Just one simple question shon, have your read the entire thread? And I mean, from the start?

Michelle,

I have a feeling that it will do you all good that Craig goes back for a visit. I too would look at it positively!! You have both worked really hard to stay together and I know your a strong girl and you need to see this as just something he needs to do, not as the end of it. Packs his bags send him on his way and say you will see him soon ,which I am sure will happen. Your both feeling enormous pain and frustration at the moment and it seems to be making you both physically ill as well as emotionally. I remember you saying Craig had felt ill for a while after coming here. Depression as you know causes all kinds of aches and pains.
You have been given lots of valuable advice on here and you have every ones support! rebeccajo gives some excellent advice!!! as always.
Michelle as sad as it will be to say goodbye to him being unsure that he will return, look at it as as time to reflect and heal. I do have a feeling that Craig will be back, I really do. He has to go back and as I said before the sooner the better,cos you two are suffering too much.
Send him back with a huge smile and lots of hugs,letting him know what he has to come back to. I remember you saying that Craig came here pretty fast after getting his K1,maybe it was too fast you know.
Stay strong Michelle I know it can not be easy for you right now, but look at it positively!!!
If the worse comes to the worse, then it is a pity you can not go there with Craig, but I am sure that will be an option if needed.
You know, rebeccajo was so right when she said that others probably have problems but don't air them. This is so very true, I still have days when I say "right I am outta here" hahaha but thankfully we get through it and it is more to do with me having to look after his daughter,which is fine ofcourse. BUT she is 300lbs,6ft 3 and is mentally handicapped and yes that is so very very sad,but when she has her violent moments then it is hard!!!! especially against a 8 year old, 12 year old and me who is only 5ft 2 hahahah She has wlays been this way with everyone and at first I thought it was cos she had to get used to us lot being here. Then I came to realise that she has always been this way and yes I sometimes feel like running away!!!! Gosh my stomach still goes into knots when John goes to work,cos I don't know what mood she is going to be in. John is used to her and can control her better then me,it is getting easier,but believe me the kids and I have had some awfully hard times with her.
Sorry girlie, I went on and on there about me hahaha but maybe I was trying to make a point that rebeccajo
was right and there will be lots more of us lot having private problems,get me?
Also now I am not taking sides here at all,but I was brought up that it doesnt matter where you live,even in a tent!!!! as long as your together and I think just think that the point shon is trying to make.
I am not saying that is right,cos ofcourse not everyone can stay where they are simply for love,cos it can turn into hate or pain as you two are suffering now. (pain for you two),it is obvious that you two love eachother

So come on girlie,think positive and stay strong,wishing you both the best I do feel your pain

look at this post.. there is alot of interesting things said here.. I think you need to look at this posting she is saying to you michelle. there is some important things to consider.

shon's got a valid point. She just says it shonnie's way - and that's what makes the world go round. Different people with different perspectives.

no I dont read it all because, its too much endless Dubage.
however, I do see a marriage that is being torn apart. no amount of whining
and hen pecking on a PC is gonna sort this out.

I have been there raspberry-maybe you have ,may be you didnt. but, I never want michelle or no one to feel the hurt should craig walk out that door. if that upsets you for me posting- thats your problem. I am concerned just like everyone else.

Agreed Margy, Shon is just trying to say to stay together. It is not easy with any marriage and international seems to have some extra hurdles. Most marriages take a good two years to get on some type of track. It is a learning curve that both parites have to adjust and work extra hard to keep moving in the right directions. As far as longevity marriage I had it so I have been there done that and gotten the tshirt. I think marriage couseling and maybe some help for depression on both parties here might make a world of difference. I also worry of how all of this is effecting Corey as well. So instead of two lives in the mix we have four. We have Michelle, Craig, Corey and Daryl and all of these parties to me have emotions invested in this marriage. May you all find peace and happiness and work thru this family crisis. Hope I did not step on any toes and this is just MHO.

Mary

Thank you everyone, and I did! find that ignore button. No problems with the message, but some people just have to learn to have a bit of tact and not be insulting...I don't care who it is or what it's about. I put up with a lot of crap from people on this board in the past(Wog, for instance)before I ever said anything remotely insulting to them. I try to avoid that, and especially with people I can see are having a difficult time already. My life is very full right now, thank you very much, and as I see Shons posts ever increasing on this thread(or shall I say, I DID) I think she must be sitting on her duff in front of the computer at least as much as I am if not more. Also, I think plenty of people have said good things about this thread so if a couple select ones think it's just whining and dubyage or whatever the heck that word was, then ...hmmmm...oh well. there. rant over.

Just to clarify something, I never ever imagined that Craig would just not come back. He is coming back; I'm not worried about that. What does concern me is that after a couple weeks or a month it will be the same way again. I have my reasons for not wanting to move, and let me reiterate AGAIN that I am not going to defend them again...I already did earlier in this thread, and on the old thread. There are a lot of things that bother me(nothing menacing or anything if you know what I mean!!! ...just relationship stuff..nothing like drinking, abuse..strictly relationship issues) aside from what I've even posted on here, but even I'm not willing to share ALL. I appreciate those of you who have been supportive...both those who agreed with me and those who gave me other things I should be thinking of. Thanks. Michelle

I sit here online. I post while I am at the office. < love my glam job >
you sit there air your business. about your Personal family life things that should be discussed
between a husband and wife. you got personas lurking in your Marriage. your post about your husband are forever increasing. you have the NERVE to start a second thread if one was not enough. my husband would be very offended if I wrote stuff like this about our marriage and things about him. see instead of worrying about my postings - my dear..maybe you need to invest energy in making your marriage work and making it strong instead of hen pecking this old DUBAGE. its old michelle. you not wanting to move thats your right ... rember your marriage should matter more than ANYTHTHING..... I dont care if you ignore me- I dont know you. you dont know me or anyone on this page for that matter.

its this old chat stuff you need to be ignorning and fix your marriage- woman! its up to you. no matter how hard times get You need to be by his side and he needs to be by yours. if you cant understand that- you will when he is gone.

Whatever you intentions in posting here are, have you considered that perhaps we people are the only ones that Michelle can open her heart to about this? Many of us have been through similar situations to Craig and Michelle and so can empathise and offer support and encouragement. Michelle is not whining or hen pecking so please quit throwing that crap at her.

I agree with this.

She is not whining. Craig was asking for advice when he started this thread. Thats why this thread is still here, to help people that are having a hard time adjusting. You still have to wait to see how your husband adjusts when he gets here. Its not all a bowl of roses Shon..........To me your not helping things here by saying hurtful things to Michelle. She has enough stuff going thru her mind without people saying hurtful things to her. You may not think your saying hurtful things, but this isnt about your marrage. Just cut her some slack.

Michelle, Craig and Boys.... sending you many {{{{{HUGS}}}}

Wishing you all the peace and happiness you truly deserve,

daisy

Thanks everyone. Very sweet words and appreciated as ever. I know who my friends are on this board. right back to all of you. We'll get through this, but it's really. really. really, hard sometimes. M. (and I'm aware that a lot of you know firsthand as well...kudos to ALL of us!)

I'm sure if Craig didn't want personal business aired, Michelle wouldn't air it.

Craig started the initial thread, not Michelle.

this thread is too damn depressing...

You're right Lisa. I asked Craig when I first started getting more personal, as I felt overwhelmed and he said he didn't care due to the anonymous nature of the Internet. Also, I specifically asked about sharing more intimate details, as there were things that were really bothering me but I wasn't sure how I felt. Got my answer; posted. M. Anyway, why am I STILL defending myself here? I'm done with that bit of it....I will keep all who wish to follow this thread up to date, and those who don't want to follow, ALWAYS have that opportunity. Personally, I choose to take advantages of some of VJ's newer features instead of dealing with ridiculousness (even tho that's a doubtful word there!) that I don't need right now.

and KC I'm sorry..you always do have the opportunity to......read above. M.

I agree to that.

I wish yall get it togeather and be happy!!! I respect my husband enough not to drag
our personal marital life in a forum. that "care due to the anonymous nature of the Internet" is CRAP
when you show your PICs on your profile- michelle. I tell you my husband would be very disturbed
if he knew I was spreading details like this. like i said its between a HUSBAND AND WIFE.

The title of the thread is depressing also. I can't ignore the thread name. Anyway, you're right, I should stop lurking around.

Why do you two keep coming back to this thread then if its so depressing.

No offense intended here, but you are not Michelle & your husband is not Craig. What they do is their choice & no one elses.

Because I see the title every time I come to the Moving Here and Your New Life in America forum. I post here often because the topics interest me. In any case, I did not mean any harm.

she is WHINNING.... she is whinning about her OWN marriage. my god!!!! do something to save your marriage. -a forum is not the way!


thank god I am not THEM. I tell you what i have enough class and respect to my husband
and to our marriage not to air it here. its so wrong.

Dont worry about her marriage anymore Shon, it doesnt concern you.

That's it. For some reason, when I used the ignore feature on Shon, it didn't work until I came on invisible for a minute..first time I've ever done that. Is that a well-known glitch or am I just doing something wrong? In any case, I'm not normally one to cave so quickly, especially to such irritating people, but I'm not just up to this right now. Have your fun Shon, post fifty more times, with 10 quotes in each one for all I care. I'm out of here. M.

Heartless....just absolutely heartless & totally uncalled for...

your objection is duly noted shon, let it be.

its concerns me as it does the rest of the personas on this board. its a public forum. she posted pages of her business so where is it anyone elses concern?

its concerns me as it does the rest of the personas on this board. its a public forum. she posted pages of her business so where is it anyone elses concern?

Good - concentrate on repairing your marital relationship!

Michelle,
I have read this thread in it's entirety. I'm not one to post too much on the personal threads for fear of someone "bashing' me for my opinion. But here goes...
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. It must be terrible and I must admit that everyone reading this has probably thought the same thing could possibly happen in their own relationships. ( Yes, Shon, including you )
Craig is going through his own battles with all of this too. He may even be a little hesitant to say exactly how he feels because he may not be able to fully define his feelings.
Michelle, you seem to be such a kind person. Just make sure that you take care of YOU. Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you as well and I hope that things will work out for you, Craig and Corey. we go through these long journeys in hopes of living our lives together in happiness. I wish the best for you and your family.

Karen

edited to say...Shon, worry about your own relationship!

somethings are meant to be KEPT private between a husband and a wife. its not for the general public to view. if me posting trying to get you to understand- that your marriage is supposed to be placed FIRST and its supposed to be PRIVATE. I am sorry. you dragged the PUBLIC in your marriage. all your so called friends on here are encouraging you to keep posting your marital matters.

You said it Shon....this is a public forum and if there are things you don't like reading then stop coming here and reading it...simple as....If it is helping Michelle in some way, any little way, why is that so bad?? You have made your opinion as you are entitled to....but understand that your 'set of rules' doesn't necessarily have to be someone elses 'set of rules'.

Word, cookie

Hey Michelle, I've been away from here for a couple of days and look what happens

Sorry things are so rough. I'm really hopeful that the visit home for Craig will have positive results. You guys deserve it.

The physical pain that you are in is also wrecking havoc on your whole situation, I'm sure.

You DON'T owe anyone anything on here! (I know you know that, but I'm saying it any way You don't owe reasons for not wanting to move to the UK, you don't owe others the info they demand.

Take care of yourself hun.

HUGS
Daisy

It would appear to me that if you were asked... or even hinted at politely to back off... that a person would do so. No... Michelle does not owe anyone anything... other than herself and Craig. But, maybe she is utilizing what she has at the moment... and that is NOT a bad thing. Ya know... I hate to sound like Rodney King... but can't we all just get along?
I don't see it as a necessary act to come into a forum to continually attack someone's frame of mind or actions. If I did not care to know... or did not like the forum... I WOULD NOT COME BACK... but to just keep up the aggravation is not helping. I know that this is a personal thread for Michelle and Craig... but how about if people are NOT really interested... just keep their opinions to themselves.
No, I don't know Michelle or Craig... but, I genuinely wish the best for them. Do I know the answer? NOOOOOOO... but I have a higher power that I choose to go to... to pray too... and I pray that He will intercede to bring clarity and comfort...
Michelle and Craig... I for one am praying for you... and hoping and wishing for the best. God bless you both!
*hugs*
Lynne

You would think so, but that's not the nature of the people on VJ. I learned that the hard way, which is why I stopped posting personal information. Even some of those on here now offering support should have practiced what they're preaching now a little while back. But that's neither here nor there. Hopefully Michelle will take the advice she's gotten for what it is, use it to make informed decisions as to what to do in her situation, and let us know what happens. I hope she doesn't leave VJ, but maybe, like me, she should keep personal things a little more personal.

So what should we do Melissa??.....tell Michelle to stop posting because we don't care enough to listen??

Should we just tell her to go away now and don't come back until she has sorted it out so she can then tell us what she did?

This thread isn't about us offering her advise on what she should do....it is more about supporting her while she makes decisions....she knows there is nothing we can do to make the painful issues go away, but maybe, just maybe she finds some comfort here.

I am just not understanding why PPL are coming on here merely to criticise a thread....one that has become important to alot of others....those that find it depressing or uncomfortable to read or have nothing to add other than make Michelle feel bad should feel free go to another thread....there are plenty.....

Michelle, I do hope that you and Craig can find a loving solution to all of your problems. I haven't said much on this thread simply because I don't feel I have much to offer, but I do feel like I can, and should, at least offer my best wishes.

No, like I said, I don't think Michelle should go away at all. I think it's ridiculous that someone should feel like they're no longer welcome on a support forum (and I will admit, I felt this way many many times when I came on here for comfort and didn't receive a whole lot of it). Honestly, I can't relate to Michelle's problems which is why I have no advice to offer her on the relationship issues. I can't imagine what it must be like to be in her situation since our situation is different. I just think that her posting all this on here is doing more harm than good, and the advice I'm offering her is to practice some more discretion from here on out when she decides what to post. I have done that, and I can tell you I'm much happier on VJ now. I don't have people coming and telling me how to live my life or how terrible my fiance is.

But Michelle isn't unhappy about this thread.....other PPl are....thats the problem...

I thought she had said at some point she was leaving. I hope she decides not to leave.

I don't think she is leaving leaving.....just needs a break from this....sucks when ppl want to kick you when you are down (as you know)

Shon, I don't NEED to say anything else to Michelle... I don't have advice to give because I can't relate to her situation. The purpose of virtual hugs or well wishes is merely support. She's gotten plenty of good advice, CONSTRUCTIVE advice (as opposed to insults) and she can choose to accept it or not. I think you do her a huge disservice by insinuating she is doing nothing to help her marriage. You don't have the foggiest idea what she and Craig go through on a daily basis to ease these problems. And if you'd really been following this thread all along, like many people have, you'd know that MANY people who were going through similar situations have found it extremely helpful just to be able to see that they aren't the only ones to find that things aren't all roses and candlelight once the wedding is over and the excitement of finally being together has died down.

If you find the thread so objectionable, there are other places you can spread your wisdom I'm sure.


Indeed.... what has been great about this thread is that even when Michelle has disagreed with advice she's been given, she has said thanks for the advice but that won't work for us...or something to that effect. She's even had to deal with insults ala wog and she's handled it with SUPERIOR CLASS!!!

Yes it does. I hope a lot of people can see that now.

Ok I'm going to get ready to get FLAMED i'm sure.

1. Michelle - I totally feel for you and truly hope things work out.

2. Shon has a way of saying things that might seem abrasive...she, like some others, are just realists...it may come OUT harsh...
but...

3. I understand what she's saying. In therapy we call it "yeah buts...." It s like you tell them over and over what to do and how to "fix" things but nothing ever changes...

I think that some people think when you post "issues" on a forum you are looking for solutions and help. Maybe what Shon is saying, is stop TALKING and start DOING?

I'm not sure, but Let's just all get along ? (cheesy I know...just trying to help...)

Poor Michelle..... I hope she doesn't think she shouldn't come back on this thread if she just wants to vent or seek a listening ear

This thread hasn't all been about advising her or telling her what she should do....sometimes it has just helped to get things off her chest

Doesn't anyone just have a moan and a cry to their friends just because they need to? Or are we just 'supposed friends' as Shon seems to think?

I agree Welsh!

I said I think that some people see a post like this and THINK that the poster wants advice - when really they just want to get things off their chest.

That's definitely true. Most of the time we just want to vent. Unsolicited advice is always given, again, by a lot of people who are now speaking against it, and then we're told to deal with it-that it's only natural for people to give advice and that we should think about that next time we post something personal. I guess it's ok for some people and not others.

I'd say it's only done that way for people who constantly post OVER and OVer how upset they are. People can't help but post advice when it seems nothing is being done to ameliorate the posters situation?

I dunno.

Bottom line is: no matter what you post, you may not get the type of responses you want or expected. If you don't want to take that risk, don't post.

This is a lesson I had to learn the hard way, several message boards ago. I hate that Michelle is having to learn that lesson with posting about something that is already painful for her.

*edited cos I can't type*

Considering the original thread was started in JULY of last year and only now some individuals are finding their way to it to give their opinion probably means they have missed a hell of lot in between. I'll say it again.....this thread has provided a lot of comfort to individuals in a similar situation.

I feel the bottom line is that Michelle is not leaving this post for good...she just doesn't need the hassle right now. She's got physical problems that are causing her a lot of pain as well, and she's got the daily stresses of raising a child, while going to school...in addition to everything else. Crissake, this classy lady has a lot on her plate and is not looking for anyone to tell her what to do, NOR is she looking for sympathy. From what she's said not only on this thread, she is doing her damned hardest to make things work... And let's not forget...it was CRAIG who started this thread so long ago...not Michelle.

If it's all about "can't we just get along"...well can't we just support her?? That's all she needs.

I think we need to remember that some people have been very relieved to have read this thread...it has opened up much discussion about the difficulties of settling in a different country....that life isn't always sunshine and roses when couples finally get to be together. People have actually said " I thought it was just me that felt this way" etc....If this thread has opened up some honest discussion about the harshness of immigrating then all power to it.....