hello.

this question is unrelated to my personal situation, thankfully. my wife arrived on a K-1 visa from mexico about 4 months ago and we have completed all of our AOS paperwork and are living very happily together.

however ...

i have a friend who has a friend who has a wife who entered the u.s. on K-1 or K-3 visa (not sure) from nepal.

unfortunately, the relationship between the nepali woman and the USC male has turned sour, as the USC has abused his wife -- both physically and in a general "controlling manner" (lying to her about immigration documents; controlling her friendships, etc; anger issues) and the nepali woman is in somewhat of a bind.

she is here in the u.s. but feels like she can't live with her husband any more for everything that has happened over the course of the past few months. however, she knows little english and is unable to drive a car, and has not received work permission (possibly due to the USC husband's control of the paperwork, etc.). stuck here, and in need of some help, she sort of has nowhere to turn.

if she returns to her native nepal, she is in danger of being viewed as "used goods" due to her divorce and will not only be a huge shame on her family, but also a potential victim of rape and/or murder.

has anybody heard about any cases like this one? what advice would you have for somebody in this unfortunate situation? either way, she's in a very difficult situation.

any response would be helpful ... and i will pass the information along to my friend.

thank you so much!

bryan

Who cares how people view her back in her native country of Nepal? Why do you care? Shouldn't you be more worried about your friend's situation, instead of his wife's?

My advice to her is: go back home.

Why do I care about her? Because she's a human being, and she is at great risk of being hurt if she returns to Nepal.

And the guy who is abusive is a friend of a friend. I have just heard of the situation ...

Bryan if your friend's wife is being abused she needs to report it to the proper authorities in the US so there is a RECORD (officially) of this - while it is good she has people she can talk to, they can do NOTHING to help her unless she helps herself (I;m not being harsh, but this is the bottom line in any abusive relationship, whatever the dynamics of country of origin).
She would be well advised to find a women's refuge type place - most do have access to interpreters for foreign women - or have a friend find one FOR her, and get info about her options.
She will need legal advice as well (also provided for small or no fee by battered women's refuges), and a plan of action that puts her at low risk when she decides to act; again only people who have been through this should be advising her - they will be all too aware of the possibilities.

yeah, first things first, she needs to get out of that situation and into a shelter away from the abuse. No one should have to endure abuse for any reason, and if she fears repercussions if she returns to Nepal, she can stay here in the US. To do that however she has to report the abuse and file charges. there are procedures for adjusting without the spouse, if she can prove that the marriage was entered into in good faith on her part, and that he's abused her. She may need sworn affidavits from friends who may have witnessed any of it.

Are you always so snotty to people on here? Geez man...lighten up!

If necessary, like Jay says, maybe she could hide in a women's shelter...they are out there for abused women. Definately she needs some kind of legal counsel...maybe from Legal Aid (if there's one closeby). But like you said...she has to MAKE the first move herself. Reporting it AND getting out is the first step.

As a woman who was in an abusive marriage, it's not easy to make that first move. It's scary as h3ll to step out with absolutely nothing, so I think I can somewhat know how she's feeling. If you can, let her know what her options are. She will have to decide if she wants to be free of all this bad enough to take that first step. Trust me...I've been there.

geeezzz...

not all cultures are the same.. Its hard for us to imagine someone being an outcast for a situation like hers. But that is exactly what she would be if she returned. To simply say she should just go back home is harsh. My ex husband was from Sri lanka, and he never told any of his family about our marriage, he just dropped out of their lives withouat a word. it wasnt because he was ashamed.. but for him it was better to let them think he was dead, than to face their rejection. He had a younger sister that would have an arranged married soon, and he said if the villiage new of our marriage, she would also be considered outcast and would not find a suitable husband. He said his family would consider him dead to all of them if they knew. I had a difficult time accepting that a family could be this way. But its true, in cultures like these its more important to have a good reputation in the community than to accept your childs decisions.

To the original poster, Kudos to you for having a compassionate heart. I hope that everything works out in the end for this lady.

Good Luck
vicki/bala

Oooo...I don't know if I should say this or not....

As this is a 'friend of a friend' situation I would suggest you be careful.

Of course it is possible that things are the way you really state...that the USC is abusive and controlling. BUT....if they are not....if the immigrant is trying to set up 'evidence' of abuse in order to file to adjust without her petitioner husband.....do you see where I am headed?

All I am saying is that without seeing things with your own eyes and hearing them with your own ears, don't offer to be any sort of witness or offer any written statements regarding abuse.

If things are truly the way you state, there are avenues the immigrant can pursue to stay here safely and legally. A bit of web research can give the answers to that process. Legal counsel by an immigration attorney will also probably be necessary.

I feel for folks from these backward countries. It's highly possible she could have been duped by an American man. But you have to admit she could have been so desperate to leave her country that she might be willing to commit the unthinkable and charge an innocent man with abuse.

I'd think that the best course of action in a situation like this is to encourage her to an immigration attorney who can offer her any options available. If there is a Catholic Human Charities office nearby they might be able to assist her.

I truly doubt that her USC husband went through everything immigration related so he could use it against his wife.

I'll help, file and do everything for you today b/c I love you, only to use it as blackmail with you tomorrow.

There's nowt as queer as folk, as the saying goes.
Why do you doubt people can be two-faced and underhanded (or even psychotic and dangerous)? It happens all the time ..and you know this firsthand I believe.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Yeah, because men (or women) have never brought over a foreign fiance(e)/wife/husband and then abused/murdered them.

There really ARE some people out there who are such control freaks that they have to control all aspects of someone else's life... even if they supposedly love them initially. They are sick individuals, and it's precisely this situation that IMBRA was designed to help prevent.

She really does need to get out of his house, and into a shelter. Do not advise her to go to a friend's house, and especially not yours. That will put you and your wife and whoever else would be open hearted enough to take her in into danger. Battered women's shelters have security measures in place in case the abuser decides to tgo "teach her a lesson" and they would have the means and resources to care for her and help her navigate the legalities.

IMBRA was designed to prevent immigration marriage fraud more than anything. Its purpose is to stop immigrants from abusing and/or misusing the Violence Against Women Act.

Interesting how you have interpreted the IMBRA this way, but not surprising

dmartmar is kind of direct in his/her comments--but I agree with part of his statement--that is why is the OP not focusing on his friend? His friend is the abuser in this case--why don't he have a talk with his friend instead of posting all his friend's business on the web, and in kind of round-about way he is supporting his friend's wife, whom who knows if he even knows her, or even knows the whole story.

I would say if the OP has concerns then he should confront his friend about it and see if the problem can be resolved. I just enjoy all these one-sided bad relationship stories--when we all know there are two sides to every story.

Also I don't doubt that the IMBRA deal had other motives and so dmartmar may not be so wrong his/her interpretation of what that act is actually meant to accomplish.

The OP has stated a few times now that it is not his friend so I dont see how confronting his friend could solve anything.

If the IMBRA was about accomplishing dmartmars interpretation then why is it that it is all about the USC.....the USC's convictions, the USC's multiple filing of petitions, the brochures for the foreign fiance's/spouses instructing them on their rights when it comes to abuse and the relevent bodies to contact when such occurs. Its simply wishful thinking on dmartmars part because in his mind the non USC is always the culprit that is after the green card and wrongfully accusing the USC of abuse. The IMBRA is about protecting the non USC from unscrupulous USC's whether they be a fiance, a wife, or a child.

This situation is very common and there is one group that is intimately familiar with it and can help (in fact, they helped draft IMBRA).

Have this woman (or you) contact The Tahirih Justice Center: http://www.tahirih.org

Although they are located in Virginia, they can get this woman free help immediately (including immigration help) anywhere in the U.S. This is exactly what they do.

Tahirih Justice Center
6066 Leesburg Pike, Suite 220
Falls Church, VA 22041

Phone: (703) 575-0070
Fax: (703) 575-0069

Email: justice@tahirih.org

From their website:

With a grant from the National Association for Public Interest Law (NAPIL) and funding from Greenberg Traurig LLP, the Center initiated the Battered Immigrant Women Advocacy Project in 2000 to provide holistic legal services and education to battered immigrant women. Through this project, Tahirih helps battered immigrant women self-petition under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) for legal permanent resident status when they are being abused by a U.S. citizen or permanent resident spouse. This provision prevents abused women from being forced to choose between staying in an abusive relationship and possible deportation. The Tahirih Justice Center is one of only a few Washington, D.C. area advocacy organizations with an attorney who provides full-time assistance to women under VAWA.

Since this program was established in 2000, Tahirih has assisted abused immigrant women and their children secure peace and safety in the United States.

Tahirih clients

The number of calls Tahirih receives requesting assistance has dramatically increased. Where six months ago we received 8-10 weekly calls for assistance, Tahirih now receives 40-50 weekly pleas—a 400% increase. This increased demand for our services is straining our capacity. At least a portion of this increased need is due to the fact that U.S. immigrants are now confronted with ever harsher and restrictive policies. Women are particularly vulnerable because of cultural obstacles, lack of resources, limited English proficiency and ignorance of the U.S. legal system. We fear the anti-immigrant sentiment will not abate in the near future and may, in fact, worsen. Without adequate legal advocacy, they face either extreme forms of violence or certain deportation. In 2004, the Tahirih Justice Center was honored to be the only Virgina-based recipient of 2004 funding from the Violence Against Women Office (VAWO). This means that other organizations that previously were able to help meet the demand for services by immigrant women are no longer funded by VAWO. As a result, Tahirih has become a critical resource and its ability to provide effective social services is even more important.

To maximize access to legal services for battered immigrant women, Tahirih gives presentations at numerous social service organizations about the special rights and needs of abused foreign-born populations. In particular, Tahirih regularly conducts trainings on how existing service groups can remove institutional barriers to better work with persons who have limited English proficiency and on what immigration relief may be available to abused non-citizens.

Through the Battered Immigrant Women Advocacy Project, Tahirih has helped free many women from a life of violence.

Great information Imbra2005, if this is a real case of abuse hopefully the OP can relay the information to the Nepali woman.


Aussiewench I miss-read I see he is relaying a friend of a friend's wife's, story. Which is as someone has already said is probably too many friends removed from the actual situation to really know what's going on.

I heard these types of stories in Peru when I was dating my wife--she would have friends who knew a friend that had a cousin that was a sister-in-law of a neighbor that got a visa to the USA and the USC turned out to be the worst man in the whole world, etc.

Of course when you push for details and names, dates, exact circumstances, suddenly the accusations just desolve into a unfounded viscious rumor about how Americans are--it doesn't help that the Press always highlights the worst case scenarios--and now we have IMBRA that just basically from the outset assumes that all USC's seeking spousal visas are domestic abusers.

And how IMBRA can be used the way dmartmar is saying to cut down on fraudulent VAMA claims--is that usually the victim will have to show a pattern of violence, a history. So if IMBRA shows the USC from the outset to be clean and clear of any history--then it could be a mechanism to prevent unfounded claims being made.

PS: I have never personally met or know of any USC that has abused his alien spouse. But I know first hand about being abused by the immigrant spouse (my ex-wife, K-1) and I know several other USC's that have been abused by the Immigrant spouse as well.

But no one has shown that USC's that petition for visas are any more likely to be abusive than traditional spouses.

Artegal,

dmartmar also has an axe to grind, which should be taken into account when considering his posts.

Yodrak

Yeah I kind of knew he had an axe to grind--and still I see his point. I guess you could say I have a hatchet--not quiet an axe, and no grinder.

IMBRA is primarily concerned with USCs who have met their fiancees/wives thru Internation Marriage Brokers (hence the name) and puts the USC thru criminal background checks, similar to those that the potential immigrant already goes thru, to protect the other party. Immigrant applicants have background checks and are denied their visa if they have a criminal record, sometimes without their USC petitioners knowledge. Now there's 2 sides to the coin and the USC has to go thru similar checks to protect the immigrant. There's nothing wrong with that, and if petitioners have nothing to hide, then the only reason they should be upset about it is that it will slow down the process somewhat.

And if a USC has never been married before, never petitioned before, that does not preclude one from abusing his/her future wife/husband. And does not necessarily mean that one is not prone to abusive behavior or perhaps no one has ever reported that behavior. Spousal and date abuse quite often goes unreported.

I am the original poster for this situation.

I would just like to clarify that the situation that is going on is happening with a FRIEND of a FRIEND. I don't even know the couple ...

And, sure, I am hearing the story from my friend who HAS tried to speak with the male USC about the situation, and who HAS been speaking with the immigrant female about the situation.

My friend asked me, as she knew that I've recently gone through a K1 situation myself, if there is anything that can be done re: this situation.

I told her: I'm not sure, but I can ask people on this website.

Thank you for all of your help everybody!!!

IMBRA is designed to protect the emigrant woman against the evil AM. I am suspect of the claims of abuse. The IMBRA act will be used by scam artists (women) in foreign countries to gain a green card by claiming abuse at the AM expense. AM are not animals just because they don't want to submit to the greed and servitude demanded by the AW.

Read the act it is not to protect the AM it is to enable the AM to be abused by fradulent claims of abuse. No prove necessary.

WTF is AM?

Sounds like Ohotnik is just blowing steam ..... since this person is obviously affected by IMBRA. If you have nothing to hide then why does this law bother you so much?

I think I've figured out the code!

AM must mean American Men, and AW must mean American women.

"AM are not animals just because they don't want to submit to the greed and servitude demanded by the AW."

I think this means: American Men beat American Women becuase the women are greedy and demand servitude, when everyone knows it's the woman who has to be the subservient one.

Well, if that's his take on it, no wonder he doesn'tlike IMBRA. Now he wont be able to keep some unlucky girl around as his subservient little slave/power trip.

You're right on the money.

While this is not a reply to the OP's question, I thought of dropping a note as a Sri Lankan myself. It is always troubling to have people generalize a whole country or a nation based on their experiences, and to lump all countries in a region together. Sure, there would be families/areas where marrying a "foreigner" is still considered a bad thing. But I do not know that I would call the whole society that. Also, if your ex thought if dropping out without contact would keep his family/social circle in the dark about his marriage - I would take it with a large grain of salt, unless he came from a very very very rural part of the country. We are a small country, and it is usually less than three degrees of separation, as we joke about it

I do agree, verifiable abusive situations are terrible and anyone in these situations must leave them but I do have concerns as to how IMBRA regulates fraudulent use of the abuse "card" (i.e. claiming abuse where there was no abuse)? So far all I have heard/read is that IMBRA not only makes it easier to claim abuse but also tells HOW to become a US Citizen AFTER claiming abuse! (IMBRA 2005, care to answer that for me?)

AGAIN in a truely abusive situation this is wonderful and would have helped my ex upon her arrival with an alcoholic and abusive man (fully documented by the State of Arizona as Child Protection Service became involved), unfortunately this information was not as available in the mid-1990s when she arrived!

For one, a fraudulent immigrant would find it very hard to claim and prove abuse against his/her USC spouse as an easy way to get out of their marriage and obtain a GC. At the same time, it's a double edged sword. Those immigrants that DO claim abuse where it's not merited against the USC spouse who was cleared by the USCIS as being non-violent/abusive prior to marriage, is right away suspect of entering into marriage fraudulently, so OF COURSE it makes it easier to claim abuse! The same law that says it will help them, is the same one that condemns them in the end.

AGAIN, this is wonderful in a truly abusive situation and would have helped my ex upon her arrival, with an alcoholic and abusive man (fully documented by the State of Arizona, as Child Protection Services became involved). Unfortunately, this information was not available in the mid '90s, when she arrived!

Remember there are two sides to every story and that it's very easy for any woman in any state to claim abuse/harrassment/stalking and get/have a restraining order served and granted against her ex-boyfriend/lover/husband.

wtf?!!!

My advice is for no one to listen to your advice.