Hello,

I've been married to a USC for almost a year now. Recently I discovered that my husband has a mistress and I am so devastated. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him but at the same time I'm really hurt and I don't know how long I could go on like this. I'm afraid to ask him to leave his mistress because he might decide to leave me instead. The thought of divorcing him crossed my mind but I don't think I'm ready to live without him. I'm not emotionally ready yet. I need to prepare myself first. I tried seeking help from a therapist but I can't do it without my husband noticing it. So far the only way I could cope is pretending I don't know about it and trying to forget it. I might have a mental breakdown eventually.

If ever I decide to divorce him, is it possible for me to get a waiver for filing of 751 (removal of conditions on my green card)? Is that usually granted if I file a divorce due to adultery?

I also used to have an H1-B visa which was valid for a few more years but since I was granted a conditional green card the H1 visa was voided. Would you know if it is possible to reuse my H1-B visa again?

I appreciate any advice you could give me. Thanks.

Sorry to hear that, Yes you can apply for a waiver to remove conditions in your situation.

How Can I Get a Waiver of the Requirement to File a Joint Petition?
If you are unable to apply with your spouse to remove the conditions on your residence, you may request a waiver of the joint filing requirement. You may request consideration of more than one waiver provision at a time.

You may request a waiver of the joint petitioning requirements if:

* Your deportation or removal would result in extreme hardship

* You entered into your marriage in good faith, and not to evade immigration laws, but the marriage ended by annulment or divorce, and you were not at fault in failing to file a timely petition.

* You entered into your marriage in good faith, and not to evade immigration laws, but during the marriage you were battered by, or subjected to extreme cruelty committed by your U.S. citizen of legal permanent resident spouse, and you were not at fault in failing to file a joint petition.

Please see USCIS Form I-751 (Petition to Remove the Conditions on Residence) for more specific information on waiver

http://www.uscis.gov/graphics/howdoi/remcond.htm#waiver

I'm sorry to hear the news, but first let's clear up the questions regarding immigration. The alien can remove conditions following deivorce if he/she can demonstrate that the marriage was bona fide. You would need evidence of the co-mingling of your financial and social lives, evidence that you shared a residence etc. If you do a search on VJ, I believe there are plenty of threads that list documentation various individuals have submitted to remove conditions. The waiver is no different, except that one ticks a special box on the I-751 form, and one encloses a copy of the divorce decree. Grounds for divorce play little or no part in the immigration decision, unless the grounds indicated fraud on the part of the alien. Remember, that since an alien once divorced can no longer accure evidence of a bona fide marriage , once a divorce decree is available the alien can file the I-751 right away, and does not have to wait until the 90 day window.

Yes, the H1-B is a dual intent visa, should you know of an employer that is advertising, however you'd be losing the ground you've already gained up to this point. Make sure you busy yourself, making copies of documentation: you will need for the I-751 tax returns, bank statements, insurance policies, evidence that has been addressed to you and your husband at the same address, etc. I doubt you will need to look into other options.

As to the adultery, if you are not yet comfortable in deciding to end the marriage, please consult someone during this time. Infidelity can wreak havoc one one's sense of self, and you deserve to do all you can to preserve your self-esteem. While seeing a counselor (paid professional) might require a payment, that your husband could become aware of, there are very often organisations that will counsel women free of charge. Have a look in your community to see if there is a social agency or a Women's Resource or Crisis Centre where you can make some enquiries.

At this point the H-1B is completely gone and you shouldn't even be considering it as an option. The "dual intent" status of the H-1B dissappeared as soon as you got your Green Card, and you won't be able to re-activate it.

Right now your best bet is with the waiver, if you get divorced, and you should really be talking to an attorney.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you.

so sorry to hear about your predicament

I don't know if i feel sorry for you or feel sorry for the USC. This is the man who you loved and married to? He's having an affair, he's doing wrong and without giving any doubt on his part, shouldn't you give him a chance by confronting him and be truth to him or just keeping the feeling to yourself and allowing him continue his path of distruction.

Going to therapist on your own for marriage couseling sounds too fishy. It takes two to work this out. I don't know if you really want to continue this marriage with him or you're most concern about the greencard. Why didn't you confront him first and see what will happen? All you're telling us here is that you're afraid to tell him that you know he has a mistress and you're afraid he would leave you. Any of these is factual? Did he say that he would leave you for the mistress or this is what you THINK he THINKS?

Worry about your Greencard more than your marriage is something I have a lot of doubts in your case. Work at fixing your marriage first before looking for a way out!

Good luck and yes, I am judging your story. Let the flame begins

chuck and kim

Hi Chuck and Kim,

My husband confirmed about having an affair and it's not something I made up or imagined. He doesn't want to talk about it anymore and I don't know where I stand.

No, I'm not that worried about my greencard. My main concern is my health since I am really depressed right now. I wish we could go for marriage counseling but he's not interested. I didn't want to ask him to leave his other woman because I'm not ready for his response.

I didn't marry him for the green card. I was working under H1-B visa and had a green card application from my employer. Unfortunately, since my H1 visa has been voided because of the conditional green card, the GC application from work too would be useless. I need to continue being on H1 visa for the employment GC processing. If I hadn't married my husband, I wouldn't have a problem with my H1 visa now.

Yes, it's obvious you're judging my story. If you looked at my post, more than half of it concerns my emotional problem, not the green card I'm feeling mixed emotions now and couldn't think clearly, that's why I want to go to a therapist. Sometimes I'm blaming myself for his infidelity and this is really making me feel worse. I need a therapist to sort out all my emotional problems and not the green card problem. Otherwise, I would have thought of going to an attorney.

I posted here hoping to get people's thoughts on where I stand on the green card. I'm not even planning to divorce my husband at this time. I want to fight for him but it would be useless if he's not willing to fight for our relationship.

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He alredy confirmed he is having an affair, that's a signal for most women I know to leave his @$$. I am not crazy but pitty love is not love. What if you beg him to stay, then he stays, you two get back. However, that little doubt is always on your mind: when will he pull this trick on you with another girl... again? So, ask away... if you truely want to get out, get out!

There is a good book: "how to survive an affair". If you plan to survive it and make it work... you need to prepare to work double times to have this relationtionship rebuilt. Even MOVING to another part of the country!

Good luck and I am sorry I judged you.

I just wanted to say that I know people who have survived affairs and gone on to have a stronger and happier marriage (eventually). But that requires that your husband give up his mistress and IMHO you shouldn't have to ask him to. He has to want to work on, and stay in, the marriage for himself. And I understand what you mean about being afraid to ask him the question because you are afraid he might answer the other way.

I do think you should go to therapy by yourself. So what if your husband finds out you're going to therapy? I'm not sure what he expects -- he has a mistress, still has this mistress, and he expects you to just sit there and pretend you don't know and/or don't care? Go to therapy. I think there are a lot of things a professional can help you sort through, such as why you are willing to accept this situation and why you are more afraid of his answer than of the current situation. All my sympathy to you. I think you will find out your own strength and be amazed by it.

HI! I suggest to hire a detective who can take the pictures of your husband and his mistress together so u will have a plenty of evidence to show the USCIS about his behavior.
You could also be a detective yourself and collect the evidence as pictures and etc . against him.
You can file for the Removal of the Conditions on your own and dont worry about it.
Also visiting the therapist would be a good idea and good evidence of your emotional stress.
As for the Removal of the Conditions You need to inlcude the documentation which would show that your marriage was enetered in good faith and u were living together during these years.
-Joint IRs Returns
-Joind Credit Card and Bank Accounts
-Affidavits form friends and family
-Pictures
-Drivers licencies indicationg the same adress of residing
-Any joint memebrship cards
-Joint car ownerships
-Joint car and medical insurances
-Joint leases or homeownerships and etc....

Also i would suggest to talk to your husband about whats going on as thats not right.
He probably knows that you know about his mistress and he feels that you scared and thats why he acts like that.
You should show him that you are not afraid of him to leave you ,tell him directly whats the heck is
going on and why he is doing that and that you are very dissapointed and how he could do that to yo uand how disrespectful what he is doing....and etc...
Show him that you are not a little quite mouse and you should work something out between 2 of you .
Best Wishes.
Sincerely.

Well , if he is admitted that he has a mistress and u dont actually knwo why is that,whats the problem ?...
You should off ask him what did he find in her that he didnt find in you .
Also if he is doing that to you he probably doesent care about you too much ,so go i would suggest to go out to the bars and clubs by your own or with ur friends ,have fun and find a cute boys.
Later ,he will notice that u look happier and etc... and he is gonna be concerned about that and might pay you more attention but still...., so if he is gonna keep seeing his mistress ,just live him an apply for the Removal of the Conditions yourself. You cant be stressed lies that emotioanlly all the time and he disrespects you.
I would understand that if he thought u dont know about his behavior and he was trying to hide it from you ., but you actually know what he does that i would really feel humiliated if i were you and actually have u ever asked him why did he marry you in the first place?
So anyways,talking to cute boys doesnt mean necessarily that you have any kind of relationship with them ., just a little bit of attention and fliriitng would cheer u up. Bars and clubs is a good stress relief and u can meet a lots of new interesting people there.
Best wishes.
Sincerely.

You should see someone, especially if you are depressed. If you are wondering if you are the cause, then please seek help. A person commits adultery for purely selfish reasons, and regardless of what he may or may not have articulated to youas the reason, everyone has a choice of whether or not to act on his/her desires with someone outside the marriage, to attend counselling to address the issues or to end the relationship. Frankly, the former is abusive and no one should be subjected to that. Depression can make choices difficult, and you need to be well-armed to make whatever decision you need to at some point.

Is it your opinion that your husband wishes for you to simply accept the affair and continue, or do you think there is a possibility that he hasn't taken the step to end the marriage, because he's under the mistaken impression that prolonging the marriage may somehow benefit you through the remainder of your immigration process?

Well, 1st and foremost Im truly sorry to hear that. Ive been in a situation like that for 6 years. I wasn't married tho. It felt like a marriage.

That could be a dangerous thing going out and trying to make him "jealous". Are we in high school here? It shouldnt even be about him or what he thinks. It should be about you and what u think, and what u feel. If you want to stay, and see a psychiatrist then do so, but dont do it to figure out what "'YOUR" problem is. Loving somebody is not the problem. Do it with the intentions of becoming a stronger woman so you an make the right decision, for ur safety and your health. If people are cheating, does that mean that they dont love their SO? How can you love someone and not respect them? I never understood that? If you allow yourself to be mistreated and distrspected. its not even really about how they feel avout you, its about how you feel about yourself.

As far as the visa and the work-visa and all that. I am clueless. But if you had one before him, how can that benefit you now? Well, you did say you aren't ready to leave him. How long have you known about this chick?

I'd serve her @ss up on a silver plate for dinner and ask him if he was he really that hungry!

That pi sses me off! Why get married if you arent ready to be with that person and that person only. Its not hard, hell either you do or you don't! All them excuses... moments of weakness, i didn't mean to do it... it was an accident, thats the best one yet.

Gotta look deep b4 u leap!

Goodness Gracious!

I hope it works out for you ladybug!