Hi everyone... I haven't been to these boards in ages. I feel a little bad. I didn't really have to deal with any immigration issues for the past 2 years, but all in all, it seems like a neverending story.

I'm from Germany, my husband is the USC. We have been married since January 2004, and I received my conditional green card in December of 2004. It's about to run out, so we applied for removal of the conditional residency. My case is currently pending. I received a NOA last week.

Here's where things fall apart: last night, my husband told me, for the dozenth time during these years, that he doesn't know whether he's cut out for marriage, that marrying me was a mistake, that he wants to be single and **** around, et cetera. I have heard it so many times, I know it by heart. He has a very fickle personality, and a lot of growing up to do, even at 29, but I love him. Still... after hearing it so many times, I'm starting to give up. It is so hurtful, and every time our marriage breaks down like that, I feel like a piece of me dies. I honestly love this guy, but he seems to no longer want to be with me.

As I said, this hasn't happened for the first time. Our marriage has been full of ups and downs. The ups are amazing - he's the guy of my dreams, then. But I don't want to continue living a rollercoaster marriage. I used to believe it would get better some day, but I'm starting to lose that faith. He doesn't even want to try to work it out. I've suggested counseling, but he shot the idea down.

So... at this point... I have some decisions to make. First off, I don't know a damn thing about divorce. I've been one of those lucky people whose parents and friends' parents and relatives have been married for decades. I never thought I'd get divorced, ever. My husband has been divorced once. To complicate things, he's in the military, so I don't know if we go through military lawyers or Colorado lawyers. Hell, I can't even figure out how much it would cost me.

I'm a full time student, but I've been applying for jobs so I won't be left hanging if things do go ill. I'll admit, the financial aspect scares me a little. I could go back to Germany, but I'd lose everything I worked for here these past 2.5 years. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Which leads to the second issue... the I-751. We filed it together, he signed it and everything, but by the time it all goes through, my marriage might be non-existent. I'm so worried that it might look like fraud.

On top of this, my husband is supposed to move to NC in three weeks. I dont know if I should stay, if I should go. It's hard to know anything, these days.

I guess what I'm asking for is experiences... advice... I know I haven't made a decision yet, but I'm getting there. I just want to get an idea of what to expect

I forgot to ask this... the NOA I received states that my conditional residency has been extended by one year, and that I am allowed to travel and work. Now... if I do travel outside the country, do I just show the POE my letter and green card or what o___O That one really eludes me. It's just a letter, after all.

Jen
I'm so sorry to hear that things does not seems well for you. I really wish yo the best! I cannot offer you any advice aout your immigratin process though Hope you get the asnwer soon

I really don't understand the following statement from your post:

I'm a full time student, but I've been applying for jobs so I won't be left hanging if things do go ill. I'll admit, the financial aspect scares me a little. I could go back to Germany, but I'd lose everything I worked for here these past 2.5 years. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

If you were a full time student what is it that you worked for?
If you want to know how to stay in the US then ask that question.

I'm not asking HOW to stay in the US... how are you deriving that from my statement? I know what it takes to do that. What I was saying was that I am currently going to college, for nursing, but I am not finished with my studies, it'll still take me a while. And yes, I DID and DO work for it. Are you telling me you think being a full time student is not work? It took me forever to get into the program. If I left to go back to Germany, I'd lose all that hard work, because I likely won't be able to transfer any credits. So, those two years I went to college and studied hard for my degree would be lost.

I'm not sure what is so hard to understand about my statement. It wasn't a question on how to stay in the US or anything of that sort. It was me explaining my situation and what's currently on my mind. My worries, and the things I don't understand.



Thank you very much It's okay... I'm just trying to figure out what all is involved in getting divorced, and having already filed for the removal of condition. Like I said, I've never been around divorce, especially not in this country, so I have no idea what all would happen if everything just falls apart for us. What I've researched on here and the net only confused me even more. I won't even get into the whole military aspect of it...

I will answer one question... the divorce will be handled in Family Court as the military has no jurisdiction on this issue.

If I understand everything you have written, it does not appear that he will contest it. If that is true you can probably get it done fairly cheaply. The more amicably you can get it done the easier it is to do. I do not know if Colorado is a "no fault" state or not. There probably is a legal aid society somewhere close to where you live. So after you make your decision and have the "talk" with him, if all is in agreement to process then simply get the necessary papers filed.

I wish you well... divorce is not a fun thing....

Ugh, Jen...I am SO sorry.

Joel

I think she has been working towards a degree from a university- that's what I took from it.

Jen I'm really sorry to hear this. I don't know you but I hate reading things like this. I wish you the best.

Seems like you misunderstood. She has work authorization and she is in the country legally. She's trying to deal with the financial aspect of her situation.

Es tut mir leid das du diese Probleme hast. Vielleicht kannst du noch warten bis er die
Scheidung einreicht und die Kosten bezahlt, er will ja nicht mehr verheiratet sein.
Sprich mit ihm ob er uberhaupt will das du mit ihm wegziehst
oder da bleibst wo du bist. Sei stark, es wird alles schon gut werden mit dir.

Update:

Colorado does not appear to be a "no fault" state. Not that it is a big deal of difference but it will be just a little more challenging than if it were.

A person not cut for marriage, getting married for a second time.



Why are you the one paying for the divorce, if your husband is the one who's "not cut for marriage?"



So what are you then asking? Currently going to college, but still not finished yet.

If you DO STAY in the US, will you finish?

That's b/c IT DOES!

But if it wasn't fraud, you should have nothing to worry about then.

Jen, a couple of your questions have already been answered. Military has no jurisdiction, Divorce is a family court issue. Marriage is full of ups and downs and divorce is no fun and expensive... make damn sure this is the only option. Sounds like you need to stick out your nursing course or see if you can transfer to NC with ur husband to finish school. It sounds like he is looking for an easy way out and may be willing to make the divorce go smoothly,... work it out between urselves and no lawyers ansd u both will be al ot happier. Just a suggestion, work it out with him to complet your school, finish up the Green Card process..etc before filing for divorce... Sorry to hear things r not going as u dreamed... I honestly hope you two work it out... good luck ken

How does it look like fraud??? Always nice how you put that little disclaimer.

Jen,
I'm sorry that you are dealing with all this My heart breaks for you. Have a read of the following. The second pertains to the stage in the immigration process that you are at. There is also links within.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=38803

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=38813

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=38847

it dont look like fraud at all. she has her conditional green card and just applied to remove the conditions. she could have divorces him as soon as she got the first card. she sure wouldnt have to wait around 2 more years to leave him.

any way u need to be talking to ur husband about things. see if he wants u to move with him or if he wants to divorse. maybe when he moves away he will realize he misses u and then he will change his mind on things. some times abstance makes the heart grow fonder.

good luck with any thing u choose.

Jen,

Since you have jointly filed the I-751 you can permit that application to continue to process as long as you are still legally married. Bear in mind that in the event that an interview is scheduled, your husband would need to attend with you. In the interim, should he move, he would have a responsiblity to record his change of address with USCIS on an I-865, and if you choose to move with him, you would be required to file an AR-11. The AR-11 is due within 10 days of a move, the I-865 your husband should file is due within 30 days of such a move.

There's a good chance that your joint petition would be adjudicated without an interview. Even if you are separated during the period prior to adjudication, as long as the separation is not a legal one, or in a state where separations automatically become finalised as a divorce, then you have no obligation to do anything with the jointly filed I-751 other than informing USCIS of any Change of Address.

If during the pendency of the jointly filed I-751, you legally separate (note that physical separation does not necessarily mean legal) or the marriage terminates in divorce, upon receipt of the divorce decree, you would submit a request to USCIS to withdraw the pending joint application (formerly submitted with your "then-ex-husband") and replace it with a waiver I-751 on the basis of a bona fide marriage that terminated in divorce. This application would be submitted by you alone, along with any and all evidence of the bona fides of your marriage and a copy of your divorce decree. The waiver application uses the same I-751 form, but you would tick "d" on the top of the form under "basis for filing", indicating that you are self-petitioning. This extra step in the process would naturally add some time for adjudication, but you should receive an additional NOA to extend your conditional GC until the waiver is adjudicated.



Good Luck.

Only do this is if the marriage works out, not b/c you'll get something out of it.



The fact that your 2-year interview is almost around the corner and you blame your husband to justify a divorce.

dmartmar, why are you still here?

Kitkat1, why do you ask?

Egads, dmartmar! The OP's husband is claiming he feels he is not fit for marriage. Are you suggesting that Jen convince him otherwise?

I see both you and the OP claiming her husband doesn't feel the marriage any longer, but not him.

What's been holding him back from getting divorced already, if he's been feeling this way for such a long time?

Why is Jen the one wanting to get divorced?

Was the husband's 2nd marriage just an experiment to him or an improvement upon his 1st?

Unless Jen is lying then I don't really think this post is controversial. The husband hasn't put his side in because he isn't on VisaJourney. She wants to get divorced because the guy is an ### hole. He hasn't left her any choice.
There are a lot of people that get screwed in this VJ process. It is not always the American that gets taken. There are some people that search out foreigners to marry because American women would not put up with their crap. That seems like the case with this post. Jen sounds like an honest person. If you know something we don't then you are free to post it.

Exactly! So why would you say this?



2nd time marriages usually are better and have more success than 1st ones. For the OP's husband to have just lost all interest in their marriage, things had to have been building up between them for a while and whatever it was that she tried to make it work wasn't good enough.



I search out foreign women b/c they DON'T put up with my crap!

Actually second and subsequent marriages have less chance of success. Approximately 47% of first marriages in the US end in divorce. And approximately 70% of second and subsequent marriages end in divorce.

mira nenne,.....con calma.....tranquillllllllllllllllllllo.

jejejeje B, you're crackin' me up these days

So sad, I am sorry, Jen.

So sorry to hear how your husband feels about marriage. Too bad he wan't man enough to accept the bad parts and keep the commitment he made to you. Praying that you can save the marriage and that he will have a change of heart and love you the way you deserve to be loved.

Rob and Melinda