I'm not talking about merely being sweet to him. My husband is always telling me about foreign women who send their SOs thousands of dollars and all kinds of pricey presents; PCs, Ipods, tvs, you name it. Is this common? Is it a good thing? Just curious. I don't do this and I think my husband is a little jealous of those who are being lavished with material goods.

Throughout most of our relationship, I have been a poor college student. And even if I weren't,

I want someone to send me an Ipod (nano, preferably green or maybe pink)

I want someone to send me something too!

I have never sent my husband anything besides documents and photos. I brought him a few little gifts when I went to visit..a Detroit Tigers baseball cap, a University of Michigan sweatshirt. He also bought me stuff while I was visiting. I've heard of women sending their men money and gifts...I call them "sugarmamas". It's supposed to be the man who spoils the woman..at least that's how it is in my world.

I want someone to send me an Ipod (nano, preferably green or maybe pink)

This made me laugh out loud coz I feel the same way too. Thanks!

Small gifts like that are great! The first time I visited my husband, I brought matching long sleeve University of Wisconsin shirts for us and a Wisconsin hat for him. He still wears that hat almost every time he goes out He liked to wear it when he was working in Sharm el Sheik, so that when people asked him about it, he could tell them that his wife goes to school in Wisconsin.

It's supposed to be the man who spoils the woman..at least that's how it is in my world.

We live in the same world, but I feel like the spendy aliens are closing in

I haven't lavished. The only thing I guess you consider "lavishing" was that I helped him replace his guitar my first trip to Egypt because his other was smashed by 2 guys in a net cafe one night while he was attempting to play for me and they realized he was talking to an American. I felt a bit responsible and I knew what it meant to him so it seemed fair. Otherwise, we value our time together above anything else.

I brought two sweat shirts with me to Egypt for him because that is all he wanted. He brought me a beautiful ring, several abayas, a traditional dress from his culture, MANY hijabs and a lot of Italian chocolate . He also bought many gifts in Egypt for me and my family back home.
Since returning home I have not sent him any money or gifts... I don't have the money for that and he knew that when we met... he has pretty much supported me since I've returned, having sent me money more than occasionally and care packages with gifts for me and my kids often.
He has a good job and any type of 'gadget' that he wants, he's able to buy for himself. He's actually scared to leave there to come here because he knows his quality of life (financially) will be less than he has now when he's here. I'm lucky he loves me enough to come here and stick it out with me until my kids are old enough to either decide they want to go home with us or can take care of themselves when I'm gone home.

Wow! Wish I had thousand of dollars that I could send! I only sent my husband small gifts while he was in Egypt. The most expensive thing I sent to him was an inexpensive CD player. Better not let him see this thread....he'll think he was left out! Besides, a relationship isn't about how much you can spend on someone.

Well, I mailed him a used ps2 once, and took him about 3 hats. Is that lavish??

He has a debit card if he needs it, but he rarely uses it. In fact, the last time he did was probably in May.

I know of a man that has several women he chats with. He asks them for money, and they send it. I am disgusted with it. He even had one woman send him money when he had another woman in Morocco visiting. I just hate to see this. My husband never asked for anything before we married, and what little he asks for now is for basic essentials, nothing else.

On the other hand, he takes what little money he scrapes up and buys me gifts, then sends them with anyone he knows that can mail it to me from the US. Nothing expensive really, just sentimental things.

Amy..your little kitty-chick is so cute! It cracks me up everytime

Hmm I guess the most expensive thing I have bought for my husband was when I bought a plane ticket to Paris to surprise him on his birthday last year. Usually we split my airfare. I am still a student, so I can get discounted student fare, and the ticket was only about $300 because I bought it way in advance.

Other than that we always buy little surprises for when we see each other... I have someimes brought him Tshirts or chocolates and whenever I visit I ALWAYS bring a jar of peanut butter and a jar of fluff with me. He's fallen in love with both. Sometimes he was able to find peanut butter in France, but it is sooo expensive and didn't taste like Skippy

And of course for birthdays we buy each other things, usually clothing. We're both students, so we can't do too much damage

ETA: I forgot Red Bull.... loves Red Bull!!!!!! Always bring a pack of that too

I don't think your man should be bringing up what other women do for other men out of stupidity, desperation or foolishness. I really look down on women who buy men with material things and the men who take from these women...just using them.

Your man should view it as shameful and not even mention it to you because its a disgrace. He doesn't need anything beyond the necessities and maybe a few sentimental gestures. He should be grateful to be in the situation he's in...having a loving fiance.

I know many disagree, but I think it's a double standard to view gifts from men to their SO's as acceptable and gifts from women to their SO's as "sugar momma". JMHO.

That said, I never had money to buy gifts, but if I did I wouldn't hesitate to do as I wished with it.

No harm in discussing it. It's just another of the curiosities of human interaction that make you go "hmmmm . . ."

I know many disagree, but I think it's a double standard to view gifts from men to their SO's as acceptable and gifts from women to their SO's as "sugar momma". JMHO.

Gifts between couples are no problem. I'm wondering about extravagant gifts that are rather one-sided as to whom is giver and whom is the receiver.

I just want to agree here... IF I had the money to buy him gifts I would! I don't see anything wrong with a woman buying gifts for her husband.

this is a sore spot with me.

I've tried a few times to send money, to buy him a cellphone, to send him a laptop, etc. Kind of for selfish reasons though only 'cause 1) I want to call him and 2) I don't want him to have to wait in line at the cyber cafe everynight. I make a very good living and never really thought twice about it. I have always made a LOT more than any man I've ever dated so I guess I'm just used to it.

He on the other hand refused each time and now I can't even bring it up because it upsets him. He said it would bring "great shame" on him. I guess it's a culture thing. Not like I wanted to send money all the time but just really really really would like if he had his own computer and cell phone. Oh well.


I did send a Red Sox pen once via Fed Express but they lost the package.

Yankee delivery driver no doubt. He ran it over with his truck!

you know this year is the first year in a long time that my tv doesn't have nesn on my favorites in my clicker. I could barely watch at all once August was halfway done.

I thought the season ended in August...

On my drive home I did think of one thing that was a "gift" for my husband. He wants children pretty bad, so I had my tubes untied in February. Of all of the things I could give my husband, a baby would top the list.

I didnt while he was still in jordan, but now, that were both here, we spoil eachother...ALOT

BEST GIFT EVER!!!!

LOL! Thanks Kara!

Hmmm I brought Hicham a few gifts when I visited along with his family since they let me stay with them it was the least I could do. I wouldn't say I spoil him though.

I have seen some women who pay for cell phones, internet, computers, train fare etc. and I think that's pretty stupid. If Hicham ever asked me for money for that I would ask him "you have made it this far without needing money from me so why would you need it now all of a sudden".

Interesting topic. Do I spoil him? In my opinion no, but others may think my gifts are lavish. The gifts I have purchased have been high end items (not electronics, but designer goods) and thats because that is just my taste. I have sent gifts to his mom and the kids though. I tend to spoil myself so I won't buy him anything that I wouldn't want/use myself. I sent him a gift for his birthday, nothing for Christmas, nothing for Valentine's Day. But he spoils me alot more. He has sent me about 5 packages so far this year.

Edited to say...he has never asked me for a thing and loathes getting gifts from me. It usually leads to an argument.

I bought him cologne last trip there. Bottle of Johnny Walker last year. My first big purchase was last week and he got it today. I bought him underwear, undershirts, 3 three t shirts, socks and a jogging suit. I had too, his stuff is soooooooooooooooooooooo worn to death!!!!!
Is this considered lavish????

I don't think it's lavish. To be honest, I don't think anything is lavish when being given to the person you love.

When my husband was in Italy, I sent him a few packages containing pretty inexpensive items. I think the most expensive thing I sent was a pair of soccer sneakers, and even they were only like $25. Thats the only thing (besides my undying love) he's ever asked me to give him lol. For our anniversary earlier this month, I got him an Ipod Nano (which he loves like a son lol) and he got me this beautiful and really cool goes-with-everything topaz bracelet.

I bought him cologne last trip there. Bottle of Johnny Walker last year. My first big purchase was last week and he got it today. I bought him underwear, undershirts, 3 three t shirts, socks and a jogging suit. I had too, his stuff is soooooooooooooooooooooo worn to death!!!!!
Is this considered lavish????

By lavish, I mean her gifts have been confused with the booty from an "Oprah's Favorite Things" show. In my opening post, I was referring to women who buy lots of expensive things + for one man who keeps accepting them but cannot reciprocate in even close to the same manner. To me, it's overcompensating or buying his love. MOHO.

I'm always spoiling him. Hehe. I was doing it before we met, when I was in India with him, and now that I am back home. And I will continue to do so once he and I are together again.

I think the tariffs on electronics are pretty high; I imagine the guys are also coughing up a decent amount of money to have these things released within Morocco.

If they get them at all.... I tried to send Yousuf a teddy bear when we first got engaged... it smelled like me and he NEVER got the package... I was like come on! a teddy bear????

This discussion reminds me of one of my all time favorite books- Peter Menzel's Material World





From the forward (explaining the goal of the book)



In honor of the United Nations-sponsored International Year of the Family in 1994, award-winning photojournalist Peter Menzel brought together 16 of the world's leading photographers to create a visual portrait of life in 30 nations. Material World tackles its wide subject by zooming in, allowing one household to represent an entire nation. Photographers spent one week living with a "statistically average" family in each country, learning about their work, their attitudes toward their possessions, and their hopes for the future. Then a "big picture" shot of the family was taken outside the dwelling, surrounded by all their (many or few) material goods.

I had to look this up after reading your post. His photos are fascinating ! They really make you think.

For others (like me) who had no idea what this was about, here is a website I found that has several pages of his works:

http://www.menzelphoto.com/recent/geomw2001p1.htm

Thanks for sharing this !

As far as who spoils who in my relationship, well if my husband had more money he would be the one spoiling me.

What I find funny is the plans my husband has when he gets here. First off he hates my shoes, says they are ugly. He intends on selecting my shoes from now on...we shall see about that.

But what really makes me laugh is that he wants to buy me a mercedes. He says I am the best and I deserve the best...lol The funny thing is that I am not into designer anything, or fancy cars. My personal opinion is that people that HAVE to have all of these things have some sort of insecurity in their lives that they feel the need to overcompensate for. Now I am not saying this for a person that likes an occasional nice item, but feels the need to have the best of everything, and show it off.

Funny thing, the thing that would bring me the most joy is a visa so my husband could be here.

I'm usually a lurker, but I'm feeling bold today and decided to add my two cents worth... Yes, I guess I do spoil my fiance. But we spoil each other. I bought him an inexpensive laptop this month so we could communicate more effectively and cut down on the outrageous phones bills on my end. (Calling from Italy to a Ghanaian cell phone is not only expensive but highly unreliable!!)

If you look at it in dollars, of course I spend more on him. But when you look at it in terms of the percentage of our incomes, then we probably spend about the same on each other. (If that makes any sense!) When it comes down to it, there's really no price when it comes to true love

I have always thought the same exact thing... my ex was big into material things - mostly cars... we lived in the freaking ghetto so he could drive a trans am


Same here

The laptop is a great idea - I really want to do that for my fiancee - sad thing is with the money we've already spent on the phone we could have already bought one, possibly two, laptops haha.

I completely understand what you are saying about the income - my fiancee does what he can and that has always been enough for me :-)

I think the tariffs on electronics are pretty high; I imagine the guys are also coughing up a decent amount of money to have these things released within Morocco.

With all the money she sends him, he can afford it.

Are we talking about a particular person? I thought this was just a general discussion

No particular person, just a type that has come up in conversations with my husband and some of his friends. It seems that there are foreign women who shower their Arab men with thousands of dollars and tons of gifts. On the "Doubts" thread, I related the story of a family member whose gf sends him buku bucks and expensive gifts that he uses to entertain other women. She's not the only one who feels a need to do this, and the ones I've heard of are mostly European. I'm just wondering about this practice and how common it is.

From Wiki


Count me in as one of those people. It always shocks me when advantaged white people use this word to describe their conditions. Look at the definition: "A section of a city occupied by a minority group who live there especially because of social, economic, or legal pressure". Does it really fit?

A white person, even a poor white person, who finds themselves in a situation living in a neighborhood they find undesirable, has power to get out, especially when the only thing holding them there is a sports car.

First of all, my ex husband is not white.
Secondly "ghetto" is a slang term used a lot. If you take offense to it that's your business.. I don't and I use it and hear it used a lot.
I also don't think a person's race has anything to do with whether they live in a particular neighborhood or not. The place I was referring to in my post was a trailor park... my husband was the only "person of color" in the whole park. I am the only "white" person on the street I live in now. It doesn't make a difference to us. The first key to getting past racism is seeing past the races

Ghetto is a word originally used to distinquish enclaves where Italian Jews lived. They were white.

I pretty much agree with Layla on this here. My husband has most all he could ever need right now: great job, house, car, gadgets...and I think if he ever came to the USA he would sadly be surprised how much he couldn't have. Also same as Layla, I am not rich...but elhamdullah not poor either. But as Mooody stated in earlier post in my world women usually donnot buy their men gifts, esp before marriage.

Before coming here, I asked him what I could bring him...of course he said nothing. I bought him some things anyway. A University of Michigan t-shirt (hmmm that seems to a be trend here on VJ ..university shirts LOL) and a nice dress shirt I found at Marshall Field's just so I would not go empty handed and look like a cheap skate...I bought also for his 3 aunts gifts of chocolate,diabetic cookies, and nice picture frame to put our wedding pic in...He appreciated this more then his own gifts.

Um, well when I arrived he took me shopping for "home"abayas, of course my mahr and some other things too...

Camel jockey is a slang word too VP. Would you like someone to use it for your new husband? You are implying that I am racist, and the definition is racist, although history proves you wrong. In your circumstance, your husband's race is irrelevant because by your own admission, he "chose" to go live there. Therefore, neither you or he have ANY background to call upon to use these words to describe your circumstances as they are properly defined in the current lexicon. I think it is flippin arrogant to call up a word that most recently referred to black neighborhoods that were legally and socially forced due to Jim Crow to describe circumstances you or he have taken on BY CHOICE.

The point is not the derivation of the word or the original use of the word, but it's current use in the US. Furthermore, ethnic groups are not only defined by the color of one's skin. Jews are an ethnic group.

Actually Jews are a religious group. There are Arab Jews, European Jews, etc...