Inexperienced is a judgement in itself. There are younger people who have far more substantial life experience than people twice their age, it all depends on their paths. Also, lack of experience doesn't necessarily mean lack of knowledge or that a person's feelings on things will change. I have seen comments like "you will see" (when you get older) and such. I remember when I was 19, going to college and working, a 33 year old woman always telling me about anal sex. It got tired of and eventually told her I was sick of hearing it and my feelings about it. Her response was "you'll see when you are my age and you will like it then". Well, I am older than that now and my opinion has not changed.

You have got to be kidding to compare the context in which I said "you'll see" to Sarah to a claim about anal sex. I was talking about how she will see that society views older women differently, and as she ages, she will see how what she says about older people now will be said about her then. Thats a fact and has not a thing to do with personal prefernces.

My point is, Sarah and others could just as well think it is gross 20 years from now. Not everyone feels that age gaps are meant to be crossed. It doesn't mean they devalue people of different generations, only that they value them differently. I love older people in their 70's, 80's who share with me all the history they have lived through, but I would never consider marrying them. Part of my valuing them is an appreciation for them as people who have lived more/experienced more and someone I can learn from but not necessarily start a life with. Part of it is just personal preference. For Sarah, the thought is gross and for now, it would be illegal, immoral and reprehensible for her to do. Maybe as Sarah ages, she will continue to consider people that much younger off limits sexually and consider it gross. The marriage market doesn't open up for all people because a person becomes "legal". It doesn't mean they are judging your choice but expressing their opinion of what they are comfortable for them.

People saying the same things about mixed race couples would set better and be as easily shrugged off? Try substituting her crass words as those toward a class to whom you are more sensitive. Some of us are more sensitive about age, that doesn't make us wrong to disagree with her or even to consider her to be sexist or ageist.

I have also not seen where anyone here has said the older women are being used for visas. The possibility has been discussed. It has also been acknowledged ad nauseum that it is a possibility that exists for every single one of us.

Where have you been!

szsz seriously can you please show me where I have been hostile towards old people? I would like to see that.

also, I'm glad you admitted you are sensitive finally that explains why you flew off the handle.

One cannot subsitute my words to make them against someone they are not. What would be the point of that? Convincing yourself of something I never said so that you think you have a reason to not like me? It doesn't work like that.

I'm still waiting to see when I was hostile towards old people.

whoa how did i miss that topic?

It's not just me, Sarah. Your clueless remarks have been addressed each time you have make them. How do you think this whole thing started and why several treads have disintegrated into debates about it? Several of us have admonished you several times. If you don't see it, then I can't help you. Besides, peezy said she wanted to show you the correct way kindly. I'll let her take over from here. Or maybe Rebecca will, but I'm done trying to make you "get it".

There is nothing to get here. I am not hostile towards old people. Do I think that relationships between a woman and a man where the woman is 20 years older is gross? Yep! I'm surprised you are unwilling to show me the proof of when I was disrespectful and hostile towards the elderly. I guess you can't find something you're looking for if it doesn't exist. Thank you for stepping down in such an eloquent manner.

What remarks of mine are clueless? How so?

You have been shown many times, but you are in denial, Sarah. That is a mental state beyond my power to fix.

No I have not been shown where I have been hostile to old people. Why won't you show me?

as i recall, shon is older than you. hmmm

Did I ever say Sarah was a victim? But practice what you preach! I don't think she is abrasive at all, her style of posting is just different than others. She has a dry sense of humor and some people just don't get it. Just because someone doesn't understand something doesnt make it offensive or abrasive. Morocco, I think many people here would have the same opinion about you and me. If people are going to constantly tell her to be nicer then why make it a point to ambush her with ignore button and then proceed to communicate with her? Thats a bit hypocritacal in my POV.

In regards to the age thing. Why does everyone try to justify their age differences here? Who cares? If Sarah feels that a large age difference is inappropriate then so be it, thats her opinion. If you feel its fine, then thats your choice. I don't think Sarah is the only one that has this opinion regarding the large age gap, there are many others here that have expressed the same thing.



I'm older than Sarah too, she isn't hostile towards me.

don't get me started

I think the problem here is that szsz knows that I think these relationships are weird for me, and she has taken that along with her sensitivity of the subject and imposed my views on old people as an entire group. You can't judge an entire age group based on that I think older women shoudln't marry young men. That just doesn't work.

I have not seen Sarah say anything about older people. I don't read every message though, so if someone wants to point out where she has said bad things about old people, I would be grateful. My point overall is that not everyone is going to grow, change or be affected by life or age the way we have personally or the way we think they might. There are older women know who would dispute how they feel society views them.



If Sarah also didn't want to marry an African American, I would consider it her choice. I may be reading her words differently, I didn't think she was calling anyone else gross, but saying "I think it is gross" as in "I think it is gross for me". I have never gotten the impression that Sarah cares much about what other people do but is very bold about expressing what she feels for herself. I often don't have much of an issue with people expressing opinions, only when they try to legislate them. So, if someone wants to say "marrying a Muslim means you hate your country, I will debate them for sure and most likely think them stupid. But if they try to make it illegal, that is another issue altogether. However, in this case, I do not think it is clear that Sarah's feelings come from ageism or sexism (until I have seen her ageist statements). If you think her views are stupid/idiotic/etc. that is different than labeling her as something she may very well not be.

I have also not seen where anyone here has said the older women are being used for visas. The possibility has been discussed. It has also been acknowledged ad nauseum that it is a possibility that exists for every single one of us.

Where have you been!

Again, I have never seen someone come out and say to one of the older women "you are being used". The possibility of being used has been discussed over and over, and yes, some people believe the older women are at higher risk because such age differences are "unconventional" so the thought is that they guy may be going against convention to get a green card. However, everyone has also said over and over that anyone in any relationship may be being used.

by how significant a gap?


it sounded like in an earlier post of yours you didn't think too much of the older man/younger woman deal either

Wow, you jump to bizarre conclusions. I never said I'd show anyone anything. I suggested it might be the responsibility of those of us who are older than some to help inform the way rather than make denegrating comments about their youth. I agree with Sarah. I think these kind of relationships are gross. But I don't think people of any particular age are gross. I do not disrespect people of any age simply because of their age. Personally, the idea of marrying someone young enough to be my son or grandson is gross to me. Marrying someone old enough to be my father or grandfather is gross to me. It most certainly does not logically follow, then, that I abhor, detest, hate, judge, or otherwise mistreate any people in those categories, which is what ageism is.

Ok, then it's ok if someone repeatedly says it's gross and abnormal for Muslims and non-Muslims to marry, or it's gross and abnormal for white women to marry non-white men. Are those ok, or justifiable as my style of posting? Is it ok that I express my personal preference in such a manner ove rand over? That is whatt she does, but I guess as long as your target is people who aren't in your situation, it's OK.

So, everyone, if you think someone's relationship is gross and abnormal, feel free to say so because we are getitng feedback that there is not a thing wrong with it.

Have at it. We will have a blunt and happy board from here on.

What does any of that have to do with older women? By the way, she is a non-muslim married to a muslim. She is also a white woman married to a non- white man.

And I promptly told you that if that what YOU want to do, then practice what you preach, but leave me out of it. It was YOUR idea, peezy, don't back away from it now.

I said I wouldn't date a man 20 years older than myself. I don't think I'm the only person who wouldn't. Many others have shared that they have limits with age gaps.

I wouldn't either but I really don't care what anyone else does.

And your point is?

Why do you defend crass comments about older/younger relationships? Don't get offended about crass comments about other kinds of relationships. You're opening the door in their defense too.

cough cough *bullspit* cough cough

awww

MY POINT IS: what you wrote was incorrect!

Everything you just mentioned Sarah being against is false, especially considering that you are describing her relationship. I don't agree with huge age gaps in a marriage either btw.

Now this sounds like a fun game

VP, I would stay quiet if I were you because if you want to divide enemies and friends we both know where your cheering section would end up.

It seems your line in the past is that it is intellectually irrespsonsible to approach things with a PC attitude, or with an emotional one. Is this not the case any longer when we are discussing your situation, or at least, a situation in which you are rooted and feel strongly about?

I would venture this discussion of who-thinks-what is gross wouldn't be repeated so often if the other side didn't spend so much time and attention on it. If you find Sarah's opinion to be of no value to you, and you see that she isn't going to change her mind, then why do you persist? It's exactly what you told me yesterday. Give it up.

I said (see above) I give up on Sarah, but I'm not giving up on the subject, ghetto girl.

Wow, so classy!

Why do you defend yourself against crass comments re: your sitiuona but you don't drop your defense of someone's choice to use a crass word in another situation? And taking it further, you even invoked a more vile word? And to top it off, you couldn't even step off when someone of the offended ethinic group specifically tells you how the word isn't just crass, but extraordinarily insulting and painful?

Who has to follow social guidelines in your world?

Excuse me? We weren't talking about friends you were making claims that a certain person is not a trouble maker... I call bullspit.

Sorry, you are wrong. And not so classy either.

I don't think there is room for you to call anyone here a trouble maker.

My most likely unwanted $.02.......me either. Like Sarah, I don't think it's GROSS, but if my mom OR dad were dating someone my age...I would not like it...and I, personally, (Again, using "I" statements) wouldn't do it myself.

to those that are doing it...more power to you! Just personal opinions because I find this topic very interesting.

When I went to pick up my kids last night I was discussing this with my friends... who also happen to be black... I told them I was being accussed of being a racist because I use the word ghetto while I'm not black... I have never heard a group of people laugh so hard in my whole life


I don't think I make snide little comments about anyone's relationships here to provoke fights on the board maybe against the accussed but only as retaliation

Who has to follow social guidelines in your world?

And to you, the same.

omg, this is hilarious!!




The same what? This is discourse now? Throwing it back and not answering? Let me not forget your attempt at insults, which was hilarious, by the way.

OK, so, you want me to compare what I think personally about older-younger relationships with your use of a term that is, by most accounts, considered racist? Since these are two completely different scenarios, they can't be argued against each other, but I will say this: The use of the word "gross" about someone's relationship I'm sure can be received as a hurtful one by those being described, I do not argue that. I do not, in any way, however, consider it to be anything at all like the use of a racist word.

Again, we don't see eye to eye, on this, or how to engage in discussion, either, it seems. I truly enjoy reading your posts about how some people are rude and crass and classless, yet you have tried to mock me and jab me in most every response to me. It's fantastic, really.

Despicable!

racism and sexism are the practices of HATING another race or another sex.

Thinking it's gross to marry someone 20 years younger than you does not fall under those. The people involved here dont HATE younger men/women or older women/men....they thinkit's gross to have sex with someone who is that much younger.

To equate that with racism is WAY off base.

I'm just being curious here...how come you and Sarah and Hicham are never online at the same time?

I don't care, peezy. Sorry.

Doodle, really they are not the same person. Everyone knows that detective.

If you say so. It's really freakin' me out though. Same opinions and never on at the same time.

Ever wonder if this whole board is the same person?

I'm pretty sure you've heard of the invisible feature.

[quote name='doodlebug' date='Oct 31 2006, 02:00 PM' post='539670']
[/quote]


If you say so. It's really freakin' me out though. Same opinions and never on at the same time.

Ever wonder if this whole board is the same person?
[/quote]

Sarahs also change writing style and background knowledge of this board when we change userids, too!

Are you dense? Once again we are not the same person, and we are in fact online at the same time.

Oh, good, because you seem to keep asking me and challenging me.

I took my fiance a xbox 360 along with two games. I bought his daughter a few little things. That is an awful lot to me. I thought it would make a nice gift and keep him occupies..lol He is a gamer.