VisaJourney.com > Supporting the family

kofuku

Nov 9 2006, 05:08 PM

QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Nov 9 2006, 11:20 AM)

QUOTE(honeyblonde @ Nov 9 2006, 10:23 AM)

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

Nothing strange here. It's cultural. My husband said the same thing about bringing gifts to Morocco. I was shocked. But, then again, I was shocked that our lunch on the train was shared with strangers. It's hsuma to eat without offering food to people in front of you. Just like it's hsuma to keep your "wealth" to yourself. You are family and everyone shares. Think about it, I shared their food in one dish, their drink in one cup(until I had to drink separately becuase the water didn't agree with me

). We are all one family and as the saying goes, what's ours is yours. They don't have much, but his parents have already bought us gifts for our home..rugs, couscous dishes, tangines, gifts for the baby, etc... to bring when they come to visit us. I tell my husband I don't need anything from Morocco, but he keeps asking me, "hon, what do you want? they'll bring whatever you need"

Christine

jordanianprincess

Nov 9 2006, 05:10 PM

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 02:08 PM)

QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Nov 9 2006, 11:20 AM)

QUOTE(honeyblonde @ Nov 9 2006, 10:23 AM)

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

Just like it's hsuma to keep your "wealth" to yourself.

Agreed, but that is assuming you have wealth.

moody

Nov 9 2006, 05:15 PM

Salaam, Ahmed.

Thank you for this..you're a good man mashallah. My husband is from Egypt and is already asking around about getting work here. He has a friend whose family lives in Dearborn, MI and they are looking for him. Thank God for the good ones!

QUOTE(ahmedosman @ Nov 9 2006, 04:32 PM)

i like to talk about some points here
am from egypt, i seen people marry for USA and people marry for love
people who marry for USA, he will think that there will be magic, he dont wanna know anything, he want american slave who think he is the egyptian prince, that will pay him, and do everything for him, and he will always ask for more and more

so my advice is take care of ur steps before u involve in anything

other guys, who marry for love, he will be willing to work, any shitty job the moment he reach the airport, he will look around to know how to get work authorization, moment he come house, he will be searching for job and searching how to make u stay home without job while he is affording everything for u and taking care of all ur bills

my self i thank god, i came on JFK, find my dream job in one week and getting paid well, but things isnt stable yet, and i pray God he help me to send cash to my family in egypt, which they r dont need it, but that is there right for me, they paid the whole life for me, so i have to pay it back, even if they make millions, sending dollars for them will make me feel better

MichaelGhabour

Nov 9 2006, 05:17 PM

what honey blonde says, that shows how much this man is good, but things isnt stable yet, thats why he saying he aint going back home yet until he can do it, ofcourse that is too much for what kind of gifts he talking about, but that shows how much respect he got with his family, which u will be his family one day, and be sure he will give u the same respect!

mybackpages

Nov 9 2006, 05:17 PM

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 04:10 PM)

Agreed, but that is assuming you have wealth.

right and wealth is relative. I'd hate to think my in-laws would have expectations that they will receive gifts, but at the same I would never go without gifts. It's the gesture not the gift that i think we both value.

jordanianprincess

Nov 9 2006, 05:21 PM

QUOTE(mybackpages @ Nov 9 2006, 02:17 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 04:10 PM)

Agreed, but that is assuming you have wealth.

right and wealth is relative. I'd hate to think my in-laws would have expectations that they will receive gifts, but at the same I would never go without gifts. It's the gesture not the gift that i think we both value.

I agree. No one in my family in Jordan has ever expected a lavish gift. I would always want to give the best but it would not stop me from seeing them because being together is more important than presents.

kofuku

Nov 9 2006, 05:27 PM

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:10 PM)

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 02:08 PM)

QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Nov 9 2006, 11:20 AM)

QUOTE(honeyblonde @ Nov 9 2006, 10:23 AM)

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

Just like it's hsuma to keep your "wealth" to yourself.

Agreed, but that is assuming you have wealth.

That's why I put it in quotes. To the avg. Moroccan we may be wealthy, but we are not wealthy by no stretch of the imagination here on just my husband's meager wages.

jordanianprincess

Nov 9 2006, 05:28 PM

So for those of you that voted that the family depends/expects money to be sent everymonth, has this affected your relationship? Do you fight about it or are you in agreement?

kofuku

Nov 9 2006, 05:29 PM

QUOTE(ahmedosman @ Nov 9 2006, 02:17 PM)

what honey blonde says, that shows how much this man is good, but things isnt stable yet, thats why he saying he aint going back home yet until he can do it, ofcourse that is too much for what kind of gifts he talking about, but that shows how much respect he got with his family, which u will be his family one day, and be sure he will give u the same respect!

jordanianprincess

Nov 9 2006, 05:29 PM

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 02:27 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:10 PM)

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 02:08 PM)

QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Nov 9 2006, 11:20 AM)

QUOTE(honeyblonde @ Nov 9 2006, 10:23 AM)

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

Just like it's hsuma to keep your "wealth" to yourself.

Agreed, but that is assuming you have wealth.

That's why I put it in quotes. To the avg. Moroccan we may be wealthy, but we are not wealthy by no stretch of the imagination here on just my husband's meager wages.

I know exactly what you mean. When I was in Jordan, everyone, I mean EVERYONE ws hitting me up for cash.

Even the lady that was working at the hair salon. USA = $$$$

kofuku

Nov 9 2006, 05:33 PM

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:28 PM)

So for those of you that voted that the family depends/expects money to be sent everymonth, has this affected your relationship? Do you fight about it or are you in agreement?

What do you think? My SIL's wedding cost more than ours and we paid twice as much than our own wedding so that she could have such a lavish wedding. My husband said family is more important, than say a newer car or home. I eventually got over it. I was more PO'd about him agreeing beforehand that he would give xy amount without consulting me than I was about the actual amount. He's since learned his lesson.

jordanianprincess

Nov 9 2006, 05:38 PM

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 02:33 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:28 PM)

So for those of you that voted that the family depends/expects money to be sent everymonth, has this affected your relationship? Do you fight about it or are you in agreement?

What do you think? My SIL's wedding cost more than ours and we paid twice as much than our own wedding so that she could have such a lavish wedding. My husband said family is more important, than say a newer car or home. I eventually got over it. I was more PO'd about him agreeing beforehand that he would give xy amount without consulting me than I was about the actual amount. He's since learned his lesson.

Why did he pay for his sister's wedding?

I thought the Groom was supposed to pay or is that not the same there?

MichaelGhabour

Nov 9 2006, 05:44 PM

kofuku, ur husband is good man, dont understand it as bad thing, its coustem of arab, as same as american, american woman have to work and that is fact that arab men cant change, and if u dont work, everyone will be attacking u and saying u r bad woman, same for arab man, if he dont help his family, he will say he just left and never care for his family, so even if he paid too much that he can afford, so dont say no and support him, cuz as arab man, if u didnt support him, that means u r acting bad way, and asking him to give up on his family, and i dont think u need to go that way down

plus most important thing, if the guy have sister that getting married, and his family cant afford it and he have to afford too much, that is fact u have to do, cuz if he didnt, the sister inlaws will say she is not good girl cuz her family not taking care of her, its like marrying a american woman that spend most her life in prison cuz of whore and prustetution and have aids and have 100,000$ loan which she used on drugs!
same shame of that is lefting ur sister marry without afford her stuff

kofuku

Nov 9 2006, 05:44 PM

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:38 PM)

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 02:33 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:28 PM)

So for those of you that voted that the family depends/expects money to be sent everymonth, has this affected your relationship? Do you fight about it or are you in agreement?

What do you think? My SIL's wedding cost more than ours and we paid twice as much than our own wedding so that she could have such a lavish wedding. My husband said family is more important, than say a newer car or home. I eventually got over it. I was more PO'd about him agreeing beforehand that he would give xy amount without consulting me than I was about the actual amount. He's since learned his lesson.

Why did he pay for his sister's wedding?

I thought the Groom was supposed to pay or is that not the same there?

It was our 'gift' to them. It was not a cheap affair.

jordanianprincess

Nov 9 2006, 05:46 PM

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 02:44 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:38 PM)

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 02:33 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:28 PM)

So for those of you that voted that the family depends/expects money to be sent everymonth, has this affected your relationship? Do you fight about it or are you in agreement?

What do you think? My SIL's wedding cost more than ours and we paid twice as much than our own wedding so that she could have such a lavish wedding. My husband said family is more important, than say a newer car or home. I eventually got over it. I was more PO'd about him agreeing beforehand that he would give xy amount without consulting me than I was about the actual amount. He's since learned his lesson.

Why did he pay for his sister's wedding?

I thought the Groom was supposed to pay or is that not the same there?

It was our 'gift' to them. It was not a cheap affair.

I know, our wedding cost's are creeping up really really HIGH.

jordanianprincess

Nov 9 2006, 05:59 PM

QUOTE(ahmedosman @ Nov 9 2006, 02:44 PM)

kofuku, ur husband is good man, dont understand it as bad thing, its coustem of arab, as same as american, american woman have to work and that is fact that arab men cant change, and if u dont work, everyone will be attacking u and saying u r bad woman, same for arab man, if he dont help his family, he will say he just left and never care for his family, so even if he paid too much that he can afford, so dont say no and support him, cuz as arab man, if u didnt support him, that means u r acting bad way, and asking him to give up on his family, and i dont think u need to go that way down

plus most important thing, if the guy have sister that getting married, and his family cant afford it and he have to afford too much, that is fact u have to do, cuz if he didnt, the sister inlaws will say she is not good girl cuz her family not taking care of her, its like marrying a american woman that spend most her life in prison cuz of whore and prustetution and have aids and have 100,000$ loan which she used on drugs!
same shame of that is lefting ur sister marry without afford her stuff

In Jordan, the groom pays for everything. I mean EVERYTHING. He buys the bride's dress, pays for her hair/make-up, the entire wedding, he even gives the bride alot of money upfront for new clothes suitable for a bride. There is not much expense left for the Bride's family. Is that the same in Morroco and Egypt?

kofuku

Nov 9 2006, 06:16 PM

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:59 PM)

QUOTE(ahmedosman @ Nov 9 2006, 02:44 PM)

kofuku, ur husband is good man, dont understand it as bad thing, its coustem of arab, as same as american, american woman have to work and that is fact that arab men cant change, and if u dont work, everyone will be attacking u and saying u r bad woman, same for arab man, if he dont help his family, he will say he just left and never care for his family, so even if he paid too much that he can afford, so dont say no and support him, cuz as arab man, if u didnt support him, that means u r acting bad way, and asking him to give up on his family, and i dont think u need to go that way down

plus most important thing, if the guy have sister that getting married, and his family cant afford it and he have to afford too much, that is fact u have to do, cuz if he didnt, the sister inlaws will say she is not good girl cuz her family not taking care of her, its like marrying a american woman that spend most her life in prison cuz of whore and prustetution and have aids and have 100,000$ loan which she used on drugs!
same shame of that is lefting ur sister marry without afford her stuff

In Jordan, the groom pays for everything. I mean EVERYTHING. He buys the bride's dress, pays for her hair/make-up, the entire wedding, he even gives the bride alot of money upfront for new clothes suitable for a bride. There is not much expense left for the Bride's family. Is that the same in Morroco and Egypt?

In theory yes, but reality means something entirely different. Like ahmedosman said, you have to take care of your family. Otherwises, it's hsuma. And no wants shame on the family.

jordanianprincess

Nov 9 2006, 06:21 PM

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 03:16 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:59 PM)

QUOTE(ahmedosman @ Nov 9 2006, 02:44 PM)

kofuku, ur husband is good man, dont understand it as bad thing, its coustem of arab, as same as american, american woman have to work and that is fact that arab men cant change, and if u dont work, everyone will be attacking u and saying u r bad woman, same for arab man, if he dont help his family, he will say he just left and never care for his family, so even if he paid too much that he can afford, so dont say no and support him, cuz as arab man, if u didnt support him, that means u r acting bad way, and asking him to give up on his family, and i dont think u need to go that way down

plus most important thing, if the guy have sister that getting married, and his family cant afford it and he have to afford too much, that is fact u have to do, cuz if he didnt, the sister inlaws will say she is not good girl cuz her family not taking care of her, its like marrying a american woman that spend most her life in prison cuz of whore and prustetution and have aids and have 100,000$ loan which she used on drugs!
same shame of that is lefting ur sister marry without afford her stuff

In Jordan, the groom pays for everything. I mean EVERYTHING. He buys the bride's dress, pays for her hair/make-up, the entire wedding, he even gives the bride alot of money upfront for new clothes suitable for a bride. There is not much expense left for the Bride's family. Is that the same in Morroco and Egypt?

In theory yes, but reality means something entirely different. Like ahmedosman said, you have to take care of your family. Otherwises, it's hsuma. And no wants shame on the family.

I understand, but its also considered shameful for the bride's family to pay for a lavish wedding for the groom. At least where I come from. Helping out with other expenses is definitly true with the families expenses but not the actual cost of the wedding, I have never heard of that, not in an arab-arab scenario. I can't really speak as to what happens in other countries.

sarah and hicham

Nov 9 2006, 06:36 PM

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 02:08 PM)

QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Nov 9 2006, 11:20 AM)

QUOTE(honeyblonde @ Nov 9 2006, 10:23 AM)

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

Nothing strange here. It's cultural. My husband said the same thing about bringing gifts to Morocco. I was shocked. But, then again, I was shocked that our lunch on the train was shared with strangers. It's hsuma to eat without offering food to people in front of you. Just like it's hsuma to keep your "wealth" to yourself. You are family and everyone shares. Think about it, I shared their food in one dish, their drink in one cup(until I had to drink separately becuase the water didn't agree with me

). We are all one family and as the saying goes, what's ours is yours. They don't have much, but his parents have already bought us gifts for our home..rugs, couscous dishes, tangines, gifts for the baby, etc... to bring when they come to visit us. I tell my husband I don't need anything from Morocco, but he keeps asking me, "hon, what do you want? they'll bring whatever you need"

Christine

I understand bringing gifts, and I agree with what you are saying. The thing I think is strange is that he thinks he needs to spend thousands of dollars on gifts in order to go see his family. Like it has been said before it's great to bring gifts and I'm sure most of us do it but there are ways of bringing gifts without spending a fortune. I don't think his family is going to ask him how much he spent on them.

sarachid

Nov 9 2006, 06:44 PM

We have our own accounts now but oneday we will just have one, and Rachid will manage it....

We have not yet sent money back to his family but we will when Rachid gets his AOS and starts working again.

As for the gifts topic... I never go anywhere empty handed anyways let alone to my husband's family... Now I don't mean I will have a new car or something for them but anything would be a great.... Before I came back home from meeting Rachid and his family for the first time, Rachid's family gave me things to give to my family... I thought that was awesome...

kofuku

Nov 9 2006, 06:45 PM

QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Nov 9 2006, 03:36 PM)

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 02:08 PM)

QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Nov 9 2006, 11:20 AM)

QUOTE(honeyblonde @ Nov 9 2006, 10:23 AM)

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

Nothing strange here. It's cultural. My husband said the same thing about bringing gifts to Morocco. I was shocked. But, then again, I was shocked that our lunch on the train was shared with strangers. It's hsuma to eat without offering food to people in front of you. Just like it's hsuma to keep your "wealth" to yourself. You are family and everyone shares. Think about it, I shared their food in one dish, their drink in one cup(until I had to drink separately becuase the water didn't agree with me

). We are all one family and as the saying goes, what's ours is yours. They don't have much, but his parents have already bought us gifts for our home..rugs, couscous dishes, tangines, gifts for the baby, etc... to bring when they come to visit us. I tell my husband I don't need anything from Morocco, but he keeps asking me, "hon, what do you want? they'll bring whatever you need"

Christine

I understand bringing gifts, and I agree with what you are saying. The thing I think is strange is that he thinks he needs to spend thousands of dollars on gifts in order to go see his family. Like it has been said before it's great to bring gifts and I'm sure most of us do it but there are ways of bringing gifts without spending a fortune. I don't think his family is going to ask him how much he spent on them.

Agreed, but when people have a large extended family, you can end up spending like it's Christmas time. Personally, I'm doing my shopping at Ross.

jordanianprincess

Nov 9 2006, 06:47 PM

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 03:45 PM)

QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Nov 9 2006, 03:36 PM)

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 02:08 PM)

QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Nov 9 2006, 11:20 AM)

QUOTE(honeyblonde @ Nov 9 2006, 10:23 AM)

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

Nothing strange here. It's cultural. My husband said the same thing about bringing gifts to Morocco. I was shocked. But, then again, I was shocked that our lunch on the train was shared with strangers. It's hsuma to eat without offering food to people in front of you. Just like it's hsuma to keep your "wealth" to yourself. You are family and everyone shares. Think about it, I shared their food in one dish, their drink in one cup(until I had to drink separately becuase the water didn't agree with me

). We are all one family and as the saying goes, what's ours is yours. They don't have much, but his parents have already bought us gifts for our home..rugs, couscous dishes, tangines, gifts for the baby, etc... to bring when they come to visit us. I tell my husband I don't need anything from Morocco, but he keeps asking me, "hon, what do you want? they'll bring whatever you need"

Christine

I understand bringing gifts, and I agree with what you are saying. The thing I think is strange is that he thinks he needs to spend thousands of dollars on gifts in order to go see his family. Like it has been said before it's great to bring gifts and I'm sure most of us do it but there are ways of bringing gifts without spending a fortune. I don't think his family is going to ask him how much he spent on them.

Agreed, but when people have a large extended family, you can end up spending like it's Christmas time. Personally, I'm doing my shopping at Ross.

Heck ya girlfriend!

That is exactly what I did! Where else can you get a Ralph Lauren sweater for $20? I mean who really cares if one sleeve is longer than the other.

jk Serisouly I am bargain queen addict. ADDICT I tell ya.

kofuku

Nov 9 2006, 06:49 PM

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 03:21 PM)

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 03:16 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:59 PM)

QUOTE(ahmedosman @ Nov 9 2006, 02:44 PM)

kofuku, ur husband is good man, dont understand it as bad thing, its coustem of arab, as same as american, american woman have to work and that is fact that arab men cant change, and if u dont work, everyone will be attacking u and saying u r bad woman, same for arab man, if he dont help his family, he will say he just left and never care for his family, so even if he paid too much that he can afford, so dont say no and support him, cuz as arab man, if u didnt support him, that means u r acting bad way, and asking him to give up on his family, and i dont think u need to go that way down

plus most important thing, if the guy have sister that getting married, and his family cant afford it and he have to afford too much, that is fact u have to do, cuz if he didnt, the sister inlaws will say she is not good girl cuz her family not taking care of her, its like marrying a american woman that spend most her life in prison cuz of whore and prustetution and have aids and have 100,000$ loan which she used on drugs!
same shame of that is lefting ur sister marry without afford her stuff

In Jordan, the groom pays for everything. I mean EVERYTHING. He buys the bride's dress, pays for her hair/make-up, the entire wedding, he even gives the bride alot of money upfront for new clothes suitable for a bride. There is not much expense left for the Bride's family. Is that the same in Morroco and Egypt?

In theory yes, but reality means something entirely different. Like ahmedosman said, you have to take care of your family. Otherwises, it's hsuma. And no wants shame on the family.

I understand, but its also considered shameful for the bride's family to pay for a lavish wedding for the groom. At least where I come from. Helping out with other expenses is definitly true with the families expenses but not the actual cost of the wedding, I have never heard of that, not in an arab-arab scenario. I can't really speak as to what happens in other countries.

That's why it was a "gift" from us. Our family has NO money for a wedding. To make sure she could have the wedding she wanted, we gave her money to spend as she pleased.

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 03:47 PM)

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 03:45 PM)

QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Nov 9 2006, 03:36 PM)

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 02:08 PM)

QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Nov 9 2006, 11:20 AM)

QUOTE(honeyblonde @ Nov 9 2006, 10:23 AM)

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

Nothing strange here. It's cultural. My husband said the same thing about bringing gifts to Morocco. I was shocked. But, then again, I was shocked that our lunch on the train was shared with strangers. It's hsuma to eat without offering food to people in front of you. Just like it's hsuma to keep your "wealth" to yourself. You are family and everyone shares. Think about it, I shared their food in one dish, their drink in one cup(until I had to drink separately becuase the water didn't agree with me

). We are all one family and as the saying goes, what's ours is yours. They don't have much, but his parents have already bought us gifts for our home..rugs, couscous dishes, tangines, gifts for the baby, etc... to bring when they come to visit us. I tell my husband I don't need anything from Morocco, but he keeps asking me, "hon, what do you want? they'll bring whatever you need"

Christine

I understand bringing gifts, and I agree with what you are saying. The thing I think is strange is that he thinks he needs to spend thousands of dollars on gifts in order to go see his family. Like it has been said before it's great to bring gifts and I'm sure most of us do it but there are ways of bringing gifts without spending a fortune. I don't think his family is going to ask him how much he spent on them.

Agreed, but when people have a large extended family, you can end up spending like it's Christmas time. Personally, I'm doing my shopping at Ross.

Heck ya girlfriend!

That is exactly what I did! Where else can you get a Ralph Lauren sweater for $20? I mean who really cares if one sleeve is longer than the other.

jk Serisouly I am bargain queen addict. ADDICT I tell ya.

My sister is training me to be a bargain queen. That's her store and I'll see how I do.

jordanianprincess

Nov 9 2006, 06:50 PM

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 03:49 PM)

My sister is training me to be a bargain queen. That's her store and I'll see how I do.

LOL it definitly takes work! I can spot a bargain from a mile away now.

I drive my friends crazy!

AngelK96

Nov 9 2006, 06:51 PM

Heck ya girlfriend!

That is exactly what I did! Where else can you get a Ralph Lauren sweater for $20? I mean who really cares if one sleeve is longer than the other. jk Serisouly I am bargain queen addict. ADDICT I tell ya.
[/quote]

LMAO dayum!!!!

AInfante-Saraireh

Nov 9 2006, 08:13 PM

Well we are just starting out. I have my own account right now since my husband arrived on August 24th of this year and still waiting for social security number. He did get his EAD very fast, so surprised about this but we are going on week 3 now and no social. The SS office told us two weeks, but it's not here yet. Anyway, hopefully it will come soon or we will have to return to Social Security.

Faisal did start workng though as his company accepted the EAD and is waiting for his social. So he's just starting to make money and I am letting him save up a bit. He treated me and Jess at Bakers Square on MOnday his day off, ummmmmmmmm, brownie ala mode, his favorite, actually all of us love it!

This weekend i will hit him to buy a few groceries, then the gas bill is due. I did buy him an Eid present which was the Arabic channels on Dish network, so have to pick up that bill. He puts gas in the car, but nothing major at this time.

mybackpages

Nov 9 2006, 08:32 PM

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 05:16 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:59 PM)

QUOTE(ahmedosman @ Nov 9 2006, 02:44 PM)

kofuku, ur husband is good man, dont understand it as bad thing, its coustem of arab, as same as american, american woman have to work and that is fact that arab men cant change, and if u dont work, everyone will be attacking u and saying u r bad woman, same for arab man, if he dont help his family, he will say he just left and never care for his family, so even if he paid too much that he can afford, so dont say no and support him, cuz as arab man, if u didnt support him, that means u r acting bad way, and asking him to give up on his family, and i dont think u need to go that way down

plus most important thing, if the guy have sister that getting married, and his family cant afford it and he have to afford too much, that is fact u have to do, cuz if he didnt, the sister inlaws will say she is not good girl cuz her family not taking care of her, its like marrying a american woman that spend most her life in prison cuz of whore and prustetution and have aids and have 100,000$ loan which she used on drugs!
same shame of that is lefting ur sister marry without afford her stuff

In Jordan, the groom pays for everything. I mean EVERYTHING. He buys the bride's dress, pays for her hair/make-up, the entire wedding, he even gives the bride alot of money upfront for new clothes suitable for a bride. There is not much expense left for the Bride's family. Is that the same in Morroco and Egypt?

In theory yes, but reality means something entirely different. Like ahmedosman said, you have to take care of your family. Otherwises, it's hsuma. And no wants shame on the family.

JP- In most ME/NA countries and even in Soouth Asia, the custom is that the groom pays for the wedding, but these affairs are more than the single event. The Bride family also can throw a party. In South Asia for example, the day after the wedding (for which the groom pays) there is a party equal in size and expensive given by the Bride's family. Or is it the other way around

I'm tired today.

In Jordan I image weddings are also multiday affairs. does the bride's family spend any mney for these?

charles!

Nov 9 2006, 08:33 PM

QUOTE(doodlebug @ Nov 9 2006, 03:05 PM)

You two talk about tax deductions together??? I'm a CPA and I don't even wanna talk about that stuff when I'm off duty!!!! lol

oh cool, maybe you can explain AMT to me cause i just don't get it

jordanianprincess

Nov 9 2006, 09:00 PM

QUOTE(mybackpages @ Nov 9 2006, 05:32 PM)

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 05:16 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:59 PM)

QUOTE(ahmedosman @ Nov 9 2006, 02:44 PM)

kofuku, ur husband is good man, dont understand it as bad thing, its coustem of arab, as same as american, american woman have to work and that is fact that arab men cant change, and if u dont work, everyone will be attacking u and saying u r bad woman, same for arab man, if he dont help his family, he will say he just left and never care for his family, so even if he paid too much that he can afford, so dont say no and support him, cuz as arab man, if u didnt support him, that means u r acting bad way, and asking him to give up on his family, and i dont think u need to go that way down

plus most important thing, if the guy have sister that getting married, and his family cant afford it and he have to afford too much, that is fact u have to do, cuz if he didnt, the sister inlaws will say she is not good girl cuz her family not taking care of her, its like marrying a american woman that spend most her life in prison cuz of whore and prustetution and have aids and have 100,000$ loan which she used on drugs!
same shame of that is lefting ur sister marry without afford her stuff

In Jordan, the groom pays for everything. I mean EVERYTHING. He buys the bride's dress, pays for her hair/make-up, the entire wedding, he even gives the bride alot of money upfront for new clothes suitable for a bride. There is not much expense left for the Bride's family. Is that the same in Morroco and Egypt?

In theory yes, but reality means something entirely different. Like ahmedosman said, you have to take care of your family. Otherwises, it's hsuma. And no wants shame on the family.

JP- In most ME/NA countries and even in Soouth Asia, the custom is that the groom pays for the wedding, but these affairs are more than the single event. The Bride family also can throw a party. In South Asia for example, the day after the wedding (for which the groom pays) there is a party equal in size and expensive given by the Bride's family. Or is it the other way around

I'm tired today.

In Jordan I image weddings are also multiday affairs. does the bride's family spend any mney for these?

Yes we do. First we have an engagment party. THe week before the wedding, the bride's family will host a party only for the bride's guest and they will invite the groom and his immediate family. After that, the grooms, family will do the same. On the day of the wedding, each family will host a luncheon at their home where the bride/groom get dressed and their families will come to celebrate and help. Then there is the reception which is becoming less and less common in Jordan. They usually have a gathering after the honeymoon too.

The groom will pick up most of the cost for this stuff. I'd say about 75%. Sometimes the Bride's family will pay for the engagment party and they always pay for the brides party before the wedding.

mybackpages

Nov 9 2006, 09:21 PM

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 08:00 PM)

QUOTE(mybackpages @ Nov 9 2006, 05:32 PM)

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 05:16 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:59 PM)

QUOTE(ahmedosman @ Nov 9 2006, 02:44 PM)

kofuku, ur husband is good man, dont understand it as bad thing, its coustem of arab, as same as american, american woman have to work and that is fact that arab men cant change, and if u dont work, everyone will be attacking u and saying u r bad woman, same for arab man, if he dont help his family, he will say he just left and never care for his family, so even if he paid too much that he can afford, so dont say no and support him, cuz as arab man, if u didnt support him, that means u r acting bad way, and asking him to give up on his family, and i dont think u need to go that way down

plus most important thing, if the guy have sister that getting married, and his family cant afford it and he have to afford too much, that is fact u have to do, cuz if he didnt, the sister inlaws will say she is not good girl cuz her family not taking care of her, its like marrying a american woman that spend most her life in prison cuz of whore and prustetution and have aids and have 100,000$ loan which she used on drugs!
same shame of that is lefting ur sister marry without afford her stuff

In Jordan, the groom pays for everything. I mean EVERYTHING. He buys the bride's dress, pays for her hair/make-up, the entire wedding, he even gives the bride alot of money upfront for new clothes suitable for a bride. There is not much expense left for the Bride's family. Is that the same in Morroco and Egypt?

In theory yes, but reality means something entirely different. Like ahmedosman said, you have to take care of your family. Otherwises, it's hsuma. And no wants shame on the family.

JP- In most ME/NA countries and even in Soouth Asia, the custom is that the groom pays for the wedding, but these affairs are more than the single event. The Bride family also can throw a party. In South Asia for example, the day after the wedding (for which the groom pays) there is a party equal in size and expensive given by the Bride's family. Or is it the other way around

I'm tired today.

In Jordan I image weddings are also multiday affairs. does the bride's family spend any mney for these?

Yes we do. First we have an engagment party. THe week before the wedding, the bride's family will host a party only for the bride's guest and they will invite the groom and his immediate family. After that, the grooms, family will do the same. On the day of the wedding, each family will host a luncheon at their home where the bride/groom get dressed and their families will come to celebrate and help. Then there is the reception which is becoming less and less common in Jordan. They usually have a gathering after the honeymoon too.

The groom will pick up most of the cost for this stuff. I'd say about 75%. Sometimes the Bride's family will pay for the engagment party and they always pay for the brides party before the wedding.

sigh...I want a four day wedding party

kofuku

Nov 9 2006, 09:45 PM

QUOTE(mybackpages @ Nov 9 2006, 06:21 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 08:00 PM)

QUOTE(mybackpages @ Nov 9 2006, 05:32 PM)

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 05:16 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 02:59 PM)

QUOTE(ahmedosman @ Nov 9 2006, 02:44 PM)

kofuku, ur husband is good man, dont understand it as bad thing, its coustem of arab, as same as american, american woman have to work and that is fact that arab men cant change, and if u dont work, everyone will be attacking u and saying u r bad woman, same for arab man, if he dont help his family, he will say he just left and never care for his family, so even if he paid too much that he can afford, so dont say no and support him, cuz as arab man, if u didnt support him, that means u r acting bad way, and asking him to give up on his family, and i dont think u need to go that way down

plus most important thing, if the guy have sister that getting married, and his family cant afford it and he have to afford too much, that is fact u have to do, cuz if he didnt, the sister inlaws will say she is not good girl cuz her family not taking care of her, its like marrying a american woman that spend most her life in prison cuz of whore and prustetution and have aids and have 100,000$ loan which she used on drugs!
same shame of that is lefting ur sister marry without afford her stuff

In Jordan, the groom pays for everything. I mean EVERYTHING. He buys the bride's dress, pays for her hair/make-up, the entire wedding, he even gives the bride alot of money upfront for new clothes suitable for a bride. There is not much expense left for the Bride's family. Is that the same in Morroco and Egypt?

In theory yes, but reality means something entirely different. Like ahmedosman said, you have to take care of your family. Otherwises, it's hsuma. And no wants shame on the family.

JP- In most ME/NA countries and even in Soouth Asia, the custom is that the groom pays for the wedding, but these affairs are more than the single event. The Bride family also can throw a party. In South Asia for example, the day after the wedding (for which the groom pays) there is a party equal in size and expensive given by the Bride's family. Or is it the other way around

I'm tired today.

In Jordan I image weddings are also multiday affairs. does the bride's family spend any mney for these?

Yes we do. First we have an engagment party. THe week before the wedding, the bride's family will host a party only for the bride's guest and they will invite the groom and his immediate family. After that, the grooms, family will do the same. On the day of the wedding, each family will host a luncheon at their home where the bride/groom get dressed and their families will come to celebrate and help. Then there is the reception which is becoming less and less common in Jordan. They usually have a gathering after the honeymoon too.

The groom will pick up most of the cost for this stuff. I'd say about 75%. Sometimes the Bride's family will pay for the engagment party and they always pay for the brides party before the wedding.

sigh...I want a four day wedding party

Believe me, you'll be happier with an 8 hr. party. Changing a zillion times in a short span of time is tiring

mybackpages

Nov 9 2006, 10:09 PM

QUOTE(kofuku @ Nov 9 2006, 08:45 PM)

Believe me, you'll be happier with an 8 hr. party. Changing a zillion times in a short span of time is tiring

But you get to keep the dresses

Oh well I guess I can still fill my closet with the dresses and save the time and expense for such a lavish wedding on other things!

MrsAmera

Nov 9 2006, 11:06 PM

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 03:31 PM)

QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Nov 9 2006, 11:20 AM)

QUOTE(honeyblonde @ Nov 9 2006, 10:23 AM)

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

I was thinking the same thing. I can sympathize with bringing gifts, we took many. Nothing in that range and most people there wouldnt even know what you paid. I don't think anyone expects him to be a huge success in less than a year. Wow I feel really bad for Abdel, I hope he changes his mind and swallows some of that pride because he might never be able to meet those expectations and it shouldnt be a condition for seeing the family. He is too hard on himself.

When I got my gifts for my Jordan trip, Marshalls, Ross were my best friends. So was the clearance rack. I was getting really nice expensive items for a fraction of the cost. I would say my gifts were totally on the generous side compared to what people there were used to getting. I can understand the amount of gifts is usually high, but there are ways to save money. I started planning my trip six months before and thats when I started buying the gifts. When I saw something nice for a good price, I would buy it and put it away. By the time I went I had a ton of stuff!

Oh boy did this strike a chord with me! So yes now that we have some extra money we do send money home to Youssef's mom. His father died 5 years ago, and only two of his 5 sisters has a husband that makes a decent living. So with the baby coming in January Youssef was disapointed that he couldn't go home for Eid (it's on 1/1/07 this year). But obviously he wants to be here when the baby is born. So I did happen to come across a cheap ticket for less than $600 from Chicago to Marrakech and told him he could go at the end of November and stay 2 or 3 weeks if he wanted. But then he decided that he couldn't go until he bought enough presents for everyone and had at least $1000 or more for his visit. I really can't understand this. I've tried to have him explain it to me but he says he doesn't want to go back until he can do this. We have been buying presents gradually (TJ Maxx woohoo!) and I'm glad he's not set on having to spend $100 per person or we'd be super broke! His family does not understand what life is like here and think that because he is here, and his brother and he has another brother in Italy they should all be able to send a lot of money back for them. Apparently news didn't hit that life is a lot harder here. Sometimes we argue about it but not directly about sending money home. We are trying to rent a new place to live and the arguing over money to spend on our bills never ceases.....Oh well..

kofuku

Nov 10 2006, 01:33 AM

QUOTE(AmeraMouttaki @ Nov 9 2006, 08:06 PM)

Oh boy did this strike a chord with me! So yes now that we have some extra money we do send money home to Youssef's mom. His father died 5 years ago, and only two of his 5 sisters has a husband that makes a decent living. So with the baby coming in January Youssef was disapointed that he couldn't go home for Eid (it's on 1/1/07 this year). But obviously he wants to be here when the baby is born. So I did happen to come across a cheap ticket for less than $600 from Chicago to Marrakech and told him he could go at the end of November and stay 2 or 3 weeks if he wanted. But then he decided that he couldn't go until he bought enough presents for everyone and had at least $1000 or more for his visit. I really can't understand this. I've tried to have him explain it to me but he says he doesn't want to go back until he can do this. We have been buying presents gradually (TJ Maxx woohoo!) and I'm glad he's not set on having to spend $100 per person or we'd be super broke! His family does not understand what life is like here and think that because he is here, and his brother and he has another brother in Italy they should all be able to send a lot of money back for them. Apparently news didn't hit that life is a lot harder here. Sometimes we argue about it but not directly about sending money home. We are trying to rent a new place to live and the arguing over money to spend on our bills never ceases.....Oh well..

Man, I feel your pain

jordanianprincess

Nov 10 2006, 02:40 AM

QUOTE(AmeraMouttaki @ Nov 9 2006, 08:06 PM)

QUOTE(jordanianprincess @ Nov 9 2006, 03:31 PM)

QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Nov 9 2006, 11:20 AM)

QUOTE(honeyblonde @ Nov 9 2006, 10:23 AM)

Abdel and I have a joint account and we deposit his check together in the night deposit. I've taught him how to do the envelope and use his card, but he doesn't remember his pin number so he just uses his card as a credit card sometimes. We agreed up front that his overtime is all his, and if he gets a raise, that money is his too. We pay the bills first, and then split what is left. I tend to just pump all of my extra money back into the house, and don't take an allowance for myself because I just use the card if I want something. I usually spend less on myself a month than what he takes for an allowance, but we have a lot of debt we made on the house right after he got here, so I don't care if I have pocket money or not - I have my bathroom all fancy now and the water heater that never runs out of hot water.

Abdel's parents are deceased, and the sister that raised all of them offers to send money if we need it. We never let her of course, because we don't need it. One of his little brothers asks for money because he is unemployed, and of course the kids ask for toys and things. His sister seems to be the only one who realizes that life here isn't some magic fairyland. We do intend to open a special account for them and take a bank card over to give to his sister when we go visit so she can just withdraw money from the account as she needs it. She raised him and his siblings after their parents died, and he feels like now it is his turn to contribute to the family. As soon as we are able to (January) we both intend to send money every month.

I think the hardest thing for us is that there are so many people in his family there that any money we send will be split so many ways that it will have to be at least $250 to even be worth sending. He's really homesick right now, but even if we had the money for the ticket he wouldn't go because he feels that he has to take a present for every person and the kinds of presents he is looking at are at least $100 each. He has 8 siblings and some are married with kids, so we're talking in the thousands for presents alone. He said it is also normal when his brother from Italy visits for him to slip pocket money to each of the ones who are unemployed each day that he is there, so we'll have to have at least an extra $1,000 per week of our visit in our pockets for that. With his expectations he won't be going home for a couple of years unless he gets a nice raise soon.

Umm this sounds very strange to me. Why is he expected to birng thousands of dollars in presents? I would think that his family would just be happy to see him since he is so far away and they haven't seen him in so long. I would hope that his family understands his financial position and not expect something that isn't possible. I assume they know what he does here? I guess to me it seems like they shouldn't expect him to be successful and rich after one year in the US- that's just silly. I would hope that his family would welcome him with arms open no matter what. Does his family really expect those presents? Hicham's family doesn't expect gifts or money from us. They know it's not easy here and they are proud of him for working and not needing money from his family. They can't wait to see him- presents or no presents. I don't know, I guess that just struck me as sad for your husband because he is homesick but can't go home because he can't afford thousands of dollars in presents.

I was thinking the same thing. I can sympathize with bringing gifts, we took many. Nothing in that range and most people there wouldnt even know what you paid. I don't think anyone expects him to be a huge success in less than a year. Wow I feel really bad for Abdel, I hope he changes his mind and swallows some of that pride because he might never be able to meet those expectations and it shouldnt be a condition for seeing the family. He is too hard on himself.

When I got my gifts for my Jordan trip, Marshalls, Ross were my best friends. So was the clearance rack. I was getting really nice expensive items for a fraction of the cost. I would say my gifts were totally on the generous side compared to what people there were used to getting. I can understand the amount of gifts is usually high, but there are ways to save money. I started planning my trip six months before and thats when I started buying the gifts. When I saw something nice for a good price, I would buy it and put it