I've read the past posts about preparing for the dam hoi and attempting to keep the costs in line.

What I am interested in is any tips for how I can make this go well / not unintentionally give my future mother-in-law a heart attack. I've asked over and over what I should be prepared to do and am told it will be very simple.

The dam hoi will be in Viet Nam. From what I can gather we are going to be pretty traditional. No other of my family will be in attendance. My vocabulary is very limited.

Any tips on something to say or do to make it better? I'm looking forward to it. (it happens in just a couple of weeks) Should be a lot of fun and I can hear the excitement building in Linh's voice. So any experiences / suggestions would be appreciated.

Her family will pretty much lead you through it. Wear nice clothes, but something that breathes, especially if the event is outside or where there is no A/C. A wool tweed jacket would be a bad choice.

Costs depend where you have the Dam Hoi (restaurant or home) and how many guests. It's tradition to shake down the guests (they give packets of money) so that helps defray some of the cost. How much you, the groom, kick in varies wildly; I think there was a previous thread where we talked about this subject.

Be nice and smile a lot. Be patient and remember, it's really all about the bride and her family. Show a generous amount of respect for the elders. Don't drink too much rice wine and don't drink any beer with ice in it. Enjoy!

Clothes - check, costs-check I did get all that from reading previous threads.

So basically I'm the arm candy!?!?!? =)) Never been thought of that way before.

It's at a restaurant, I've got a light weight suit, I've alreasy paid my part of the cost. So I will sit back and enjoy the day.

Thanks!

I thought the prices were very reasonable about $900 for sit down meal etcetc for 50-60 people I had a suit made about $120 in 3 days time.

The only unexpected thing was a few days before I left My Lady told be her mother was asking for a dowery for her of jewlary. She immesditly said I did not have to get it if I did not but it was very reasonable about $1500 for diamond necklace and earings. I will say she waited to almost the last minitute to tell me; had kept it in her heart as long as she could so I would so that caused her alot of stress.

THe planning for the event also caused her alot of stress so I would just do what you can to Relax her it is for all purposes a wedding for the.

Make sure you are ready to give the expected speach and it is no problem having the little lady translate so a few words in Vn and then the rest in english it is really simple.

Her family may suppy you with a family/parents/relitives to do what would be your familys side of the coin so that is ok just just follow along it is simple.

Good Luck

I've got the dowery covered. Meal, etc. covered.

The speech component is something where I need guidance. As well as how I am expected to act. Yes, I think I will have stand-in family to cover.

The speech was real easy yet I was very nervious up intell that time about giving it. My Lady was unbealivable in her help I just spoke shortly from the heart thanked the people for comming thanked the family for allowing me to marry their daughter, expressed how lucky I truely felt to be blessed with a Angel such as her and then we sang Row row row your boat toghere which had a very special meaning for us both and it was fun.

You should enjoy yourself but since you are toasting with several sets of people several times I would be very careful if you drink I had 2-3 beers i toasted with and that last the few hours. You will go aroung after the ceromony and greet each table and the most likely toast with them. I can not express how in awe I was with how my fincencee moved she was absolutely unbeleaveable total women from head to toe.

You will be in for a real schock when you see your lady dressed up. I know you know she will look good but my God I never saw such feminity ever stand in frount of me before it was as if God himself escorted and Angel down from heaven. She was Smoking on all levels the universe provides

If you can do it write a short love poem to read or find on to read it is really good thing to end your speach with

I was worried the same way you are, but they will guide you thru. About your speech, what I did was have a friend who could translate for me be by my side. When it was my turn to speak, we both stood up, and he translated everything for me. The translator was more nervous than I was because he didn't want to translate anything wrong. I did not prepare anything, I just spoke my true feelings at that moment. The excitement before seeing your beautiful fiancee, and the thoughts of sharing your lives together should bring words to your mind that come straight from your heart.

Good Luck, and ENJOY this precious tradition!!!!

Hey,

Traditionally, to a Vietnamese girl, the Dam Hoi is the MOST important aspect of the journey to marriage. In essence, the bride's side is accepting or rejecting you at this point. They are going to accept you of course, and at that point, you are considered her husband and the date of marriage is basically just a ceremony for you to take her away forever. She "belongs" to you and your side of the family after the marriage ceremony.
You should probably get someone to talk for you, to "represent" your case basically. And i don't recall you ever having to making any kind of speech. Remember, this is Vietnam, the "adults" are suppose to talk. So you just go on along for the ride. They tell you to stand, you stand. They tell you to pass some thing on, you do it. That's all. Its very easy, but its just going to be hot and a bit long. Once the ceremony is out of the way, feel free to be yourself, i.e. drink or whatever. Good luck and have fun.

Sinh

We had a friend at my lady's company MC'ed for us. I recorded some of my favorite music for the event and had it play before the main event. The MC introduced the 2 sides of families as we were invited to go up on stage.

Then I had my uncle who stood in for my mother to start the ceremony by asking her parents for her hand in marriage. Her parents did not say much and just nodded their heads. Then it was my turn basically to introduce myself and began thanking a long list of people mostly on her side who came to the engagement party. As I spoke, the MC translated, sentence by sentence. I also thanked her boss from the current company, her coworkers, and etc.. who looked out and took care of her in new job.

Then it came to the main questions, I asked her several questions both in English and Vietnamese and she answered me one by one. After that, we poured the champaign. We also brought the wine and invited the parents to drink with us. After that we kissed. It was followed by the cake cutting. Then the dinner began. During the meal, she changed her clothes then we walked table by table to thank everyone, had our pictures taken at each table, and collected the money gift. Then after that, we had a little dancing.

Pretty much, we made this up about 15 minutes before we started and winged it as we went. It came out ok.

You pretty much can follow this event by looking at the picture I posted on my website. I hope this helps you get an idea of what to do. Some families can make it more elaborate and some can make it much simpler.