I received NOA1 on January 31, my check is stamped with a different receipt number (off by a few characters) than my NOA1... and neither of them are being acknowledged via telephone case status or online case status (both say "no such case exists"). The FAQ page says you can contact NBC:

a) online, most preferred, with receipt number (can't do it)
by phone (says no such thing)
and then c) by mail is "least preferred".

I have this sinking feeling like my receipt number is messed up. I was hoping to straighten this out early instead of finding out 6 weeks from now that it is in fact messed up.

I assume there is no live human you can call to speak with either ?

Unfortunately no. Try to call customer service and speak to an operator to sort it out.
http://uscis.gov/graphics/services/menu.htm

from your signature, it looks like you will have a wonderful Valentine's day