What do you guys think? Have you ever wondered about someone's intentions?

No I am not trying to start a fight I am really wondering if anyone here ever doubts certain cases... I am not trying to point my finger I am just wondering if you guys ever have those thoughts in the back of your mind.

I always have this scenerio in my mind that if I had a friend in that position whether or not I would tell her and would she believe me? I don't know why I always think about that but I do! How about you guys?

Happy Eid and have a great night!


Sarah



I guess in the third question it depends.. I should have put a "I would consider it" answer.

Please share your thoughts!

I know of one similar case. The guy was told that his fiance had a BF in her home country but he didn't believe it. She was also pregnant by the BF and had an illegal abortion shortly before going to the US. She's probably just using him and will try to get whatever she can from the guy and then go back with her BF.

27 votes... one response. I'm not asking for people to say who they think is being used... just your thoughts on how you would handle the situation if you saw it happening around you.

I haven't voted but I'll reply.
If I knew for sure, 100%, that someone was being used, I would tell them what I thought. At least that way they could check it out and would have the option to decide for themselves if they wanted to believe it or not.
I think many times people don't want to know things that would ruin their idea of what their life should be like and what's happening. They don't want their dreams ruined, so they convince themselves that everything is fine.
It's really sad that there are people in the world who would use others in that way, but I know it happens.

I agree... and I would think that maybe people who are being used are so blind in the first place that they woudl only reject you and the idea that their SO is using them... I just don't see it ending well.

me thinks you started a hot topic Sarah

I know a few people who would say themselves they were used, and I think we all know it happens. Yes, I have had suspicions, primarily because women have talked openly about behavior that just seems to be shouting WARNING. However, without proof (an admission), it is only suspicion on my part. I don't think most people want to think about these things let alone talk about it or explore their own situation. People get defensive very quickly.

Have I shared my suspicions? Sure. I have talked about it with my husband. There have been times were I asked his or a friend's advise if something should be said when really fishy things seemed to be going on.

This comes to your last question... do you tell? I don't think people want to hear it. I really don't. I think even with concrete proof (say a transcript from a chat) there are women who will choose not believe. If I thought a woman would be receptive, I had proof, and they were not too far into the process, I would try to tell and deal with the consequences.

Personally I wouldn't say anything even though they kept repeating over and over how bad their relationship or it's the opposite too if someone kept repeating over and over how great their relationship was I would think they were trying to convince everyone plus themselves.

I do feel sad for anyone that gets taken advantage of because it wasn't their fault they fell in love with someone who had bad intentions. Love is blind as the saying goes. You live and learn and eventually the blinders come off.

Ok...as far as immigrant couples whom I have met face to face I don't know of any who fall into the 'used for greencard' category.

I've read some on here I thought fall into the category and I've shared that suspicion with others.

As far as would I tell somebody IF I KNEW FOR SURE? Firstly I think it would be nearly impossible to tell FOR SURE through message boards, chat, etc. So no I wouldn't say it - like in a thread or in a PM to that person.

If somehow I did know - with 100% certainty - whether I knew them face to face or somehow had the proof needed to prove it to an online acquaintenance - yes you bet your butt I would tell them.

But it would have to be 100% certainty. Either way. Anything less than that might be nothing less than damaging gossip.

I think it would be pretty damn hard to have the proof you would need from online situations.

Yes. There are a few cases here on VJ that have made me question the intentions of the immigrating partner. I don't know what it is exactly that kind of "raised the red flag" for me, because I think it varied from case to case, but I've sometimes intuited something sketchy.

I don't think I would ever tell anyone on the forum "Hey, your fiance' just wants a greencard!" mainly because I don't know them well enough to say such a thing and with all the people I have gotten closer to via PM I haven't sensed anything bad. But, if someone I knew from real life or someone I got to know VERY VERY well on VJ were in a LDR and applying for the K-1 with a person I didn't think was being sincere, I would probably say something along the lines of "You should really examine this relationship before you decide to do the visa, because it's a big deal and it's marriage and you want to make sure you can trust your fiance' 100% and that you address any bad feelings you may have now."

on here? I'd prolly keep schtum cos there are none so blind as those who will see.

A friend? I'd have a heart to heart with her/him, but I'd be there for him/her no matter what.

I knew someone personally and told them what I thought. She laughed it off, and they have been happily married since.

I wouldn't say anything here, because you can barely get more than a sketch of someone's life, most times. But if I were certain (not even sure what that would take) that someone were being used, I think I'd have to say something.

you have thoughts in the back of your mind about your husband? is that whats your fuel for posting this
doo doo? well if YOUR man is using you for a GREEN CARD. should YOU have spotted the signs early on..


your a little persistant.. trying to tell us something?

I don't know where you got that idea. I think if anything you would take away from my question is that I do wonder about other couples. good try though!

I'm sorry you don't know how to read. I know you work for an AIRLINE and all but don't thry expect you to have basic skills such as reading and comprehending what you read?

you are the one that posted this Chytt topic. so trying to tell us something???????????????????
you have "USER " in the back of your mind SARAH.. is that why you stay on VJ posting doo doos? drop the wondering crap.. - you telling us something?

I'm going to need a translation of what you just wrote. kthanks! What does that mean posting doo doos? Did you poop yourself?

Once again I posted this poll because I have doubts about some people on here and I wonder if other people do too. For example, I am doubtful of you.

you can be doubtful of me. I suppose its a good thing you are worried if my sweet husband is using me for
a green card. well let me put your "TARD" brain to rest. He is not using me.
Translation: maybe your man is using you.. for the mighty GREEN card. now scurry along now..post something else just as usless

Wait Shon, how big was your dowry again?

*yawn*.. your so boring sarah.. I should have known it would not have taken you long
to post something usless. - look you got 1 min.. see if you can post somehting else
" tarded "

ON YOUR MARK..... GET SET.... GO SARAH....

Why was that so useless? I do recall you saying how big your dowry was... congratulations!

I guess you only like to talk about yourself until someone brings up your history... it may be boring for you since you have to live with yourself but it's fascinating for most people on here... why don't you share?

your a little slow- told ya. you had 1 min to post something usless... not 2 mins Sarah..




Sarah be a little quicker this time.... keep it under 1 min. Amaze all of VJ how fast you can post something usless...

ON YOUR MARK..... GET SET.... GO SARAH....

Wait didn't you just say that?

I know you want to change the subject but how big was that dowry again?

so it took you all this time to repeat your "TARDED " question?
Look I have important things to do now. so you please go take your brain out your head
play with it a little bit.. bye bye now..
TRANSLATION : Sarah get a life.

honestly, what are you even talking about? I don't get it.

Oh yes, for 3 seconds I forgot you work for an AIRLINE... better get back to that I'm sure you have many lives in your hands at the AIRLINE.

Scurry along now.

.

Didn't take long.

nope, sure didn't. I think it's gone now though, phew.

Jenn... what!?

And in the center ring it's Evil Clown vs. Loopy!

When will the Cyber Sisters join the fight?

I'll remember this!

Loopy's main weapons consist of a disarming array of nonsequiturs, tautologies, and bizarre metaphors, which can often gain him an advantage in the initial stages of an attack. Combatants very quickly realize, however, that Loopy is a certifiable nut case and generally avoid further engagement.

I missed that part.

hahahahaha

I have thought that someone was being used for a greencard. But I will not interfere in any one's relatioship. If the person asked me, for my opinion or what I thought....then and only then would I answer as honestly as possible. I will tell exactly what I think and feel about the situation.

If I am not aksed for my opinion or what I think...I will not comment on the situation.
I think sometimes, people don't ask these questions because either they: already know the answer, or they don't wanna hear it from some one else, or they'd rather continue to live a lie.


Besides if it is indeed the case, the truth will come out sooner or later, and It spares me from being the barer of bad news. It's sad that it has to be this way, but it seems like whenever I meddle in other ppls business it backfires, and it turns around on me. Everything becomes my fault.....or I am the bad guy and would get accused of rumors, lies, and gossip.


So for me its hands off others matters of the heart.

are you jealous of me or something? whats my career have to do with you?
whats my dowery have to do with you?
frankly, your freaking me the hell out.. I am scared of you.
course I guess thats the point of your " halloween" attitude..

hahahaha have you forgotten how many sentences you have started with "I work for an AIRLINE"? Do you think it's a secret?

Halloween attitude? Freaking you out? Everything you have written here is 100% incoherent. Do you know what that means?

Yes as a matter of fact I am doubtful of some relationships I have seen here, would I say anything? Nope, not my business.

However I don't know why Shon is getting so defensive. Seems to me that many people voted and responded and this seems like an interesting subject. It was tastefully done and no names were mentioned. Its just a basic discussion.

I am far from defensive. I just think you all are STUPId as HELL .

Likewise. Don't you have anything better to do than to harass people and control every discussion on this board?

please get a life.. I am hardly here on this board anymore . like I said yall are STUPID AS HELL.

What a shame. You hardly come and yet you use all your time to harass us? I think you're the one that needs a life! You came in this thread insulting people for no reason. Nothing here was directed at you and I don't know why you feel the need to be so rude and nasty all the time.

Why don't you try being consistintly nice for once and see what changes in your life. I honestly feel sorry for you.

thanks for proving my point on yours and your buddy buddys stupidity..

I'm sure everyone sees it that way....NOT!