My baby is having a hard day of missing his wife... you all know how it feels to be without our s/o. He's really down. Any suggestions?? I hate being so far, I called him and we talked for 4 hours on web cam. But he is so sad.... help????

I used to tell my husband to suck it up. Stop trying to bring me down with you just because you're sad doesn't mean I can't be happy. Then, I'd say not much longer until we're together so stop your whining. He got over it. Eventually the whining stopped.

Good luck!

explain that feeling bad will not change the situation and life must go on..then tell him hopefully soon things will be better and life does not stop with this....(hard maybe but cant let this bring everyone down, the wait maybe longer than u plan, never know) let it bring u down and it will

It's hokey, but tell him to go outside and look at the moon, then you go outside and look at the moon (if time zones allow this), and tell him you are both together right now, looking at the same moon, connected in your thoughts and your heart, even though your bodies are apart. As I said, it is hokey but surprisingly, it really does seem to work. Somehow you don't seem so far apart knowing you are both looking at the same object in the sky at the same time. Feeling that link of connection helps make you feel closer. You may not be able to change your circumstances right now, but you can change how you feel about them. Hope this helps. Another thing that helped was just 'thinking forward' to a year from right now and knowing that all of what you are experiencing right now is over and done with and in the past and you have already dealt with it and that you made it:-). (Sometimes the only thing that keeps you from sliding off that rope is the knot tied on the end of it!).

I feel like that a lot lately. Especially when after we hit our one year wedding anniversary and more special times pass without being together. It isn't easy, yet there is nothing that can be done about it. I let myself skulk (sp?) around for a day and then I make myself move on and get over it. Being sad doesn't change anything or make the time go faster. If anything it makes it drag out slower. Just be there for him and talk to him in a positive way. Let him know you love him and that you are waiting for him no matter what it takes. Reassurance helps a lot.

Awwww. That was sooo sweet. Rajaa Reda... I pray that you and your husband soon will be together. Be strong.

We have the same case. Being separated from your other half is really hard. Just tell your hubby to be strong for both of you. When the you are talking, just try talk about happy things and never let sadness occupy you as well. Everything will be fine and you will be together in no time. The separation is just temporary but after the process has been done then you have a lifetime to share together.

If what Kathryn suggests doesn't work (which is extraordinarily sweet) - send nudie pictures - he'll forget what he's sad about.

"And even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star. And when the night wind starts to sing that lonesome lullaby, it helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky."

Wow you ladies are way nicer than I am!

works great everytime!

When we were separated, I would feel that way a lot of the time. I know some people act like it wasn't a big deal to be separated, but I found it to be so horrible. The only thing that helped was knowing that every day was one day closer to being together again(even though we weren't sure when that would be). When you are separated for long amounts of time saying "get over it", etc doesn't help. At least it didn't help me. I was the one who needed more encouragement from Sujeet during the separation, he was stronger about it.The separation will end one day even if you don't know when, it will. The looking at the moon idea, I don't think would have worked for us since it'd be night here while day in India.

i would tell him to take a long walk, and take a puff or two.. after that he will be tired and hungry and his mind will be elsewhere,.. at least for a short time... works for me !!!

and I thought we had the exclusive on that...LOL

OK... here's the plan..
1. Tell him to look at the moon (yeah 8 hrs time difference makes it hard)
2.listen and be positive
3. Send "pics" lol
4. tell him to go smoke
5. tell him to move on....

I really like the knot on the end of the rope statement..... Thanks. I feel so helpless, I know what he is going through I have bad days too just try not to show him. we're only moving onto 2 months apart. Does it get eaiser???

Sounds like a plan Rajaa - time and space doesn't get easier, but in my opinion it shouldn't. You should miss being with your loved one. Finding distractions and keeping busy is one way to make the time pass as quickly as possible.

Its been 3+ months since I've seen my SO, but I get to see him on Tuesday.

My fiancé is always doing the cheering up on me. It always helps when he finds something to take my mind off the situation. We usually find some kind of game online to play together or find some silly YouTube videos to share so we can get back to laughing. If the game idea suits you, there's plenty of free sites like Yahoo games or our favorite The Settlers of Catan.

It's true that you will both have times where it feels unbearable. I know in our case we have been lucky that I would miss him like crazy and he'd be the supportive one, and then he'd miss me like crazy and I'd be the supportive one and so on. There have only been a couple of times where we've both been down at the same time.

It help that we are both incredibly busy and our lives our full outside of our relationship. There are times when we'd get bummed because we'd like to be sharing these things but it wasn't something to be changed. So we'd take pictures and send them with detailed emails.

We have a pact that I will always send him an email before I go to sleep (so he has it when he wakes up) and he'll send me one before I wake up (we have a 9 hour time difference). It may seem silly, but no matter what, we have that to look forward to. Sometimes one or the other, or both of us, are so busy that we don't get to talk to each other until very very late in the day, but we always try to talk every day. We also never hang up the phone without saying "I love you" even if we're annoyed with each other.

We're going on 4 1/2 months apart (the longest thus far) and honestly we're only 16 days away from being reunited and this is the worst time for us.

Hang in there. Tell him to hang in there. Good luck!

I really like the games on line too!!! great idea i'll check it out before our next "chat"

I also really like the email thing... I always send him one when I get home from work or even a quick note on msn messenger but doesn't get reciprocated...
I noticed you're in Seattle Jundp??

I took a peek at your timeline...do you plan on going to Morocco this summer?

I was hoping to go back for the last week in Ramadan.. .... but haven't made plans yet. We really need to start planning something as a way to look forward to being together with a set date.... and please.. peak away we had a touch june 16th but i think it was linking the two together...i recieved my NAO1 for the I129F the same day.

Not much longer, in the scheme of things. Easy for me to say, but sometimes you have to step back and look at the whole picture. No?

is it possible for you to plan a trip in the near future? I wish things speed up for the both of you.

try 2 years, let us know when u get there

Sometimes the best thing to do is just let your partner have the bad moment. I know you want to "fix" things and it's hard to see someone you love sad, but it is all part of te process. Be supportive, upbeat, keep things light until it passes. This process is difficult for most of us. The trick to take turns being depressed. Nothing is worse than when both partners are having bad days.

I don't think it gets easier but it might feel more routine soon...we were apart 11 months. I had the harder time because I was newly graduated from college and trying to find a decent job and had more extra time to think about being apart. I went out with friends, lived with my family, always was around people, but still never felt busy enough to not miss him soooo much.

When we got to the visa interview stage, I had more hope knowing it would be over soon. Our situation might be different since he was from India, we used the K1 visa, and were approved right away at his interview. So then we knew it was only a matter of when to buy the ticket and move here( 1 1/2 months later). Now he's been here almost 4 years! I can't believe it.

I love that song

But on another note, I completely empathise. It feels like John and I are going through the stages of mourning lately. We are now at anger so we have lots of little disagreements. At the core of everything, is that we are apart, missing eachother.

He has had lots of the sad times lately and whilst my attitude is generally half full, after a while it does get you down. So we end up snipping at each other.

My sister got engaged on the weekend and don't get me wrong I am happy for her but at the same time I am incredibly jealous b/c they are from the same country (both Australian's) they can do as they like. They will be married within 6 months I'm sure. And here we all are, waiting.

hahaha I still use the "aww suck it up" on ed ALOT when he whines bout stuff

We missed eachother but there was no point whining to eachother about it, what good does it do? nada so im with you Amber!

I am in Seattle, is that where you are? I think there are quite a number of us here. We should plan a VJ Meetup at some point.

I hope things go smoother for you both. The first few weeks after a visit are the hardest I think. Then it sort of becomes routine.

You don't think "much longer?" when I look at the other timelines they all fall around 6 months to 1 yr... but hay won't complain if it's fast

Is there??? Let's do it that would be fun. Especially with the weather we've been having these last couple of days. How do we get in contact with all seattle peeps any ideas? Might help me...not him though

Well, we could post something...I think I'll do that :-)

ck with Maggie i think she is up thta way also

I have to admit that if I was reaching out to my husband for a little support and all I got was a "suck it up" I think it would be the last time I asked for anything from him. Kind of like with my ex...which is why he is an ex.

Oh well, to each his own.

To the OP, if there is anyway to take some time for a visit I would highly recommend it. Even if the visit isn't for several months at least it gives you something to look forward too. An added bonus is that the CO's like to see several visits. To them it is a proof that the relationship is valid.

Keep in mind however, 2 months is really nothing. There will be good days and bad days. Both of you need to take some time and do something enjoyable outside of the situation. It really is a stress reliever. And the fact is you will have many more months to go so you would do well to find something to help you deal with the wait.

Did you post it ??? and can you give me the link?



Awwwww... I am sorry. But you're will be way better

OMG! I do this too! Look at the moon! It really is a cool thing when your time zones alow it. Especially when its a huge full moon.

Ha ha.....and I thought I was the only one to do this.

I thought she was joking! Do you really do this? Man that would break my heart if my husband did this to me. I know we all can't be happy go lucky about this process all the time, so when we're down its good to know the the other person can hlep to ease our anxiety.

Things that help being apart from your SO.

I sure people can add to this

1. Send email before you sleep each night so your SO sees it first thing in the morning.

2. Send text message to SO when you know you will not talk or see one another that day. (Getting random text message from my wife always makes my day and her timing is incredible)

3. Web cams are great and even better with Wi- Fi. I have been able to show my wife every room in our house and also my office, work space, car, etc.

4. I work in theatrical production so my wife has been treated to web cam viewings of productions i am working on.

5. We eat meals together on web cam and again because I can bring the camera in the kitchen we chat while I prepare meals. (We also have silly routine about who does the dishes)

6. Introduce your SO to your friends and family using web cam (also great practice for English)

7. Do a fashion show for each other (I leave that to your imagination)

8. Since she is 5 hours ahead of me i get to watch her fall asleep some nights.

9. Plan a date night. (my wife really likes these) we only talk about us (no Paperwork) we have a meal, play games (checkers, etc), i give her short stories i have read so she can practice her english by reading them to me.

10. I'm on the east coast of US and she is in Morocco so I tell her i wave to her when i drive near the ocean.

11. Visit has often as possible. I have countdown clock on computer for my next visit. (48 days). Having a clear day when you will be together give you goal to reach.

12. Send a surprise postcard (even if it take forever to get there), it was in your hand and your SO can hold it too.

13. Just leave your web cams on and go thru your day, my wife is studying for her graduate exams and I like to read or work on project at home. Just leave cam where each can see each other and then you can watch or talk whenever.

14. Make a schedule if possible. My work is flexible for now so I can tell her when I go to work and when I will be home and I do my best to stick to what i told her and if it changes let her know (Same as if she was here with me)

15. Each day is one day closer to being together forever.

Bast to all
Ernie

well, tell him you are sad too and just keep saying we're almost there and things like that to keep his spirits up.
And I've been saying this a lot to my husband a lot these past few days because it's only 3 days for me to be with him. But he's a day ahead of me roughly because it's aready tomorrow in Palestine. So what I say is "Look at how lucky you are. you are one day ahead now and you are closer to being done and I'm still a day behind....how lucky you are when it comes to counting down days when we can be together":)

Great suggestions, Ernie,

My husband and I used to do a number of these as well when we were apart and still engaged. One of our favourites was to share Sunday breakast together. It still has special memories:-).

Wow! Good to see Sarah and I aren't alone!

I have to tell you, we're in our longest haul right now, and it's extremely difficult. Both of us are frustrated with not being with the other, but we know it's a small drop in the ocean compared to when we're together for the rest of our lives.

We've battled a lot of trials with this as well. She still lives with her parents, so we have to abide by their rules - though her parents are great and make every effort to be supportive! They respect her privacy (most of the time! ) and understand she's 24, not 12. But for a long time she only had the family computer to use, which meant sharing the front room. Recently though she bought a new laptop so that's made it lots better!

Phone calls...I signed up for Vonage here in the states and it's a god send. It has some extra features that have helped out a lot. Also, we text like mad - which can get kind of expensive, but we manage.

One thing that has been vital for us, is we have always set Sundays as "our day", meaning that unless it cannot be avoided, we don't do anything but talk to each other or what not. One thing that came of this that is amazing, and rather sappy is we will watch the same movie together. We'll pick a movie (sometimes two) and if one of us doesn't have it we'll either buy it or rent it, and just sit on the phone and watch it together. This past Sunday it was Bridget Jones's Diary The weekend before was Sunshine (Sci-fi flick) so it's like being together....

Web cams are a god send. It's bitter sweet though...it is wonderful to see the person while you're talking, but sometimes it makes saying good night that much more difficult.

We email back and forth a lot, use Windows Live Messenger a lot...

We get to see each other in September for a month, and then at Christmas and hopefully after Christmas she'll be moving here, but we have a countdown started per when she'll be here in september...it's nice to look at how the time is counting down every day...

Some days are unbearable, others are tolerable at best. We just sort of muddle through it, and on the days when both of us are feeling it awful, we just reinforce the positives...we focus on the the memories we've had together, and talk about our future...and for times when nothing seems to help we just cry with each other.

I sometimes feel like I have it worse that Sarah, not to take away from her struggle at all, but she has her friends and family right there, and what not...I don't have any here locally. My best friend lives 12 hours away, and no family to speak of. So it's really hard at times for me....but I hold out on the fact that we'll be together in a little while longer.

wow you guys ernie and everyone great ideas.. I am thinking of copying the link and sending it to my hubby???

Besides all the suggests I hope things get better.

Wow I am jealous! ....

OK I think I married the wrong guy! I would be all over this stuff! How SWEET!!!!!

I remember him telling me to go outside and do that that's so sweet

Almost everyone who goes thru the immigration process would do it again for their spouse if they had to because it really brings you together and makes you appreciate your spouse so much more than to just call a divorce when you have fights. You put so much time, work, communication in the marriage basically you proved your love for your spouse to wait so long thru the hard times. They proved the love too. I never take my babe for granted because we were at some real nasty points apart that I don't think we would make it thru but we did. The negativity is just a cover for the saddness in ones heart. I think you can say it's a blessing in disguise.