I met my boyfriend in March. We actually met when his Jamaican friend was marrying my American friend (my best friend). My boyfriend Steve came from NY from the wedding and we immediately fell in love. We talked every day for hours on the phone and a month later he came to visit me for a few days. Two and a half weeks later he came again and stayed for over a month, left for three days and moved in! We are so in love, I have been in a lot of long relationships but I know this is my destiny. He is an excellent father figure. We know we want to get married but we want to do it all right. His H2B visa has expired, we met with a lawyer and she is encouraging us to get married sooner than later. We cannot afford rings, a wedding, nothing. We need the papers in order to get those things so he can actually work. My head tells me to do a marriage on paper now, get his work papers, and then plan the real wedding but my heart wants a ring, a real wedding, etc. He wants that too so we are stuck as to what to do. If I get married on paper now do I keep it from everyone until the ceremony? Do I call him my boyfriend? Will the real day seem less special? Maybe I have my childhood dreams of a wedding clouding what I have to do but I don't want to regret having a JP wedding. Does any one have suggestions? What should I do? What anniversary do we celebrate? Do you have suggestions on how to keep this feeling some what romantic??

There are always compromises to be made... and it's time for you to decide which is more important to you - having your fiance there with you as your husband, or not. Don't let anyone else influence your decision on this - only you can know what's truly in your heart...

Thank you. It is really hard. My head says this is the right thing to do. Get married NOW. My heart does ache for a "Real" ceremony but I know that the ceremony is only one day and the marriage will be forever. I guess I am just worried about still making it special. He is also stressed because he wants to get me a ring and doesn't have the means.

I felt the same way. The process does take an element of romance away from it all- it is bound to.
We had a small ceremony with the plan for a 'real' wedding later on. A few months after, and I dont even want another wedding anymore! My mother-in-law is the only thing making me feel pressured to have one. But I dont think we will. Married life is so wonderful in itself, the day has just become meaningless to me.
Good luck