Who'se SO here has requested that if he dies before you that his remains will be burried back home ?

I can just see myself as a 90 + year old granny trying to fly his body back to S/L it costs thousands to get him here now it will
cost thoudands to ship him back I can just picture the whole fiasco in my mind

He said if I die before he does he will bury me there too

I said I don't care just cremate me and I know my soul goes to God.........after explaining cremation he thought that is just
horrible to do that.


LL, S said Liberians are also very adament to be buried in their homeland.........wanna go with me ?

If you're dead you won't know where you're buried!



I'm just kidding. My husband has made the same request. I haven't looked into the details very closely, but I have heard that the Moroccan embassy here helps with the details. I'm sure it's pretty expensive.

I saw details where the embassy helps shipping a USC back to the US but not the other way around.

Yes, S is right. B has made it very clear that he intends to be buried back home and that's cool with me. I see/hear stories of Liberians getting shipped back home all the time.

Hey, if one can't afford it, then that person needs to do what they gotta do, right?

LL, ask B why....drill him ! No fufu fluffy answer.........give it to me straight

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=18608


More morbid talk from another VJ member. Some of those questions are hard to think about.

Drill him on what? Why he wants to be buried there? He told me that Liberia will always be his true home and that's just where he prefers to be buried. I can understand and respect that. He was born and raised there up until 10 months ago and wanting to be buried in a certain place is a big deal to some people.

Do you plan to be buried in Germany or here? I have no idea where I want to be buried because I've lived all over the US. It will be hard for me to choose a place.

Heck no I don't want to be buried in Germany.

It doesn't matter to me. I would not want to put that expense on my family either. I don't care where they bury me.
Under a nice shady tree is fine with me.

By drill him I meant is there more to it , is their a deeper African custom behind it that I culturally not quiet understand ?

Do some people feel they won't " cross over " if they are not buried there ? I have to ask S again next time.

Has S told you why?

At $20 per Pingo for 70 min we run out of time and so we have to pick this convo up another time.........so much to talk about so little time.
He made me promise and now I am sorry I promised.

that's why I said ask B, they have pretty much the same ideas and customs.

I think it goes deeper than just the it's my homeland thing..........

later, got to run somewhere..........

I hope he wont come back to haunt you if you break the promise.

Okay, so I am really gonna go to school...but I just had to add before I go:

Being buried "back home" is a common request for most foreigners. I can speak more specifically for Caribbeans and Africans.

I had plenty of family's body shipped back home for burial. Even if it is expensive families get together to do it because they feel they have to respect the dead's wishes. I guess since you know your SO wants to buried there, you can save ahead of time for funeral arrangements...most people do that anyway.

When my great grand aunt was shipped to Jamaica to be buried, they made this elaborate casket for her that looked like a house...windows and doors and all! They buried her under a mango tree, in a district that she had grew up in and was very familiar. A lot of the family still remained in the area. Also other family members who was buried near there there could "look after her". They said they buried her under the mango tree so that the tree could give her shade, shelter her from the rain, as well as provide her with plenty to eat.

So you see, most of the time being buried back home holds a lot of spiritual value to it. For those who believe that you roam around after death...they would much rather roam around in a "familiar" place then in a place they are not that accustomed to....

Do you get it? It may be a bit creepy for some, but the way of life for others.

Great post and that is a great way to look at it. Her casket sounds like one of the Ghanaian ones.

My Jamaican husband said the same thing. I told him the only way that would happen is if he was cremated. He balked at that. I just said, whatever....you'll be dead anyhow.

I already paid for my cremation. He can toss me wherever he likes. I don't care anymore. I used to want it to be at 2nd base in the Old Busch Stadium in St. Louis, MO. When they tore that down, my reasons left me.

My husband has also made me promise that he be buried back in Nigeria in the event something happened and he too wants me to be buried with him. It used to mean a lot to me to be buried with my family here because their is a family plot on my dad's side of the family but that was before I was married and I really don't care I want to be with my husband. Even though we won't be in the ground together spiritually.

Joseph wants to be buried on his property there . I know the woman he almost married is buries there . She was killed in an auto accident but he had paid bride price so was buried on his land. We plan on tearing down most of the old structures and building new there and using the old bricks to build a sitting place by the stream. That is most likely where he will be buried. I know when others from the village die here in the states they have a meeting and start collecting money for sending him home and having someone here go with the body.

Good question, Omoba. I never really thought about it. I guess I will have to talk to him about that. I'm sure he'd want to be shipped and buried back in Nigeria. I can understand why he'd want to. I'd feel the same way. I'd want to be buried here in the States, the place where I was birthed and raised.

Anywhere from $7000 to $12,000 to send the body home. My husband wants to take out life insurance for bills etc and to ensure I have the money to bury him in Morocco.

We have spoken about this a lot, of course given our situation. We have decided that if his condition gets worse, he will go back home. But this is pure speculation and as the Beatles put it, tomorrow never knows.

He absolutely said he does not want to be buried in goris world. he also does not believe in embalment. im trying to explain this concept to him etc

Bush Stadium

I will tell him that ! Either burial or a new car, we will see what wins. A life trip would be nice too

What is "goris world"?

I guess it's a cultural thing... And in my culture (Caribbean) and other African cultures, it is a thing to be taken very seriously, and deserves at least some respect. If my husband asks to be buried back home, I will honor his request, because I love and respect him and his view/culture. If I made the same request I would hope he respected my wishes.


And... you must also consider the family of your SO. Your SO's request to be buried back home is surely no secret to his/her family. By not honoring your SO's request, you may be offending or disrespecting his family back home. That can stir up all kinds of ill will and contention. Family is everything in African and Caribbean culture...marrying some one of these backgrounds, call for understanding and respect for their culture, no matter how absurd it might appear to you.

Yes its expensive to send the body back home, but if you plan ahead, it wont be such a financial burden when the time comes. Life insurance is a good way to cover the cost of shipping the body

I agree with you. My husband's request to be buried in Morocco is his request and it doesn't really matter my opinion. I know its expensive, but isn't the average cost of a US funeral about $6000 or more?

Whities

My husband and I have also made and agreeement about this.

We both want to be cremated. If I die first I will keep his ashes and when he dies, our ashes will be mixed and our children will have the responsibility to bury half here ( in the property where his parents' ashes have been buried ) and send half to my family in the Philippines where we can be buried too .

Thank you, for making that point! Burials in general are very expensive.... Planning ahead is the best way to go!

given everyone here is an international couple, i think this is an important talk to have with the spouse. if nessa passed away before i did, i'd be obligated to consult with her mother regarding what to do next. i'm certain that nessa would want to be buried in brazil. as for me, i figure she can have me cremated and spread around the closest pizza hut.
oh and eta one more thing: life insurance - get it to help pay for transportation, burial costs, and so on should this happen.

True.

Exactly what I've been saying, minus the pizza hut

Thanks for all the responses and good advice.
I will need another in depth discussion with him and won't brush this subject aside because once I make a promise I will not brake it and my word is good.

Any more cultural insight from anyone as to why the strong wish to be buried in the homeland please share. Maybe I am looking too deep, but it
interests me.

http://www.deathreference.com/A-Bi/African-Religions.html

Did you get an answer out of him this weekend?

Yes, when I told him the cost he said forget it, you can bury me in the US.
I don't know if he changes his mind again

ROFL, ooookay then, that was simple.

Yes, very simple he had me all in a tizzy there for a minute.......as usual

I lived in Ugandan for several years; burial is a huge part of the culture. Every Ugandan I have met wants to be buried in their home village, on their family land. Ugandan’s all have a home village that their family has been on for generations, you travel there for holidays, weddings and funerals. It is a very important part of the culture. For the funeral pretty much everyone they know will help pitch in money for funeral expenses and travel to the village for several days for the burial. I know my fiancé wants to be buried in Uganda, in his banana plantation, with his relatives. I hope to be buried there along side him also.
Ugandan’s do not culturally believe in cremation, and the idea seems to disgust most I have talked to. In a country where most people don’t have cars and there is not really funeral homes to help with arrangements I have seen many family member even transport a body home on a bicycle huge distances to make sure the body is take home to be buried. It’s amazing what a huge part funerals play in the culture.

Thanks for sharing this. My husband's family has a burial plot and that is where he has requested to be buried. He also said that most foreigners to Liberia have requested to be sent back home once they die. I really think it has a lot to do with ties to your original home. It's funny that you mentioned transporting the dead body on the back of a bicycle because I was just reading a story yesterday about a Liberian guy who transported his dead family member on the back of his motorcycle. They were a poor family and that was their only means of transporting the body.

My Dad is Nigerian and one day my sister asked him where he wants to be buried.

My father wants to be buried in Nigeria. I asked him why and he said..." He was afraid that if he was buried here in the USA no one would come to feed him"

One of there burial traditions in his village is you bring food to the death.

It might sound strange and silly to some of us ...but to him it was important.

So I will make sure that that happens.

The bicycle thing is fun, but it is kind of a running joke I have with my SO, I want to be barried in Uganda, but i absolutly DO NOT want my body put on the back of a bicycle or motorcycle. I even joke if we can't afford to transport me just bury me where I die lol.

Yep, you hit one speed bump and it's all over with.

When I was in S/L I saw the cooks take food and set a plate out for ancestors every day, right by the house.
I think in the end the dogs got it, allthough they were shooed away.

My husband wants to be buried in Ethiopia. Where, which church, what he wants to wear etc. I have no clue. He said just to call his family, take his body and let them make all the arrangements. As his wife, if he died before me I would like some say in the matter or control over the situation, but I suspect it doesn't matter since I wouldn't be in a good state of mind and would be charged "ferunji waga" foreigners price for everything anyway. We got life insurance a few months ago, and it will be more than enough to cover his burial costs.


I'm not entirely sure what I want to be done for myself. I don't really like the thought of being buried in Ethiopia, I love it there, but its not my home.My parents have a built a mosuleum thats big enough to include me, hubby, and kids (when we decide to have them). But I want to be with my hubby. So far the best I can come up with is cremation and 1/2 with my family in the US and my hubby can bury 1/2 in EThiopia. Similarly, I told him just to call my parents. Truly though, I'm undecided.

Still more troubling scenario is if we died together. In which case, I've told my parents to do what ever is best. I need to give them the phone numbers for my in-laws so they can call them. We made my folks the 2nd beneficiaries on our insurance policies so they should be able to make any arrangements without spending their money. I've also discussed with them that the full amount of my hubby's policy should be sent to his family. Of course this will all be revised when we have kids!

Have any of you discussed what will happen if the USC dies first? I've asked my hubby if he would stay in the US or go back home. Earlier he said he would go back home. More recently though, he said he would stay especially if we had children. We live far a way from my family and My parents told me that if I died first they'd be happy to take my hubby in and help him raise our kids. Or help him with stuff as needed if he doesn't move.