the situation...
I divorced in 2001, my kids father and I drew up our own seperation agreement...I offered him visitation etc, he said he 'couldnt commit to every second weekend' (he didnt even work ffs, but thats another story), so I amended the seperation agreement to 'Mother has sole custody and the father has reasonable access with reasonable notice' This was acceptable to him and he signed, the seperation agreement became part of the divorce......I dont need his permission to take the boys here, I dont even have to notify him...of course i would have to know where he was to notify him wouldnt i???? heh
so anyways the kids and I moved from our small Northern Ontario town to a small city in Southern Ontario where we lived for 3 years...fast forward to spring of 2004, my eldest was in 9th grade at a highschool of over 2000 students..after a year wracked with one problem with the school or another and issues with the home life (we were living with my sister because my ex stopped paying support and she is the most miserable person in the world and he was miserable depressed etc.) we decided to send him back up north to live with my other sister who was single, no kids and really wanted him there...we wre always a really close family so having him live with his aunt was not an unusual thing...so there went my then 15 year old but at least I knew he was safe, happier at home and in a better school with 200 students and perhaps the opportunity to rebuild a relationship with his father (in the year he lived there he saw him 3 tmes...2 times by accident bumping into him on the street).
So in July 2004 we applied for the K-1 and I listed both my sons on it, intending to bring them both over with me....I was met with much resistance from the older boy, and he was doing soooo well at my sisters, we decided if he maintained his behaviour and schooling he could stay there....better to allow him to stay than o frce him to move and have him resent me or run away back there right?
Ok on to the younger one...he was living with me in southern ontario at my other sisters....the miserable one....but he seeed to be able to tolerate her and her husband better than anyone...the trick was to stay in his room almost all the time lol. So we finally got our interview in Montreal in October of 2005, the younger one was already in 9th grade nd doing extremely well...my move was planned for December....not wanting to screw with his education, we all decided that he could remain until the end of the school year then move with me. We listed him as 'follow to join'. The lady who first dealt with us at Montreal, the one who got all the papers in order before the interview, talked this over with us both and really made me feel more comfortable with the situation. I was so appreciative of her insight into the situation without judging me for 'leaving my children behind'.
My younger son adamandtly refused to move with me at any time, demanding he stay in Ontario, not being an ### about it but asserting his adolescent rights hehe. He is a shy kid and has few close friends, that kind of took him a long time to make, He is scared to death about moving here and being 'the foreign kid' etc. ALl the fears of a teenage boy....so we caved in and said...if you do well in school and dont get into trouble...you can stay.
The eldest ran away from my sisters in Northern Ontario and is living in the same city as my younger son now....on his own, the big 18 grown up but he is doing ok and its only 5 hours to visit him instead of driving 10 He refuuses to come to the USA (he has a girlfriend he doesnt want to leave and some brilliant lawmaker says they are adults and can make these decisions).
Now...my sister who the younger one lives with emailed me the day of my wedding to tell me she is moving out west!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!! The deal I made with my boy was he could live there with her in that city where his school and friends were....not just stay in canad ain general and i'll be damned if I am gonna let her take him to northern alfreakinberta!!! So....thank god I had him on all the paperwork, he is sending his passport in to Montral for them to put the visa on it and I will be picking him up this summer not for a visit but to live with me
He didnt put up any fuss, ddnt argue or ###### one time about it. I was amazed because he was so anti-moving before...I think he wants to be here just didnt want to admit it because he had made such a fuss about not living here.
We let the boys decide for themselves...they were 14 and 17 when the move took place, they werent 'children' although my eldest sister wont speak to me, I am the devil for 'abandoning my children' and she refuses to acknowledge my husband and marriage as she feels he should have moved to canada to be with me...he must not love me enuf, etc etc etc......
In the end....I get my baby here with me in a few months, the eldest.....I pray for LOL but as he says "you moved out on your own at 16 mom and you turned out ok, I'll be ok too" . Makes me want to pull my hair out because there is a LOT between 16 and now he has NOOOO idea about......kids...gotta love em enuf to let em go sometimes

I hope your youngest does good in the USA.

Just give him a couple of months to adjust casue it will be hard for him.

I took my 16 year old son here with me. He liked it for about a month, casue it was all new. Then for the next 3 or 4 months he hated it here. Told me he wanted to go home everyday. That really bothered me becasue I dont think I could have stayed here with my youngest going back home. All these things were running thru my head about the decision I might have to make whether or not to leave if he went home.

Thankfully he really likes it here and has been settled for the last 3 months. He has made so many friends here, for which I am thankful.

I think its harder for a teenager to move here. They just miss there family and friends from home so much. Plus he was missing his older brother(his only brother).

I am just glad that things have settled for him here.

Wonderful news about your youngest, evil! I'll bet he misses you so very much, and that's why he's happy to join you.

Hi there Evilcanuck

My son didn't want to move to the US with me either. He was 18 at the time so he stayed with my daughter and he was going to do the grown up man thing! Well, we (USC hubby) applied for his I-130 anyway and I am so glad we did as a year later, he decided he wanted to come here after all! He has been here 2 years now and is in his sophomore year at college and loving every minute. Now that I am a permanent resident I have applied for my daughter although it will take quite a few years yet.

What I'm trying to get to is this. If you have your permanent residency why not apply for your older son anyway. It takes so many years that by the time it is eventually approved he might just want to come to be nearer you. At least the application would be in place. If he gets to 25 and then decides he wants to come here there will be at least another 6 year wait probably more (unless you become a USC) so getting the ball rolling now would be a prudent thing to do.

By the way, my daughter is coming to visit in 5 weeks and 6 days ! I am soooooo looking forward to seeing her and giving her a great big hug that I don't want to end. Oh-Oh here come the tears!

Maggie

my oldest is on the application and from what i understand, we have a year to finish it..he will have to go for the medical and the interview in montreal still, but he was listed on the original petition so i have until october to convince him to follow thru 'just in case'. thank god i brought the younger one with me to montreal and found out about the floow to join thing

thanks for that...i was wondering if anyone would acknowledge that there are fathers going through the same situation.

matt

ps: best of luck to everyone going through this.

Absolutely this pertains to fathers!!!! I hope I did not come off as sounding that I was talking out for only the mothers out there. I totally meant parents. I just booked my daughters flight back to Canada to see her dad at the end of the month. The flip side to my story and how much I miss my son is that I also took our daughter away from her dad and I know this has been hard on him as well. Both he and I try hard to keep each other informed and in the loop of what is going on with them. When talking to my husband about some of your stories it made me realise how lucky I am that my son only lives in Canada and a flight between him and I is easy enough. Knowing that we will be together in the summer and alternating holidays keeps me going. I cannot imagine the pain of not knowing when I would see him again. Just keep the faith that you will see your children again and how wondeful that moment will be.

[/quote]

Absolutely this pertains to fathers!!!! I hope I did not come off as sounding that I was talking out for only the mothers out there. I totally meant parents. I just booked my daughters flight back to Canada to see her dad at the end of the month. The flip side to my story and how much I miss my son is that I also took our daughter away from her dad and I know this has been hard on him as well. Both he and I try hard to keep each other informed and in the loop of what is going on with them. When talking to my husband about some of your stories it made me realise how lucky I am that my son only lives in Canada and a flight between him and I is easy enough. Knowing that we will be together in the summer and alternating holidays keeps me going. I cannot imagine the pain of not knowing when I would see him again. Just keep the faith that you will see your children again and how wondeful that moment will be.
[/quote]

no you didn't. just from reading the posts here, it looks to me that it is all mothers relating their experiences and no fathers.

i would give anything to have my 2 girls here with my wife and i. but unfortunately i know that is not possible. i talk to them every week and plan on going back to australia every year to see them but at this stage due what i will be doing for work i won't be able to go for at least 2 years. i also gave my ex-wife a webcam so we could use that talk to the girls but at this stage she hasn't set it up. claims that she doesn't know how are crap, as her uncle builds pc's and could do that in about 30 seconds flat...funny, she's had that thing for close to a year now.

matt

How frustrating about the webcam. Most are just plug and play so how could she not know how? Would take a few minutes of her time and if she realised how important your relationship with your daughters is she would do just that. Girls need that bond with their fathers. Is she good about sending pictures or helping them write letters or anything like that?

[quote name='mwfaith1971' date='Mar 17 2006, 08:23 AM' post='80337']
[/quote]

Absolutely this pertains to fathers!!!! I hope I did not come off as sounding that I was talking out for only the mothers out there. I totally meant parents. I just booked my daughters flight back to Canada to see her dad at the end of the month. The flip side to my story and how much I miss my son is that I also took our daughter away from her dad and I know this has been hard on him as well. Both he and I try hard to keep each other informed and in the loop of what is going on with them. When talking to my husband about some of your stories it made me realise how lucky I am that my son only lives in Canada and a flight between him and I is easy enough. Knowing that we will be together in the summer and alternating holidays keeps me going. I cannot imagine the pain of not knowing when I would see him again. Just keep the faith that you will see your children again and how wondeful that moment will be.
[/quote]

no you didn't. just from reading the posts here, it looks to me that it is all mothers relating their experiences and no fathers.

i would give anything to have my 2 girls here with my wife and i. but unfortunately i know that is not possible. i talk to them every week and plan on going back to australia every year to see them but at this stage due what i will be doing for work i won't be able to go for at least 2 years. i also gave my ex-wife a webcam so we could use that talk to the girls but at this stage she hasn't set it up. claims that she doesn't know how are crap, as her uncle builds pc's and could do that in about 30 seconds flat...funny, she's had that thing for close to a year now.

matt
[/quote]
My ex was the same way at first with the Webcam thing. until I told him maybe he needed a reminder from my lawyers what was agreed to in court! Funny how quickly he got that WebCam sorted out!
My daughters been here visiting for the past week , one more week to go tho. I wish she could just stay. But I know that in 2 yrs. she will be moving here permamently. I'll also have her here for the summer.

fataria,

she sends me pictures and i get cards and presents from them for the usual days. i also talk to them every week, but as you know, that doesn't really compensate for actually having them with you.

raphael,

my ex-wife has custody of the girls and that's it. there were no visitation orders or anything of that nature. plus they are in australia, nearly 20 hours travel from me...there's no way that she would let them get on a plane and fly to LA and meet me there. maybe when they're older but certainly not now. i guess i will have to wait till i can travel back there in a couple of years or so.

matt

Hi All,
I read your posts with tears in my eyes. I'm the USC with no children. My Cuban fiance has 2 children living in Cuba. We're waiting for our interview date. My fiance spent 9 years in Buenos Aires, Argentina and been back in Havana just 11 months. His wife was pregnant the month he left Cuba for Argentina and he has a son also who is about 16 now. Needless to say that his wife filed for divorce while he was away.
When he returned to Havana May 2005, he met his daughter for the first time and reunited with his son. Of course his daughter is totally in love with her father. I know many of us can remember being like that with our fathers. His relationship with his son is rocky at best. I don't blame his son at all for not totally embrassing his father. He probably feels abandoned. It's also possible that his mother hasn't spoken very highly of his father in his presence. In any event, the children will not travel with my fiance to America at this time.
Can I tell you all the incredible pressure I feel to have a baby?? I've spoken with my fiance's family and they all want me to have a baby almost immediately upon his arrival. I'm 44 now and am very afraid of getting pregnant. I'd too like to have a baby very soon. Still I'm hoping that my fiance doesn't leave because I can't do this right away. We've talked about this and he says he'd like to have a son. I say well we could have a daughter or maybe we may have to adopt and he says it's okay with him. Just wanted to share. Good luck to all of you!!
Toria and Salvador

I just want to say my heart goes out to all the parents who have had to leave children behind

i will soon be in the process of being one of them , have 2 children a boy 14 and a girl 11 ..who i love very much ... and all your stories wrenched at my heart .

my kids have decided to stay in New Zealand with their dad , this was the hardest decision i have ever had to make ..as i know it was for all of you .

even though i am a newbie here ..just know you are all in my thoughts

Hi i could be experiencing this very thing!, i am near the end of my divorce, then i will start my fiance visa off to be with my love Sue in Michigan. I have 3 boys 7,2,2, i have been there main primary carer since they were all Born. My wife goes to work.
My solicitor said she doesn't have much of a chance as she went off to find her old bf from 11 years ago and they want a child of their own!. I'm just busy worrying about being able to take them with me to lived!....gotta go through the high court and stuff. I've already been out to states with eldest boy for nearly 3 weeks,he cried he had to come back to his own mum!.. So i need lots of prayers people and best wishes!..
Watch this space i will keep you all posted,....... Also any advice would be good too!...

awwwwww....you all...you are SO strong. I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, and your posts made my eyes well up with tears as well. The very biggest virtual hugs ever, to each and every one of you; I hope you all get to see your children SO soon, and that, even if it never goes away, the pain lessens a bit for each of you. M.

My son (10) came to visit last week, he LOVED it which is a great thing, i am soooooooo hoping he wants to move here 1 day, but right now at the age he is at, he wants to be with his dad ...........he caught his first fish too .......but now he has gone home back to England, i miss him sooooooooo much , but he is coming back soon i hope

I am in total tears reading these psoting... My heart goes out to all of you... I will not try to say I know what you are going thru as I can not imagine not being with my daughter (now 22). She moved to Myrtle Beach SC for 6 months to live with her dad at 21, only time we were ever separated. It tore me apart but she did move back.. She is now in her own apartment but right next door.. Having the next stage of an adult relationship with her is so wonderful...words could not express.. I will keep all of you in my prayers for your continued strength and for a speedy reuion. Bless you all

Can anyone give me an insight realistically, how often you get to see your Children, for those of you who have had to leave them behind. In particular those of you with young Children.

I am still at a quandry of what to do, i have days when i say yes i will fight this and go to court, and others when i feel like, this is my decision, I am the one who wants to live with my husband ( he cant come here because he is in the US miilitary) i cannot take him away from his other family, his father, and grandma, and maybe i should go and wait until my son (4) is old enough to say for himself what he wants. I dont want to drag him through the stress of a court case. But again i dont want him to feel that i have abandoned him.


I am so torn, i know that you can not tell me what to do, but it would be nice to hear others experiences.

I have sent you a PM

My children's father and I have them every second school break and half the summer. It amounts to a few times a year with months in between. They are both with him now until July 27th. I have not seen my son since Christmas and let me tell you.. it has been too long. He called me yesterday morning asking me how to rid of the pimples on his nose, I was so happy he thought to ask me this stuff yet so sad that he had to call me about it. I am missing so much that cannot be shared unless in person and it is taking its toll on me. Making that decision to let him live near his friends and family rather than fight for him to move with me was the hardest one yet. For those of you still in the deciding part of things you just have to weigh out all the alternatives. Put your head before your heart and decide what is best for the kids. No matter how far you live from them they will not feel one ounce of abandonment if you work to ensure they don't. It is not easy, I did not know just how not easy it would be. 52 sleeps until they come home to me! My thoughts are prayers are with you and really do know you have a great support here. You are not alone in this.

[/quote]
Hi i could be experiencing this very thing!, i am near the end of my divorce, then i will start my fiance visa off to be with my love Sue in Michigan. I have 3 boys 7,2,2, i have been there main primary carer since they were all Born. My wife goes to work.
My solicitor said she doesn't have much of a chance as she went off to find her old bf from 11 years ago and they want a child of their own!. I'm just busy worrying about being able to take them with me to lived!....gotta go through the high court and stuff. I've already been out to states with eldest boy for nearly 3 weeks,he cried he had to come back to his own mum!.. So i need lots of prayers people and best wishes!..
Watch this space i will keep you all posted,....... Also any advice would be good too!...
[/quote]

Derbys12
Have you talked with your ex-wife about the possiblity of the children moving with you? Does she still live near by or has she moved away already? Please do keep us informed. I don't have much in the way of advice or wisdom as I do not know how the court system works in your country. Hopefully someone from your area reads your post and has some ideas they can share about your situation. My ex husband and I went to a family mediator before the divorce. It was very helpful to talk to a lawyer who was on neither side but full of information as to what the divorce judge would be looking for in regards to the children's well being. We were able to take that information and draw up an agreement that suited us as well as satisfied the court.

Fetaria - I'm not exactly in the same situation as you, but still in a quandry of "head before your heart". My husband moved here from England. He can't find a job as an engineer here as he doesn't have a BS. He has been looking for a job since January. We are having to look outside our city, actually outside our state for jobs he had experience in back in England (subsea work). I have 14-year-old boy/girl twins. My ex lived only a mile down the road from me so even though my daughter lives with me and my son with his dad, I saw him often and my ex saw my daughter often. My kids have been born and raised in the city we live in and have gone to the same school district. My daughter told me that if my husband and I have to move, she would not go with me because she wouldn't want to leave her school, friends, school softball (that she has played since 5), big sister (age 20), etc. It kinda broke my heart, but again, you said what is best for the child. Well her dad moved last month and is renting a smaller house outside the school district, and if we moved, he would have to move back to the school district and get a bigger house. He already struggles with money as he is on disability. She gets along okay with her dad, but better with me, and he is not into her ball as I am and has only been to about 2 games this year out of 40.

Of course this is all premature as we don't even know if we are moving, but its more of a possibility than not. I too would be heartbroken, not just becaues of my youngest daughter, but because of moving away from my son and oldest daughter too that I see a couple times a week. Again, I know she wouldn't want to move, but how do I make her feel the decision is not picking my husband over her? It has to do with money and a job my husband would love. We are barely surviving on my income alone. Thanks Fetaria.

What a hard decision for you. Good to be thinking it through beforehand even not knowing for sure yet. I spent a lot of time discussing that very thing with my kids. How this was not me choosing anyone over them. They are my number one priority always. Although they may not see it now, as adults they will understand that I had to do what I did to create a happy secure life for myself, as well as them. They have family who love them stretching over to countries now. Twice as many grandparents and siblings to love. Honestly, the deciding factor for me was. I wanted to set the example for them. I wanted them to know they are in charge of their own happiness. The thought of either of them sacrificing years of their life as adults in unhappiness scared me. I did not want to stay put and unhappy for the next decade just to have them as adults say.. Mom? what the hell were you thinking? Why didnt you leave? Us as parents have to see the big picture and make the decisions based on that. Good luck with the changes in your life. It will all turn out as it should

I don't know what to say. My 6 years old daughter is with me, we moved together, it has been difficult for her but she say that she loves me and I tell her every day that I'm lucky because she is with me!
Best wishes and a very very big hug.

I can tell you what Dr. Laura would say. She would say you should not subject your children to another relationship until they are 18 years old and mature and on their own. I can't imagine what she would say to someone who left their kids behind you might not want to call in with that one or she would probably get prettttyyy nasty. She would say that you are the parent and you are responsible for your kids and you have to sacrafice things (like a relationship) in order to care for them until they are 18 or go to college or are independent. You chose to have kids and they should be your number one priority in your life.

That's not necessarily my opinion but I just wanted to throw that out there.

Come n get it.

This last post opens up a whole nother can of worms and I do not want to deter from the support system we got going here. The doctor laura statement ( I dont know who that is ) is a valid point. However I disagree if it is to say we have not put our children first. Those who have left an abusive relationship and not stayed put in order to keep the family together "for the children", I believe have put their children first. I also have to disagree with the point of not subjecting children to new relationships until they are 18. The relationship my husband has with my daughter (his step daughter) has been beneficial on so many levels for her. She has the male role model that she needs in her life. From the PM's I have recieved along with the posts here I see many parents making their children their number one priorites. That said, I see many .. many.. families living together neglecting their children and not giving a rats ### about them or what is going on in their lives. Not appreciating what they have and wasting the time they share. In an ideal world we would meet mister or mrs right the first time. Obviously it doesnt always work that way. As lonely as I get for my son I am confident knowing he has the best of both worlds, he is loved more than he could possibly imagine and he will grow up well rounded. Give me this so called Dr Laura's phone number.. I would love to chat with her.

WOW. Sarah, that was really uncalled for. People on this thread have made some REALLY difficult choices. You say it may not even necessarily be your own opinion...so why even post something possibly inflammatory in a thread where people are trying to get support and comfort in dealing with the decisions they made? Yeah, yeah, yeah...everyone is entitled to their say, blah blah blah,it's getting really old to see that excuse for poor judgement used over and over. Sometimes it just isn't necessary to post things that are going to likely make people feel bad. Common sense should prevail in some situations, not just "I'll just post whatever I want 'cause it's my RIGHT..." Post sounded just a 'touch' judgemental to me, and I'm not even in the situation.

Edited to add: BTW, Craig is the best thing that could have happened for my son. Has been more of a Dad to him (and calls him that for some time now) in the last couple of years than my deadbeat ex ever was...who has rarely ever had anything to do with him, and certainly hasn't for years now. I made a poor choice back then, but a lot of us have...hindsight and all. I just thank God Corey came out of it. A lot of stepparents are MUCH better parents than biological ones could EVER be. Kinda blows "Dr. Laura's" theory out of the water when you see real-life applications of the wonderful things a new relationship can do in a child's life, now doesn't it? BTW, yeah, my relationship was abusive as well.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming, and (((HUGS))) to all of you here on this thread going through these issues. M.

Do not know what to say really, as with some other people I too left behind children I love and cherish. I did ask them what THEY wanted and we did discuss everything from the beginning. YES it is hard and Yes I cry my eyes out at least twice a week, it is extremely difficult to comprehend everything. I talk to my eldest twice a week on the phone asking her how she is doing at college and what life with her father is like, he never took any responsibility for her when she was younger but has now surprised me with how things are working out. The twins one boy and one girl talk to me most days on the computer. My son tells me he knows the truth of things and they both tell me that they love me very much and do not take any notice of what other people say, they are so grown up about it all, which makes me cry even more. The adjustment of it all is very hard and perhaps one day things will change, I can only hope on that. The children want to come and visit as soon as things have settled and Jon and I have our own place, we currently live with his mother (who is wonderful) and the children are all excited over the whole process. As I said we communicate everyday and that is what keeps us all together. A lot of people on this site have been extremely helpful and nice, the ones who give judgement, well you just have to learn to say *%$#@ to them sort of people as it is only a web site, they do not know all of your situation and quite honestly they never will.


Janice

Well I was listening to the radio the other day and heard her say this. I am in no way saying that people who leave their kids behind have done the wrong thing and I am quite aware that everyone's situation is different. I have enjoyed reading this thread and I think that those of you who have left behind your kids behind have all of the best intentions for yuor children and I know you love them more than anything. Even though I believe Dr. Laura is a nutcase at most times but I was not applying what she said to people who have left their kids. I was simply shring what I heard, and in SOME cases I do agree with her but not all and I know that everyone's reasons are different. I am in no way saying that people on this thread have made poor choices at all I was just sharing something I recently heard on the subject. They are her words, not mine and what she said just made me think about this thread and not because I don't think people should leave their kids.

I do not agree with most things she says and I do not agree with what she said about leaving your kids because I know that every situation is different. It's just something I heard and it made me think of this thread when I saw it is all!

Sarah..so what was THAT about then, if you had no intention of irriating people or passing judgement? (bolded above)


Janice..your words, above...VERY well said(again, bolded) I really should learn to do that...actually, sometimes I do, but when I see people already hurting being 'scolded' for their behavior, even if it's hiding behind a guise of someone else, it chaps me.

It's Dr. Laura, she always get me riled up

*sigh* Point entirely missed, but that's ok. I'll leave this thread alone now so it can get back to the job at hand...being a place where people can come to share their experiences with one another and see that others are sharing the same ones. Fetaria, I'm truly sorry to have interrupted the flow here; this thread was a terrific idea. I'm sure many people have gained some bit of comfort just in knowing that they're not alone. I know from experience, sometimes that's all it takes to feel just a little bit better. M.

ready....... set ...... BACKPEDDLE!!!!!





because this is a very serious topic and hats off to the brave members who are going through this

I see my 10 yr old daughter for Spring Breaks, All Summer breaks, All ThanksGivings, and All Christmas Breaks.She will however be legally allowed to move here in 2 yrs. without her Bio Dads consent.

In fact.... Were going to pick her up July3rd and we can't wait !

In regards to the comment made about Dr. Laura... Well , Dr. Laura isn't in my position and until she is, I don't give a flying Rats ### what the pompous chick thinks.

My daughter has a much better relationship with my new Hubby then she ever had, or ever will have with her Bio Dad.
Children aren't stupid, they know whats going on. My daughter is well aware that the only reason she is still in Canada and not with me is becuase her Bio Dad recinded his permission, 2 weeks before our Immigration Interview Date.

He may have won the battle but her sure as hell hasn't won the War!

Hope everyone is doing alright.

HUGS TO EVERYONE MISSING THERE CHILDREN

2 weeks before! How awful is that. Must of been hard for her to think she was moving and then not. You are right about children not being stupid, I think they have a better understanding about things than we do at times. They dont worry about the details or complicate it like us adults tend to do. July 3rd is just around the corner.

Then why bring what she says to THIS thread??

Where is your TACT??.......some time things are better left UNSAID^^^^that being one of them!!!




we all have our own reasons, none are selfish, infact all the total opposite,

If we were selfish we would of done whatever it took to bring our children with us, with no care of how it would affect them. Some of us decided to not drag our children through dirty custody battles, some believe that their children are better off where they are for the time being for whatever reason. Some are here dong what they can to create a situation so they can bring their children eventually. Too many ways to show how these were the most unselfish acts.

I used to spend hours listening to Dr. Laura. I was forced to because the radio station I worked at carried her. I had to do the local news breaks between her hot air sessions.

The thing that always struck me with her was that she comes from this position of high moral authority, vast oversimplifications and wasn't very good at taking extenuating (sp?) circumstances into consideration.

Essentially, she is full of shite. I don't see how she has anything to do with the parents here and the choices they've made.

Just my .02.

You wouldn't be posting here, if you hadn't left your child behind.

dmartmar: who exactly are you referring to? M.

I used to listen to her, too. Becuase my EX would want to listen to her in the car when we were driving around. First time I heard hr program I was soooo angry with her! There was a woman in tears over some situation, and Dr Laura was completely insensitive and unhelpful. She called the woman stupid, and turned everything she said around on her.

She equates a loving adult relationship to "an orgasm". So if someone was calling in who wanted to know what to do about wanting to go be with their husband/fiance but couldn't bring their kids with them, she would most likely say "Is an orgasm really worth leaving your kids for?" And then suggest that either the other party move THERE, or if that was impossible, find someone else.

Thing is, my Fiance is so much more than just "an orgasm" to me. If that's all Dr Laura's husband means to her, then he's got my pity. Everyone should have the opportunity to be loved unconditionally.

Now: BACK ON TOPIC:

As for me, I've been considering the possibility of temporarily moving to the UK to be with my fiance (only about a year or so). This thread has been so helpful to me because I had been worried about leaving my kids here with their Dad and Step-mom. It's taken me some time to get to know her, and to get to the point where I'd be comfortable letting her do the day-to-day raising of my kids while I wasn't there. Reading everyone's stories and how they have managed to keep in touch and keep that parental bond strong even accross the miles has helped me see that it would be possible for me to still be "mama" even if I was on the other side of the ocean.
All those parents who are still "Mom" or "Dad" from far away have my respect, and my thanks (for having the courage to post here about it).

Funny as I am the USC and have no children.

USC here too, which is why I asked...I seem to...ummm..I THINK I posted...????

May I not agree?

I think it is selfish to leave children behind to start a new romance. Too many children are neglected after their parents break-up. All of sudden, they are "in the way". I wouldn’t leave my children behind or perhaps only if I was forced to by extreme circumstances that hopefully are only temporarily (medical, professional). I would rather not start a relationship than having to leave my children to be raised by someone else. It may hurt to break up with someone you care about very dearly, but missing a child can only hurt my heart and my conscience indefinitely. Children are my responsibility, not anyone else. I brought them to this world and it is my responsibility and obligation to take care of them.