Well, my fiancee had her visa interview yesterday in Moscow. She didn't get the visa. She needs the permission of her lowlife ex-husband for her daughter to accompany her and she has no idea where he is. It's amazing to me that in this day and age that a woman can be held virtually hostage by some knuckle dragging, mouth breather that she made a mistake with years ago. Mistake as in marrying him, not having her daughter, that was not a mistake!! He won't sign the permission, of that she is 99.9% sure. Not that he wants his sweet, lovely daughter to be close by, he hasn't seen her since she was two, and that was a court ordered visit during which he was "escorted" by social services.

So, now we have to go crawling to this idiot to get his permission for his daughter, and exwife, to be with someone who truly loves them.

A bit of advice for you guys who are starting out on this journey, if your fiancee has a child, before you do anything, before her child becomes attached to you, make damn sure you have her ex's permission. The Embassy may not ask for it during the interview, but it will save a lot of heartache if you already have it. I wouldn't wish for anyone to get a message on their voice mail like the one I got last night from my fiancee as she was going to bed. I can't begin to describe the pain, the grief, the hopelessness I heard in her voice, and I can't bring myself to listen to the message again so I can actually tell what she was saying through her sobs and tears.


I want to thank Larry and Maria, also posters on this forum, who are in Moscow for their interview for being there for my fiancee, for giving her moral support and a shoulder to cry on. I wanted to be there, but we didn't realize how fast this process would actually go for us, so we planned my visit to Russia back in March, bought tickets, rented the apartment, etc., and I spent a week there the last week of July. I couldn't get the time off to go back again two weeks later for her interview.

Anyway, we still have a couple of things we can try; Senator, Congressional representative(tho I don't know how much they can actually accomplish), and there is also the possibility that when they return her passport to her that the visa might already be in it. It's happened before to other people, tho I think it might be a slim chance. And there is the groveling and low crawling to her ex, and perhaps a bribe. My fiancee's brother is thinking more of a threat type of scenario, he and his friends are ready and have already volunteered, but we refuse to go that route.

I will keep you all updated how this turns out. One good thing is that if she is able to get the permission she won't have to go all the way back to Moscow for another interview, she just needs to mail it to them. If anyone has advice or a similar, successful, experience, I would be glad to hear it!

I've got no advice other than please solve this without violence. That is something that would tarnish a good thing. Let alone the psychological scar this would leave on your future daughter in law. I wish you and yours all the best in the world.

Clare

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation.

Thank goodness, my ex-husband gladly signed the paperwork required to bring my daughter here, although she didn't come at the same time as I did. She came a year later.... but better late than never.

A lot of ex's use anything they can to hold control and be spiteful.... it's such a shame when the children have to pay.

I wish you much luck in resolving this situation. Hopefully, your fiance will be able to find her ex and can ask him to give his permission for the sake of his daughter.

Best wishes.

Yes, we ruled out the violence route as soon as he brought it up. One thing I forgot to add is that according to Russian law she has full custody of the child. The interviewer claimed that Russian law requires the ex-spouses permission before a child can be taken out of the country regardless of custody, and this is not true. She finally asked her supervisor and he/she didn't know either. Makes ya feel real comfortable about the people making a decision about someone elses future, YOUR future.

Bwaaderamt

Law concerning child traficking may differ from country to country.It is normal for the government to protect the security of the child even if the child is going to travel with a mother or even when a mother has a sole custody. But in my case, I had my ex signed a CONSENT FOR MINOR TRAVELLING ABROAD and a CONSENT FOR ADOPTION. Though we are not married, he happened to sign the birth certificate of my son which makes sense. Now because he is not giving any support to my son eversince, it did not give us hard time to let him sign it. Though I only ask my bother to bring the paper to him because no way I am going to show my face to him anymore after what he did to me.
Best advice I can give is to go find the ex, and convince him to sign the papers.Bribes can be helpful too but I think it's not the main option. Have your fiancee contact government officials to help her into the process of having a signature from her ex. If the ex does not support the child then she has the best chance of winning the case. When you said "ESCORTED" when the ex visit the child I sense that there was physical or psychological complications between the ex and your fiancee. Indeed she has a great chance of winning a signature from the ex with the help of the social workers. good luck hope this helps a little. You guys will be alright. Just tell your fiancee to trust in herself and she can have what she and her child deserve in life. Its the security and love from you.


Other half of dreamlife

I would suggest you contact an immigration attorney right away. Some I noticed have Russian speaking attorneys on staff. Maybe they can help you out. Hope you can get everything worked out soon.

Your fiance needs to get an attorney that will help her. If the ex is not sending money and did not visit for some years then it will be easy to have this case taken to a judge. Judge will sign a special document that will essentially say that the ex is not a parent of that child anymore. (all this information is coming from my Russian wife that has a girlfriend that did this same thing)

It should not be very expensive and should not take very long.

Our case was easier as my wife's daughter was 17 at the time of the interview in Moscow and they never even asked about permission to leave. Apparently if the chld is 16 then there is no problem.

I would think that your fiance was approved for the visa, but not the child, correct? That is usually the case.

Yes, he is paying child support, but only because my fiancee went after him, and the court ordered his company to garnish his wages for back child support and for current child support. One of our hopes is that he will be so happy to not have to pay the child support anymore that he will sign the paper. But my fiancee doesn't put much stock in that, she says he is "a sick person". But someone mentioned having the brother take the paper to him, yes, I know, no violence! That might be a good idea. I know she is scared to death to see him, he's already attacked her and her mother once on the street in front of the child. Her mother broke his nose, and the police laughed at him when he went to the police station to file charges Luckily a friend was with them and she ran away with the child, and luckily the child was very young at the time and has no memory of the incident. She is 7 years old and couldn't pick out her father from a line up of men, she had no clue what he looks like.

As for an attorney, his uncle has very deep pockets and is good friends with many of the judges in the city and could possibly influence the outcome of any trial, or judgement if he caught wind of it. But getting a lawyer is something I mentioned to her before and she seemed unsure about going that route. Needless to say, I think her opinion about that might have changed in the last day or two.

i am so sorry i hope everything works out

Sorry to hear about the glitch. Hope you can get everything straightened out soon, and your fiancee and her child can get their visas soon.

I understand how she feels, and send you guys my support and prayers.

First of all, I would suggest to contact an Attorney and get as much information you can to get her daughter's permission to travel. I know it depends on the country immigration laws, etc.

In my case, when I got divorced I had my son's permission to travel signed by the father. Unfortunately, there in MX, BOTH parents need to sign the passport, yes HE needs to BE there to sign and fingerprints!! and he didn't want to do it. For so many reasons, it took a YEAR to have him sign the documents... yes, so sad and frustrating. But finally we are together and happy. THANKS GOD!

Well, I just wanted to let you know that lot of people went/are going thru the same. And also I understand Bwaaderant situation, not being there (physically) to help her as you would like to. However, this is one of the things that gives strenght to real love.

Best wishes and good luck.

Yes, I understand the grief that you both are going through somewhat.

We were close to this. My then fiance had trouble with her sons father- we started asking him from the very getgo and he did not sign until about 3 weeks before interview (6-7 months). One thing that my wife did was get support from his family. Maybe your fiance is friendly with his mom, or a sister of his and try from this angle. This is what happend for us and the pressure was coming from all sides until he finally signed the paper. Even my stepson asked him to sign the papers which finally worked.

Another thing that I did early on is I talked to the father in person and also sent him a letter for his permission. Yeah, he was a lowlife also and I really felt like breaking his arms but I showed him the utmost respect and he did seem to convey back to me but it still took months for him to sign.

Also our immigration lawyer was of no help but it may make sense to hire a lawyer from russia tht knows the law their as of course every country is different.

I really hope the best for you.

Dave

bwaaderant,

Indeeed. Sorry your case has hit this snag.

Perhaps this situation should be added to the all to short list of things that the 'you don't need an attorney' crowd considers to be a complicating factor.

yodrak