I had to laugh at this...it sounds so violent.

"To get that crazy lady to shut up just spoon her!"

They are good ideas though! Thanks

[quote name='jkb919' date='Mar 16 2006, 11:40 AM' post='78895']
[quote name='luvtravlin' post='78592' date='Mar 16 2006, 08:31 AM']
Is there a blank form of the DS230 listed on a website somewhere? Or does anyone have a copy that you can fax to me or email me a copy ?? I'm trying to help Craig fill out his information and it's frustrating to say the least (as you all know).

Thanks !

Kelly
[/quote]


Hey Kelly,
Look under "Examples Forms" here on the VJ site and you can get a copy of the DS230 form...it is a fillible forms that is where I got Adrains form from....Hope this helps

Hello everyone else, I am going to do my bridal registry today at Bed Bath and Beyond, I dont need too much but there are a few things we could use, my friend is throwing me a bridal shower at the end of April, she wants to have it before Adrian gets here so I dont have to leave him alone, while I go have a party.

So will chat later, Joanna


Thanks Joanna--to be honest, I haven't had time to "research"....I filled it out and I'm going to send it to him.

Ok I have a question. I know it's late on Friday but hopefully we can get some good answers over the next couple of days.

I have been reading around the site and looking up AOS crap and I have noticed a few posts where the couple has gone through this entire visa process and been approved and then shortly after the beneficiary arrives they break up and want to know how to "ship them back". The visa process takes a considerable amount of time, effort, and money so what happens to make some change their mind so quickly? So for the real questions...

-Have any of you regretted or doubted your decision once your SO was here?
-Are things just not what they were when you were still in the LDR?
-What do you think makes someone change their mind so quickly?

Anyone feel free to chime in...even if your SO is still overseas.

Just wondering about this as it seems to happen way more than it should

Have a good weekend

There is a culture shock and difference of opinion, homesickness and a feeling of helplessness that must be addressed. Honesty and talking about the issues and the serious stuff matters.

All LDRs are costly, trying and have emotional trauma for both parties. With LDR you need to follow your heart. Ninety percent of the time its right.

Lack of commitment, misunderstanding, and failure to communicate, lack of support from family and friends and above all a lack of faith in God.

P.S. Keep the faith!

Ann & Anthony

Well I am back from registering at Bed Bath and Beyond, I only registered for about 20 things and the most expensive thing was only $34.99 , I dont really need to much as I have been established in my apartment for years now. The main thing I was going to register for was bath towels, but they had some nice ones for 40% off so I just went ahead and bought them ....and Rhonda yes we have a Kohl's here in Florida but there is not one near me, my parents have one near them. But I know what you mean I keep telling my parents we will just go to the court house and get married, but they are not having it, they said I have to have a wedding, so it will be about 50-60 people....Me and my parents have an appointment next friday to go check out one of the Doubletree Hotels here....we will have the ceremoney and reception at the same place, and more then likely it will be at a hotel, it is just easier for out of town guests.
So, we are doing the full blown wedding thing also, I already know the florist, DJ and photographer I am going to use, I just need to find a place to have the wedding and a bakery for the cake....Mom also says that I have to have a traditional wedding cake and a grooms cake (who does grooms cakes anymore?? )...but the grooms cake will be a Jamaican black fruit cake from one of the caribbean bakeries we have here...
anyway enough about wedding crap...hope everyone has a great weekend, I of course will be at work

Until later, Joanna

Jamie -- I agree with everthing that Ann said....she has very valid points.

Why do people break up? I think it's because the process is soooo stressful and it really does take it's toll. I really don't think people change their minds so fast -- I think it's an ongoing process. Not many of us had the "luxury" of being able to spend LOTS of quality time with or fiancees. You think you know them. You hope you know them. But you just really don't know until you are living together.

Why do people wait? Probably two reasons. One, you know you are having problems and hope that when you get through the process everything will be "perfect" -- OR -- You (the USC) was totally being used and now that the "process" is done the "real" person (that you thought you loved and went through all this bullshit for) comes out. That would be the person who was using you for the GC.

Regarding the LDR -- I have said it before and I will say it again. Jamaica is Fantasy Island. Nothing that happens there is what happens in real life. When you bring them into "your" life everything becomes real. It's not a fantasy anymore. This is when you really need to be strong. Going through the whole K-1 process (up until the interview is over) is a piece of cake compared to what happens when they get to America. I think that goes for anyone coming from any country in which "them" obtaining a Tourist Visa is impossible thus making a visit to you impossible.

I don't know about you but I did all the work for this. And I am still doing all the work for this. Sometimes (and I will admit it), I get home and I am bitter that I was working all day and he was sitting around watching TV. I am tired when I get home and he wants to talk because he has been home alone all day. Talking to him on the phone was much less stressful and (at times) much more fun that what "real life" has become.

NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG -- I don't regret anything. I am happier than a pig in ###### that he is finally here, we are married and getting on with our lives. But, no relationship is easy and I just think that on a whole the LDR's are tested much more than any other relationship.

Sorry, I'm done now. See what you did, Jamie!!

Looks like Rhonda isn't the only chatty one

Very good points so far...It's interesting to see what others thing of...I thought some of those but not all. Now that I think about it they are all very valid points.

Hi Minfay,

Saw your e-mail -- Jamaica is anything but Fantasy Island. There are ladies and gentlemen with real needs, real desires and genuine interests of the heart. It's a two-way street-life and love, crossing a broken yellow line can be either good or bad. It depends on how long you have been with the person and know the person. You can live with a person 50 years and still never get to know that person. In six months you can know the person better than in that 50 years what they will or will not do, morally speaking. As you said, once you are happy nothing else matters. Time is a virtue.

/s/
Anthony

That would be great, hoping like mad that it happens that way

I tried to reply to this before but it went into space somewhere, anyway I don't think anybody could have answered this better than you and Ann. You hit on all the right points.

What was I thinking

It is only THURSDAY!!! Wow I am losing it

You can tell how excited I am for the weekend

Excellent points both.
Jamie says the weekend is here; let's see if that flies at work tomorrow

Ann -- maybe I didn't really clarify (enough) what I was saying. You are right, there are people there with real needs, I am not disputing that.

The point I was trying to make is -- before and during this process there are not many people who have the $$$$$ to be able to travel to Jamaica every other weekend to be with their significant other to be able to spend real quality time with them. And many people do not have the luxury to be able to "live" with their significant others in their homes and be a true part of their "real" lives -- they have to stay in hotels (and such).

That was the point that I was trying to get to. Jamaica is a place that I go on vacation. It just happens to also be the place where I met the love of my life -- who, by the way, only made $40.00 a week US and lived in a 10 x 10 room with no indoor plumbing. Yeah, we stayed at the Hilton everytime I went to visit -- to him, that was Fantasy Island. To me, it was too.

Real life happens when they land at that airport in the States and it all becomes way too real. I went to wash my truck the other day -- Roy had never been in an automatic car wash before. He had never been on an escalator before. He never had spinach dip, mint chocolate ice cream, cheese popcorn, pop tarts or fish sticks before. Did I know any of this before he got here -- no. Does it matter -- no. BUT, if we had the opportunity to not be "stuck" on that island I think his transition here would be much easier.

That being said, I think I know Roy better than any other man I was ever in a realtionship with. Being forced to spend quality time with him when I visited was priceless to me. Talking on the phone -- I listened to every word he said......I never took anything for granted -- and neither did he.

Now I will really shut up. Sorry!!

I have really enjoyed reading these last posts and as I have said before I am so glad that I have you girls to chat with and discuss situations, I make sure to make mental notes about everything you guys write, from your experience's. I know Adrians transition will be hard when he gets here but I am lucky that he has been working on the ship for almost 3 years and has experienced some of the things here in the US that he would have not had a chance to experience in JA, like Mindy mentioned all the things Roy has done here for the 1st time, Adrian has luckly experienced these things on the ship and has had a chance to interact with American people on the ship. I truely hope each and everyone of your relationships continue to thrive and we all grow together stronger then ever.
Please everyone continue to share your experiences with all of us here.....Personally each one of you have helped me in one way or another!!!! I love you guys


And Jamie I also thought it was Friday all day today

Joanna

REFLECTIONS

Never be afraid of this tomorrow of having he/she near
There are trials, errors in any formula to have the proper doses of love
To find the one who cares God knows if tomorrow he/she will be Dear
We started friends now my heart always wants you near
At times we are all afraid, what really made us afraid
Was it something we saw or something that was said?
Imagine no heaven, even with John Lennon dead--that was a lot he said
Online visa journey you ladies/gents do so much--still so much to be done

Tears, fears, distraught is just the start to obtain the love of your heart
Love is always compared to a rose--to me so delicate a touch could harm it
So strong--nothing can hurt it
I talk this truth--my heart has been to and from seeking happiness
Found hurt and pain--at times refused to go on and then I remember Solomon
He knew what love really is--love nor -knowledge nor wisdom is in the grave
No one sees the heart but God
Madness is in the heart of love
For the living know that they will die but the dead know not anything
For in life there is hope--for a living dog is better than a dead lion
Live joyfully with the person of your life for the time is short
Tomorrow, the last time we checked was not promised to us
Yet optimistically we all made plans
Be not afraid of tomorrow
Live life and be happy

by Anthony Henry
March 16, 2006





To All VJers:

Congrats!!

So eloquently put

It's a culture shock, no doubt. It goes both ways. In 2002 While living and working in Jamaica (Montego Bay) I had a disagreement with the upper management of the company I work for and quit. One would have thought I'd go back to the US. But no, I had been seeing my wife for a couple months, I wasn't about to leave something I thought could turn into something real someday. I stayed in JA, and shared the 10 by 10 room with the wife. There was a community kitchen and bathroom with running water (actually it only ran about an hour a day and you never knew when). I stayed a few months, I was able to take the Fantasy out of Jamaica I guess. When the money ran out and I had to come back to the US, we married before I left. I did what ws discussed in earlier posts, took a job beneath me when I came back because the money was needed. Started off flipping burgers at McDonalds, then digging holes with Illeagal Mexicans.

I guess I went off on a tangent, back on topic, I was not happy living in JA, I love to visit. It's a different life. From relations with the neighbors, the street parties, route taxis, everything they know is gone. It's going to be a shock. On top of that the current K-1 process puts people in a postion where they can't work for untold months.

Of course there is the expectations of an immigrant coming to the US. Most underdeveloped countries think the US is a paradise, everyone is rich. The reaction to reality can sometimes create problems.

Seeing the second round of forms most are going through here, I wonder if the decrease in processing time for the I-130's present an easier to live with option. Within 2 weeks of landing in the US, you are mailed the GC and SS card. Start working almost immediately. From what I have been seeing here the inabilty to work is one of the biggest frustrations.

I better stop ranting... Have a good night.

I agree-everyone's input is invaluable and helpful for those who are comptemplating whether or not they can even do this. It's probably theraputic for those who are going through or have gone through the 'process' to share their experiences. If it wasn't for my VJ fam I know for a fact that I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago. I appreciate Anthony's point of view , very nicely put. Eric it's good to hear your experience too; it just goes to show that transitioning from two very different cultures is a huge adjustment for anyone. My SO and I are discussing some of these points as they apply to us now and with your help we won't be going into this blindly. BTW I'm also 'schooling' him on life in the US. Our first subject is economics- lesson #1 was on federal income taxes and then we went on to credit card- qualifying, use and abuse . He seems to understand the concept; let's see how he applies it in real life

Everyone have a great Friday and weekend!

Michele

Good morning.

Rhonda, I talked to Rita and Tashi the other night and they are doing great

Jill - Congrats on Lake's green card

I have definately considered "shipping" Tony back to Jamaica We were having way too many fights the first year of our marriage. We were both frustrated by him not working or contributing. Things are different when you're actually living together vs. just visiting each other every few months. When I was in Jamaica I was on vacation - no work, no stress, no problem When Tony got here and we had to deal with bills, cleaning the house, working, and every day life, it was a HUGE adjustment. Add to that family not accepting our situation right away, all the money it costs to do the Visa, AOS, etc., cultural adjustments, having to get married so quickly, and you've got a lot of issues to deal with all at once.

It's easy for me to see how a lot of couple couldn't handle the pressure and decided to call it quits. We almost did more than once. We still have our doubts sometimes about whether or not we can really see this being long term - being together forever - but we're trying to work things out as they come up and we're constantly working on better communication

I hope this answers your question somewhat




Mindy, I couldn't agree with you more Jamaica is definately Fantasy Island. They have no idea what it costs to live in the U.S. They think everyone is rich because people make more money here BUT everything costs so much more here! And I can totally relate to feeling bitter. The first 6 months or so that Tony wasn't working is when we had the majority of our fights It is so hard.

So beautiful. Damien and I had the pleausure to meet Ann & Anthony on our first year anniversary. Anthony also wrote a poem for us. He has a natural talent .

I disagree that everything is more expensive here. Housing is, taxi's are, weed and rum is. Most everything else is more expensive in JA. Taxes are outrages. $300J for a $3.00 bag of Lays potato chips. Electonics are out of this world... Over $32,000J for a Pink Razr phone from Digicel, $250 for an unlocked one on Ebay here in the US. Over $30,000J for a basic washing machine. In JA a laundrmat is outrages.
Now that something my wife is going to have to get used to, she would hand wash my clothes in JA. I will just flip out if she tries that here.

What a loaded question.

I do not regret my decision. Even when things are bad I still want to be with him. I honestly cannot imagine my life without Squito in it. Things are soooooooo not what they were when we in the LDR because now we are living in the real world. I wouldn't call Jamaica a fantasy land, but I understand what the other ladies were trying to say regarding being on vacation for all visits and not having to worry about work and money and real life situations. I don't think people change their mind quickly, I think it's a gradual breakdown. I can definitely understand why some would give up. Hell there have been times that I wanted to give up.

If I could do over, I would have gotten married in JA and filed for my spouse. So many great points have already been brought up. This is not a situation for the weak of heart. It takes a great deal of compassion, patience and support when dealing with a beneficiary from a "poor" country. The fiancee's not being able to work but a lot of pressure on the USC. I never in a million years thought that I'd be the primary breadwinner in my household and to be honest, I don't like it one bit. But I understand that under the present circumstances, it has to be this way. I feel so bad for Squito sometimes because he so badly wants to contribute especially when he sees me stress out and barely making ends meet. Things are further compounded with the numerous fees and waiting time associated with filing for AOS. Add to that the rushed wedding and attempting to adapt to a brand new situation (culture, living arrangements, etc.) you have a recipe for disaster if you are not 1000% committed to one another. Squito's only been here 3.5 months and he's already feeling completely and totally helpless (especially this week after all the financial aid bs). We try to reassure each other that things will not be like this forever and that if we can make it through this rough time together we can make it through anything. Whenever I'm feeling bitter or resentful (yes it happens from time to time) I remember all those nights I had to sleep alone and my only contact with him was a 5 minute phonecall. I appreciate the fact that he is here with me everyday. Prayer and faith get me through the rough days. Prayer and faith have gotten me this far. The Lord never gives us more than we can bear.


oh, and GOOD MORNING!!

TGIF



That is a beautiful poem, thanks for sharing! I'm going to show it to Squito

AGGGHHHHHHHHHHH I got an interview date, this has got to be a record in processing time. I filed January 30, just March 7. DS 230 dropped off, And my interview is APRIL 13TH Less than 3 months after filing, this seems like a record.

Wow, that was fast. Congrats

Congrats VSC is the bomb

You're right, it does go both ways. Trevor has asked me many times about forgetting about this process and just moving to JA. It's was an option at that time since I'm retired, not so much now because I'm helping my Mom out. But then, it was really hard to try to explain to him why I could never live there. It's even harder trying to explain the differences between here and there. Even though he saids that he knows everyone here is not rich, I truly think that he still believes it.