Ok here's my dilemma and I need input.

I just got a call from Dr. Berger's office. He is a famous physician who performs tubal ligation reversal surgery in North Carolina and is the doctor I sent my operation results to and gave me an opinion on my chances.

Anyway the call was from one of his nurses and she called to tell me that from now to Jan1 they are running a special where the surgery will be $5,000 instead of the usual $6,000.

I had planned on having this surgery as soon as Usama gets here for a few reasons:

1) I want my husband to be there with me when I go under the knife.
2) I want to be 100% certain that I will be married and making a baby when I do this and G-d forbid I don't end up getting married I will have spent the $$ and done this operation for nothing if I do it before we get married.
3) I have not told anyone in my family that I intend on doing this because I don't wanna hear it. I get enough flack for being muslim and for going to Egypt I don't need to add fuel to the fire.


So what do I do???????? I'm so confused. $1,000 is a lot of money to scoff at and is basically a rt ticket to Egypt that I could have.

You should wait until after your first trip. Are you in a rush to have kids? I know someone that did this but I heard the chances of sucess are really low, what did your Dr. tell you about that?

Did they give you what the odds are that you may actually become pregnant after the reversal?

Do you really want to have this surgery so close to time when you'll be leaving for Egypt?

If it were me I wouldn't do it. Yes, $1000 is a lot of money but you have a tight time frame and a major life event coming up inshallah. I'd wait to do it. I don't think I would necessarily wait for Usama to get here though. I don't want this statement to become an argument about age but the fact is that you are over 40 (I know not by much) and getting pregnant at this age is risky. If Usama won't be here for another year or so that means you won't be able to try to get pregnant until you're about 42. Personally I wouldn't want to be having babies at that age but it's not me we're discussing. If I were you I'd wait until after you get back from Egypt to have the surgery but before Usama gets here so that you can start trying when he gets here. Can you make payments on this surgery or do they want all the money up front?

Yes I'm in a rush and I want "kid" not "kids" preferably. After looking at my medical history he said it's approximately 45%, though only God knows for sure. I was extremely fertile in my young 30's but who knows what has happened in ten years.

I was extremely fertile in my 20's. Last time in Egypt we used no BC and I didn't get pregnant. If that happened 10 yrs ago I'd probably be pregnant right now.

No I don't want to have it so close to leaving!! I mean Thanksgiving is coming up not to mention Christmas and I have a lot to do between now and then not even taking into consideration packing, etc. I think that's good advice to do it after I come back. That way we don't have to wait to start trying.

I am not thrilled about the whole getting pregnant thing, though I can't wait to have his baby, insha Allah. I never enjoyed being pregnant with my other two but the prize at the end made it all worth it.

I don't think they take payments but Capital One does finance infertility procedures if I need it. I actually already have the full $6,000 saved up but it would have been nice to blow $1,000 on an extra trip to Egypt.

I'd wait. Use the time you're waiting for the surgery to save the extra cash. It's surgery, and even though it's a relatively uncomplicated one, the timing's just not the sort of decision one makes due to price like a bargain sale.

Even though you want to get it done soon, regardless of price, with the holidays and the travel coming up, it's probably best to wait a bit.

Doodle please don't this the wrong way. You should definitly wait. Since you have not met this man yet and it seems that you still have lots of things to discuss then it would be more beneficial to wait than to save $1000. I realize saving $1000 is alot of money, but saving $5000 is better. I think you and Usama have alot of important things to discuss just about being married in general before taking this step. Get all your ducks in a row first. I hope it all works out for you.

Wait, you're engaged and you haven't met yet? I'm assuming you haven't filed, right?

If that's the case, definitely wait. Not that your relationship isn't real enough to warrant the surgery; that's not my place to judge and you'd surely know that better than I! But if you have yet to file the K-1, you've got a long wait ahead of you, and that's certainly plenty of time to find another physician or another 'sale' to crop up.

I'm not sure how I feel about surgery being on sale. I think thats something I would be willing to pay full price for.

A $1000 is a lot of money, but you can make this up- a few less shopping sprees, lattes etc... and who says the "special" won't be offered later if they are offering it now?



Forget about how things might or might not work out after the trip next month. Think about having major surgery and then traveling while recovering?

Well, that too. It doesn't seem like the sort of commodity that normally has a clearance rack.

('Get your 2006 tubal ligation reversals now, before they are gone forever!')

Untying your tubes for a man you haven't even met? Oh my.

I will also add my 2 cents I guess. I would wait until this whole visa nonsense is over with. I know you haven't filed yet and I agree with much of what the others have said. I do understand the age issue but you said it best. Its in God's hands.

I think many of the ladies can attest to the fact that this process is stressful. It does seem that the average wait time for visa approval/issuance from Cairo after the interview is 4 to 6 months for Muslim men. That is 4 to 6 months without any answers or information regarding what's happening with your case. It will put any relationship through the paces and I can say it has strained us almost to our limits.

Take the time to meet your darling, go through the process, discover all the new facets of your relationship its going to uncover, and then when the dust finally settles, then make your decision.

I agree with this, especially the last paragraph. I don't think we can fully process all the changes the men experience coming here. Many have lived at home all their lives, some have never worked. They come here to a much faster pace of life, new responsibilities. If you have children, they suddenly find themselves a parent. They are far from a family and culture that cocooned them there entire life. So many realities set in... the cost of living, how little they really make in the beginning, bills, etc... these things can be explained but it is not the same as living it. I think to throw in the adjustment and responsibility of a child of their own - despite how much they may think they want one - so quickly, can really be overwhelming. Some people will do just fine, of course, but for others it could throw them over the edge. I realize for some women there isn't much time to wait, but giving the man time to get firmly grounded can be the key to a lasting marriage.

I would 100% wait, until you are with Usama in the States...1000 dollars sure is 1000 dollars but doing a surgey alone is NOT cool, and he should be with you in that time. It would be well worth it to wait.

Thanks that is what I will do.


So I just finally posted our pictures up in my profile. Is there some type of software that shows what our child will look like, insha Allah?

Profile? where?> here or in yahoo? Hmmm...cannot wait to see what will look like lol

Here in my photos. Ok now i'm gonna google to see if there's software out there. This could be a hoot!