Hello everyone...
it seems after telling my man about all the info i got from you all....thanks again by the way...he seems to still think he can just a tourtist visa and come here...lol...even we all know thats not going to happen...then he told me hell push his employer to get him transfered to the uSA..again i think so unlikly to happen...
finally he decided he cannot wait for me anymore...and gave me a ultimatium....come and live in Algeria or i will cannot ait for you to come visit me evry 3 months....it breaks my heart this news...esp after i waited for him 3 years when his mother had cancer...BUT i cannot leave the USA..i have child born here...and her father I am sure wont agree to let me take her to Algeria , and I donnot even have USA citizenship yet...and I also attending university...soooooooo this breaks my heart. I told him he has until Sept 1. to think it over..and its between him and Allah ...and whatver he decides i wil accept...
anyway...i guess my journey may end here...even before going through what you have...but Allah knows best...
I will keep praying for you all...and check in to hear all you ladies' news....
I pray for all you...

Allah Maak...

Long distance compounded by visa hassles will put a strain on any relationship. inshaAllah it was just something said under stress and when he thinks about it, he'll realize he can't live without you. inshaAllah this will be the fire that makes the iron of your relationship stronger

And, if he decides it's not worth the wait, know that it's for the best and inshaAllah something better will come along

(((hugs)))

My fiance is from Algeria too! Well I am so sorry to hear about your problem but, maybe everything will work itself out........ I am totally disgusted right now by this whole process and am abou tready to just pull my hair out. I waited on the phone today to ask about those RFe's they are suppossed to send everyone and they were like oh your petition is still like 2 months away from being processed. After having me on hold for 25 mins!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH sorry had to vent

Sorry you guys are having such a bad time. Rahma is right about how the stress of all the waiting and everything can eat at both of you and some days are harder than others so maybe he won't feel this way for long. His other ideas do sound a little optimistic...but if you are not usc yet, maybe that work transfer (even if it takes some time) might actually be not so crazy. What is your citizenship? Not to be nosey but maybe theres a third country option to explore that your child's dad may not oppose so much.
The wait is hard, though and you guys have been waiting 3+ years to even start the process...thats crazy. Try to have a better day tomorrow.

oh man. My ex-husband talked me into marrying him by telling me he wasn't going to wait for me to do all the things I wanted to do (finish University, go travel and see the world, learn to climb mountains) so I gave up all my dreams to marry him, and spent 6 years with him still maipulating me, trying to make me into someone I'm not.

I'm really sorry he is trying to force you to make this kind of decision, but having learned from my past experience, if it were me I would say "ok, see you!" and get on with my life without him. (yes, I know that is hard to do when you love someone, but don't let him manipulate you like that, and give up your education).

Thanks everyone for the nice and encouraging comments... I am not even sure what is the best or fastest way to resolve this...but any I just keeping praying and do what i can.
And I do know about waiting in the phone on hold forever it seems...only to hear nothing just more run around...
But i just wish my man could get it through his head... the world isnt always doing what you like it to do...
I applied for citizenship this past spring..but i havnt heard anything yet...
and about the tourtist visa i have read and heard the person have to a real big bank account, property and many reasons why they would come back after their trip...so my man isnt rich, neither am i...just like all of you...cos if we were we wouldnt going through this...
and the work transfer..my man is an accoutant for a pharmaceutical company in Alger...so his position isnt that high to get a transfer to the USA...even though he seems to think he is superman...the rest of the world doesnt...
and i kept telling him why to waste over $400 trying to get a tourtist visa...when clearly you will be denied?
And I really wish I could live in Algeria with him...but my ex is sooo very unagreeable to anything I would like...so thats out.And I am not prepared to go to court over it...
Anyway... I hope my man calms down and calls me...
Anway...thanks for all you ladies'kind words...so nice of you all... I will be watching for any more news of you all....
God bless you all...

Sister Hemia, I am so sorry you are going through this. I know you love him and this is breaking your heart. I pray for a solution for you two. Inshallah, he will come to his senses soon.

Meriem

You are in my prayers.

HI.. sorry to hear about what is going on.. He has to recognize that you have a life to take care of as well.. and if he wants a good future with you that it is in your best interest to stay in the states and keep going with your studies.. immigration is definitely a test of patience and you guys have to overcome.. hope everything works out for you

I am sorry to hear about your troubling situation...I know that with God's guidance you will find the right solution...Stay well and I hope that all will work out...take care of yourself as you seem like such a lovely individual...best of luck
Dorothy

I'm sure it was an ultimatum given in a moment of intense frustration. I'm sure he'll come around. This process can be so aggravating, it requires heaps of patience.

This sounds odd to me ... he sounds desperate to get the the U.S. to be with you ... then demands you move to Algeria (knowing that you have a child that cannot move) ... and yet he is so desperate to be with you that he will cut it off completely?????? I think he is waiting for you to plead and make a compelling case for him to come to the U.S. no matter what it takes. That way it is your idea and he has embedded the idea that he is willing to live with you even in Algeria.

I don't mean to be insulting, but the theme seems familiar... don't assume that several years of LDR means that he isn't using you and manipulating you into thinking his intentions are true and loving and that it is totally your idea that he come to the U.S. On the contrary, if he was true and loving, he wouldn't be making the ultimatum of cutting it off completely. This is the part where you are supposed to explain to him that he needs to come to the U.S. if he truly loves you.

very good!!!
if he really loves ya he will be by yourside always. if one little bumpy visa process is gonna
make him wanna end things . what happens when you really have a problem? he is gonna wanna leave you? its a 5 year process with lots of twists and turns.

I don't think it's fair for anyone to jump to such conclusions. People say things they don't mean sometimes when the going gets tough, but then they come around.



Hmmm...I wonder if you'd be saying the same thing if her fiance was from, say, Canada. It's become quite trendy it seems to counsel women out of marrying ME/NA men.

I agree. I can't even remember the number of times DH and I were ready to call it quits during our protracted long distance relationship. We also fussed over me moving to Egypt or him moving here. Heck, he's here with a green card and we still discuss moving back to egypt. In the end, we came through, so inshaAllah you guys can too

Is it any more fair to "jump to the conclusion" that he made the ultimatum in a moment of intense frustration?

It's not trendy ... it's a trend ... a very real trend. The trend isn't manifesting in Canada.

I think everyone here is aware of what you're talking about. Please don't feel the need to patrol the ME/NA forum pointing out warning signs of potential fraud.

Hello everyone....

It is all too clear that everyone goes thrhough rough patches in any relations... but esp when it is long distance....
I am so sure my man that had told me what he told in a moment of frustration and has since apologised for his words...we have yet to decide if we will continue to pursue the whole thing... I am willing but he still has doubts.
It is really unfortunte all the recsrictions put on people that want to be family... but i guess its the goverments of the worlds way of making order. Sorry to say i dont agree with most policies at all...as i had been living in the USA now for almost 1o years...and every step of my naturalization was filled with the mistakes of the system here. them denying several times soley based on their clerial errors... and i also think it had to do much with my religion, and the bad face it gets... just like in that funny video that was posted this week about Muslims flying... I am not arab, and i dont arab...as i travel, and i travel alot i am always harassed....
and about the potential frauds... well all i have to say is... the signs of potential frauds are soo clear...if you are intelligent in any way you can see them sooo clearly...and yes, there are some lonely women(and men) out there...waiting for the first person to talk to them...but come one, lets be smart people...we are talking about our humanness here...lets use our minds more and not our hearts... sure love is so great...all deserve to experience it...buuuuut... there will always be liers and bad person...that is why we need to weed them out...see all their behaviours and if anything comes up that doesnt agree with you...then leave...thats all...maybe not be easy...but has to be done.
I know myself i am not ready to give up my life for man not willing to give up some of his... love,marriage, family, life is about compromise... and nothing is gauranteed here, not happiness or wealth or anything... only death is.... so while always using our minds, which the God gave us for a reason...we should seek out our happiness... even if that involves paperwork, tears, time apart....etc...
Good things come to those who wait no?
Anyway...i am going on and on now...
I pray for you...and wish you all the best in your journey....

I'm sure john_and_marlene means well, but I don't think she's dealt with a stressed out ME/NA man before. (Yeah I know, I'm dancing dangerously close to a generalization, but I lived there for awhile.)

Again I just pray for the best outcome and least amount of pain for both.

Thanks very much for your kind words...much appreciated....

Please just do what is best for you and your daughter. That means don't give up your education, and things important to you. Leave things in Allah's hands he will take care of things and they will work out as they are meant to be. I just hope he comes to his senses and realizes this time he can't get it his way and he has to wait for you and do it like it's required. Since you have waited with him for 3 years of his Mothers cancer you deserve at least the same respect returned back to you now. I can feel that you love him and I feel you want to do anything to make him happy just to keep it together, but you can't so if it doesn't work out it will be hard but in the end it will be better. Plus you are not the only couple having to wait so long to be together. I have a couple that means a lot to me, they have to wait for the wife to become a US Citizen and hopefully in 2009 they will be together again. Plus sorry to say this your guy sounds so spoiled if you can go and visit him every three months. I was away from my husband 10 months and when it's said and done my friends I just mentioned will be apart for about 6 years if not longer and will only a few visits during this long seperation. But they make the sacrifice because they are one and they have no choice. We've tried to get them here faster but it's the law and no one even their State Senator can help them. I pray your guy comes to his senses and realizes if he loves you he just has to put up and shut up like my friends. Plus I hope he realizes when he acts this way he only puts you through hell and this immigration process is bad enough and we can't make it harder on the one we love and want to be with.

God Bless,

Paula

I'm in Algeria, if you want me to, me and Yacine will go bring him to his senses... LOL

I am sure that the other posters (non- NA/ME) have really good intentions but most of them are not faced with the same trials and tribulations as we are. As you said it is virtually impossible (outside an act of God) for our fiances/husbands to EVER get a chance to visit us before they get their K1/K3 visa. It makes it all the more stressful when we are the ones who have to go visit as often as we financially and physically can. It's hard for me to feel like someone with a fiance or husband/wife from Canada, Europe and parts of South/Central America can understand the levels of frustration we feel. Too often I have read (oh we stayed together for 3 months and now he can't come visit me for 6 more weeks - I'm going crazy!!) That's just so incomprehensible for most of us. Few can stay there for 3 months and the travel can only go one way. This isn't to bash anyone who responded to this post, just to help them see that our situation is very different.

There were a lot of times when my husband and I were apart that we both questioned whether or not we could keep going. As long as we had some kind of projection of a future date we would be together it helped us. He never made an ultimatum but often times we discussed my moving to Morocco and living (which I was totally for) but realized it would be stressful financially. We made it through - but we were apart for over a year. I was lucky and could go see him every 3-4 months (paying for it still) but it was worth it for both of us. I got to know him very good and through living there I really understood his culture and inner-workings. Hang in there habiba - Allah knows what he's doing and will do what is best for both of you. Trust him.

Good for you! I'm so glad to hear that you two are working things out, and that you're ready to face whatever may come. I'm also glad to hear you wont be giving up on some of the things that will be important for you and your child.