Svetlana will be spending much of the next two months in her home country (Ukraine). Her internet access will be very limited.

I have Verizon as my cell phone provider, but it appears they do not offer text message service to many countries (including Russia and Ukraine).

I heard T-Mobile and Cingular were good for text/SMS to foreign countries. Any other suggestions?

Metro PCS....

free unlimited international text with no contracts.

Send text from your computer. Find the website for her provider and look for their page for sending text. I did this to Russia on MTS and Beeline and here in the US for Verizon and ATT. It's free too, and you won't have to change you cell phone provider.

I happen to be from Ukraine and my future hubby is on Verizon I am able to receive text messages from him, but he had to talk to the customer service so they would make it available. Otherwise, advice about using official web pages for your fiance's mobile provider is an excellent one! MTC and Kyivstar (two most used providers) both allow that and have their websites available in English, not just Russian/Ukrainian. Hope it helps

My fiance is in Egypt, and my cell phone provider does not cover that country. I use www.ipipi.com and purchase 50 or 100 international text messages at a time. I think 100 text messages cost me $12.50. I use my phone to send the message to ipipi, and ipipi forwards it to his phone for me. I might add, there is no contract I need for this. It is a US number the message is sent to, so I get charged the .05cents to sent to ipipi, and the .125cents for them to send it for a total of seventeen and a half cents per message. I like this because the messages do not have an expiration date.

The service this past 2 and a half years has been very reliable for me. Most messages are delivered immediately. I might add, my mobil phone knowledge is very limited, but the instructions on the site were very easy for me to follow and start useing it. For me, doing it this way is less expensive that paying a monthly charge for international service, and then a per message fee. You might check it out.

Best of luck to you both,
Sue

My fiance happens to be from Ukraine. His cell phone provider over there is MTS. If I need to send him text message, I usually do it from my cell phone (my provider is Sprint) or through MTS' website.

Another option with MTS is that you can send e-mail to the cell phone and it will be converted to a text message (I use this option sometimes too).

Good luck!

Doesn't "Vonage" have their version of a cell phone? I know with them-it's one set fee to call anywhere at anytime all over the world

I also use ipipi.com and I find it affordable and have never had any problems. My fiance will sometimes log into my account there and send me a text message also. It goes to my computer and to my cell phone. It also has a translation part added to it so you can send and receive in different languages.
I've tried others but this one seems to be the best of all and works best for us. We also use Skype and have never had any problems with it and have never been disconnected. Sometimes we talk for several hours especially on the weekends. At the price of airfares now everything cheap helps.

bruc

I still do not see the need for instant communication with a fiance(e) on the other side of the world.

But, then again, I talked to mine approximately once a week, so maybe you guys are onto something here.

I remember back in about 1978 when I got introduced to the Russian woman mail order bride thingy and got interested. I don't remember having sms, text messages, Skype or anything else but slow to respond letters because none of the girls had computers and expensive phone calls to them.
I had to pay for correspondence and translations through either an agency or a private translator that did have a computer.
When I did finally meet a girl, now my fiance, it was through a friend of hers that was a translator with a business in her city and could use the computer in her office.
My fiance ,then just friend, could not afford a computer on a $75.00 a month salary and a daughter to support. After a LONG correspondence it seems she invited me over for a visit. Her daughter was excellent in English so my thoughts were that if things went well for us on the first visit then why not carry them a laptop, get them connected to the internet and let her daughter help her write letters to me.
I have an IT friend so I discussed the laptop with her and she talked to a computer company and they built me one with Russian Windows and a Russian Keyboard.
I did not tell them about the laptop, I was in shock thinking that I was actually going to Russia to meet a Russian girl and her daughter and was in shock the complete trip, culture shock and just about any other kind of shock there was...sometimes I think I'm still in shock.
It was an amazing trip and one that I'll never forget. I was surprised at how welcomed I was made and felt by everyone I came in contact with especially my girls, her family and friends. I think I was the first American they had ever seen much less stay in their homes.
They were excited about the laptop and we were excited about each other and then I had another shock when I found out their internet connection was going to cost me $2.50 an hour. But, they were more than friends now so there would be no turning back on my part to help them and figure out what to do next. On every return trip to them they always thank me for the laptop again and ask, where would we be in our relationship without this.
So, I found VJ through a friend...the best there is in the internet or anywhere else for help and support. It took more visits to them to make sure all of us were sure about this. As it would happen our paperwork got lost and we had to start all over again but we're getting there now.
I sit many hours a day in my home in front of three computers working in three CAD programs so it's a pleasure to be able to talk to them in Skype at no charge while I work. The text messages are important to them and I send them the messages when they're out and about, at work or school.
Ain't instant communication technology just wonderful when you're 6000 miles apart and want to be together but have to pay the dues of the process.

bruc

AT&T has an international text plan. $10/month and your first 100 SMS are free. After that, they are 0.20/ea. If you have the unlimited text plan, then all incomming are free.

When did you first go over?

October 2004

Wow! From the late '70s til 2004 is a long, long time to be in the process. You definitely get the VJ longevity award if there is such a thing!

WOW!..that was suppose to be 1998! me bad

I thought, "man, that guy got the very first mail-order catalog!"

I don't even remember 1978. I do remember the first thing I heard about the mail order bride business was a catalog from I think Cherry Blossoms.
I feel sure now that with the price in airfares that the girls will have a more difficult time getting a guy to fly to them.

bruc

So there is such thingy as "mail-order bride catalog"? I heard about some agencies in Kiev, but at that scale... Wow

You have to remember, that was over 10 years ago. I never saw the catalog and I have heard it mentioned on several forums in the past.
If there's one out there I have no clue where or what agency would have one.I've got a Russian woman now that I haven't figured out yet so I would definitely not be on the hunt for another one.

bruc

Lol, my fiance says the same thing. He just told me today the best way to deal with us, Slavic woman, is just ignoring those weird culture things. Boy, is he wrong... Well, I guess I have a lifetime to show that to him.

My fiance told me one time that I was in for a new experience when they get here to American with me. I wanted to tell her that SHE was already a new experience for me but since I was there and not here I kept my mouth shut. I would probably keep my mouth shut here too. I told here one time very nicely that sometimes I didn't understand some of the way she did things...she replied to me that I was a man and she understood everything I did
I think your fiance and myself are in for a heap of trouble when you girls arrive to us.

bruce

My fiance is a very lucky man. He gets an "americanized" me, since I did spend couple years in the States. And to you, I wish all the best. Trust me, there will be many funny "culture" things to experience. From what I hear Russian women make good wives, just like us Ukrainians... must be similar Slavic origin or smth

Do you know what cell phone provider she is going to use in Ukraine?
Many of Ukrainian cell phone providers let you send text message from their web sites, it is free service.

Kyivstar - http://www.kyivstar.ua/en/sms/

JEANS, МТС and Sim-Sim - http://www.jeans.com.ua/sms/ (this link is in Russian)

She has Beeline as her Ukrainian provider.

It turns out I can text her with Verizon . . . but it is not cheap ($0.25 to send, $0.20 to receive).

I went on the Beeline site, but I do not see an English version.

I signed up for ipipi.com, and she can receive my messages, but she says she cannot send to me (or does not know how) when she gets messages from that site.

Have you seen these sites?

http://freesmsonline.net/
http://beesms.beeline.ua/

Thanks.

Yes, I had seen http://freesmsonline.net/

But after putting "+38068 - Beeline Ukraine" in the first space provided after "Operator", I do not know what to put in the second space after the part that says "+38039." Do I put her entire number? Part of it? Why is the number "+38039" listed when her number begins with "38068"?

As to the second link . . . the site is not in English.

Yeah, the "come visit me and we'll see if we like each other" aspect is definitely out now. You have to really be sure you like the person before you "invest" all that money into going to see them. The price hike is also going to cut down on guys flying over to "sample" a few different women. One trip, one girl. That's all there's going to be money for!



Way back before the Internet, they had real catalogs. They were basically the same thing as the dating sites - they had a picture, stats, profile info, etc. - and then an "order form" where the guys could choose the ones they wanted and send it in for more info and the direct contact information. The "mail-order bride" thing was never truly the pick, pay, ship, type of business it was made out to be in the media. It's always been just a booklet full of profiles.

But, it did come in the mail just like a catalog and most of the business was done through the mail (this was way before e-mail and back when phone charges were astronomical!) so it took on the mail-order moniker. It really hasn't changed at all, it's just super fast (compared to then) now and a lot more information is available.



"Culture" things are funny and very light in terms of problems for your relationship. It's all the other stuff that's so "fun."

The second link is the one you want. It's pretty simple and I'm sure you can figure it out. If not just ask here.

My fiance' has Kyivstar, and through AT&T we text ALOT! Is there some similar website for Kyivstar?

I agree. My Viktoria spent some time in America too, and I feel very lucky that she already likes it here and will have less of a shock when she comes back with me. I try hard to understand cultural differences, but sometimes I am confounded. Her intense devotion to, and support expectations for, her extended family are tough to understand. In America I think we value independence and individuality so much that the thought of closely relying on family for help indefinitely is not common. All off the OP subject.

http://www.kyivstar.ua/en/sms/
I always used this site for sending SMS when I lived in Ukraine and had Kyivstar.

I found the site and used it several times today. Thank you VERY much!!!

You are welcome

In America it's long been established that it's your own responsibility to provide for your own retirement. The system is such that it's expected that you'll build wealth your entire life. If you don't, well, it's not your kids' responsibility to take care of you, you should've planned better.

In most places abroad, it's expected that you'll spend most of your wealth on taking care of your family so it then becomes your family's responsibility to "pay you back" by taking care of you in old age.

I don't think it's so much an "independence" thing as much as just a different system. Our system is one that individuals are almost always free from familial obligations past a certain point. (Age 18 is common, sometimes 24 if going through school.) And even if the obligations extend past that point, they almost always go down the family tree, not up.

The key to keeping the international marriage working in relation to parents/family abroad is to take a "foreign" approach to it. "If you were still there, you'd only be giving them this much, right?" Plus, there are obligations to building wealth here that don't stop just because the family back home needs money. It's hard enough for the family here to make it.

I don't understand what you mean by foreign approach. It seems to me that she (and a couple of other women I know from Eastern Europe) all want to send every cent they can manage back to Ukraine. I applaud the loyalty to family, but as you correctly point out, it is difficult enough for the family here to make it. I have obligations that are in the US (parents and kids).

A less serious example would be the Eastern European attitude towards flowers. Here in America, it is cliche' to show up early in the relationship with flowers (guy in a new suit, box of candy, etc.). Not wanting to appear weak or anything, of course I didn't bring flowers the first date or two. She tactfully (I like you without flowers... but let me tell you something about Slavic girls) let me know that flowers were VERY MUCH appreciated, and almost necessary to demonstrate a serious attitude. Too funny

Please understand that she is my other half, and I want her to be comfortable and happy. Some of this stuff we laugh about, but the support thing seems to be an issue until there are children. It runs both ways too Her family let me know that they want and expect to see much more of me, and get to know me well. The warmth, interest, and hospitality they show me always catches me by surprise.

So, help me out with the foreign attitude.

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Indifference. That seems to be about the best way I can sum it up. If it's something that affects her, it's now become the center of the universe. But, if it's something affecting you, it doesn't really matter. Her parents need money back home, you have to scrape together every cent. Your parents need money here, well, she needs to get her hair done and you promised her last week she could get it done so, sorry mom, no money.

What I mean by the "foreign attitude" about sending money back home is this - How much money would she be able to give them if she were still living/working in Ukraine? Just because she married an American guy and is now making all that "big money" doesn't mean their lives should change too. Whatever "extra" money she's making here in the U.S. is probably, for the most part, needed here. If she happens to have "extra" money after paying all the bills here, saving for retirement, children's college funds, etc. then maybe she could spare some to send back to mom and dad. But, I suspect any "extra" money she has is probably either "your" money or money that she's making herself and counting as money she could send back home all the while forgetting how much is needed here.

I don't know your exact situation but I'll elaborate a little on mine. I work and pay 100% of our bills. Did so since my wife got here. No problem there because I invited her to come here and share her life together with me. However, I make just enough to pay our bills. That's it. Very early on I explained to her how finances work here in America and if she wanted "extra" stuff like a car and going places, etc., that she would have to work too and contribute to our household income or else we (she) wouldn't be able to afford anything other than necessities. She's since started working and bringing in some money too but her math is a little fuzzy. Her job only partially off-sets the monthly expenses but yet she continues to consider money from her check as "her" "extra" money because as the husband I should be paying for 100% of the bills and everything else. That frees up her money for things like getting her hair done, buying expensive cosmetics, eating dinners at nice restaurants, etc. And we do some of that, but, only AFTER all the bills are paid.

Now, we don't have to send money home (yet) because her mother is still self-sufficient. However, if that were to change, I would have to give her two options -

1. You send the money that you would "theoretically" be able to give your mother if you were back home
2. You pay for 50% of everything here and then "if" you have any extra money you can send her whatever you want

The first option is going to be her choice because invariably she's (excluding AKDiver's wife here, who is rolling) not going to be able to foot 50% of your monthly expenses on her wages and even if she can there's no way she's going to spend "her" money on her own mom (there's that indifference I was talking about) so she'll tap you to scrape together some conjured-up figure to send home. When you do it, do some research on what she would earn, what her expenses would be, and then figure out what she would be able to give to her mom. Whatever that is, it's going to be infinitely smaller than what she's requesting now.

I've heard of guys sending $500+ back home each month. That's flippin crazy! Well, that is, unless it's "her" $500/month!

I understand they are your family now and you should "help" them out a little. But, they didn't hit the freakin lotto and if your wife were to be forced to spend her own money (not "your's") I would venture to say it would be a lot less. That's the "foreign attitude" when it comes to money.

There is the whole housing issue (if they'd be living with her) and old age (she'd be cooking for them, bathing them), etc., so if you're facing that, it may complicate things. But, if it's one of those, "We should send my parents some money because they're old and we're so rich" things, NO WAY! Put the ball in her court to send "her" money and see how generous she is then.

Just noticed that you only recently filed for K-1 and are relatively new to the whole process.

Forget I said anything! Sunshine and puppy dogs, love is great!



Really though, if you're already being hit up for money to support her family..... you need to have a serious financial talk with her (and maybe her family too) because that's not going to go away and it's only going to get worse once she's here.

Weigh it heavily. I'm not saying you should throw in the towel, I'm just saying you should make sure she understands your financial situation and there are no other "red flags." A lot of times things like this, along with other warning signs, are overlooked because of the sunshine and puppy dogs.

This is a red flag. Don't ignore it.

If you can work through it, great! Just be aware that it exists.

Thanks again for the advice. She hasn't really put a figure out there, apparently because she doesn't want to be locked into one. Also, she says it is not normal for unmarried people to talk details about their families finances (their own finances are OK - but questions are still rude, and she hasn't asked me). The issue is that when her mom retires in two years, she wants to replace that income so mom doesn't have to get a job while on a pension. I think the figure is about $300 per month. That number and timetable are OK with me, but I also get the sense that the "help" should begin immediately. To add to the issue, her best girlfriend here in the States has that sort of deal. Hubby pays for everything, and all of wifey's wages go to Ukraine (about $500 per month). Among my friends who married girls from Eastern Europe, most of them find this to be an issue until they have kids. Then the focus seems to shift to the nuclear family a bit.

Also for the sake of clarity, I do not send her money for support of her or family now. I don't send anything unless I ask her to do something, like meet me at the airport or buy train tickets. In fact, she has never asked me for anything like family support, saying only that she wants to work when she gets here primarily to help her parents. It seems normal to me that she doesn't want them to suffer because she is far away and can't contribute the way she would otherwise. I understand the wage and work situation here though, and immediate help is likely to be funded by me. My heartburn is about not having firm numbers and open discussions about it. Maybe it is too soon? Maybe (heavy sigh) I have to just keep at the subject until we are both clear.

To your earlier point, I am new to this process today. I am however no stranger to Eastern Europe, and have traveled all over, done business, etc. I also dated Russian speaking women here and in Europe for years, so the issues aren't completely new to me. I have just never had to deal with any of them personally before. I appreciate the insight of all who are through the visa stage of the process.

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