Full Version: Anyone do a prenuptial?
Well, with internet relationships and long distance relationships being difficult to always accurately assess, I thought I had to ask. I know I know, where is the trust? Anyway, we did not have one and I was thinking it may have been a good idea all around. For those who are still waiting for their SO and are not yet married, have you thought about getting one? I know I never did. Now I wish I would have at least thought about it, or mentioned it to my husband.
Didn't do it, wouldn't do it and never felt sorry that I hadn't considered it. But that's just me.
QUOTE(ET-US2004 @ Jun 12 2006, 11:42 AM) 
Didn't do it, wouldn't do it and never felt sorry that I hadn't considered it. But that's just me.
Ditto.
No, we didn't have a prenup done either. Besides our law(LA) states that anything acquired b4 marriage is not considered community property. LA is a community property state and only what we have acquired together as husband and wife can be shared in the unlikely event of divorce. Now to be honest with you, Im pretty "scared" about that part b/c we have invested so much together as of right now, and not to mention we still are. We are starting the process of looking for our own home to buy or possibly even building and that my dear, is a scary thing to me. Especially, because we both have heirs(he has a daughter) and I don't want that to become a problem somewhere down the line. Also the cultural differences kinda get me to thinking b/c according to their culture, if Iyke passes away, you know the family is expecting me to give them some type of share b/c that is their brother. We have talked about it and he said they don't really practice that much there but if I wanted to, I could do it as a nice gesture anyway. I think otherwise cos I know my in-laws. The only person that will get anything if that did happen would be his daughter, no one else. However they know me also, and Im sure they can just about guess that I will not even play like that w/them.LOL 
Sweetee
Sweetee
Yes! I own and operate a succesful business that I've worked hard to get started. In addition, I own real estate and stock. For me, the prenupital would have been something I would mandate regardless of whether he was a USC or not.
We didn't do one because we had both been married before, and we had both been very fair to our ex's after our divorces, so we felt that we would both be the same this time and if anything were to go wrong in our marriage, everything would be divided equally.
If you have to take extra precautions prior to getting in a relationship, perhaps you need to wonder if you need to be in that relationship in the first place.
It's all about trust and knowing the person who you are dealing with, having a pre-nup gives the appearance that there is a lack of trust or lack of lifetime commitment to one another. Of course in life there are no guarantees, and some things don't have happy endings, and often time’s people can mis-represent themselves, especially if you initially met through a virtual means.
However, I believe having a pre-nup is like going into a marriage planning the divorce. The reason why so many marriages fail today, is because people go into them thinking "well if it doesn't work, we can just get divorce'. Marriage is hard enough without such low expectations.
We all came into this world naked and that's how you will return. You cannot take your assets with you, regardless who you are or what you may become. There is really no such thing as protection in life. If materials are your first concern, it really says a lot about you.
Perhaps the rich should marry the rich, and the poor the poor.
I am successful and had many assets prior to marriage, but I don’t believe you should begin a marriage or anything based on the grounds of failure. When doing anything do it with confidence, if you don’t believe it in, then what is the point of doing it.
AQ
It's all about trust and knowing the person who you are dealing with, having a pre-nup gives the appearance that there is a lack of trust or lack of lifetime commitment to one another. Of course in life there are no guarantees, and some things don't have happy endings, and often time’s people can mis-represent themselves, especially if you initially met through a virtual means.
However, I believe having a pre-nup is like going into a marriage planning the divorce. The reason why so many marriages fail today, is because people go into them thinking "well if it doesn't work, we can just get divorce'. Marriage is hard enough without such low expectations.
We all came into this world naked and that's how you will return. You cannot take your assets with you, regardless who you are or what you may become. There is really no such thing as protection in life. If materials are your first concern, it really says a lot about you.
Perhaps the rich should marry the rich, and the poor the poor.
I am successful and had many assets prior to marriage, but I don’t believe you should begin a marriage or anything based on the grounds of failure. When doing anything do it with confidence, if you don’t believe it in, then what is the point of doing it.
AQ
To each its own ................
The replies are great. It is nice to see so much honesty. Although I agree that a relationship should have a strong foundation of trust, I would hate to be broken hearted and peniless at the same time. Which makes me wonder how many of our SO's would change their tune at the mere mention of a prenup. Also, I'm sure there is a difference in opinion based on how much one has to loose/gain financially.
Hmmm verry interesting Sweetee about the inheritance stuff. That had not even crossed my mind. It is definately something to think about, especially for those of us with children.
Hmmm verry interesting Sweetee about the inheritance stuff. That had not even crossed my mind. It is definately something to think about, especially for those of us with children.
we had a prenuptial agrement before we got married, it was verbal:
if one of us gets very fat, the other one can ask for a divorce, and the first one has to agree with the divorce, no matter what.
no seriosly, this is real
if one of us gets very fat, the other one can ask for a divorce, and the first one has to agree with the divorce, no matter what.
no seriosly, this is real
LOL That's funny!
QUOTE(Elizabethnhenry @ Jun 12 2006, 08:45 PM)
QUOTE(ET-US2004 @ Jun 12 2006, 11:42 AM)
Didn't do it, wouldn't do it and never felt sorry that I hadn't considered it. But that's just me.
Ditto.
DID NOT DO IT, WOULD NEVER CONSIDER IT. -TURNING THE PAGE NOW..
No prenup, asked her if I needed one, and she was willing to do one. So I never brought it up again. Her willingness took the air out of me.
I think it is always a good idea especially for people like me who are older and more established, and especially due to the divorce rules in my state. It just makes good sense. However, I imagine that explaining it to my Nigerian man may be difficult as everything is so different and new from what goes on in their country and here! I plan to do so though!!
QUOTE(anca @ Jun 12 2006, 02:32 PM)
we had a prenuptial agrement before we got married, it was verbal:
if one of us gets very fat, the other one can ask for a divorce, and the first one has to agree with the divorce, no matter what.
no seriosly, this is real
WOW..LOL... My husband is from Kenya, and he loves big women... I think he would ask me for a divorce if I got skinny!!! He says.."skinny legs turn me off..."But to each their own for that as well.
Chris
QUOTE(wvnurse @ Jun 14 2006, 08:03 AM)
QUOTE(anca @ Jun 12 2006, 02:32 PM)
we had a prenuptial agrement before we got married, it was verbal:
if one of us gets very fat, the other one can ask for a divorce, and the first one has to agree with the divorce, no matter what.
no seriosly, this is real
WOW..LOL... My husband is from Kenya, and he loves big women... I think he would ask me for a divorce if I got skinny!!! He says.."skinny legs turn me off..."But to each their own for that as well.
Chris
I'm glad my husband is not a skinny minny.
QUOTE(AfricanQueen @ Jun 12 2006, 12:15 PM)
If you have to take extra precautions prior to getting in a relationship, perhaps you need to wonder if you need to be in that relationship in the first place.
It's all about trust and knowing the person who you are dealing with, having a pre-nup gives the appearance that there is a lack of trust or lack of lifetime commitment to one another. Of course in life there are no guarantees, and some things don't have happy endings, and often time’s people can mis-represent themselves, especially if you initially met through a virtual means.
However, I believe having a pre-nup is like going into a marriage planning the divorce. The reason why so many marriages fail today, is because people go into them thinking "well if it doesn't work, we can just get divorce'. Marriage is hard enough without such low expectations.
No it is not about accepting defeat or planning a divorce before getting married, it is pure protection should the worse happen. We can not guarantee a lifetime full of roses, I have a brother that was quite wealthy before his monster ex wife came in to the picture, yeh she got a house off him and half his own house he slept in so he had to sell up. "Rich with the rich poor with the poor" I might have to agree with you there.
We all came into this world naked and that's how you will return. You cannot take your assets with you, regardless who you are or what you may become. There is really no such thing as protection in life.
We have laws for a reason and breakups for a reason, maybe protection is highly over-rated in your world? God forbid if your husband ever cheated on you and thus caused warrant for a divorce I really don't think you'll agree with him giving your lifes possessions to someone else...mm.
Perhaps the rich should marry the rich, and the poor the poor.
I am successful and had many assets prior to marriage, but I don’t believe you should begin a marriage or anything based on the grounds of failure. When doing anything do it with confidence, if you don’t believe it in, then what is the point of doing it.
AQ
It's all about trust and knowing the person who you are dealing with, having a pre-nup gives the appearance that there is a lack of trust or lack of lifetime commitment to one another. Of course in life there are no guarantees, and some things don't have happy endings, and often time’s people can mis-represent themselves, especially if you initially met through a virtual means.
However, I believe having a pre-nup is like going into a marriage planning the divorce. The reason why so many marriages fail today, is because people go into them thinking "well if it doesn't work, we can just get divorce'. Marriage is hard enough without such low expectations.
No it is not about accepting defeat or planning a divorce before getting married, it is pure protection should the worse happen. We can not guarantee a lifetime full of roses, I have a brother that was quite wealthy before his monster ex wife came in to the picture, yeh she got a house off him and half his own house he slept in so he had to sell up. "Rich with the rich poor with the poor" I might have to agree with you there.
We all came into this world naked and that's how you will return. You cannot take your assets with you, regardless who you are or what you may become. There is really no such thing as protection in life.
We have laws for a reason and breakups for a reason, maybe protection is highly over-rated in your world? God forbid if your husband ever cheated on you and thus caused warrant for a divorce I really don't think you'll agree with him giving your lifes possessions to someone else...mm.
Perhaps the rich should marry the rich, and the poor the poor.
I am successful and had many assets prior to marriage, but I don’t believe you should begin a marriage or anything based on the grounds of failure. When doing anything do it with confidence, if you don’t believe it in, then what is the point of doing it.
AQ
I support the idea of a prenup in this type of situation just because of what I have seen. I've been to a few fake weddings (didn't know till I arrived and it was immediately obvious to everyone except the bride) and know an extremely high number of people who got their GCs in that way. Hey even one of the doctors that I met at the hospital when having surgery admitted to that. So, let's just say that it's a well-discussed phenomenon in African circles, both here and abroad. When I'm walking down the streets of Dakar I can spot it immediately. The guys even feel ashamed in my presence when they know I speak Wolof and am hip to the game....so with that said, I absolutely support the idea.
In my particular case, I have been a full-time student since 2001 and have been in school since 1997. I just have about $150,000 in debt, which I felt equally obligated to discuss with my husband. In terms of him wanting any of my few electronics or anything inside my modest apartment, well, hardly, but still...I met my hubby doing research (wanted to interview him - he is famous in his country) and he had been traveling for many years to Europe...had work permit in Europe, so I wasn't as concerned as I would have been if he was just trying to get out (I still meet so many people even here that ask me to help them find their GC wife). He has a great deal of opportunities in his country, so I am not worried about him taking off with any of my very few possessions.
While I do understand that marriage starts with trust, it also must start with a clear head. Old folks always told me that every woman should have a secret bank account with start again cash, just in case. Then she can fully trust. :-) My mom always told me to think love AND business. I know that everyone is different, but I understand both points of view.
In my particular case, I have been a full-time student since 2001 and have been in school since 1997. I just have about $150,000 in debt, which I felt equally obligated to discuss with my husband. In terms of him wanting any of my few electronics or anything inside my modest apartment, well, hardly, but still...I met my hubby doing research (wanted to interview him - he is famous in his country) and he had been traveling for many years to Europe...had work permit in Europe, so I wasn't as concerned as I would have been if he was just trying to get out (I still meet so many people even here that ask me to help them find their GC wife). He has a great deal of opportunities in his country, so I am not worried about him taking off with any of my very few possessions.
While I do understand that marriage starts with trust, it also must start with a clear head. Old folks always told me that every woman should have a secret bank account with start again cash, just in case. Then she can fully trust. :-) My mom always told me to think love AND business. I know that everyone is different, but I understand both points of view.
QUOTE(AishaandMusa @ Mar 22 2008, 12:34 PM)
I support the idea of a prenup in this type of situation just because of what I have seen. I've been to a few fake weddings (didn't know till I arrived and it was immediately obvious to everyone except the bride) and know an extremely high number of people who got their GCs in that way. Hey even one of the doctors that I met at the hospital when having surgery admitted to that. So, let's just say that it's a well-discussed phenomenon in African circles, both here and abroad. When I'm walking down the streets of Dakar I can spot it immediately. The guys even feel ashamed in my presence when they know I speak Wolof and am hip to the game....so with that said, I absolutely support the idea.
In my particular case, I have been a full-time student since 2001 and have been in school since 1997. I just have about $150,000 in debt, which I felt equally obligated to discuss with my husband. In terms of him wanting any of my few electronics or anything inside my modest apartment, well, hardly, but still...I met my hubby doing research (wanted to interview him - he is famous in his country) and he had been traveling for many years to Europe...had work permit in Europe, so I wasn't as concerned as I would have been if he was just trying to get out (I still meet so many people even here that ask me to help them find their GC wife). He has a great deal of opportunities in his country, so I am not worried about him taking off with any of my very few possessions.
While I do understand that marriage starts with trust, it also must start with a clear head. Old folks always told me that every woman should have a secret bank account with start again cash, just in case. Then she can fully trust. :-) My mom always told me to think love AND business. I know that everyone is different, but I understand both points of view.
In my particular case, I have been a full-time student since 2001 and have been in school since 1997. I just have about $150,000 in debt, which I felt equally obligated to discuss with my husband. In terms of him wanting any of my few electronics or anything inside my modest apartment, well, hardly, but still...I met my hubby doing research (wanted to interview him - he is famous in his country) and he had been traveling for many years to Europe...had work permit in Europe, so I wasn't as concerned as I would have been if he was just trying to get out (I still meet so many people even here that ask me to help them find their GC wife). He has a great deal of opportunities in his country, so I am not worried about him taking off with any of my very few possessions.
While I do understand that marriage starts with trust, it also must start with a clear head. Old folks always told me that every woman should have a secret bank account with start again cash, just in case. Then she can fully trust. :-) My mom always told me to think love AND business. I know that everyone is different, but I understand both points of view.
I was also taught to have monies on the side. Theses are all good points and I guess for me I think the answer would vary based on the individuals and the realtionships. A prenup has never crossed my mind unless I am splitting my student loan bills with him.
But seriously I have never thought about it and we did talk about divorce but neither of us believe or were raised to entertain the concept of divorce. My husband has clearly told me that we are together for life and that we are stuck with one another. 
There are proverbs that state something like, whatever you think about most will be the things that come to past. Be smart but do not invest too much time in negativity it can be destructive.
I never considered it. Of course, I had no property, so I suppose it wouldn't have occurred to me.
I think if people have children from earlier marriages, it is important to ask for a pre-nup.
I think if people have children from earlier marriages, it is important to ask for a pre-nup.
My ex-husband also told me that in his culture that they don't believe in divorce, he echoed that I was stuck with him for life.
QUOTE(Elizabethnhenry @ Jun 12 2006, 09:45 AM)
QUOTE(ET-US2004 @ Jun 12 2006, 11:42 AM)
Didn't do it, wouldn't do it and never felt sorry that I hadn't considered it. But that's just me.
Ditto.
YEAH
QUOTE(mc2000ch @ Mar 25 2008, 07:00 AM)
QUOTE(Elizabethnhenry @ Jun 12 2006, 09:45 AM)
QUOTE(ET-US2004 @ Jun 12 2006, 11:42 AM)
Didn't do it, wouldn't do it and never felt sorry that I hadn't considered it. But that's just me.
Ditto.
YEAH
mc2000ch
the picture in your signature
Unless he wants to split my student loan bills with me 
QUOTE(AishaandMusa @ Mar 22 2008, 09:34 AM)
I support the idea of a prenup in this type of situation just because of what I have seen. I've been to a few fake weddings (didn't know till I arrived and it was immediately obvious to everyone except the bride) and know an extremely high number of people who got their GCs in that way. Hey even one of the doctors that I met at the hospital when having surgery admitted to that. So, let's just say that it's a well-discussed phenomenon in African circles, both here and abroad. When I'm walking down the streets of Dakar I can spot it immediately. The guys even feel ashamed in my presence when they know I speak Wolof and am hip to the game....so with that said, I absolutely support the idea.
In my particular case, I have been a full-time student since 2001 and have been in school since 1997. I just have about $150,000 in debt, which I felt equally obligated to discuss with my husband. In terms of him wanting any of my few electronics or anything inside my modest apartment, well, hardly, but still...I met my hubby doing research (wanted to interview him - he is famous in his country) and he had been traveling for many years to Europe...had work permit in Europe, so I wasn't as concerned as I would have been if he was just trying to get out (I still meet so many people even here that ask me to help them find their GC wife). He has a great deal of opportunities in his country, so I am not worried about him taking off with any of my very few possessions.
While I do understand that marriage starts with trust, it also must start with a clear head. Old folks always told me that every woman should have a secret bank account with start again cash, just in case. Then she can fully trust. :-) My mom always told me to think love AND business. I know that everyone is different, but I understand both points of view.
In my particular case, I have been a full-time student since 2001 and have been in school since 1997. I just have about $150,000 in debt, which I felt equally obligated to discuss with my husband. In terms of him wanting any of my few electronics or anything inside my modest apartment, well, hardly, but still...I met my hubby doing research (wanted to interview him - he is famous in his country) and he had been traveling for many years to Europe...had work permit in Europe, so I wasn't as concerned as I would have been if he was just trying to get out (I still meet so many people even here that ask me to help them find their GC wife). He has a great deal of opportunities in his country, so I am not worried about him taking off with any of my very few possessions.
While I do understand that marriage starts with trust, it also must start with a clear head. Old folks always told me that every woman should have a secret bank account with start again cash, just in case. Then she can fully trust. :-) My mom always told me to think love AND business. I know that everyone is different, but I understand both points of view.
Here! Here!
Warm Regards,
Samby
I guess I would have to ask.... would you be thinking about this with an American man? If the answer is no, I would question the relationship from a very basic level. If the answer is yes, go for it! I wouldn't do it but don't have a problem with those that might.
Did not do a prenuptial agreement either, thought did cross my mind just decided against it.
QUOTE(tony and tess @ Mar 26 2008, 08:21 PM)
I guess I would have to ask.... would you be thinking about this with an American man? If the answer is no, I would question the relationship from a very basic level. If the answer is yes, go for it! I wouldn't do it but don't have a problem with those that might.
Excellent Point!
i would be willing to do one if he thought it was necessary, i even bring it up a few months ago but we decided it was not necessary because of our situation.
Basically
I am quite broke (but with almost no debts)
He have an income and all but loads of debts (and a big part of it from his ex wife because of their divorce)
US law seem to be quite screwy for guyz who earn more than their wife... damn....
In the future, our income might be around the same.
Basically
I am quite broke (but with almost no debts)
He have an income and all but loads of debts (and a big part of it from his ex wife because of their divorce)
US law seem to be quite screwy for guyz who earn more than their wife... damn....
In the future, our income might be around the same.
I've been a student forever (even if I end up on the streets...my degrees will keep me warm 
)! Just joking. But on a serious note, I do have some serious loans and because I am a career student (still in school now 
) I can't say that I have anything of real worth...accept for myself 
.
So basically I am still just starting out, really. As a matter of fact there was a point in February that I was thinking of buying a home (coop) and I decided against it because I felt like maybe that is something I should wait until we can do together. And besides why buy a coop when you can get a condo or a house. All of which I would need assistance to purchase.
SOOOOO, pre-nup?
. My particular circumstances would not call for it.
)! Just joking. But on a serious note, I do have some serious loans and because I am a career student (still in school now ) I can't say that I have anything of real worth...accept for myself . So basically I am still just starting out, really. As a matter of fact there was a point in February that I was thinking of buying a home (coop) and I decided against it because I felt like maybe that is something I should wait until we can do together. And besides why buy a coop when you can get a condo or a house. All of which I would need assistance to purchase.
SOOOOO, pre-nup?
. My particular circumstances would not call for it.QUOTE(ZeeNusah @ Mar 25 2008, 09:32 AM)
Unless he wants to split my student loan bills with me
See...thats what I am talking about....LOL! Get that EAD stamp baby.
You go to school, work and you got a new husband....GO HEAD superwoman!!! Im with you...I dont have much but my brains for anyone to take. And at the end of this journey...I might not have that left.
QUOTE(Asante Maroon @ Apr 22 2008, 07:24 PM)
I've been a student forever (even if I end up on the streets...my degrees will keep me warm )! Just joking. But on a serious note, I do have some serious loans and because I am a career student (still in school now ) I can't say that I have anything of real worth...accept for myself .
So basically I am still just starting out, really. As a matter of fact there was a point in February that I was thinking of buying a home (coop) and I decided against it because I felt like maybe that is something I should wait until we can do together. And besides why buy a coop when you can get a condo or a house. All of which I would need assistance to purchase.
SOOOOO, pre-nup?. My particular circumstances would not call for it.
)! Just joking. But on a serious note, I do have some serious loans and because I am a career student (still in school now ) I can't say that I have anything of real worth...accept for myself . So basically I am still just starting out, really. As a matter of fact there was a point in February that I was thinking of buying a home (coop) and I decided against it because I felt like maybe that is something I should wait until we can do together. And besides why buy a coop when you can get a condo or a house. All of which I would need assistance to purchase.
SOOOOO, pre-nup?
. My particular circumstances would not call for it.
LOL! I know. And as soon as he gets his papers straight, he will be going too. He is dying right now! He is a real braniac!
And trust me when I say that I know this process can drive you stright to the crazy house. Because I was not able to go to Ghana to travel with him back to the US, I was panicking the whole time. I just needed for him to get on that plane!!!
Sorry I know I am off topic
And trust me when I say that I know this process can drive you stright to the crazy house. Because I was not able to go to Ghana to travel with him back to the US, I was panicking the whole time. I just needed for him to get on that plane!!!
Sorry I know I am off topic
QUOTE
You go to school, work and you got a new husband....GO HEAD superwoman!!! Im with you...I dont have much but my brains for anyone to take. And at the end of this journey...I might not have that left.
QUOTE(Ricca711 @ Apr 22 2008, 06:55 PM)
QUOTE(ZeeNusah @ Mar 25 2008, 09:32 AM)
Unless he wants to split my student loan bills with me
See...thats what I am talking about....LOL! Get that EAD stamp baby.
A woman I work with husband is an immigration lawyer here in San Francisco and when they got married they had a prenup. Their reasoning for getting one is that they both have children and wanted to make sure that if anything were to happen to either of them their children would be protected. They also have a living will so that family members would know what their wishes were in case of their deaths and also protect their children. When I got married, he was really upset that I didn't get one and couldn't beieve I would naively not get a prenup since I have children and my SO also has children. Right now, I wished I would have gotten one
I have no money, he has no money = no pre-nup.....
However, had he had money, I would have suggested he got one, just so he would have no doubts whatsoever that I loved him and not his money....
However, had he had money, I would have suggested he got one, just so he would have no doubts whatsoever that I loved him and not his money....
QUOTE(Asante Maroon @ Apr 22 2008, 06:24 PM)
I've been a student forever (even if I end up on the streets...my degrees will keep me warm )! Just joking. But on a serious note, I do have some serious loans and because I am a career student (still in school now ) I can't say that I have anything of real worth...accept for myself .
So basically I am still just starting out, really. As a matter of fact there was a point in February that I was thinking of buying a home (coop) and I decided against it because I felt like maybe that is something I should wait until we can do together. And besides why buy a coop when you can get a condo or a house. All of which I would need assistance to purchase.
SOOOOO, pre-nup? . My particular circumstances would not call for it.
I see we listen to that same music..hahahaha
)! Just joking. But on a serious note, I do have some serious loans and because I am a career student (still in school now ) I can't say that I have anything of real worth...accept for myself . So basically I am still just starting out, really. As a matter of fact there was a point in February that I was thinking of buying a home (coop) and I decided against it because I felt like maybe that is something I should wait until we can do together. And besides why buy a coop when you can get a condo or a house. All of which I would need assistance to purchase.
SOOOOO, pre-nup?
. My particular circumstances would not call for it.I see we listen to that same music..hahahaha
I don't see anything wrong with discussing this with your spouse. My wife and I discussed it and decided against it.
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