You know I stepped away from the ME/NA forum and you know why. No reason to restate it. I do come to VJ now for information instead of the social aspect I had enjoyed before. However, the sh*t slinging and gleeful insults are becoming hard to avoid as they seem to meander through several threads now.

Do you women understand the destruction you leave in your wake? Do you know new members as well as some veterans have left me private messages stating they won't even post because of those who insist on carrying on like this? They're afraid to. VisaJourney is a forum meant to help people and your personal agendas are slowly undermining this website.

Now I realize there are some who feel the whole "mean girl" thing is cute. It's become repulsive and embarassing. It has turned into the laughing stock of VJ and it appears you now even want a logo for it??? Insane. Why do I care? I care because months ago I took these women (YOU) sharing a common struggle with SOs in a common culture as family. At one time we shared a lot of support here. Yep, it was my own fault however. Not blaming anyone but myself.

I realize I have no authority and its not my business, but I also care about VJ and since everyone else can fan any opinion they have here without any level of personal responsibility, so shall I. Straighten up ladies. You're adults. This is a public forum meant for support and information. If you can't conduct yourselves in a decent manner I WISH TO GOD YOU WOULD TAKE THIS PRIVATE and stop muddying up this board.

Do you realize I tried to do a search last night for information. One of the keywords I used pulled up nothing but endless threads of your catty bickering. Do you realize how many people, not even VJ members are reading your twaddle???? Are you proud of this??? Its out there on the internet now! Its representative of VJ. I'm not proud of things I've said here in the past for just this very reason. It will always stand as a testament to my weaker moments and I'm personally ashamed of it. Aren't YOU? Please just try to remember you are not the only one's on this forum. If I wanted a shallow, childish and downright stupid display of lack deceny I would go sit in a Yahoo chatroom... NOT VJ.

And for you flamers who I know will jump all over me now... remember I stated that I have made these same mistakes in the past. At least I'm willing to take responsibility for my actions. I hope you will too.

well stated

I do not post my questions for the very reasons stated above. It's and endless charade, and I stand with you. As for the flame throwers, consider it a brutal, ball-busting onslaught that adds to the overall terror.

I couldn't have said it any better than you did. How on earth did all this crap start??

I myself have gotten caught up in the whoopla (gulp) but have since to stay out of it and ignore the stuff. I don't need drama in my life as I have a nice real life right here at home!

I hope you hear something soon!

Hugs

chi

Nicely stated Jean. Good and Valid point. I second that motion.
I do think of VJ as a support group/information site. I'm hoping that I can continue to.

Well said just waiting, I used to post religously on this board, but am more or less ashamed now to even lurk here, half of the women in the ME/NA forum have given all of us a bad name....Its sad, this use to be such a close knit group to be part of....ask Jacque, Laura, Dawn, LuLu, they were all around along with myself when this fourm was supportive..its sad to say the turn around its had over the past year...

yeah we were

Well said..... it is so sad to see a whole regional forum go down the tubes because of the actions of a few who think they are smart to be rude.....

Kezzie

Kelly, you are one of the reasons I stay on VJ. Tho we are finished with the immigration process, I stay to help others. When we first met, you had a petition filed to the wrong center. (this I unfortunatly have experience with!) I was able to help you, and this is why I stay.

Jean, because of the 2 year wait to be together, I know personally how trying this time is. I think the ones with family and friends, can handle it better. I didn't have that support group and it was a painful process. To offer support is another reason I stay on VJ.

No matter how bad it gets here, I stay. Now you all know why.

Jackie

agreed.... i'm slowly disappearing from this board and at least from these useless threads of destruction. miss you Jean.... and I'm missing what this used to be. thank you for stating that!

Thank you for writing this. I am one of the new people who does not want to post for support because I am fearful of being put in the middle of the nasty writings.
I was sad yester day when I saw people attacking and horrid language used in Arabic from one sister to another, sisters gosipping. It's horrible, I am an Arabic speaker and I hard to believe one sister called another sister some terrible names with Arabic. Is all dis-respectful to Allah (swt) especialy at this special time of year. I want nothing to do with this forum.
I am sad because I thought I had found a group of support, and not it seems.
My English writing is not perfect and I ask for tolerance with spelling mistakes.

Well stated Jean! I normally keep my mouth shut when these little twaddles start.....it's such asinine nonsense. I swear there is more bickering and childlike behavior here on VJ than I see in my daily life in my own home with children. I too have been doing searches on the board for information I'm needing and it's thread after thread of insults and back biting which is making me about to pull my hair out. A lot of you gals (you know who are you ) are great and I am grateful we have become friends through VJ.

My husband was reading VJ the other day and come across a thread with the hoopla going on. Being muslim he asked me "Why are the sisters on here acting like this?" I told him it was the norm which really upset him. He really does not want me to come to the forum any longer because he says a lot of the backbiting comments shows a poor example of Islam. Me myself have been talking to him about Islam for a couple years now. He knows I have been/am interested in learning more, but to be perfectly honest, when I read the comments, I take a few steps back. He never really understood WHY I was doing this, but after reading up, he understands why my thoughts are like they are.

I know there will be posts made on a daily basis that pisses people off.....we are all human. BUT what we can do, is not comment to add fuel to the fire

As for the "MEAN GIRLS," at first it was slightly comical, I do admit, but now I DO NOT want that title.

Can't we all just get along?

not as long as sentimental comfort addicts are giving happiness a bad name.

while some poeple are still taking pride in being mean b*tches then it is almost impossible for everyone to get along..... I think it will take a long time for the regional forum to recover from the group who have made it there hate place....

Very sad

Kezzie

This is the reason I have gone from posting to occasional reading and replying to the PM's I get. I find it embarassing. We all disagree from time to time, but the disagreements now include personal attacks - on character, on mental health, on the validity of a person's relationship, revealing private information exchanged in PM's. VP and I have had our disagreements but we never have gotten personal with one another and have maintained a respect for each other that is not compromised by our religious differences, and we always sincerely wish each other the best. You can debate a topic without attacking the person.

Instead of one person responding, there is a gang mentality that has developed, with the cheering section throwing in their pics and one-liners to fuel things on.

One other thing I would like to add, if someone has said something in the past that you found stupid/disagreed with, isn't it possible to move on? I see Shon in particular repeatedly getting attacked for things in the past and the cheering section jumping in with their one-liners. She cannot post without the contingent pouncing, bringing up her previous marriages and things she has said/done long ago. Let it go, move on. Most of us have said/done things in the past.

With Ramadan approaching, spending less time here has been beneficial.

Peace to everyone!
Rebecca

Agreed!

"As for the "MEAN GIRLS," at first it was slightly comical, I do admit, but now I DO NOT want that title. "


Me too! I think the name needs to go...

chi

I agree 100%..I have done my best to try to keep the peace in some of the "gripe-fest" threads and there's just no doing it. I am only staying to help those who need the help. I came to VJ when all was right with all and we talked about the process and helped others with their upcoming processes. This place used to be my only place to vent and ask for advice and now no matter what is said, it just gets flamed (except by the few girls/guys who are decent and you know who you are) I want to say that ...to anybody I've extended my email to or yahoo id to, I was serious when i gave those to you...I want to be able to talk to ppl who can actually have a conversation and a decent debate without being nasty. If u happened to delete my email...i'll give it to you again, just ask.... that's my 2 cents worth...

I hope we can learn how to have decent debates between us and realize that everything we say here is a reflection on Islam (since most ppl associate Islam with the Middle East) We're not setting a very good example by arguing like this..... I'm just sick...

edited to say...even i got caught up in the hooplah at one time...but had to step back and realize what example i'm setting........
ok..i'm done now

habibti you don't know how happy I was when I seen your little post in the foreign embassy section sooo long ago.

very nice my dear
(((((((((((((((( huggg ))))))))))))))))))))

I am taking bets on how many pages till this thread turns into a flame war.

but i'll start the bid at 1 dollar

Trying to start one???

You and Jacque were 2 of the first ppl (that dealt with Jordan) that could relate with me when I first joined this place (angel, I think we joined around the same time)...I'm so happy to see you both are still here..coz it wouldn't be the same without you.

given some of the stuff i've seen in mena, i think the following seals might be better:

Perhaps remove the united part?

And stop trying to cause trouble

I think a good start to getting the MENA forum back to the way it used to be would be moving these threads that get out of hand to off-topic.

Suggest that to Ewok. I suspect he will give the idea serious consideration.

good point, it's certainly not united. unless one wants to take that as sarcasm

That's a good idea.... it's like telling trouble makers

I am extending the olive branch here. I would like to say sorry for any ill will. although somethings are said mostly because, sometimes when backed in a corner you have to defend yourself. at the sametime its not nice to be pushed in that same corner. so starting here. shonnie is comming with a sincere heart. and publicly appoligzing. take it for what its worh or not. I think we all have said things on how we feel were we stand on issues and what not. I think there are no secrets its all old dubage. moving forward- turning the page. once again sorry to each one of you..-good day. shonnie..

who are you and what did you do with shon?

jk

now if everyone could just follow suit things might ease up 'round here...maybe this will be the beginning of a new trend.....

Very nice of you Shon


Jean, well done! That's why I have not posted on VJ in so long. As you can see what happened with my last thread.



Leila

but isn't that like dumping our shiznit into another forum? I would suggest IGNORING as much as possible. I am taking my own advice and hope to improve the situation in my own small way. I guess just be responsible.

draaaaaama

Yes, I see your point. But why should threads that are really not relevant to the MENA forum, and are rather just personal attacks between members really be in the MENA forum? It is not really "our shiznit" when it's only a few members that are stirring things up. If this sort of thing were in OT, each member really would be responsible for herself without dragging the whole MENA forum down with her.



This is definitely a step in the right direction for the whole forum. Thanks, Shon.

Yes the ignore feature is rather handy

I guess I was trying to *own* the problem by calling it our shiznit. Most have participated, myself certainly included. Just because now many of us agree, this is a problem to be dealt with, does not mean we can just remove the issue from where its housed. If members want to battle it out and its crossing the line, report it, and ignore it. It will eventually die itself out if we pay it no mind. The members who continue to act and react in the childish way will isolate themselves.

You're right. I've participated as well, and I wouldn't want to try to claim that it's only a few that have spoiled it for the rest of us. We do have to own this problem.

On the other hand, I think many of the wars here have been exacerbated by non-MENA members that have participated in the threads as well. These threads may start off as MENA-specific, but turn into train wrecks that no longer have anything to do with the intended use of the MENA forum.

ETA: I suppose I don't have three hands, but on the other hand. I see what you're getting at. If MENA members "take back" the forum, there will be no reason for the "outsiders" to come in, because it would prove to be pretty boring for them.

Charles, you're a funny guy. I've seen your posts around VJ. I think this is one case where it would be really cool if we could let this take a positive turn and let some healing happen. There were a lot of friendships here, a lot of sharing and caring that has been shredded and I know many have expressed to me privately that they would love to see this heal. Maybe can we just tone the "ha has" for awhile and let the dust settle. There have been some people really hurt by this. I will continue to enjoy your antics in other threads though. Please don't misunderstand where I'm coming from. These ladies mean a lot to each other. Well, most of them anyway. Just thinking salt in the wounds right now might not be a great idea. Or... I could just be poking my nose where it doesn't belong.

The offer was extended at one point to require a password of some sort to access this section in an attempt to restrict access to those who just want to cause trouble and it was rejected... let's not complain about others coming in now....

Nice post Shonnie

Good luck with getting your forum the way you wish it to be ladies

Before anyone takes offense to the "outsiders" comment. I'm not talking about people who just come into read and post in MENA, that's great! I'm talking about those who come in with the sole purpose of riling everyone up, I'm thinking people like type2, and I'm sure he won't mind being called out on that. I was in no way trying to complain about others coming in. I'm really just trying to figure out some plan of action to get the MENA forum back again, not start another flame war.

Things are spinning out of control. it takes alot to appolize sometimes. but, I am trying my best
to do that. even if it means nothing right now to those I have treaded on and hurt. I am moving forward.
if somthing happend to me. I really dont want a reputation of something I am not. tears flow
when I type this this is all crap i wish it could stop we all could be friends of not then at least be civil.
I weep because, I know full well this is not how you ladies are. you all enjoy nice things and have
loving hearts -please please let it shine...

Well, certainly it would be a by-product of it, but even if *outsiders* come in, does it really matter? We are ignoring it

just an aside - I am soured regarding the notion of outsiders, although I know it bothers some greatly that others find humor in the broken parts of some relationships here.

\

A little bit.

Jenn, I think what it all boils down to is being able to take some kind of personal responsibility for our own actions. There are those simply won't do it, or don't care. We can never stop that. We can only take responsibility for how WE handle it on a personal and individual level. I understood what you meant. I too don't think anyone should ever be excluded from the ME/NA forum via password or anything else.

Now, that said, I can say that when you are struggling with the frustrations and anxieties of this visa process, trying to be clear headed and personally responsible isn't that easy. I'm a shining example of it. But look at what we have here now. We have people, like Shon, who are big enough to come forward responsibly and say "I was wrong and I'm sorry and let's move forward in a positive light."

As for the flamers and pot-stirrers, I agree with those who have already stated it. Not reacting to it is the best way to stop it. Again, not easy sometimes when you are agonizing over the WHEN the stupid visa will come and you want break things.

It's just so wonderful to see people posting that have not for awhile and something a bit more positive.