From a post in the removal of conditions forum:
"Jeeez, reading these boards, I don't feel so bad, I guess I'm not the only one in town who's marriage went south after the alien immigrant got here... maybe we should have an "unsuccessful marriage" forum within this group to discuss some of the problem we all have run into."

Not a bad idea .....

Yodrak

Yes sadly there have been a few this past month or so....

Kezzie

Not a bad idea. Would certainly give dmartmar a place to hang out and provide his always helpful feedback.

Just being snipey there, sorry.

But really, it would help people traverse that (quite sad) territory. Lots of specific questions and confusing conundrums in that situation -- it would help to have all the information a bit more centralized.

I agree...a divorce forum would be beneficial. They tend to get scattered across the various forums.

Yes, it will be a helpful forum. One time I read a funny comment: Why does the word "Divorce" apprear before "Marriage" in the Dictionary?

I think it's a good idea, too.



Reminds me of another comment I heard: "Marriage isn't a word...it's a sentence"

I agree that it makes sense to create a new forum, but I'd recommend that there is a specific reference that it pertains to members divorcing an immigrant or potential immigrant, otherwise it will become a catch-all for petitioner's starting the process who've been or are divorcing.

I sense I might be spending a fair amount of time in this new forum, judging from the vast majority of my posts

A divorce forum on a marriage based board. LOL!!!

It freaks out the starry-eyed newbies plenty when they see stories of divorce here. Imagine what will go through their minds the first time they view the forum headings and see that one!!! HAHA!

*sorry I couldn't resist*

It's a good idea as far as keeping the information all in one place though.

What about something less ominous such as *Discontinuing/Cancelling Petitions and/or Dissolution Discussion*

It sounds totally wrong, but I think you get my point.

rebecajo,

One of things that came to my mind as I wrote my post, and something that I think might be a good thing. My sense is that a lot of posters are blinded by those stars in their eyes, but probably too blind for waking them up to the reality of divorce even when it's put in front of their face.

Yodrak





lal_brandow,

Do you work for the US government writing questions for USCIS and DoS forms?

Yodrak





diadromous mermaid,

Yes, good point.

Why is that? Just curious.

Yodrak

How does it go? "It takes one to know one?"


Good try, Kemo Sabe. As you know, me speak with forked tongue. Nah, just kidding, I'll give. A cursory look throughout my participation of the past year reveals that I tend to gravitate to discussions of divorce and separation. Hmmm

some mothers do have them!

Here's a list of Forums I'd like to see

Divorce
Scams
Fraud

I agree however I think they would scare the bejesus out of a lot of ppl.

From reading many of the stories here already, perhaps a little scare is a good thing.

I too think it would be a good idea, for those who really need help, for some others it may give food for thought

It might as well be a forum called 'What to do When Things Go Bad' and then all that garbage can go together where it doesn't scare people who don't want to see it, but the people who do can know that they're not alone.

lol

ITA that there should be one...and if it freaks anyone out, or makes them think...well that can't be a bad thing, can it?

I agree... the excitement of an international romance seems to dull the common sense of some who have posted within...

"Uh...we F*%&ed Up"...too harsh?

I think it's a great idea, Yodrak

Not too harsh no.

The beloved and I have been together for over 3 yrs (not to mention lived together for 2)...and we still have our problems!

What would you give to be that sweet and innocent again?

Nothing. Been a life well-lived. No regrets. Happier now than I've ever been. It's taken this long to 'figure it out'.

Fair enough. I just miss the feeling of innocence where anything is possible and the world is your oyster. I've gotten really jaded in the past few months. Don't know if I'll ever have it figured out...perhaps I like the ebb and flow a bit too much.

I think it would be a good idea too. I've been through a divorce this year with my ex USC. It's been very hard and lonely. Although primarily a marriage forum, divorce does happen. It would have been helpful to share experiences, thoughts and feelings.


Shona

Yodrak,

What an excellent idea.... you're always thinking, aren't you?

It would be great to have all separation/divorce issues together in the same place for people who need advice on how divorce will affect their individual situations and pending applications.

I actually suggested this idea over a year ago and it never went into effect. The whole idea actually got shot down. Perhaps Yodrak will have some more clout with the administration.
http://www.visajourney.com/forums2/index.p...c=45185&hl=

While I still think an FAQ is the 'best' way to approach it, I know now that it won't matter, except to save some typing of replies. People want to post about the topic, and they will.
As a group, I think it was interesting that the last conversation focused on the drama aspect and the personal advice---that's where VJers will take the topics for many reasons. But the immigration consequences are real and the info should be available.

Maybe VJ has ripened to a point where we are starting to see divorces from our own members, and now is the time to have such a discussion area. You were just ahead of the curve in seeing it, Satellite.

There has indeed been a fair few members lately....

Satellite,

I missed that thread at the time, and the responses then are an interesting contrast to those now.

But apparently Captain Ewok still feels the same way now as he did then.

Yodrak

That is unfortunate if a forum could not be started for such a thing. Obviously it does happen and it is reality. I guess it may be a bit like having divorce pamphlets at the chapel as you walk in to marry but really this is an issue that many come here looking for answers. Marriage is a huge step, even more so when it involves leaving your home country to do so. Not a step to be taken lightly, so for those who think it could never happen to them a little taste of the possibility is not such a bad thing. As with everything else in life I always think it is a good idea to keep in the back of you mind what Plan B would be if Plan A did not work out as you had hoped.

Based on many threads over the past few months, there may be a growing need for a divorce/scammed forum.

So Ewok, can we get one please?

On the other hand, it's concievable that my immigrant ex-wife came to America with Plan B in her back pocket in case Plan A did not work out as she had hoped... so it's really a two way street, one side from the immigrant's point of view, and another from the petitioner's or USC's point of view...

So if you think about it, such a forum could conceivably help an immigrant who's arriving with their Plan B already firmly in pocket... someone's who's intentions are not totally sincere...

There's two sides to every story... or actually really three... "his side", "her side" and the truth, likely somewhere in the middle...

But I do encourage the American petitioners to understand the divorce laws in your state PRIOR to taking such a step...

-- Dan

PurrSuede,

Any of the forums could help an immigrant whose intentions are not sincere.

Agree with your often quoted statement about there being 3 points of view.

Yodrak

Yodrak, why do you say such stuff about immigrants? Thus, I do not agree that such subject can be opened here. For a simple reason: disturbed people are everywhere, no matter their backgrounds, and it has nothing to do only with immigrants. Second, if somebody decides to get married, it should be very honest to go get counselling if the past is still out of the closet in the present time and gets to divorce or to whatever sad conclusion. This is also maybe one of the reasons IMBRA exists, because people do not take care of themselves in the appropriate manner. This is very well known now. And, many sites exist related to divorce, etc elsewhere, help groups, etc. This is not the place overall. If tensions exist, they exist because the process of the visa is complex, but it's another thing when the tension becomes tragic because people did not do what they had to do for their past. So in that perspective I totally agree with Mr Ewok.

I am upgrading a few things on the board. If the demand for this forum remains I will probably add something in the next few weeks .

Based on the following recent poll there is overwhelming support. Although very few members voted possibly because few visit the polls forum.
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...26398&st=30

Ambivalence would be another possible reason not to vote.

Satellite,

The poll shows about 4 to 1 in favor, but I note from the posts that some people who voted 'No' expressed a change of opinion once it was made clear that the intent is not to have a forum about divorce, the intent is to have a forum on immigration issues when divorce is a factor.

Regretably, there continue to be a few people who are looking for information about divorce when this web site is about immigration. But, we will have to contend with the posts from such people whether or not the new forum is created.

Yodrak

Title of the forum? Suggestions?

divorce journey?

Captain Ewok,

How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Immigration

Yodrak

Immigration Consequences of Divorce.

To stay then in the context of this site, I would think of something like: Divorce and Immigration; or Divorce related to Immigration; Divorce as consequnce of Immigration.

How about:

Immigration-Related Divorce Discussion

Jen

Even better.

So, any word on a divorce forum?

still looks like it's needed!!