Liz,

Agitated? If you knew me as you think you do, you would know I work from morning to night on Sundays. Sunday nights I am tired. My spelling drops off and I am lax with my grammar. This is a atypical assumption from you though, thinking it somehow is about you. You overvalue yourself, Liz, or least at least your contribution to the group. Remember that something that you said you were lacking, maybe when you have time to reflect you will realize why.

Rebecca

I "love" being a hater? I'm not even sure what that means, but considering how I've ticked you off every time I challenge the things you say, I suppose "hater" means I expect to be able to challenge my friends (my mistake in considering you one, I guess) to think about the things they say before they say them. If that's what "hater" means, then fine, because I won't stop challenging people to think.

If by any chance you mean that I am a terrible, mean person by using the word "hater", and I'm certain you do, then consider this: You were a long time member of another group, which you left and then joined ours. The other night I noticed that group does not purge it's messages. There are messages there from 2003. I emailed someone offline and told them they must have the messages removed because of the very personal talk that transpired there, most of which was yours. This was during our little scuffle this weekend, by the way. I had visions of all of that getting out into the public eye and couldn't imagine if that was my life that might be exposed. I guess this means I'm a considerate hater?

I'm not really sure what the problem with the word ghetto is or how it's a racist word... needless to say, I disagree with you opinion.
First of all, a ghetto is what is considered to be a 'poor' neighborhood... I find it extemely racist that anyone would assume that only people of a certain race can be poor. I also find it arrogant that anyone would assume that only people of a certain race can choose to live in any environment.
What I'm getting from this "discussion" is that only black people are poor, therefor they are the only ones who can, do or have lived in ghettos in all of history. I disagree and I find that to be an ignorant assumption.

Furthermore, it was my black sisters who introduced this word into my slang vocabulary so I guess they're all self-hating racists too?
For crying out loud it's just a word.


I don't know who this person is so I haven't taken anything personally.... maybe someone who knows me or dislikes me under a different user name?
I haven't been a member of that group for quite some time... it doesn't mean i'll be discussing here though.


My kids' dad is black and vietnamese... you would never know the vietnamese part if he didn't speak.... my son absolutely abhores the word "black" to describe his dad as he insists he is brown (he's 9 so get off it!)


One could make the argument that we all came from Africa if you trace our roots back far enough.

Good grief. I am confused. Peezey is Sarah?

PLease do try to remember we are not friends here... this is a public message board and no place for friendships

Yes you are very confused.

So peezey is sarah? One ID isn't enough?

Not Sarah of Sarah and Hicham, a different Sarah with a different spouse who is at a different process in the VJ.

Ah ha
I can't keep up.

It is funny though how that seems to be a name for agitators.

What's the point of putting someone on ignore and then to keep talking about them directly or indirectly. This board is so open, even indirect comments are apparent to anyone reading regularly.



Not everyone has this view of Sarah- she has been a dream in helping me sort out this journey when I was just getting started and offers me gentle reassurances as I wait. You are entitled to feel anyway you want about anyone on this board, but tell me what's the point of this comment? What is being achieved?

We have already established that there are two different Sarahs.

Regarding this "debate" over the the word ghetto: A lot of energy has been spent to argue the word is not racist OR the people offened are too sensitive OR too PC and those offened should just get over the fact that others disagree.



Sometimes it is not a question of being right or wrong, but being able to listen, even when you are right and the other person is wrong, to the thoughts of the person offeneded and recognizing that opinion has value and being right can take a back seat to being kind, open and tolerant.

I just wanted to add one thing I have noticed. I have already seen 3 out of the 4 people who claimed to put Sarah of sarahandhicham on ignore just the other day and now are responding to her again. Make up your mind. If you want to put someone on ignore because you simply can't handle their comments and then you are gonna state it publicly, then don't go back on what you said.

I noticed in a thread where a few people ganged up on Sarah and I guess that was ok in your opinions because it was Sarah however if it was another member it would not be ok. Then again they turn around again and start that line of communication, very mature.

This thread needs more wookie

Dancing wookiees !!!!!!!!!!

Thanks! I'm always happy to help!

this forum is even better than the russia forum

Not agitators, just people who see through you. SOrry you don't like that! boohoo.

o.O

Thank you for that, but, I don't believe that all opinions have value because some I've heard more than once and have had plenty of time to form my own thoughts about them. My thought: Opinions are like a--holes, everyone has one and some of them stink. So, I don't do the PC tolerant "every opinion has value". I do the un-PC, straight to the point thing when I am being addressed, and tell them whether or not their opinion has any value to me. That is my way of being kind and thoughtful to those who insist on conformity of thought. Then, they can choose to go off to find someone for whom their opinion has value. If they still want to waste their time trying to shove it down my throat after that, that's their business. I've done my part.

I'm not talking about being PC. I'm not saying that all opinions have the same value or that all are correct. But it seems to me that once you have made your point several times over, it can be come less of a discussion and more of a argument over who is right. I always get a nervous around people who isisnt their view is correct without leaving themselves any room for error.



Of course szsz I know you know I mean the general "you" and not the specific "you" but just clarifying for the others who read this board.

Is it really a surprise that people gang up on Sarah? She can be abrasive, and it is intentional, just for the purpose of needling people. So why is that a surprise since it is her intention? She speaks her opinion, knowing full well it will upset people. That is her right. Then people defend themselves to her (although I don't see why we bother), and it appears she is picked on? It is also their right to voice their opinion. Sarah is no ones victim.

I was amazed at how easily people were insulted by the word "ghetto" in a single sentence, but not so much by the ageism repeatedly expressed on this board.

i wonder if their blood pressure rises every time they hear the term ghetto blaster or ghetto booty.

I miss my ghetto booty....since I have been on this freaking computer day and night it has become the secretary spread!

The most obvious ageism I have seen on this board is against the "young" women, as if their opinions and thoughts come from only from lack of experience. Feeling an older woman/younger man relationship is "gross" may be rooted in ageism but it doesn't have to be.

No. I do not state my opinion because I know it will upset someone. I state it because it's a discussion full of opinions and everyone has theirs along with myself. It is not my intention I don't know how you as someone who does not know me can come along and fully understand my "intentions"? I'm sorry we have never met and I don't think you know me. My opinions are not to get people riled up. I am not the only one who shares the same opinion about certain couples anyways. Sorry, you don't know me and you certainly do not know my intentions.

also noted is the ageism some have stated about older men.

Awe Charles, not all older men are jerks. Just the ones that are available in the dating pools some of us have been fishing in in the past. Look at you, you had to go import a Brazilian since apparently the older women dating pool where you are was just as bad!

Please don't be offended by me saying "Imported". I tell Abdel he's my lamborghini. We import anything else of value that we can't find anything comparable to here, why not spouses? They're the most valuable thing we can have in our lives.

aww telling him you imported him must make him feel so special.

i wonder if we'll have to pay a luxery tax on our imported spouses

If there is any ageism against the young women, it's because of hostility expressed against older people. I haven't seen any older people throwing out negative comments toward younger people as a matter of course.

Interesting. I didn't see anyone saying anything negative about the younger members of this group, other than the lack of experience, which is true. What I have seen here is that it is constantly pointed out that those of us in a younger man/older woman relationship is constantly put on the defensive. Frankly it's getting old. I don't care if someone thinks I am being used for a visa. No one here really knows me or my husband. In turn, I don't really know anyone here's situation, and I would never go so far as to say I think their relationship is fraud basing it on a physical aspect. Its not my place.

I have seen older women with younger men. I have seen extremely large women with thin men, and I have seen unattractive women with handsome men. Should I base that on fraud as well? Has anyone ever thought that possibly, just possibly these men have matured past the physical end of things and have come to understand that true beauty comes from inside. Do we not give these men enough credit?




Oh Charles...what would we do without you to add some spice and humor to our group?

Once again, I have not expressed any hostility towards older people. I expressed that I find older woman younger man relationships to be different. Where does that say that I am hostile towards old people? I already told you how much I love my Mom and she is even older than you, barely.

I'm gonna need some nose plugs if I'm gonna be in this thread much longer....

Hmmmm.....you don't intentionally needle people?

Please don't forget how "gross" those couples are as well

I wish that "different" was the only descriptive term you'd used regarding age gap relationships.

nope. She is barely older than her. That's how old my Mom is. What gives? I don't need you to point out every post I make to try to make it clear that you thinkI am "needling" people. SZSZ is the one spreading false information that I am hostile towards old people, that's not true.




I knew someday you would agree

nope. She is barely older than her. That's how old my Mom is. What gives? I don't need you to point out every post I make to try to make it clear that you thinkI am "needling" people. SZSZ is the one spreading false information that I am hostile towards old people, that's not true.

Your words are out for all to see, Sarah. Spreading rumors is not my style anyway.

Keep on wishin!

And you're wishin that I was lyin.

I am very aware that this is a public message board, thanks

You did say that I am hostile towards old people. That is not true. You can go back and read it if you want. That's what you said.

Inexperienced is a judgement in itself. There are younger people who have far more substantial life experience than people twice their age, it all depends on their paths. Also, lack of experience doesn't necessarily mean lack of knowledge or that a person's feelings on things will change. I have seen comments like "you will see" (when you get older) and such. I remember when I was 19, going to college and working, a 33 year old woman always telling me about anal sex. It got tired of and eventually told her I was sick of hearing it and my feelings about it. Her response was "you'll see when you are my age and you will like it then". Well, I am older than that now and my opinion has not changed.

My point is, Sarah and others could just as well think it is gross 20 years from now. Not everyone feels that age gaps are meant to be crossed. It doesn't mean they devalue people of different generations, only that they value them differently. I love older people in their 70's, 80's who share with me all the history they have lived through, but I would never consider marrying them. Part of my valuing them is an appreciation for them as people who have lived more/experienced more and someone I can learn from but not necessarily start a life with. Part of it is just personal preference. For Sarah, the thought is gross and for now, it would be illegal, immoral and reprehensible for her to do. Maybe as Sarah ages, she will continue to consider people that much younger off limits sexually and consider it gross. The marriage market doesn't open up for all people because a person becomes "legal". It doesn't mean they are judging your choice but expressing their opinion of what they are comfortable for them.

I have never seen Sarah say a single untoward thing about older women.

I have also not seen where anyone here has said the older women are being used for visas. The possibility has been discussed. It has also been acknowledged ad nauseum that it is a possibility that exists for every single one of us.

not one bit. I think they're abnormal and gross, still.

Maybe no one is an ageist () but they have Getting Old Phobia

I have never seen Sarah say a single untoward thing about older women.

Look around, Sis. You must be missing alot.

Can you please show me where I have said I don't respect old people and that I am hostile towards them? I am really curious to see where I said that.

just adding levity where i can