Although I have more nothing useful to add, I just wanted to tell you that you are correct that the most important thing is to be with your SO right now. This will definetly strengthen the relationship and although he may think that he can do this alone, he knows that you being with him would be the extra support he needs. My prayers are with you and your SO at this time.

Lyric,

***Hugs**** I hope things work out for you. I have no idea what you are feeling but I hope all the best for the 2 of you and most important that your finance can bet this cancer!!

Just another thing i was thinking is you could go to Canada just as a visitor. You are allowed 6 months at a time and you can apply from within Canada to extend the stay which I belive is only $75 if I remember right. Then you would have the rest of your savings to live on. Just a thought. I don't know if this is possilbe for you but to move to a state that is close to the border and get a job there so you are able to go to Canada every day. Don't know if that is possilbe for you I know it never was for me.

I hope this all works out for you both and I hope the decision you make will be the best for both of you. You both will be in my thoughts daily!

Reba,

Let me ask this and for anyone else who might know. I would want to take my car if I was going to stay that long. It would be much easier for me to take him to and from his appts, as I don't understand the public transportations system and it would just be more comfortable for him anyway.

If I did that, what do I say to customs when they ask the reason for my visit and how long I will be there? I know Canada is a little more lenient to people coming for longer periods of time, but I don't want to be dishonest and I don't want to be turned away.

Also, you are saying that if I did go and stay six months and we didn't marry that I could arrange to stay another 6 months without having to leave and come back?

In my opinion I would tell Customs the truth...that you are coming to stay a couple of months with your finance while he goes through cancer treatments. I would bring plenty of proof that you do intend to return to the US once he is well again.

Here is the info on visiting Canda and how to extend you stay if you want to stay longer than the 6 month period. http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/faq/visiting-9.html

I've lit a candle for both of you, you are in my thoughts. Nothing new to add to the advice except to reinforce you taking care of yourself right now.

I wanted to echo what a few people have already said, make sure you are taking care of yourself. Get some sleep, do something that relaxes you or makes you feel good *everyday*! I know it might feel weird or selfish, but you need to take care of you so you can help your fiance. We're all here for you, if you have questions or just need some support.

I know I'm still at the beginning of this very confusing and stressful road, but I'm the type of person where 20 million questions hit me at once and I need the answers. I know it's not the best way to handle things, I suppose, but that's me. So, if anyone has more to add, I'll listen.

If I tell them I only want to stay a couple of months but I know I'm going to be there for longer than that, then how do I proove losts of proof that I intend to return? I don't want to throw away money in rent for an apartment I wouldn't be living in and I couldn't leave my employer just hanging. That would leave me with next to nothing showing proof of returning to the U.S. Any ideas of what I could/should do if I decided to go to Canada?

Doesn't the USA have Compassion leave ? In Canada you can take up to six months or longer to take care of a family member who is ill.

Another piece of advice from someone who has taken care of Cancer survivors. You decide what to do and leave your fiance resting. He will need ALL of his strength to fight this disease. Stress makes the cells multiply and you want him to have the best chance of survival. Chemo is very hard on the bodies system and he will need every ounce of strength he needs to recover. The visa thing can wait, just get him through this.
Warm wishes ,
Karen

Buttons, nope, there is no outright compassionate leave here in the US. Some employers however do, but AFAIK, they are few and far between.

Lyric, get a leave of absence from work, with a letter from your manager or HR office that says you are on approved leave for the purpose of caring for your fiance thru his illness. Have them put a date on it of when you're expected back. Be that 2 months or 3 months or whatever, just make sure the letter says you are expected back. I'm sure they won't mind helping if they can. And all it is is a letter.

Also, if you can get a letter from your fiance's doctor that might help.

Once you get to the border just show them what you've got and tell them why you're there. Tell them you expect to be there for a couple or 3 months to get him thru the first stage of treatments. Once you're there, they're not going to come looking for you. Then you just stay for your allowed 6 months if you can, and if needs be, extend your visit on compassionate grounds.

I will warn you, that if you apply for an extension, Canadian Immigration is notoriously slow, and they lose things. All the time. You may want to just consider getting married when you arrive and then start the petitioning process for you get status in Canada. At least then you'll be legally in limbo, whether you intend to stay or not past your fiance's treatments. If you follow.

You may end up having to start your USCIS process all over again as well, if you plan to stay in Canada a few months for your fiance to recover. I'm not sure how long the K1 will be good for until it expires. I think 6 months tho. If you get married in Canada, you'd have to start over anyhow with a K3/CR1 to the US.

That does make sense guys. Because I don't know what he's facing, even now and I'm not truly going to know until I can be up there and see for myself. So I would do the employer letter and take the U.S. visa paperwork with me too.

I'm no doctor but I work in the medical field. Let's just say he's in for a long recovery period. Mental , emotional and physical. The sooner you get there and reassure him that you'll be his ROCK and not to worry about the VISA"S right now he'll have one less stress to worry about. Let's just concentrate on his recovery.
Warm wishes,

I've been following your thread and wanted to say that I was sorry for your situation. However, at least you both know that you have eachother to lean on through this trial. This too you shall overcome.

A couple of questions ...

If you decided to stay here and get married to see him through his treatment, then would DCF filing be an option when you wanted to return to the US? This may be a very naive question and I'm sorry if it has already been thought through.

Have the doctors told your fiance yet how long his treatment will be? The reason I ask, is that you may be able to go to Canada and take care of him through his treatments during the initial 6 months. He may be able to join you in the US after that where at least you will have your salary to help support the both of you. Not on the K1 - just as a visitor, that way he still has his rights to health care in Canada. I don't know where you are in the US, but it may be cheaper to fly him back and forth for his follow up appointments (or have him see a doctor there) than to try to support the both of you in Canada without your income.

Just one step at a time is all you can do at this point. Until you have a prognosis and a treatment plan, there is little you can plan.

Monique



Lyric,
I don't know where your fiance will be undergoing treatment, but many facilities offer a 'shuttle service' if you will, from home right to the hospital. This is often a volunteer run service. May be worth investigating. May be an option for getting him back and forth to his treatments.

Mo

They could dcf after she got PR

I just wanted to tell you also Lyric, when I came in, I drove in at Blue Water, with my car, and 2 suitcases, I brought SO MUCH stuff to prove I was going to go back (in case my PR was denied) and they didn't ask for any of it. I had my cat with me and I had to remind them that I was supposed to show paperwork for her. I told them I was visiting, but that I had my PR app pending, they let me right on thru. Diff situation, but I just wanted to say coming into canada I never had problems, it was always going back to my own country that I got hassled.

Just a point of clarification... they could DCF one year after her PR status is approved.

Lyric, after reading some of the latter posts, and after experiencing healthcare in both countries, I would have to agree with keeping your fiance here in Canada for his care. It sounds like he's already near an excellent facility, would have far better coverage than here than in the US (if any in the US), and treatment could be immediate (rather than waiting to find someplace down there).

You mentioned that you didn't want to leave your employer hanging. But you know, I'm pretty sure they'd understand. They should agree to a leave of absence and can make adjustments to accomodate you. After all, they were there before you starting working there, and they'll be there if you're gone for a while, too.

Just focus on the two of you, and what needs to be done. And make sure to take care of yourself in the process, too. ((hugs))

I know nothing about his treatment or what is going to happen at this point. I am hoping to find that out today, as I have to contact my congressman's office to explain everything that is happening, so that I can at least ask for an initial extention until we know more in the next couple of months.

I spoke with my employer today and told her what is happening and I'm taking the afternoon off to hopefully try and get some much needed questions answered. I'm going to need lots of luck with that. He's so upset and not feeling well, I'm just hoping I can somehow get info from his doctor so he doesn't have to deal with any of this. I want to do as much of it as I possibly can so that he doesn't have to worry about it. It's not fair to him in the least.

All I want is for him to get better. That's most important but me being with him is imperative. I have to make it work one way or another.

Thanks for the clarification. I knew I did not have all the information needed, but was trying to toss out options all the same.

Monique

The Doctor can not give you info without his prior written consent or he needs to be in the room with you.

just fyi, I was able to DCF 3 weeks after landing. I am not sure if the one year requirement is a rumor, but they did not bat an eye when I filed........

Yes, I was 100% positive he'd need written consent. He's not even sure if she's in today. I'm just waiting now. I just came back to work because my hands are tied right now. I want to talk to her so I can get the FULL story and plus if he ends up in the hospital unexpectedly I need to have the right to be given information. I don't even know why they're taking so long to do anything for him. It's stressing me out beyond belief. Which is one of the many reasons I want to talk with her. sigh.

[quote name='Lyric' date='Oct 10 2006, 04:41 PM' post='498650']
The Doctor can not give you info without his prior written consent or he needs to be in the room with you.
[/quote]

Yes, I was 100% positive he'd need written consent. He's not even sure if she's in today. I'm just waiting now. I just came back to work because my hands are tied right now. I want to talk to her so I can get the FULL story and plus if he ends up in the hospital unexpectedly I need to have the right to be given information. I don't even know why they're taking so long to do anything for him. It's stressing me out beyond belief. Which is one of the many reasons I want to talk with her. sigh.
[/quote]


Lyric,

It takes time to gather the information before treatment can begin...it just does

I didn't mention before but you may want to get married ASAP so you do have a say in what is happening, and what is done if he is unable to make decisions himself. If you do not get married, then talk to a lawyer to have papers drawn up to give you that right.

Linda

Very good point, especially if he has no family...

I feel completely helpless right now. I don't even know what to do. If it wasn't for health care in the United States being completely unaffordable this wouldn't be much of an issue. He'd come here and have everything done, but I don't see how that is even a remote possibility. After all the info I have received and seen.

Wait until you can speak with the doctor. She may be able to refer to to an agency that can help....

I went through cancer treatment of all sorts in the past couple of years. I really suggest having your fiance stay in Canada. The Canadian Cancer Society helped me pay for EVERYTHING that I couldn't afford, being a university student. There were shuttles to take me back and forth, there were houses to stay in, and they helped me with everything.

I love my fiance dearly, and while he came here to be with me for each surgery, he couldn't stay. I know it'll be so hard on your SO if you need to come and go, but the cancer society will ensure he is in good hands. Hospital volunteers and local charity groups through the United Way will help. I'm tearing up thinking about all the help I got. Ultimately, I know you feel you NEED to be there, and if you can be, so be it. However, you can do just as much for him physically by checking in with organizations around him and see what they can do to help.

I know you feel so rushed, but you have some time. Make sure his health is taken care of with the assumption that the two of you simply can't be together. Then, when you can arrive, the situation will improve, instead of let-downs and worries. Make absolute certain that he doesn't need to worry about things because that will make him sicker. There are issues with you coming here, certainly, but everything can be overcome. Please keep in touch. PM me if you would like any insight on dealing with cancer in Ontario.

Also, on the marriage issue, is it not possible to simply go to Montreal and marry there, considering he would travel there for his interview anyhow and it's close to the Kingston Cancer Center? I'm not sure, but check out that option.

No advice, just sympathy and good wishes.

Hi,

My sympathy and good wishes. Hope everything goes well.

Perhaps you can find a job in Canada and work on the TN visa; Americans are eligible to apply for one if they find a job in Canada.

The TN visa requires you are a certain professional, hold certain degrees and have a job offer in hand. It is not enough to just be an American to be eligible. As well, it is a non immigrant visa and you have to prove that you have no intent to immigrate...near impossible when you have a SO in the reciprocal country and are pursuing an immigrant visa, I would imagine.

Oh God! Im so sorry!!! May God help you both!

Lyric, I'm so sorry to hear about what you and your fiance are going through. I haven't been in VJ for awhile and don't have any advice to give. But I do agree with the other posters about him staying in Canada to get treatment. Good luck, and I'll keep you in my prayers.

God bless you both.............I wish I had some answers or a solution for you. But I have to agree with others that it would be better if your fiance stay in Canada and get medical care and for you to go to him. You are in our thoughts and prayers............................{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

I spent a large sum of money to make an emergency trip to see him over the weekend. Something we both needed. For now we have postponed the interview and he will stay in Canada. I don't know what will happen next. I've never been so stressed and upset about anything in my life. Please just continue to keep us in your prayers.

Will do and glad to hear that you were able to go and see him now. Take each day as it comes and try not to overwhelm yourself.

Mary

Take care of yoursefl so you can help take care of him. I'm sure the visit was bittersweet. I am glad you get to be with you and hope you can be with him again soon. You are in our prayers

Hi Lyric,

I am a health care professional that practices in the Hospital system in Toronto, Canada. First of all, if you or your husband do not have health care insurance in the USA, then it is prudent to have his cancer care done in Canda. Depending on the Province you are in, the care will vary. However, 100% of his hospital care will be covered by the government health care system in Canada.

2nd of all, if he doesn't have any income or monies or assets, then he can see a social worker in the hospital system (even if he is not yet hospitalized). Every hospital will have a social worker that is either associated with an outpatient clinic (in his case the Oncology unit) or an inpatient ward.

Because he is now officially diagnosed with cancer, he will qualify for government income and drug plan coverage. As well, because he is seriously ill, the social worker can make an application on his behalf/ help him expedite his application for subsidized housing.

So his illness, to some degree, will increase the stability of his personal housing situation, as well as his income situation.

If I were you, as an American, can you get some time off, and come over as a visitor? I don't know the legalities of staying beyond 6 months between Canada and the USA... but perhaps your congressman can speak to the Premier of the Province your husband is in, and request a special stay or expedited process for you to work and live in Canada, given the extrenuating circumstances.

You may also want to see an immigration lawyer in Canada, given your husband's care is covered here, and hence he is tethered to Canada (so to speak until his cancer is in "remission").

If you have the money, or the insurance, then cancer care in the USA is probably superior. However, if you do not have health care coverage, then he is probably better off being in Canada for now.

Also remember, that with cancer, there is surgery, hospitalization, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy. Furthermore, post surgery, he will probably need physiotherapy and other types of care and education, depending on his surgery.

You guys are in for a long haul of living in Canada for his cancer therapy. Furthermore, even if his cancer does go into remission, he will need regular check ups with the oncologist to ensure his cancer remains in remission.

Canada's social system is adequate. I do not know what the US system is like.

If the US system will provide him with immediate government covered health plan coverage, as well as some income subsidy, then perhaps bringing to the states is an option. But I can tell you now, for sure, for sure, the social network is in place in Canada... such that his hospitalizations, and all drugs and care while in hospital will be covered. Some provinces also cover dental and drug care, but in Ontario, you need to be disabled (in his case) to get such coverage.

Good luck.

Hi Lyric,

Sorry, I thought you guys were married. there are 6 pages, and I read the 1st 2 and the last 2 pages.

When you visit Canada again, or maybe by phone, you need to speak to an immigration lawyer in Canada (if your plans are to stay in Canada).

What situation would help you stay and reside in Canada faster and easier? Being married or not being married? If being married expediates it, then should the ceremony be in Canada or the USA? I have a feeling that being a married spouse would carry more weight. And probably it is easier if you get married in Canada.

Also, from a health care perspective, remember that by being married, you have more authority to be involved in his health care, as well as have acces to his health care information.

He needs to speak to a social worker ASAP though. They can help with housing, finances, and drug plan coverage. It's something he can do in Canada (without you being present). With a diagnosis like cancer, he can also probably get homecare assistance and perhaps even a visiting RN to see him at home. All these services are covered by the government.

So--- let him look into social assistance. You can look into the best way to get yourself over to Canada, and what your legal options are. Getting married via civil ceremony in Canada may be something you'll have to consider.

Sorry about your situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care.

Zimmy is right on the dot. I being a healthcare professional also stand behind her statements.

Lyric, I am glad you were able to get up here to Canada to visit with your fiance, I have you both in my prayers and hope all goes well with everything you are both going through.

Thank you for the information, Zimmy. I'll take it all into consideration.

For Canadian immigration married or not doesn't matter. Canada allows (and has for quite some time) common-law and conjugal partner immigration. Canada is a common-law country, they don't care if you get married or not. Which is why there isn't an equivalent fiance visa. You're a partner, first and foremost.

Tho I will say that whether you're married or not, CIC paperwork is a pain in the arse With or without a lawyer.

I'd suggest that if you *can* get a leave of absense from work, once you're in Canada and decide whether or not you'll stay beyond 6 months, apply from within Canada, and perhaps the Provincial MP can assist with a compassionate grounds application.

My wife and I will pray for your situation.....Hope that it all works out in your favor.