I realized (stupid me) my husband and I have not talked about money... ie seperate bank accounts or one, who pays what bills and sending money home. I know Islmaically how it is supposed to be but traditionally I made more money than my ex...Always

I am planing to talk to him about it but was looking for some back ground on what other's do and how it works for you. I know mine has his pride so I want to make sure I don't offend either.

Rajaa

when here we prob will put together, now he has his and i have mine and i dont send to him

I had to put my name on my husband's bank account for him to get one, but I have one I use as a savings that's in my name only

I make more than my husband as well, but he's doesn't read or write english ... so he just gives me his paychecks and I leave a certain amount in his acount for spending and I pay bills ect..

lol that works.....

We had an issue with banking. I didn't see the problem in having a joint account but he thought of it as me "mothering" him too much and not allowing him to be a man. We do have a joint account now but it was a struggle to begin with. Definitely talk to ur man about banking/money expectations BEFORE he gets here.

Well, I will say that it may depend on the situation when your spouse arrives. My husband brought what money he had with him but he arrived on a k1 and we made the decision that I work until he receives his EAD and he watches our son. So, currently I am supporting the family but only until he gets employment to contribute.

He wants to be able to care for the family and states that he hopes to one day do as he was taught, the man cares for the home and family with his money and my money is to save or do what I wish for. This was something that I had a hard time swallowing because I have always been independent and never put myself in a situation where I relied upon a man for anything. But I realize that it's my husband's beliefs and that if this is what he chooses to do I can build myself a little nest for a rainy day and for my kids future.

We opened up a joint account because we read that for immigration purposes this was what was suggested. We pay bills out of this account for our home only. I have my account and he has his own. That way once the bills are paid neither one of us will not complain that the other has spent too much. If he sent money home, it would be his money. If I decided to buy purses and shoes its my money. Things for our son we will put money in together on.

Good luck figure it out! We had a few spats over it but finally have it worked out!

I handle the finances, but we have a joint account. Both of our money goes in there every week and I pay the bills from it. He usually uses his cash tips for pocket money. I have a personal account for my own pocket money.

There was a good point made about him maby not wanting to be babied and wanting to be independant and feel like his contributing the houshold ect...

I should add that we have a joint account to pay bills with ect... we have another joint account that my name is on just so that he could get an account. I don't have a check card and his name alone is on the checks.

It works out bc I can get online and manage the account for him and I have acces to the money if I need it, but I would never do anything with it unless he asked me to and he knows it. I use my personal account as a savings.

The joint account for bills he really views as my account and doesn't like using it without talking to me even though he deposits paychecks there as do I. It makes him feel like he is contributing to bills ect. but he's also independant with his own money. He just leaves it up to me how to distribute it as long as he can get food and gas - but he has access to the joint if he wants and I leave alot in there.

Probably too much info - but I wanted to explain that my husband and I have found a way for joint accounts, a rainy day fund for myself, and he feels like he is contributing and independant financially.

A word of advice, if I may. A lady should always tuck some money aside without anyone knowing about it. You never know what can and will happen, and that money might just save your butt one day.

Ditto. I am learning to handle finances (in Mexico I had an accountant who took care of all this annoying sh1t like payments and the like); but all accounts are in our names. Cuz I luv' im and hes da man
Seriously, because it makes it easier; besides we live in a community property state so half is half; and also this is evidence for RC people
So far, so good.

We have just sort of fallen into something that works well for us so far. We have joint checking and savings accounts. I deposit my paycheck and some of his, and I pay household bills from that. He cashes his check and generally pays cash for groceries, clothes, etc since we usually go shopping together. I keep track of how much we have in the bank, and he keeps track of how much cash we have on hand. His income is increasing, and we hope to start putting most of his check into our savings account. We didn't really discuss any part of this except for the joint accounts. The cash arrangement sort of came about on its own, but it works well so far. There are so many different ways to do this, depending on the couple and their individual personalities. The main thing is to discuss it and to leave things open for adjustment later if needed. My parents went maybe 20 years with my mom balancing their joint checking account, and then they decided to switch roles. It's also important to make sure both partners know how to access the accounts and what needs to be done, step by step, if the other person is incapacitated for whatever reason at some point.

I could not agree more with this.

money is money and I don't know why but it always seems uncomfortable to talk about it. But i have to see past the rainbows and unicorns (as some would say lol) and face these things head on. I've always tucked money away.... even from myself i'll find money in an old jacket. Love it when that happens.

So far everything's in my name but only due to sheer laziness on our part to add him. (coupled with a really bad experience at the bank which might be contributing to our lack of urgency in the matter )


I really need to add him to everything else though like the bills. Guess I'll do a few of those during lunch if they can be done via the phone.

We have joint accounts too and I also handle all the finances. I opened one account specially for us when he arrived and this is truely our joint account for the household etc. but I am always transferig money inand out fo the accounts as I save and pay bills.

Joint accounts are one way to show entanglement of assest for immigration purposes, but it is not necessary. it all depends on the couple's situation. It's also always a good idea to keep a personal account especially if you have a significant amount of money or assets prior to the marriage.

Thats all we seem to fight over is money. He makes more than me, i work part time. Now that he is working and making good money, i lost my ssi, so i don't have anymore cushion. And i try to show him just how much we need every week and i give him so much a week out of his check and he gets so much a week to pay back his brother and sends that to morocco. But now the over time money is starting to come in and i know there is gonna be arguements over that. I need tires for the car, and for some odd reason, he don't feel its all that necessary. He wants to save for a car for himself when he don't even drive now. Omg i dread this.

Very wise! And same for men The problem is if something happens to you...what will become of the $. Kinda like those bills hidden in walls of old homes. Inform someone you trust about that account if you choose to tuck it away that way. I have many power of attorney for "hidden" accounts with my brothers or they are just on the account. Also one between my mom and I....that no one but us, not even my dad, knows about.

wise WOMEN lol

I speak only from experience.

been there done that also but dont you think now as american women we all know this fact and are not completely dependent on anyone else. I know i say we may have joint account but i still have access and ways to (take care) of myself if the situation warrants, i just cant see a woman in these days not being prepared for anything....

We talked about this a long time ago.
When were in his country he handles the money
When he gets here I handle it....

Its worked so far. Hopefully it continues to.

From the get go, when Hicham got here, he insisted that I keep my own accounts because I have a considerable amount from my father's estate that Hicham won't touch for any reason and is adamant that is my money. I think it's very smart for any woman to know what her assets are and how to get a hold of them when needed and for the man as well. Like someone said...what if something happens to either one of you.

Right now, I make a good bit more than Hicham does. I added up all of our household bills, groceries and included the cost of our son's daycare. I put in 2/3 of that number into the account we use to pay household bills and for now Hicham will give me cash that equals the other 1/3. We have agreed upon a set day of each month that he gives me the cash. We also try and split up who picks up the tab when we eat out every so often...but who can afford to do that anymore!

I have made Hicham the beneficiary on all of my accounts and investments with specific instructions in my will that these funds be set up in trust for our son for a certain dollar amount. I cannot convey the importance to any of you that have children how IMPORTANT it is to have a will in place for your children...especially if your children are from a different spouse.

I do think that for some of these SOs coming here, having to be finicially dependent on the wife really does something to their pyshce. Hicham turned from night to day once he got his job and any squabbles we had about money pretty much stopped. We've hit a happy medium with the finances....WHEW!!!!!

Good luck to ya! Lots of good advice on here!

we have our checks deposited in the same checking account and i write out the checks for the bills and whats left at the end of the month goes into our joint savings. there is no problems at all. the only thing is im going to make him start paying the bills one....to take some of the chores off my shoulders and two so i dont have to hear him ask how much did we pay for electric...water....etc last month. who remembers things like this anyway?

Our biggest thing was my dh not being used to having money so even buying groceries was a big deal. We got a joint acct right away, and I have a separate for the same reason as many of you. Everything has worked out with time and experience. Do talk to your SO before he comes here. One less thing to hassel with during the adjustment period.

OK... so they won't be working right off the bat... do you give them an allowance sort to speak or free access (mine will hate the very thought of any of this but not sure he has a choice?) He is working now and I know him saving is key but this is also his first "real" job too. I guess I am not sure how to start the conversation is all.

Well, if he comes on the CR-1, he can work once he gets his green card. The main problem is that its hard to get that first job due to lack of experience in the USA. Mine applied for roughly 3 months to everywhere imaginable and finally Wal-mart hired him (only coz I knew a lady that was in well with the higher ups and she was a reference for him). It was verrrrrrrrrrry difficult for him to accept that I paid for everything in the beginning and he made many references to the fact that he felt like a child having to ask for this or ask for that.

I recommend letting him know that it may be a while before he gets to start work so you want to figure out what will make both of you the most comfortable until he starts getting a paycheck. That way he will see that you are interested in him and not just urself. It is definitely best to get a good idea of this before he gets here.

good luck ensha'allah
Amal

Great idea on how to kick off the convo Amal! I always count on hearing your wisdom in these types of situation.

I decided to send an email with all my questions and suggestions numbered out and bulleted lol... not warm and fuzzy but hay it's in writting and will get it going.. all questions and suggestion so I can understand what he's thinking and he can understand what I am thinking....

Amen to that!

My husband and I talked about this as well. I have a savings account with my grandfather that will of course stay with me only. I have a checking account that I will continue to keep for myself, but name him as the benificiary on it. Once he is here we plan on opening a joint checking account together that he will put his money in. My husband is very traditional about wanting to support me. It is nice to know I will have the option of staying home eventually though I insist on paying my car off on my own. He will initially recieve money since he is coming as a refugee but that doesn't last longer than three months. At least it will give him some financial independence until he gets some work though.

We have 3 accounts, all joint. I'm primary on 2 and he's primary on one. One of our accounts is likely about to close soon... as we emptied it to pay student loan crap. He wasn't interested in having a seperate account from me, but he's really into sharing. A lot of sharing.

good to know....