So, for those of us who have already gone through the (possibley painful) adjustment period after our significan others arrive in the United States, I think it would be beneficial to create a list of tried and true tips for those sistas out there who haven't gone through it yet. These can be cultural and/or religious in origin, or just helpful tips for when you go from living alone to sharing your space
Here are some of mine:
*Have some food from home readily available if possible
I stocked the cupboards with cans of foul and had the round bread popular across the ME/NA.
That softened the blow of odd things like tuna sandwiches and frozen pizza a bit
*Make space for him.
He might not come with a lot of stuff, but make sure there's a spot on the bookshelf for him,
room in the closet and in the drawers
*Watering can in the bathroom
At least from what I'm aware of, many people from the ME/NA region don't feel comfortable using just toilet paper. Putting a watering can in the bathroom will allow easy access at that certain time. Also, there are several bidet attachments availble that can be fit on american toilets.
*If he makes salat (ie muslim daily prayer), find the direction of prayer (usually NE) and get a printout of prayer times for your area.
The direction of prayer in North America is generally North East. Buying a cheap qiblah compass will help to find the exact direction.
Prayer times differ by location. Put your zipcode into Islamic Finder and you'll get a page that will list prayer times for the day, a link to a monthly prayer times chart, and a list of muslim businesses in the area, which may provide you info on where to find home food. Islamic finder also has a athan 3.0 program that you can download onto the computer. This program will calculate prayer times for your area and call the athan (call to prayer) on your computer.
Ask him if he has room to bring a prayer rug in his suitcase. Since he has limited room, offer to buy him one so he has more room to bring other stuff.
Full Version: Tips to help your SO adjust
This is a great idea, Rahma. I have concerns with this and have been wracking my brains on what to do to make his adjustment as easy as possible.
I would put at the top of that list... Begin discussing this even before he travels. I know that Mohammed has not arrived here yet but I've been thinking hard on this for a long time.
I have some of our things that he sent back with me. One in particular is an ancient Egyptian picture on faux papyrus that he bought for "our room" when we were together. It's now situated on my bedroom wall and makes it seem like "home" to me. I know it will for him too.
I have sent him pictures of our apartment so it will seem somewhat familiar when he opens the door the first time.
One other thought I had. Printing out on good 8 x 10 photo quality paper some of the photos taken in Egypt. I will frame them and place a few around the apartment so he can have little windows back to Egypt any time he wants. He's arguing with me that he doesn't want to remember, but I know he'll change his tune. We both adore ancient Egyptian culture, so I will hang the pyramids and the Sphynx first, but keep a few of the colorful streets from his hometown in the closet to hang when he gets homesick. I also have a special one of his mother (god rest her soul) waiting for him too.
The prayer rug is already situated on the floor just waiting for his to go next to it.
I learned to make mahshy. Food is definitely important (at least to Mr. Bottomless Pit it is) although he's already a big pizza eater.
I would put at the top of that list... Begin discussing this even before he travels. I know that Mohammed has not arrived here yet but I've been thinking hard on this for a long time.
I have some of our things that he sent back with me. One in particular is an ancient Egyptian picture on faux papyrus that he bought for "our room" when we were together. It's now situated on my bedroom wall and makes it seem like "home" to me. I know it will for him too.
I have sent him pictures of our apartment so it will seem somewhat familiar when he opens the door the first time.
One other thought I had. Printing out on good 8 x 10 photo quality paper some of the photos taken in Egypt. I will frame them and place a few around the apartment so he can have little windows back to Egypt any time he wants. He's arguing with me that he doesn't want to remember, but I know he'll change his tune. We both adore ancient Egyptian culture, so I will hang the pyramids and the Sphynx first, but keep a few of the colorful streets from his hometown in the closet to hang when he gets homesick. I also have a special one of his mother (god rest her soul) waiting for him too.
The prayer rug is already situated on the floor just waiting for his to go next to it.
I learned to make mahshy. Food is definitely important (at least to Mr. Bottomless Pit it is) although he's already a big pizza eater.
My parents did lots of little things that helped more with independence rather than long-term adjustment.
They printed out a big map of the immediate area that he could walk/bike ride too, including places he could run. Highlighted the bank, library, grocery store, mosque, etc. I hung it in our kitchen. (they blew up the pages from mapquest and taped them together).
They attached a quarter, dime, nickle, penny on a small piece of cardstock and laminated over the coins and wrote its value and it equivalent to a dollar. It was wallet size, so he could carry it for easy reference.
They typed up helpful phone numbers and laminated this for his wallet too.
My stepdad took him on the bus, metro and light rail shortly after he arrived, and took him to the transit station to get maps of all the routes. This was HUGE in making my husband feel comfortable navigating the public transportation system himself.
My parents gave him a stock of phonecards.
Explain 911. Explain sales tax. If they only have a dollar and something costs a dollar, they won't have enough.
It is so important to give them their own space, especially a clean spot to pray if they pray. If you have other household members, explain to them the importance of not disturbing him, passing directly in front of him.
They printed out a big map of the immediate area that he could walk/bike ride too, including places he could run. Highlighted the bank, library, grocery store, mosque, etc. I hung it in our kitchen. (they blew up the pages from mapquest and taped them together).
They attached a quarter, dime, nickle, penny on a small piece of cardstock and laminated over the coins and wrote its value and it equivalent to a dollar. It was wallet size, so he could carry it for easy reference.
They typed up helpful phone numbers and laminated this for his wallet too.
My stepdad took him on the bus, metro and light rail shortly after he arrived, and took him to the transit station to get maps of all the routes. This was HUGE in making my husband feel comfortable navigating the public transportation system himself.
My parents gave him a stock of phonecards.
Explain 911. Explain sales tax. If they only have a dollar and something costs a dollar, they won't have enough.
It is so important to give them their own space, especially a clean spot to pray if they pray. If you have other household members, explain to them the importance of not disturbing him, passing directly in front of him.
I have so much I could probably share, but I will need time. But one important thing is teaching about Pork and what it looks like and what it's in your your spouse can avoid it. Also when you go to a potluck or buffet make sure you are near them or someone you trust so they are comfortable. My husband still follows me around like a lost puppy to insure he doesn't mess up and pick up some pork by mistake.
I was glad someone mentioned teaching them about taxes because my husband tried to walk out once without paying after I thought I had explained it before. I had to go and make sure he was paid in full.
But my best advice is never assume you explained anything. They might not have understood or remember later. I had to beg my husband to stop me and ask me to keep explaining until he understood because when he first arrived he was so ashamed he didn't understand he would just say he did to avoid the embarrishment. Then he'd mess up and I'd feel like I failed him by not explaining it well enough. Bw patient with your spouse and give them time to learn everything one step at a time. Plus when they come here for a week or too they will most likely act like Zombies because they are out of their environment, this is common.
If you are stressed over other life issues please try your best to not let them keep you from being patient and good with your spouse. Do anything you can to be good to your spouse to make them know they are safe and that they can take as long as they need to become comfortable, learn how things work and to be comfortable asking you questions. I probably had situations that was not common for most of you when your spouse finally arrives but if you do this your husband will be happier. One of my problems when my husband finally arrived, was it was during Father's last days with his illness. But the good part was my husband got to know him and was a blessing because he was so helpful with my Father. I think since my husband couldn't work when he first arrived the help he gave my Father helped give my husband worth and confidence that he still knew that was good no matter where you are. So give your spouse something to do that you know he can do without problems to reconfirm his confidence.
I was bad and didn't get Moroccan food for my husband and he hasn't had any since arriving and he acts very happy with it. He's been introduced carefully to a lot of things I know he would enjoy, especially desserts and now I think I've ruined him and he claims he might not survive long in Morocco. I carefully introduced him to foods I knew he would like a lot, so he would realize there was a lot of good foods so he didn't have to worry. He was shocked how similiar some foods are to Moroccan foods. Plus before he came I told him there are a lot of "Fat Americans, the food can't be bad" to relax him before he came. But the truth is he still worried and he had to try the foods to really believe. But now I worry when his family comes for visits how I can send them home after they the desserts. I will have to come up with written recipes for them and mail more stuff to them. I already mail his Mother sugar free candy and splenda and stuff they can't get their that is better for them. But they have been taught how to make Deviled eggs which they loved because it's so easy and they couldn't believe they hadn't thought of that since they eat a lot of boiled eggs, lol.
Well I have to run but I am sure if you prepare all you can your spouse will appreciate whatever you do and be more comfortable because of it.
Paula
P.S. Another thing I did was to make sure my husband had access to a computer or phone whenever he wanted so he stays in contact with his family.
I was glad someone mentioned teaching them about taxes because my husband tried to walk out once without paying after I thought I had explained it before. I had to go and make sure he was paid in full.
But my best advice is never assume you explained anything. They might not have understood or remember later. I had to beg my husband to stop me and ask me to keep explaining until he understood because when he first arrived he was so ashamed he didn't understand he would just say he did to avoid the embarrishment. Then he'd mess up and I'd feel like I failed him by not explaining it well enough. Bw patient with your spouse and give them time to learn everything one step at a time. Plus when they come here for a week or too they will most likely act like Zombies because they are out of their environment, this is common.
If you are stressed over other life issues please try your best to not let them keep you from being patient and good with your spouse. Do anything you can to be good to your spouse to make them know they are safe and that they can take as long as they need to become comfortable, learn how things work and to be comfortable asking you questions. I probably had situations that was not common for most of you when your spouse finally arrives but if you do this your husband will be happier. One of my problems when my husband finally arrived, was it was during Father's last days with his illness. But the good part was my husband got to know him and was a blessing because he was so helpful with my Father. I think since my husband couldn't work when he first arrived the help he gave my Father helped give my husband worth and confidence that he still knew that was good no matter where you are. So give your spouse something to do that you know he can do without problems to reconfirm his confidence.
I was bad and didn't get Moroccan food for my husband and he hasn't had any since arriving and he acts very happy with it. He's been introduced carefully to a lot of things I know he would enjoy, especially desserts and now I think I've ruined him and he claims he might not survive long in Morocco. I carefully introduced him to foods I knew he would like a lot, so he would realize there was a lot of good foods so he didn't have to worry. He was shocked how similiar some foods are to Moroccan foods. Plus before he came I told him there are a lot of "Fat Americans, the food can't be bad" to relax him before he came. But the truth is he still worried and he had to try the foods to really believe. But now I worry when his family comes for visits how I can send them home after they the desserts. I will have to come up with written recipes for them and mail more stuff to them. I already mail his Mother sugar free candy and splenda and stuff they can't get their that is better for them. But they have been taught how to make Deviled eggs which they loved because it's so easy and they couldn't believe they hadn't thought of that since they eat a lot of boiled eggs, lol.
Well I have to run but I am sure if you prepare all you can your spouse will appreciate whatever you do and be more comfortable because of it.
Paula
P.S. Another thing I did was to make sure my husband had access to a computer or phone whenever he wanted so he stays in contact with his family.
I have to agree with the own spot idea. My husband has a room that has become his "man town". Its his, he plays bass, has a tv and dvd, playstation (i know i know), guitar, amp, and his laptop. There is a bed and its his chill out space. I think it really helps to have your own little area.
Oh another thing. Find a place that has good bread. thats a huge deal. We found a portugese bakery that has awesome bread.
Oh another thing. Find a place that has good bread. thats a huge deal. We found a portugese bakery that has awesome bread.
Wow! I'm ready! I've been ready! 
I've had one part of my cupboard full of food that I know he loves that I got from the international food store and I have the bread in the freezer. I put the bidet in a few month ago. I cleaned out my closest months ago and I have a dresser I emptied that is just for him. Of course I've bought a few things for him that I've already put in the dresser. I went crazy on buying winter clothes when they went on sale and I went a bit crazy when the spring clothes went on sale. 
He tells me that he won't need to bring any clothes when he comes here because I already have everything. I even got him an electric razor. He was saying how much he wanted one so that will be a little extra when he gets here. I do have a lot of pictures of Egypt up on my walls too Jean. Khallid says he does not want to remember Egypt when he is here also. The prayer rug is ordered and should be here soon. Only thing missing? My man.
I've had one part of my cupboard full of food that I know he loves that I got from the international food store and I have the bread in the freezer. I put the bidet in a few month ago. I cleaned out my closest months ago and I have a dresser I emptied that is just for him. Of course I've bought a few things for him that I've already put in the dresser. I went crazy on buying winter clothes when they went on sale and I went a bit crazy when the spring clothes went on sale. He tells me that he won't need to bring any clothes when he comes here because I already have everything. I even got him an electric razor. He was saying how much he wanted one so that will be a little extra when he gets here. I do have a lot of pictures of Egypt up on my walls too Jean. Khallid says he does not want to remember Egypt when he is here also. The prayer rug is ordered and should be here soon. Only thing missing? My man.
QUOTE(Aymerlu @ Jul 30 2006, 01:03 PM) 
Only thing missing? My man.
awwwwww
hugs soon chica!
These are some awesome ideas! I hope you guys keep them coming. The bidet will be ordered after next week. I want to buy clothes for him, he says NO WAIT. I think he's right. He should pick out what he likes and I don't want to "over mother". The currency reference cards are a fantastic idea. Figuring out the public transportation is too. He's so adventurous that I want him to feel free to go as he likes. My 9 year old has already stepped up and volunteered to teach him currency and also spelling. Mohammed just giggles when he hears this and I think he's eager to sit with him. In trade he'll give guitar lessons and teach the boys hierography. They've already got this all worked out. Again, I'm so thankful for all those months in Egypt so I have a better handle on what he needs to know here. Please God, just issue the visa SOON...
stock up : wheat thins, mayo.... and plenty of algerian posters and pics from back home 
I planted several mint plants so we will have plenty for tea when he gets here.
I emptied out half of the closet for him
I bought him "men's" soap and shampoo so he doesn't have to smell like flowers. (who wouldn't!?)
I put up pictures of us in Morocco in our bedroom.
I started practicing sleeping in the corner because I know how much he hates it haha.
I bought us tickets to see Ben Harper who he has dreamed about seeing for years in concert.
I've pretty much been cleaning like a madwoman in the past few days before he comes....
Any other suggestions?
Good thread Rahma!
Sarah
I emptied out half of the closet for him
I bought him "men's" soap and shampoo so he doesn't have to smell like flowers. (who wouldn't!?)
I put up pictures of us in Morocco in our bedroom.
I started practicing sleeping in the corner because I know how much he hates it haha.
I bought us tickets to see Ben Harper who he has dreamed about seeing for years in concert.
I've pretty much been cleaning like a madwoman in the past few days before he comes....
Any other suggestions?
Good thread Rahma!
Sarah
Oh Sarah..
awsome idea about Ben Harper...we are going in September to see him in Boston!
If Hicham is into music...try to see as much as you can. If there is a club or cafe or someplace thats nice it would be good for him to go for a while with you then after a while he may feel comfortable to go alone. (Othmane now has an eclectic group of guys that he plays pool with, ranging from a 70 year old maison to a 22 year old swinger from dominican republic). . its great for his independence.
which i know you know...im just rambling.
um...if Hicham plays music get him into lessons...or if he is interested.
You dont have that much longer until he is here right?
Oh my goodness you must be pumped.
let the butterflies enter the stomach.
Rock out,
Sarah
awsome idea about Ben Harper...we are going in September to see him in Boston!
If Hicham is into music...try to see as much as you can. If there is a club or cafe or someplace thats nice it would be good for him to go for a while with you then after a while he may feel comfortable to go alone. (Othmane now has an eclectic group of guys that he plays pool with, ranging from a 70 year old maison to a 22 year old swinger from dominican republic). . its great for his independence.
which i know you know...im just rambling.
um...if Hicham plays music get him into lessons...or if he is interested.
You dont have that much longer until he is here right?
Oh my goodness you must be pumped.
let the butterflies enter the stomach.
Rock out,
Sarah
Thanks Sarah!
Yes I'm so excited.
Hicham loves playing the guitar and he is pretty good. He isn't bringing his guitar but I have a new one here for him. I will definitely take him to as many concerts and clubs with bands as I can I know he is going to love it. I seriously think that Hicham is more excited to see this concert than anything else.
Thanks for the ideas!
I hope you two are well and I love your pictures!
Sarah
Yes I'm so excited.
Hicham loves playing the guitar and he is pretty good. He isn't bringing his guitar but I have a new one here for him. I will definitely take him to as many concerts and clubs with bands as I can I know he is going to love it. I seriously think that Hicham is more excited to see this concert than anything else.
Thanks for the ideas!
I hope you two are well and I love your pictures!
Sarah
I'm reading these lists (which are great, btw) and thinking to myself...are these husbands/fiances we're waiting for or have we adopted children? I've been thinking that since I started this process...it's like I'm adopting an orphan from overseas. Forgive me if that sounds rude or weird.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (that really hit me funny)
all of us from michigan are weird.......... 
Yes..Michigan does produce a lot of weirdos! 
Weird is cool!
Weird is cool!
QUOTE(Mrs. Z @ Jul 31 2006, 01:23 PM)
I'm reading these lists (which are great, btw) and thinking to myself...are these husbands/fiances we're waiting for or have we adopted children? I've been thinking that since I started this process...it's like I'm adopting an orphan from overseas. Forgive me if that sounds rude or weird.
Hmm... never thought if it that way. Quite the contrary. I sometimes feel "less adult"
He approached coming here with such a sense of duty and responsibility, not only to me and my daughter but his family back home. From the very beginning I felt humbled and wondered if I had lived up to my part. He started by coming with enough money so I would never feel I was providing, to heading out alone on his first day here, and from then on continually tackling new things without hesitation. He has been much more "aggressive" in making this his home than I can ever imagine myself doing in a foreign country. I sometimes feel like I am the dependent. 
Most of the things I would have suggested , have already been suggested...GREAT IDEAS EVERYONE!!! Having the right food around has been a big thing in my house...
I would recommend to any of you that have a muslim husband and also have dogs....it is important to have a room that the dog can't enter ... that ur husband can pray in....big thing here...
Pictures are nice but mine prefers to have albums so that he can be reminded when he wants and not have it out in the open when he's depressed.
will comment later...gotta get back to work now...
I would recommend to any of you that have a muslim husband and also have dogs....it is important to have a room that the dog can't enter ... that ur husband can pray in....big thing here...
Pictures are nice but mine prefers to have albums so that he can be reminded when he wants and not have it out in the open when he's depressed.
will comment later...gotta get back to work now...
I didn't mean I feel more adult than my husband. He's way more adult most of the time than I am! I just meant with all the beaurocracy, red tape, background checking, etc. plus all the fussing we make over the guys it seems like we're adopting babies instead of waiting for husbands.
I'm reading these lists (which are great, btw) and thinking to myself...are these husbands/fiances we're waiting for or have we adopted children? I've been thinking that since I started this process...it's like I'm adopting an orphan from overseas. Forgive me if that sounds rude or weird.
Hmm... never thought if it that way. Quite the contrary. I sometimes feel "less adult" He approached coming here with such a sense of duty and responsibility, not only to me and my daughter but his family back home. From the very beginning I felt humbled and wondered if I had lived up to my part. He started by coming with enough money so I would never feel I was providing, to heading out alone on his first day here, and from then on continually tackling new things without hesitation. He has been much more "aggressive" in making this his home than I can ever imagine myself doing in a foreign country. I sometimes feel like I am the dependent.
QUOTE(Bosco @ Jul 31 2006, 06:10 PM)
QUOTE(Mrs. Z @ Jul 31 2006, 01:23 PM)
I'm reading these lists (which are great, btw) and thinking to myself...are these husbands/fiances we're waiting for or have we adopted children? I've been thinking that since I started this process...it's like I'm adopting an orphan from overseas. Forgive me if that sounds rude or weird.
Hmm... never thought if it that way. Quite the contrary. I sometimes feel "less adult"
He approached coming here with such a sense of duty and responsibility, not only to me and my daughter but his family back home. From the very beginning I felt humbled and wondered if I had lived up to my part. He started by coming with enough money so I would never feel I was providing, to heading out alone on his first day here, and from then on continually tackling new things without hesitation. He has been much more "aggressive" in making this his home than I can ever imagine myself doing in a foreign country. I sometimes feel like I am the dependent.
For Moroccan SO, it is helpful to have dried mint around the house just in case you run out of the fresh variety. Oh, and getting a "arabic" tea set is a nice reminder of home. My husband loves the tea set my sister bought us for Christmas.
-Carrie
-Carrie
great post rahma!!!!! i will do all of the above but he just has to get used to toilet paper LOL no watering can in my bathroom.
bump, anyone have anything new to add?
QUOTE(samir_shannon @ Aug 2 2006, 10:10 AM)
great post rahma!!!!! i will do all of the above but he just has to get used to toilet paper LOL no watering can in my bathroom.
I hope this doesn't sound rude but the whole water issue isn't nessecarily purely cultural... meaning it may be something important to him religiously so I'd ask him about it and if he feels he needs a way to clean himself with water at the toilet then it really wouldn't kill you to buy a bidet and let him install it on at least one of the toilets in the home.
Wanted to add... this a great topic... keep it up ladies... learning a lot here!!!!
Why did I think he'd just get off the plane and everything would go on as normal without anything adjusting in our lives???
QUOTE(Bosco @ Jul 30 2006, 11:54 AM)
My parents did lots of little things that helped more with independence rather than long-term adjustment.
They printed out a big map of the immediate area that he could walk/bike ride too, including places he could run. Highlighted the bank, library, grocery store, mosque, etc. I hung it in our kitchen. (they blew up the pages from mapquest and taped them together).
They attached a quarter, dime, nickle, penny on a small piece of cardstock and laminated over the coins and wrote its value and it equivalent to a dollar. It was wallet size, so he could carry it for easy reference.
They typed up helpful phone numbers and laminated this for his wallet too.
My stepdad took him on the bus, metro and light rail shortly after he arrived, and took him to the transit station to get maps of all the routes. This was HUGE in making my husband feel comfortable navigating the public transportation system himself.
My parents gave him a stock of phonecards.
Explain 911. Explain sales tax. If they only have a dollar and something costs a dollar, they won't have enough.
It is so important to give them their own space, especially a clean spot to pray if they pray. If you have other household members, explain to them the importance of not disturbing him, passing directly in front of him.
Thanks so much for bumping this thread. Abdel has been dealing with issues of not feeling independent and I think I need to try a few of these. He doesn't feel like he can go anywhere because he doesn't feel at home here. It's funny because when he first got here he went all over. I guess now he realizes just how dangerous that was.
I think I need to do the map thing and show him what he can get to easily in our area (especially the library and the park with a lake where he can fish and run) and get the hours things are open put on it.
I think I'm also going to do a bus map for him to show him how to get to places like the department of labor (he hates his job but doesn't really know how to find another one), the malls, the local technical college, not sure what else.
He does know where the Starbucks is - funny how he found that on his own really fast.
I've been meaning to make him the wallet card with all of my family members phone numbers on it too, but still haven't gotten around to it. Thanks for the reminder that I need to get that done.
Shannon, if you don't want the watering can a box of baby wipes is a decent substitute.
As for tea, Abdel found Earl Gray to be a decent substitute for the tea he was used to back home. Also, Mr. Coffee makes an espresso machine that can be bought at Walmart for about $25. Definitely a good investment.
QUOTE(honeyblonde @ Oct 11 2006, 04:03 PM)
I think I need to do the map thing and show him what he can get to easily in our area (especially the library and the park with a lake where he can fish and run) and get the hours things are open put on it.
Map reading is definately important. Since map reading skills were taught to me in school at a relatively early age, I've just taken them for granted. Don't
Here's my newest tips:
Ask your SO if he knows how to read a map, and if not, plan some map lessons
Do everything you humanly possibly can to help him become independant as soon as possible.
QUOTE(Veiled Princess @ Oct 11 2006, 02:02 PM)
QUOTE(samir_shannon @ Aug 2 2006, 10:10 AM)
great post rahma!!!!! i will do all of the above but he just has to get used to toilet paper LOL no watering can in my bathroom.
I hope this doesn't sound rude but the whole water issue isn't nessecarily purely cultural... meaning it may be something important to him religiously so I'd ask him about it and if he feels he needs a way to clean himself with water at the toilet then it really wouldn't kill you to buy a bidet and let him install it on at least one of the toilets in the home.
Wanted to add... this a great topic... keep it up ladies... learning a lot here!!!!
Why did I think he'd just get off the plane and everything would go on as normal without anything adjusting in our lives???
I agree... I think the water thing is cultural and for some it has religious implications such as being clean. Hicham isn't used to using paper so I think we will install a shower head with a hose which is what he is used to at home. I don't see anything wrong with making adjustments such as this to make your SO feel at home and to give them what they are used to.
I wish I had some suggestions, but to be honest this is weighing heavily on me right now. Hopefully my husband will have his interview soon, and this of course brings about the reality that he might actually be here soon.
Now as wonderful as that sounds, I am nervous. My husband and I have friends that he just went to England to be with his wife. Although he is so happy to finally be with her, he finds himself extremely homesick. I also hear it time and time again here.
So thanks for bumping this thread, and please all, what are your thoughts?
Now as wonderful as that sounds, I am nervous. My husband and I have friends that he just went to England to be with his wife. Although he is so happy to finally be with her, he finds himself extremely homesick. I also hear it time and time again here.
So thanks for bumping this thread, and please all, what are your thoughts?
There is only so much you can do to help with the homesickness in my opinion.
For the first 2 weeks that Hicham was here I tried my best to make him feel at home and we went shopping for clothes for him and food he likes etc.
I think I got pretty lucky though with Hicham as he doesn't seem to be homesick at all and has no desire to return to Morocco until maybe next summer to visit family. I hope you get as lucky as I have been because I think it can make things very stressful and difficult if they are extremely homesick. I also think that Hicham working has been a total lifesaver. It keeps him out of the house, he makes money, he has made friends, he is learning English, and he really appreciates his time off and our time together. I think ght temp. EAD was really worth it for us.
Sarah
For the first 2 weeks that Hicham was here I tried my best to make him feel at home and we went shopping for clothes for him and food he likes etc.
I think I got pretty lucky though with Hicham as he doesn't seem to be homesick at all and has no desire to return to Morocco until maybe next summer to visit family. I hope you get as lucky as I have been because I think it can make things very stressful and difficult if they are extremely homesick. I also think that Hicham working has been a total lifesaver. It keeps him out of the house, he makes money, he has made friends, he is learning English, and he really appreciates his time off and our time together. I think ght temp. EAD was really worth it for us.
Sarah
Liz..your tea comment reminded me of the electric teapot that I'm gonna pick up for Mohamed. It boils water instantly which will be handy for him when I'm at work. The man drinks tea constantly! I've discussed the bidet thing with him and he says that a small watering can in the bathroom is sufficient for him. I already have a small plastic cup that I use in there. I agree with the other posters in regards to being sensitive to their SO's needs whether culturally or religiously. Remember ladies..these men are leaving their countries, families and other comforts to be with us the least we can do is make them comfortable at home. Keep the suggestions coming!
QUOTE(samir_shannon @ Aug 2 2006, 09:10 AM)
great post rahma!!!!! i will do all of the above but he just has to get used to toilet paper LOL no watering can in my bathroom.
I know you've already taken a lot of heat on this but if I could just add that you would be doing yourself the favor in caving on this one....if he's the butt-watering type, hook him up- or he'll just use your kool-aid pitchers, empty pepsi bottles, your larger coffee mugs...you'll be checking the bathroom every time you do dishes. Really, just move the magazine rack over and find one you can stand looking at. I promise its not a big deal.
Theres a lot of good advice in here, I can't think of anything that hasn't already been given except a cell phone. In the beginning, it seemed that every time he left the house, he needed directions back or he would have a question about why someone said this or that. Having a direct line of communication made him independent very fast. (maybe too fast)
About money tho, theres a lot of us money going around over there. saw it in Jordan and Egypt. I don't think too many are unfamiliar with using US currency.
Food is important, not just being stocked up, but showing him where the good stores are, too.
Don't assume he knows how to use the stove or oven or that foil and forks stay out of the mic.
cant think of anything else right now
later
Abdell and I have been practising English since we met online. I have sent him pictures of the neighborhood, our house, the car , the grocery store etc. We already went through the money and I have asked him money questions. He is a whiz at math so dont think its going to be an issue. We have talked about converting kilometers and temperature. Oh yes and the date is not day-month - year but month day- year. I have figured out the animals in the house thing really bothers him. So am working on a nonanimal room although i have 3 dogs and 3 cats so this will be a challenge. (yikes) He is prepared to make a doggie door and a dog house and fence in the yard when he comes. I have learned to make couscous the way his mom makes and this makes him happy. I dont think we need a bidet. He didnt have one at his house. Found an awesome organic store as he has explained that natural foods are the way to be. I have already located the prayer times, mosque's in the area and explained that there are many Muslims here too. Other than that just cleaning out all the junk I have accumlated over the years. But he knows he gets to help me make it his home also.
QUOTE(dawnnhatem @ Oct 11 2006, 04:57 PM)
Food is important, not just being stocked up, but showing him where the good stores are, too.
Don't assume he knows how to use the stove or oven or that foil and forks stay out of the mic.
This is imperative!!! First, my husband had no idea what a microwave was, then he didn't understand that he couldn't just put whatever he wanted in it. I think one of his first adventures was putting a piece of bread in for 3 minutes --- let's just say the microwave was smoking black like I have never seen.
Another thing is make sure that he has things and a way to get out of the house. It will be a struggle for awhile (even if he is an outgoing guy) but it really makes a difference. It increases their independence and forces them to practice English (I know I sound mean but it's really the only way). Also, make sure he has a $20 in his pocket (or something) at all times. This will be hard at first esp. if he isn't working but he needs to know the money is both of yours and he has some access to it.
Fiances are a huge deal - I think from the beginning, after setting in a bit, sit down with them and show them the bills, explain to them what everything means (it sounds juvenile but remember most things there are not billed the same way they are here). Then show them a payment stub from your work, explain to them what everything means. My husband could not believe the amount of money that went towards paying bills and still grapples with the thought of having over $1000 a month in bills to pay. I think the best outcome of doing this is allowing them to see how hard and long you have to work to make money here. For many of them (and their families too) they think that money is easy and plentiful in the US. The sooner you get them involved in the financial process the sooner they will understand. One of our big struggles came from his family at home not understanding why he wasn't working. They believe that he they can come here and work immediately and make a lot of money. Allowing your SO to be involved will really help. The first few months I paid bills, I had Youssef do them seperate, I let him write the checks to practice (oh yea teach them how to write a check too!) and then I showed him how I payed the bills online. We opened a joint checking/savings after we were married and he got an ATM card, he's still afraid to use it but he has it in case he needs to.
Also - explaining credit, loans and income taxes. He wasn't very familiar with any of these things and was very interested in learning and understanding once I started to explain.
Those are some of my thoughts.
Just a couple suggestions! My husband has been here almost a year now and sure he gets homesick. No matter what you do or get its still not the same as home or his mother's cooking. You can get cable tv with arabic channels. Also download music to burn on cd's so he can listen to them in the car, running, etc. Also, we got an arabic converter dictionary for the computer. This is very helpful in translating english and helping them understand what the word really means. We also joined a telephone program online where its really reasonable to call home. He has all that info on a card in his wallet and programmed in his phone. As for the bathroom thing, ladies just give in and let them add it to the bathroom. Took 3 weeks of hanging out in all kinds of hardware stores to find the correct fittings to add this addition to the bathroom but once it was done, much happier husband! We searched and found places that served arabic dishes and cafes. In doing so he found 2 ppl in our small city that was from Jordan. This enables them to keep speaking their language which after time feels odd to them. Hope these ideas help! You wont make it go away totally but at least they know you care enough to try.
Yeah I don't get why some people just won't give them the bidet... seems strange to me!
QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Oct 11 2006, 11:21 PM)
Yeah I don't get why some people just won't give them the bidet... seems strange to me!
I was just gonna say that... what's the big deal?
QUOTE(hollyw @ Oct 11 2006, 08:29 PM)
QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Oct 11 2006, 11:21 PM)
Yeah I don't get why some people just won't give them the bidet... seems strange to me!
I was just gonna say that... what's the big deal?
I don't know. Honestly I have no idea why someone would be so upset about doing something for their fiance who moved half way around the world to be with her. Maybe it's a controlling issue?
Oh I wanted to add that Hicham doesn't care about Arabic channels but he does looove to see his favorite soccer team when he can.
I guess we can just ask!
shannon what is the big deal with the bidet? If Samir wants one are you going to get one?
QUOTE(moody @ Oct 11 2006, 05:41 PM)
Liz..your tea comment reminded me of the electric teapot that I'm gonna pick up for Mohamed. It boils water instantly which will be handy for him when I'm at work. The man drinks tea constantly! I've discussed the bidet thing with him and he says that a small watering can in the bathroom is sufficient for him. I already have a small plastic cup that I use in there. I agree with the other posters in regards to being sensitive to their SO's needs whether culturally or religiously. Remember ladies..these men are leaving their countries, families and other comforts to be with us the least we can do is make them comfortable at home. Keep the suggestions coming!
The thing that surprised me is that Islam is against interest. So I like to save money, but in the bank it accrues interest....I just can't win!
Everyone is really pointing out some great tips here!
QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Oct 11 2006, 11:34 PM)
QUOTE(hollyw @ Oct 11 2006, 08:29 PM)
QUOTE(sarah and hicham @ Oct 11 2006, 11:21 PM)
Yeah I don't get why some people just won't give them the bidet... seems strange to me!
I was just gonna say that... what's the big deal?
I don't know. Honestly I have no idea why someone would be so upset about doing something for their fiance who moved half way around the world to be with her. Maybe it's a controlling issue?
Oh I wanted to add that Hicham doesn't care about Arabic channels but he does looove to see his favorite soccer team when he can.
I guess we can just ask!
shannon what is the big deal with the bidet? If Samir wants one are you going to get one?
it would be like us going to visit or SO's and them saying "ewwww you don't use a bidet?? that's so weird... youre gonna have to get used to it, because I don't want toilet paper in my bathroom!!"
come onnnnnnnnnn
I would like to purchase some Halal meat/products to stock up the fridge before My Love's arrival. Is there a place that's recommended to order from online?
QUOTE(libragodess @ Oct 12 2006, 01:19 AM)
I would like to purchase some Halal meat/products to stock up the fridge before My Love's arrival. Is there a place that's recommended to order from online?
Hello Libra I am not sure what city you are but I do know of a market in Pheonix called Baiz Market and Resturant. It is on 20th Str. Baiz Narket is the best place in Phoenix to find halal food. They have the meat delivered to them fresh every week. They have everything you need. They have goat meat, beef, chicken, fresh vegetables, cheese. They also have a restaurant within the grocery store.They are also the best halal restaurant in town; fantastic food, very nice fresh bread, halal meat, the best sweet in Arizona. People works there are very friendly and provide you the best service. Make sure and try out the beef shawarma. It is only $4.99 And is the best I have ever eaten. Also you might want to go to www.islamifinder.com and type in your city and look for masjids, schools, muslims businesses, etc... the listing is actually a very good one.
Hope I helped.
QUOTE(iceyspots @ Jul 30 2006, 11:51 PM)
stock up : wheat thins, mayo.... and plenty of algerian posters and pics from back home
LOL hmmm Icey there may be a Mayo and Wheat Thins shortage soon after Yacine arrives 
QUOTE(Mrs. Z @ Jul 31 2006, 01:23 PM)
I'm reading these lists (which are great, btw) and thinking to myself...are these husbands/fiances we're waiting for or have we adopted children? I've been thinking that since I started this process...it's like I'm adopting an orphan from overseas. Forgive me if that sounds rude or weird.
Ye it does seem like we are Kara... well I feel like that anyway... I find myself *teaching* my husband everyday normal things...and he seems to be in awe... 
Here are some of my add-ons to the list:
Find out ahead of time, if you donnot ready know where your local masjid is
Decorate the home with some of his countrie's cultural decorative pieces
Keep reminding him before he comes that USA is ALOT different then his native country
Try to take photos or make videos of your home, city, various everyday things (like the laundermat, the grocery store)
Explain him that in the USA women and men are equal
Explain him all the "haraam" or close to haraam things he will encounter in the USA, so he is not shocked
Explain to him first off the the "money system" in the US and the pricing/taxes/banking--->debit cards
Take him on a tour of the neighbour and city and also make him a map to follow later on
Encourage him to make American friends as well as people from his country (other MENA men)
Practise with him his English skills before and after he arrives
Try to install some arabe (or french) channels he can watch
Try to see if some arabe newspaper are availible in your area
If nothing else, make sure you have net connection...so he is connected to family, news, enterainment
Be supportive ( you are the only one in the USA with him afterall)
Be patient ( he can be annoying at times, but it takes baby steps)
Explain them how many people *dislike* MENA people and get him ready for some possible reactions
(I feel it is esp frustrating for MENA who are so used having their cake and eating it too in their own native countries... it is a real shock to be a place where you are not in total control, you are depending on a women afterall and people are thinking worse things on you...)
Let be a part of everyday things he normally would and would not be a part of in MENA
Give him duties and responsitblities he can actually do and be proud of (praise him too)
Do all things possible together (shopping, cooking, making plans, budgets)
Explain him that in the USA are many haraam foods...show him what they are, how they raw and cooked, in what foods they are *hidden* in...so if he is ever out alone he will know
Show him people and places to avoid
Show him things and places he has never experienced before (amusement parks, arcades, Best Buy, etc) He might actually forget he is homesick
Try to get your family/friends to support and welcome him
Introduce him to common American applicances like the washing machine, microwave, toaster, electric coffee maker ...(hmm you would be surprsied how much is unknown to them LOL)
Have alot of quality time together
If you have children, try to be patient with both, him and the children...they will bond on there own terms
Also if you have children, get him in the habit of doing everyday things for the children, like picking them from school, preparing snacks etc...this will be good bonding tool to unite the family, also life lesson for him if he wants children of his own...(Hmm I keep asking my husband how he will act if we had a baby...with all the crying, diaper changes, etc...he seems to think he wil be a whiz at it...hmmm I donnot think so LOL)
QUOTE(Morocco4ever @ Oct 11 2006, 11:52 PM)
The thing that surprised me is that Islam is against interest. So I like to save money, but in the bank it accrues interest....I just can't win!
Everyone is really pointing out some great tips here!
Open a second checking account..... usually those don't bear interest... and use it as your savings account... I have two open checking accounts... one for actual checking that I do and the other to put my savings... the second one I don't keep an ATM card or anything for and I didn't order any checks for it.
QUOTE(Veiled Princess @ Oct 12 2006, 08:39 AM)
QUOTE(Morocco4ever @ Oct 11 2006, 11:52 PM)
The thing that surprised me is that Islam is against interest. So I like to save money, but in the bank it accrues interest....I just can't win!
Everyone is really pointing out some great tips here!
Open a second checking account..... usually those don't bear interest... and use it as your savings account... I have two open checking accounts... one for actual checking that I do and the other to put my savings... the second one I don't keep an ATM card or anything for and I didn't order any checks for it.
The checking account idea is great! I only have a checking account myself.
I want to forewarn everybody that I'm in a horrible mood this morning so I hope this post doesn't come off as nasty..... here goes
1 thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
2nd thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
3rd thing to do is ... TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE NOT BORN AND BRED TO SPIT SHINE THE HOUSE ON AN HOURLY BASIS!!!
other things that can help... explain to them, at great length, just HOW HARD it IS to get money and save it here.
DON'T buy a house before they come ..just in case they HATE your town and want to move to TEXAS to work with their friends no matter how you really feel about the issue....coz all they will say is ..."i moved from my country and left everything so i could be with you...why CAN'T we move to another state"...so they totally lay the guilt on you for that one...
Don't think for 1 minute that they're going to be ok with any dogs in the house...I tried to tell mine before he got here that we had a dog and even showed him that she had a bed in the house....HE THOUGHT I WAS JOKING...
if you don't have any middle eastern markets nearby...FIND ONE!!! even if its 2 hours away (which is our situation) make plans to go and buy at least 2 weeks worth of food at a time to make it worth your trip!
STOCK UP ON ARABIAN PITA BREAD!!!!
baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude
get the ATHAN on ur computer so u know when prayer time is
Know that he is going to expect a car soon...a cell phone soon...and won't understand the phrase.."we don't have enough money right now" and he will probably follow that phrase with "then we will never have the money" and get all mad about it
i've said it and will say it again just in case u glanced over it and didn't catch it before....EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE TO WORK A LONG TIME TO SAVE MONEY AND OUR BILLS ARE EXPENSIVE AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS HERE.....NO, HE CAN'T COME HERE AND IMMEDIATELY GET HIS DREAM JOB..if it were that easy, we would all have our dream jobs!!! He JUST MIGHT HAVE TO WORK IN A JOB THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE ...
ohh ohh..and ... the time here goes WAY faster than it does in their countries so they will feel like they are losing their lives really fast....this is hard for them so they get really impatient for their dream job....
PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE...AND A LITTLE MORE PATIENCE IS REQUIRED IN ORDER TO HAVE A HAPPY HOUSEHOLD!!!!! I can't stress patience enough.. yes, its like we're adopting a teenager (temporarily) until they really get a grasp of things.......
sorry for the rant here..but there are just so many miniscule things that will make such a big big difference...things you never thought of...so i'm just trying to help
amal
oh yeah, i forgot 1 thing...if you have young children...let your SO know that our children are not perfect "like their children are ALWAYS" .. sometimes our kids don't get the shower curtain shut all the way and the bathroom floor WILL get wet....and more than likely, we will be the ones cleaning it up, not the kid. and they should also be aware that kids here have toys and they like to play with them in the front room sometimes....and they occasionally forget to clean up their mess and you have to remind them to do their chores on a daily basis (NO THEY DON'T GET IT THE FIRST TIME YOU TELL THEM "LIKE THE ARABIAN KIDS DO")....
That is just another thing to think of....
1 thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
2nd thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
3rd thing to do is ... TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE NOT BORN AND BRED TO SPIT SHINE THE HOUSE ON AN HOURLY BASIS!!!
other things that can help... explain to them, at great length, just HOW HARD it IS to get money and save it here.
DON'T buy a house before they come ..just in case they HATE your town and want to move to TEXAS to work with their friends no matter how you really feel about the issue....coz all they will say is ..."i moved from my country and left everything so i could be with you...why CAN'T we move to another state"...so they totally lay the guilt on you for that one...
Don't think for 1 minute that they're going to be ok with any dogs in the house...I tried to tell mine before he got here that we had a dog and even showed him that she had a bed in the house....HE THOUGHT I WAS JOKING...
if you don't have any middle eastern markets nearby...FIND ONE!!! even if its 2 hours away (which is our situation) make plans to go and buy at least 2 weeks worth of food at a time to make it worth your trip!
STOCK UP ON ARABIAN PITA BREAD!!!!
baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude
get the ATHAN on ur computer so u know when prayer time is
Know that he is going to expect a car soon...a cell phone soon...and won't understand the phrase.."we don't have enough money right now" and he will probably follow that phrase with "then we will never have the money" and get all mad about it
i've said it and will say it again just in case u glanced over it and didn't catch it before....EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE TO WORK A LONG TIME TO SAVE MONEY AND OUR BILLS ARE EXPENSIVE AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS HERE.....NO, HE CAN'T COME HERE AND IMMEDIATELY GET HIS DREAM JOB..if it were that easy, we would all have our dream jobs!!! He JUST MIGHT HAVE TO WORK IN A JOB THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE ...
ohh ohh..and ... the time here goes WAY faster than it does in their countries so they will feel like they are losing their lives really fast....this is hard for them so they get really impatient for their dream job....
PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE...AND A LITTLE MORE PATIENCE IS REQUIRED IN ORDER TO HAVE A HAPPY HOUSEHOLD!!!!! I can't stress patience enough.. yes, its like we're adopting a teenager (temporarily) until they really get a grasp of things.......
sorry for the rant here..but there are just so many miniscule things that will make such a big big difference...things you never thought of...so i'm just trying to help
amal oh yeah, i forgot 1 thing...if you have young children...let your SO know that our children are not perfect "like their children are ALWAYS" .. sometimes our kids don't get the shower curtain shut all the way and the bathroom floor WILL get wet....and more than likely, we will be the ones cleaning it up, not the kid. and they should also be aware that kids here have toys and they like to play with them in the front room sometimes....and they occasionally forget to clean up their mess and you have to remind them to do their chores on a daily basis (NO THEY DON'T GET IT THE FIRST TIME YOU TELL THEM "LIKE THE ARABIAN KIDS DO")....
That is just another thing to think of....
QUOTE(amal @ Oct 12 2006, 10:45 AM)
baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude
i'm totally lost on this one
QUOTE(amal @ Oct 12 2006, 11:45 AM)
I want to forewarn everybody that I'm in a horrible mood this morning so I hope this post doesn't come off as nasty..... here goes
1 thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
2nd thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
3rd thing to do is ... TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE NOT BORN AND BRED TO SPIT SHINE THE HOUSE ON AN HOURLY BASIS!!!
other things that can help... explain to them, at great length, just HOW HARD it IS to get money and save it here.
DON'T buy a house before they come ..just in case they HATE your town and want to move to TEXAS to work with their friends no matter how you really feel about the issue....coz all they will say is ..."i moved from my country and left everything so i could be with you...why CAN'T we move to another state"...so they totally lay the guilt on you for that one...
Don't think for 1 minute that they're going to be ok with any dogs in the house...I tried to tell mine before he got here that we had a dog and even showed him that she had a bed in the house....HE THOUGHT I WAS JOKING...
if you don't have any middle eastern markets nearby...FIND ONE!!! even if its 2 hours away (which is our situation) make plans to go and buy at least 2 weeks worth of food at a time to make it worth your trip!
STOCK UP ON ARABIAN PITA BREAD!!!!
baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude
get the ATHAN on ur computer so u know when prayer time is
Know that he is going to expect a car soon...a cell phone soon...and won't understand the phrase.."we don't have enough money right now" and he will probably follow that phrase with "then we will never have the money" and get all mad about it
i've said it and will say it again just in case u glanced over it and didn't catch it before....EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE TO WORK A LONG TIME TO SAVE MONEY AND OUR BILLS ARE EXPENSIVE AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS HERE.....NO, HE CAN'T COME HERE AND IMMEDIATELY GET HIS DREAM JOB..if it were that easy, we would all have our dream jobs!!! He JUST MIGHT HAVE TO WORK IN A JOB THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE ...
ohh ohh..and ... the time here goes WAY faster than it does in their countries so they will feel like they are losing their lives really fast....this is hard for them so they get really impatient for their dream job....
PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE...AND A LITTLE MORE PATIENCE IS REQUIRED IN ORDER TO HAVE A HAPPY HOUSEHOLD!!!!! I can't stress patience enough.. yes, its like we're adopting a teenager (temporarily) until they really get a grasp of things.......
sorry for the rant here..but there are just so many miniscule things that will make such a big big difference...things you never thought of...so i'm just trying to help
amal
oh yeah, i forgot 1 thing...if you have young children...let your SO know that our children are not perfect "like their children are ALWAYS" .. sometimes our kids don't get the shower curtain shut all the way and the bathroom floor WILL get wet....and more than likely, we will be the ones cleaning it up, not the kid. and they should also be aware that kids here have toys and they like to play with them in the front room sometimes....and they occasionally forget to clean up their mess and you have to remind them to do their chores on a daily basis (NO THEY DON'T GET IT THE FIRST TIME YOU TELL THEM "LIKE THE ARABIAN KIDS DO")....
That is just another thing to think of....
Awwwwwwww does Amal need a hug?1 thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
2nd thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
3rd thing to do is ... TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE NOT BORN AND BRED TO SPIT SHINE THE HOUSE ON AN HOURLY BASIS!!!
other things that can help... explain to them, at great length, just HOW HARD it IS to get money and save it here.
DON'T buy a house before they come ..just in case they HATE your town and want to move to TEXAS to work with their friends no matter how you really feel about the issue....coz all they will say is ..."i moved from my country and left everything so i could be with you...why CAN'T we move to another state"...so they totally lay the guilt on you for that one...
Don't think for 1 minute that they're going to be ok with any dogs in the house...I tried to tell mine before he got here that we had a dog and even showed him that she had a bed in the house....HE THOUGHT I WAS JOKING...
if you don't have any middle eastern markets nearby...FIND ONE!!! even if its 2 hours away (which is our situation) make plans to go and buy at least 2 weeks worth of food at a time to make it worth your trip!
STOCK UP ON ARABIAN PITA BREAD!!!!
baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude
get the ATHAN on ur computer so u know when prayer time is
Know that he is going to expect a car soon...a cell phone soon...and won't understand the phrase.."we don't have enough money right now" and he will probably follow that phrase with "then we will never have the money" and get all mad about it
i've said it and will say it again just in case u glanced over it and didn't catch it before....EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE TO WORK A LONG TIME TO SAVE MONEY AND OUR BILLS ARE EXPENSIVE AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS HERE.....NO, HE CAN'T COME HERE AND IMMEDIATELY GET HIS DREAM JOB..if it were that easy, we would all have our dream jobs!!! He JUST MIGHT HAVE TO WORK IN A JOB THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE ...
ohh ohh..and ... the time here goes WAY faster than it does in their countries so they will feel like they are losing their lives really fast....this is hard for them so they get really impatient for their dream job....
PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE...AND A LITTLE MORE PATIENCE IS REQUIRED IN ORDER TO HAVE A HAPPY HOUSEHOLD!!!!! I can't stress patience enough.. yes, its like we're adopting a teenager (temporarily) until they really get a grasp of things.......
sorry for the rant here..but there are just so many miniscule things that will make such a big big difference...things you never thought of...so i'm just trying to help
amal oh yeah, i forgot 1 thing...if you have young children...let your SO know that our children are not perfect "like their children are ALWAYS" .. sometimes our kids don't get the shower curtain shut all the way and the bathroom floor WILL get wet....and more than likely, we will be the ones cleaning it up, not the kid. and they should also be aware that kids here have toys and they like to play with them in the front room sometimes....and they occasionally forget to clean up their mess and you have to remind them to do their chores on a daily basis (NO THEY DON'T GET IT THE FIRST TIME YOU TELL THEM "LIKE THE ARABIAN KIDS DO")....
That is just another thing to think of....
But you are right Amal...thanx for posting these points... time does seem to pass more slowly then in the States...and thing happen so much slower here too then in the States... and it is hard for many MENA to let go of their egocentric thinking...
QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Oct 12 2006, 11:47 AM)
QUOTE(amal @ Oct 12 2006, 10:45 AM)
baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude
i'm totally lost on this one
Use in the rare case a bidet and bucket of water is not availible
Hahaha I try to do that all the time with Mohamed. I tell him..you do know that you're not gonna be rich within a couple years don't you? He gets all these stories from men there that he's gonna make and SAVE all this money. Yeah it ain't gonna happen honey. I drill that idea in his head and he still don't believe me. I guess he's gonna have to live and learn.
About the car ..Mohamed was asking me how much an average used car would cost. I told him you can get one for about $2000-$4000. He's planning on bringing the money with him to buy a used car so we got that one covered at least.
I want to forewarn everybody that I'm in a horrible mood this morning so I hope this post doesn't come off as nasty..... here goes
1 thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
2nd thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
3rd thing to do is ... TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE NOT BORN AND BRED TO SPIT SHINE THE HOUSE ON AN HOURLY BASIS!!!
other things that can help... explain to them, at great length, just HOW HARD it IS to get money and save it here.
DON'T buy a house before they come ..just in case they HATE your town and want to move to TEXAS to work with their friends no matter how you really feel about the issue....coz all they will say is ..."i moved from my country and left everything so i could be with you...why CAN'T we move to another state"...so they totally lay the guilt on you for that one...
Don't think for 1 minute that they're going to be ok with any dogs in the house...I tried to tell mine before he got here that we had a dog and even showed him that she had a bed in the house....HE THOUGHT I WAS JOKING...
if you don't have any middle eastern markets nearby...FIND ONE!!! even if its 2 hours away (which is our situation) make plans to go and buy at least 2 weeks worth of food at a time to make it worth your trip!
STOCK UP ON ARABIAN PITA BREAD!!!!
baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude
get the ATHAN on ur computer so u know when prayer time is
Know that he is going to expect a car soon...a cell phone soon...and won't understand the phrase.."we don't have enough money right now" and he will probably follow that phrase with "then we will never have the money" and get all mad about it
i've said it and will say it again just in case u glanced over it and didn't catch it before....EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE TO WORK A LONG TIME TO SAVE MONEY AND OUR BILLS ARE EXPENSIVE AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS HERE.....NO, HE CAN'T COME HERE AND IMMEDIATELY GET HIS DREAM JOB..if it were that easy, we would all have our dream jobs!!! He JUST MIGHT HAVE TO WORK IN A JOB THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE ...
ohh ohh..and ... the time here goes WAY faster than it does in their countries so they will feel like they are losing their lives really fast....this is hard for them so they get really impatient for their dream job....
PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE...AND A LITTLE MORE PATIENCE IS REQUIRED IN ORDER TO HAVE A HAPPY HOUSEHOLD!!!!! I can't stress patience enough.. yes, its like we're adopting a teenager (temporarily) until they really get a grasp of things.......
sorry for the rant here..but there are just so many miniscule things that will make such a big big difference...things you never thought of...so i'm just trying to help
amal
oh yeah, i forgot 1 thing...if you have young children...let your SO know that our children are not perfect "like their children are ALWAYS" .. sometimes our kids don't get the shower curtain shut all the way and the bathroom floor WILL get wet....and more than likely, we will be the ones cleaning it up, not the kid. and they should also be aware that kids here have toys and they like to play with them in the front room sometimes....and they occasionally forget to clean up their mess and you have to remind them to do their chores on a daily basis (NO THEY DON'T GET IT THE FIRST TIME YOU TELL THEM "LIKE THE ARABIAN KIDS DO")....
That is just another thing to think of....
About the car ..Mohamed was asking me how much an average used car would cost. I told him you can get one for about $2000-$4000. He's planning on bringing the money with him to buy a used car so we got that one covered at least.
QUOTE(amal @ Oct 12 2006, 11:45 AM)
I want to forewarn everybody that I'm in a horrible mood this morning so I hope this post doesn't come off as nasty..... here goes
1 thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
2nd thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
3rd thing to do is ... TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE NOT BORN AND BRED TO SPIT SHINE THE HOUSE ON AN HOURLY BASIS!!!
other things that can help... explain to them, at great length, just HOW HARD it IS to get money and save it here.
DON'T buy a house before they come ..just in case they HATE your town and want to move to TEXAS to work with their friends no matter how you really feel about the issue....coz all they will say is ..."i moved from my country and left everything so i could be with you...why CAN'T we move to another state"...so they totally lay the guilt on you for that one...
Don't think for 1 minute that they're going to be ok with any dogs in the house...I tried to tell mine before he got here that we had a dog and even showed him that she had a bed in the house....HE THOUGHT I WAS JOKING...
if you don't have any middle eastern markets nearby...FIND ONE!!! even if its 2 hours away (which is our situation) make plans to go and buy at least 2 weeks worth of food at a time to make it worth your trip!
STOCK UP ON ARABIAN PITA BREAD!!!!
baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude
get the ATHAN on ur computer so u know when prayer time is
Know that he is going to expect a car soon...a cell phone soon...and won't understand the phrase.."we don't have enough money right now" and he will probably follow that phrase with "then we will never have the money" and get all mad about it
i've said it and will say it again just in case u glanced over it and didn't catch it before....EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE TO WORK A LONG TIME TO SAVE MONEY AND OUR BILLS ARE EXPENSIVE AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS HERE.....NO, HE CAN'T COME HERE AND IMMEDIATELY GET HIS DREAM JOB..if it were that easy, we would all have our dream jobs!!! He JUST MIGHT HAVE TO WORK IN A JOB THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE ...
ohh ohh..and ... the time here goes WAY faster than it does in their countries so they will feel like they are losing their lives really fast....this is hard for them so they get really impatient for their dream job....
PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE...AND A LITTLE MORE PATIENCE IS REQUIRED IN ORDER TO HAVE A HAPPY HOUSEHOLD!!!!! I can't stress patience enough.. yes, its like we're adopting a teenager (temporarily) until they really get a grasp of things.......
sorry for the rant here..but there are just so many miniscule things that will make such a big big difference...things you never thought of...so i'm just trying to help
amal oh yeah, i forgot 1 thing...if you have young children...let your SO know that our children are not perfect "like their children are ALWAYS" .. sometimes our kids don't get the shower curtain shut all the way and the bathroom floor WILL get wet....and more than likely, we will be the ones cleaning it up, not the kid. and they should also be aware that kids here have toys and they like to play with them in the front room sometimes....and they occasionally forget to clean up their mess and you have to remind them to do their chores on a daily basis (NO THEY DON'T GET IT THE FIRST TIME YOU TELL THEM "LIKE THE ARABIAN KIDS DO")....
That is just another thing to think of....
Yup gotta let them find out for themselves unfortunately
QUOTE(moody @ Oct 12 2006, 11:52 AM)
Hahaha I try to do that all the time with Mohamed. I tell him..you do know that you're not gonna be rich within a couple years don't you? He gets all these stories from men there that he's gonna make and SAVE all this money. Yeah it ain't gonna happen honey. I drill that idea in his head and he still don't believe me. I guess he's gonna have to live and learn.
I want to forewarn everybody that I'm in a horrible mood this morning so I hope this post doesn't come off as nasty..... here goes
1 thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
2nd thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
3rd thing to do is ... TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE NOT BORN AND BRED TO SPIT SHINE THE HOUSE ON AN HOURLY BASIS!!!
other things that can help... explain to them, at great length, just HOW HARD it IS to get money and save it here.
DON'T buy a house before they come ..just in case they HATE your town and want to move to TEXAS to work with their friends no matter how you really feel about the issue....coz all they will say is ..."i moved from my country and left everything so i could be with you...why CAN'T we move to another state"...so they totally lay the guilt on you for that one...
Don't think for 1 minute that they're going to be ok with any dogs in the house...I tried to tell mine before he got here that we had a dog and even showed him that she had a bed in the house....HE THOUGHT I WAS JOKING...
if you don't have any middle eastern markets nearby...FIND ONE!!! even if its 2 hours away (which is our situation) make plans to go and buy at least 2 weeks worth of food at a time to make it worth your trip!
STOCK UP ON ARABIAN PITA BREAD!!!!
baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude
get the ATHAN on ur computer so u know when prayer time is
Know that he is going to expect a car soon...a cell phone soon...and won't understand the phrase.."we don't have enough money right now" and he will probably follow that phrase with "then we will never have the money" and get all mad about it
i've said it and will say it again just in case u glanced over it and didn't catch it before....EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE TO WORK A LONG TIME TO SAVE MONEY AND OUR BILLS ARE EXPENSIVE AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS HERE.....NO, HE CAN'T COME HERE AND IMMEDIATELY GET HIS DREAM JOB..if it were that easy, we would all have our dream jobs!!! He JUST MIGHT HAVE TO WORK IN A JOB THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE ...
ohh ohh..and ... the time here goes WAY faster than it does in their countries so they will feel like they are losing their lives really fast....this is hard for them so they get really impatient for their dream job....
PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE...AND A LITTLE MORE PATIENCE IS REQUIRED IN ORDER TO HAVE A HAPPY HOUSEHOLD!!!!! I can't stress patience enough.. yes, its like we're adopting a teenager (temporarily) until they really get a grasp of things.......
sorry for the rant here..but there are just so many miniscule things that will make such a big big difference...things you never thought of...so i'm just trying to help
amal
oh yeah, i forgot 1 thing...if you have young children...let your SO know that our children are not perfect "like their children are ALWAYS" .. sometimes our kids don't get the shower curtain shut all the way and the bathroom floor WILL get wet....and more than likely, we will be the ones cleaning it up, not the kid. and they should also be aware that kids here have toys and they like to play with them in the front room sometimes....and they occasionally forget to clean up their mess and you have to remind them to do their chores on a daily basis (NO THEY DON'T GET IT THE FIRST TIME YOU TELL THEM "LIKE THE ARABIAN KIDS DO")....
That is just another thing to think of....
QUOTE(amal @ Oct 12 2006, 11:45 AM)
I want to forewarn everybody that I'm in a horrible mood this morning so I hope this post doesn't come off as nasty..... here goes
1 thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
2nd thing to do is...TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT AMERICA IS NOT PERFECT
3rd thing to do is ... TELL THEM EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE NOT BORN AND BRED TO SPIT SHINE THE HOUSE ON AN HOURLY BASIS!!!
other things that can help... explain to them, at great length, just HOW HARD it IS to get money and save it here.
DON'T buy a house before they come ..just in case they HATE your town and want to move to TEXAS to work with their friends no matter how you really feel about the issue....coz all they will say is ..."i moved from my country and left everything so i could be with you...why CAN'T we move to another state"...so they totally lay the guilt on you for that one...
Don't think for 1 minute that they're going to be ok with any dogs in the house...I tried to tell mine before he got here that we had a dog and even showed him that she had a bed in the house....HE THOUGHT I WAS JOKING...
if you don't have any middle eastern markets nearby...FIND ONE!!! even if its 2 hours away (which is our situation) make plans to go and buy at least 2 weeks worth of food at a time to make it worth your trip!
STOCK UP ON ARABIAN PITA BREAD!!!!
baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude
get the ATHAN on ur computer so u know when prayer time is
Know that he is going to expect a car soon...a cell phone soon...and won't understand the phrase.."we don't have enough money right now" and he will probably follow that phrase with "then we will never have the money" and get all mad about it
i've said it and will say it again just in case u glanced over it and didn't catch it before....EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE TO WORK A LONG TIME TO SAVE MONEY AND OUR BILLS ARE EXPENSIVE AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS HERE.....NO, HE CAN'T COME HERE AND IMMEDIATELY GET HIS DREAM JOB..if it were that easy, we would all have our dream jobs!!! He JUST MIGHT HAVE TO WORK IN A JOB THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE ...
ohh ohh..and ... the time here goes WAY faster than it does in their countries so they will feel like they are losing their lives really fast....this is hard for them so they get really impatient for their dream job....
PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE...AND A LITTLE MORE PATIENCE IS REQUIRED IN ORDER TO HAVE A HAPPY HOUSEHOLD!!!!! I can't stress patience enough.. yes, its like we're adopting a teenager (temporarily) until they really get a grasp of things.......
sorry for the rant here..but there are just so many miniscule things that will make such a big big difference...things you never thought of...so i'm just trying to help
amal oh yeah, i forgot 1 thing...if you have young children...let your SO know that our children are not perfect "like their children are ALWAYS" .. sometimes our kids don't get the shower curtain shut all the way and the bathroom floor WILL get wet....and more than likely, we will be the ones cleaning it up, not the kid. and they should also be aware that kids here have toys and they like to play with them in the front room sometimes....and they occasionally forget to clean up their mess and you have to remind them to do their chores on a daily basis (NO THEY DON'T GET IT THE FIRST TIME YOU TELL THEM "LIKE THE ARABIAN KIDS DO")....
That is just another thing to think of....
QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Oct 12 2006, 10:47 AM)
QUOTE(amal @ Oct 12 2006, 10:45 AM)
baby wipes in the bathroom are your best friend and completely change the arabian husbands attitude
i'm totally lost on this one
my point on that...mine was very concerned about how to get clean .... after I showed him what baby wipes are and how easy they were (or antibacterial wipes --his preference now) we stocked up on them for the bathroom and he is so much more at ease when he needs to go in there...i wasn't able to find the bidets here and wipes are cheap and easy to find.....
hope that clears it up for ya (i read my post and i apologize for being so cranky..i'm not usually like that)
amal QUOTE(Henia @ Oct 12 2006, 10:54 AM)
Yup gotta let them find out for themselves unfortunately
QUOTE(moody @ Oct 12 2006, 11:52 AM)
Hahaha I try to do that all the time with Mohamed. I tell him..you do know that you're not gonna be rich within a couple years don't you? He gets all these stories from men there that he's gonna make and SAVE all this money. Yeah it ain't gonna happen honey. I drill that idea in his head and he still don't believe me. I guess he's gonna have to live and learn.
QUOTE(amal @ Oct 12 2006, 11:45 AM)
yeah..they do have to find out for themselves...but at least you will have the "i tried to tell you" factor... I have had to tell mine that many times..."i tried to tell you that we wouldn't be rich..." and he will calm down and say .. yeah you did...and you were right...
that's why i recommend telling them every day..so they will remember that you tried to warn them..
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