I'm just curious to know if sharing arguments or fights etc. is haram in Islam or if it is just an ME/NA cultural thing not to. I know most of the men don't like it, so I was just wondering what you guys think.

Sarah

shoot! I forgot to add a does not apply to me in the second question.

Maybe just vote "NO" if it does not apply to you, ok?

I think if the *issue* shared is within the limits of Islam...so no sexual content or inner secrets are shared then there is no problem. Alot of people have really no other way to vent and express their problems with people they *feel* can undertsand them then here on VJ.

I think also that the SO has right to know that his/her SO is posting about them and what is posted. Secrets should not be kept between the two.

Also finally I would like to add, I joined VJ thinking all you ladies were great, strong and helpful...eventually a friendship of some sort would form ... Well I have formed some *friendships* with you great bunch of people... but there are times when I just feel I have had it. Anyway, that is my issue not yours.

But I will say this much, I am starting to feel I cannot express myself here so liberally... and that I should not even *try* to get off topic anymore.

Thanks for listening and baring with me.

Peace and Blessings

So you husband knows all the private information you post about him on VJ?




Wait Henia, you voted

1. nothing wrong with it
2. he doesnt read your posts
3. you would have a problem wiht him doing the same?

That contradicts everything you just said.

He knows basically what I share alot of things with my friends and on Vj. He doesnt know every single detail...if he did I am sure we wouldnt be going thru what we are going thru now...and if he wanted to post whatever I wouldnt mind. But as I stated in the other thread I am done. I am going to get all catty with you. Ain't for me. Sorry! But I am glad to the see the Post Police are out on the patrol as usual. VJ: where opinions, ideals and experiences should not be posted. Hmm now I know why I was warned to only post strictly visa related comments and questions and congrats for approvals. Hmmm...maybe I will take that *golden advice*...

I could care less about your opinions, ideals and experiences. Just pointing out the HUGE contradiction you made it your post.

This is what I was getting at with the "Ramadan reminders" in the bickering threads. There are many behaviors that can be perceived unbecoming to Muslims, during Ramadan or all the time. It could be back biting, it could be posting details about our husbands, it could how someone is dressed... a multitude of things. Henia, I know you didn't mean any offense, but how would you feel if someone had posted "remember it is Ramadan" after you posted about your husband's text messages? I am not calling you out for that - not in any way- my point is simply that we all have our own standards of what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior during Ramadan (and throughout the year). I think such reminders can lead to something really ugly... with each person calling the other out for what they perceive goes against Islam. I don't think any of us want that.

For those of you who don't show your husbands your posts about your marital problems, what do you think they would do if they read them?

I think haram might be a little too strong a word to use. In Islam husbands and wifes are like cloaks for one another. They shelter and protect each other. It can be harmful and even dangerous to a relationship to expose private details about the other in a public forum.



For some people this forum is a "family" and there are not other people in their lives who they can vent to who will understand because they are not in a bi-national or bi-cultural relationship. Personally for me I could never post here private things. I have close family members (or firends who are like family to us both) that I could trust to bend their ear. Otherwise it stays between us.

Henia, I don't want to upset you but I am curious, if you don't mind sharing...

I think we all know you went through a little rough patch in Algeria and shared with us, and you don't think there is anything wrong with that. Then you said your husband doesn't read your posts. Then you said you would be mind if he posted about your problems... sorry but it is contradicting, can you elaborate?

What if he did read your posts?

So everyone so far would mind if their husbands posted about their problems... interesting!

explain your answers people! Come on!

The only marital problem we have is this DAYUM AP.
since me and my husband has shared this issue with 1001 others I guess its not too bad of a thing.



let me guess - you created this poll to mock Henia? I think thats pretty low.

Henia, dont answer her "tarded " questions!

Okay, I will bite. I don't think it is Haram, just unwise. I don't post my marital problems here on the board because that is what I have a husband for. Him and I need to talk through it, not with someone else.

On the other hand we are all different, and maybe we need to vent, and there really is no one to vent too.

As far as being reminded it is Ramadan, well we are all responsible to dictate how we ourselves behave. Muslim or Christian. I was raised Christian so I know that it is expected of them to behave kindly one to another. For those that choose no faith, then you must decide for yourself how you want to be treated, and do the same for them. This applies to everyday of the year, not just during specific holidays.

I don't, however, get offended when someone reminds us that it is Ramadan.

This really sums up my feelings. I thought haram was a bit strong, but I voted haram because it came the closest to how I feel.

I fully understand people need a place to go. I would hate to see anyone who is comfortable with posting their problems stop because of my feelings. I think this is where group's like Doreen's can be a real service. They may not be 100% secure but they are not so out in the open too. Even chatting one-on-one or in a small group with your favorites from here.

Also, I think there is a difference between posting about the toilet seat and more personal issues.

Oh please. Henia and I are friends and I am trying to find out why she voted like that because it is contradicting. Henia knows I mean no harm.

We have no secrets from each other. He knows I post here. He comes to read sometimes. We have an understanding between us what is private and what isn't. We try to be respectful of our relationship. I will say he isn't very much in favor of me posting here anymore because he doesn't like a lot of what he sees going on, but that's just him being protective of my feelings.

So, religion has nothing to do with our agreement.

I have a question, does anyone post something here with the *hopes* your SO will read it? I know sometimes its hard to express feelings to each other.

No, never. Hicham would get too lost if that was the case. haha.

Nope. We communicate directly.

with friends like you who in the hell need enemies.
if she told you her problem. keep it to yourself. why make a freaking poll about it?
DONT ANSWER.. frankly your not nice- I dont wanna hear your excuses. you have to live with
yourself.

Shon, everyone here is big enough to decide whether or not they want to partake in the poll. Henia can decide without you telling her what to do. Those who want to answer can and those who do not, well they can ignore it. If you have a problem with me maybe you should put me back on ignore. I thought you had enough problems already as things are that you would leave me alone for a while, guess not!

She told everyone, its not a secret Shon. By the way someone is speaking French in another thread....

only one telling henia what to do is YOU..
you say she is your friend but you come on here and PUBLICLY MOCK her. some friend
Su Gente!!!
like i said you have to live with yourself. people can see what your made of! -its not very pretty.

Shon, Henia voted in the poll and shared her thoughts. Where am I telling her what to do? I was asking if she would elaborate on how she voted. She doesn't have to, but I CAN ask.

Perhaps a poll on the ages of this group would be insightful...just a thought.

Come on people...lighten up and have some fun here. I don't see the point in wasting time trying to change someones opinion. I do feel sad when I can see that someone has been hurt by unkind comments, but we can't fix it. Just send that person a PM and give them your support.

This bickering just isn't worth it, in my opinion.





Okay, I have an idea for a poll, but since it doesn't involve me I wouldn't want to be the one starting it. Sarah, would you want too?

The question is:

Who is the most unkind

1-Sarah
2-VeiledPrincess
3-Henia
4-JP
5-Morocco4ever (what the hell, changed my mind)
6-All of the above
7-None of the above

I couldn't vote because question 2 does not have a N/A option for those who don't share that info.

I do believe it's haraam to discuss marital issues in the home with others... I also believe it's a form of backbiting... the exception to this for me would be if I am seeking advice about how to handle a problem we were having or as an example when advising another.

Just to make this very clear!!!!! This is my opinion and I don't mean anything personal to those who don't feel this way or talk openly on the boards.

ETA: Sorry Sarah didn't read the post that accompanies the poll before clicking the ADD REPLY button... I'll vote no for that one :-)

Let me get this straight, you want Sarah to make a poll asking people who she thinks is the most unkind including herself? Nice how you added yourself in at the last second.

how do you know what she voted?

Bcz she was the 3rd to vote and all the answers were the same. What do you think of Morocco's new poll idea VP?

And this is supposed to help the bickering how?

I am fasting I am fasting. (and biting my fingers off to not type what I am thinking..... )

Jackie

In my opinion, it would be a 3-way tie...get them together and it's like a train wreck...and for some very odd reason I find myself reading it all. Maybe I keep expecting a truce to be called, or for someone to at least apologize, or maybe I just like having my 'jaw hitting the floor' expression on my face for most of the day. It amazes me that no one seems to realize that the longer it goes on, the more people get hurt. Where does it get any of them besides stirring more hatred? Just imagine all of the people that have come here for the purpose of sharing their Visa Journey but have been scared off because of the content of these forums? I can't blame them one bit...

Oh OK I thought somehow the polls were not private.

I think it's a toss-up.... had it been a few months ago I could have easily won that

Thanks for sharing. There is an ignore feature you can always use, can you please put me on ignore? A more "jaw hitting the floor" thing would be this so called poll that Morocco wants to create. Maybe I should make a poll that says who is the biggest whiner? You don't have to agree with anything I say and you don't have to like it AND.... guess what....reading it is OPTIONAL! I contribute alot to this forum as do all the ladies mentioned above if we disagree or fight so be it. I find it very amusing that a new member who has not contributed anything tells me I'm stirring hatred bcz I disagree with what someone else said. There are other parts of VJ that everyone is free to use, this part is for discussion about ME/NA that is not limited to visas. We are dysfuntional, so what!

The funny thing is I consider JP a friend so we don't agree... we don't have to

ETA: Actually I consider most people here a friend. There are some I don't care for and others I love more than average but I still love you all for the sake of God and our common visa journey

Maybe I was being Factitious?

Like I said...lets all lighten up here.

Well said.

Same here, I don't hold grudges and I don't take things personally. I come from an arab family and let me tell ya...we are as dysfuntional as they come. So this is like one big hormonal dysfunctional family

No one likes my idea for a poll? I'm crushed!

Maybe it isn't my place to offer this information up, but aside from the bickering that goes on here, most of the women involved are all quite friendly "behind the scenes" and really do care about each other. It is sort of like the fighting between siblings. They have their disagreements and still respect and care very much for one another. The strongest friendships are where people can express themselves freely without taking it personally.

Ok let me ask a question now...

Why does bickering between other people bother you? How does it even affect you? Sarah, VP, Henia, and I may bicker but we still like each other.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with a difference of opinion, and a healthy debate. Its only when it crosses the line and hurts people that it bothers me. Not me personally per se, there is very little anyone here could say that would offend me, but I feel sad when I see that someone is hurting.

There are only a couple of people here that I find distateful, but I am not in the habit of letting what they say bother me.

I do, however, enjoy throwing in a few strange posts in between a heated debate, just for fun.

And you don't think your poll is crossing the line or distasteful?

Distasteful is a nice way of putting it!

I never pictured you 2 as being overly sensitive! It was just a joke! Why do you think I threw my name in as well?

All I know is I made a poll then next thing I know you have made a poll with my name in it asking who is the most unkind person... came out of no where I guess...

You didn't actually make that poll right? I thought you just suggested it in fun

Oh heavens no! I would never make a poll like that! Just a little ribbing. I guess I have offended people here, and for that I am sorry. I really wouldn't want to hurt anyone.

I don't think you've offended anyone... you've just been initiated into the bickering club