QUOTE(buck501 @ Sep 18 2007, 11:00 PM)

Off topic, some what.
For those that have their sweetie in the US.......................How is it? What hurdels have you had to overcome? Are they homesick? The Colombian seems to be very close to freinds and family, what happens here in the US? What have you done to overcome the expected homesickness?
I travel alot, Paola will be home alone when I am gone, not speaking the language, not knowing the culture, a small town, no other Colombians. This has been and is a big concern of mine. I am thinking about moving to a new location, for her, not for me. I could live out my life here in a quiet, boring exsistence. That is NOT Colombia. I have been over and over this with her. I know she does not understand what it means to sit alone day after day with no outside influence. I close to thinking it would be cruel to bring her here, you know, like I am a selfish person. I want to involve her in our culture. Get her involved in some university classes, become a part of my community. Truth is, I am a typical american, work hard and long, sleep, not real open to people showing up at my door whenever, without calling ahead. The freinds I have are busy and do not have time for daily contact. Pretty boring compared to the Colombian culture
If I could manage it now, I would live in Colombia. As it is that is most likley about 5 to 7 years out.
Sooooooooooooooo, What has been your experience? How have you overcome?
Buck,
You and I are (or were) in the same boat. I'm about 4 years from retirement and a possible move to Colombia, Panama, or somewhere I can afford. When I proposed to Lorena, I lived in a VERY rural area in Missouri. There would have been absolutely NO cultural or social outlets for her or the boys there. I was fortunate that the timing was right and my work allowed a move closer to a metro area (Kansas City). Not exactly New York or LA, but there are lots of Latinos here, lots of cultural opportunities, and I felt we had a better chance for us to succeed as a couple here than in the other place. When I was alone, I was happy and satisfied where I was, but it was not going to serve a family transplanted from a place and culture so completely different.
As for your first question, I asked Lorena if she got homesick (I know she does sometimes). She said yes, sometimes. But, she also said it depends almost entirely on the person and your relationship. Lorena is an amazingly strong-willed woman - and I mean that in the best possible way. She can be bull-headed at times

but what I really mean is that she is strong of spirit, committed to our relationship, and above all committed to the well-being of her sons. Once she has a goal in mind, she is not easily deterred.
Initially, I was afraid (and maybe a bit hopeful, as odd as that might sound) that she could feel totally dependent on me for ALL of her emotional needs. So, a fair amount of time was spent - or wasted - in trying to keep her and the boys entertained or distracted. Though there is a need for such things with all people from time to time, it was not really what she needed. What she needed, and continues to need, is assurance that I am here for her (as her partner, not her owner) and that I support her in all of her personal dreams and goals (even when they may not - at first - coincide with my own). My dreams as an individual have to give way to what is best for us as a couple and as a family, just as hers must.
As for there not being other Colombians, I personally don't think this is as major an issue as it would be if there were no native Spanish speakers. Lorena has become close friends with a woman from El Salvador who she met in a free ESL class. There are many Mexicans in the area, so she has the chance to speak Spanish every day.
The only reason I feel the language is more important than nationality is based on my own experience in both Colombia and Argentina. Because my Spanish is 'pobre todavia', I have to really concentrate when listening to Spanish speakers, and it's even worse when I try to piece together something to say in this foreign language. After a week of this, I could feel an almost physical hunger to have a simple conversation in English with ANYONE! My impression is that Latinos have national biases - Colombia vs. Mexico, Panama vs. Argentina, etc. - just as we tend to have with Mexicans as a group. But I also think these biases take a back seat to being able to communicate without fear of being misunderstood. I frequently misunderstand Lorena (primarily when it comes to verb tenses) and though she's extremely patient with me, I know it gets old. Communication is a very basic human need - right after having a roof over your head and food in your stomach.
How have we overcome? Well, that is an ongoing process rather than a goal to be reached. We overcome each day and each challenge as it comes. The important thing is that we do it together and for the best of our relationship and the boys. Anything less and we will fail.
I know you'll succeed because you know what it is you can lose. I know you'll succeed because you know what it is you have found. I know you'll succeed because you know what is important.
Charles