Oh well.. it looks like my marriage isn't going to happen unfortunately.
She told me today that she does not want to come to America, and to not call.
I suppose after 9 months of this process I am a bit worn out.
I don't really know the reason; I don't make enough, she met someone else, or some other reason.

Good luck to the rest of you and I'll check in with you from time to time. And thanks to all of those folks who have been so helpful: Bobalouie, Kazan, Slim, and others. Maybe this is for the best.. who knows?

I am sorry for what happened to you! Maybe your not meant to be with each other. Goodluck and move on with your life!!!! Happpiness is still waiting for you.

Im sorry for what had happen! Be Strong this time and Hope you can recover easily..
Godbless

Very sorry to hear that the process sure can take a lot out of everyone.

I am so sorry.

I am sooo sorry! That sux really bad! You guys were sooo close too!

wtf?

Ok.. I just talked to the woman who was our translator, who just talked to my ex-fiancee. The fact is that this was a scam. She took the $600.00 I sent her for the Moscow tickets and, no surprise, won't return it. She said that it was a birthday present!
Well.. better $600 now (+ all the money I already spent), than the $2,000 to get her and her daughter here.. then it would have gotten worse.
My feelings are that of shame. I consider myself a fairly intelligent person but got caught in it while I was emotionally vulnerable. Live and learn as they say.
On the other hand, I do feel a sense of relief both emotionally and financially. I am envious of you all and how well it has worked out, but also happy for you.

Take care and thanks for the notes.

Joe

I am so very sorry....i guess there really is not any words to give u comfort so i will give prayers for u
sara

We're so sorry

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear what happened. At the same time, as you said, you are very lucky that this ended when it did or else things could have gotten much worse. I know you are probably going through a mix of emotions, but I hope that you will eventually find someone will genuinely love you. Best wishes.

How hard did this "scammer" have to work for all the money you spent on her? Did you at least sleep with her? I hope you got your money's worth....good luck on your next love journey.

I'm so very sorry, Joe.
Barb

Irish44,

Sorry to hear for the scam and for your time being wasted.
From the first time I saw your profile with Tanya's picture in here something was telling me that she's not genuine. I could tell how she was not turned towards you on picture and etc. Then I read that you guys changed the interview date and once again it was another reason for me to believe that something is fishy. ( i am not saying that all the people that change their interview date are scammers but something particularly about her was giving me the negative vibe) Something about her was telling me that she's a scam. Reading your posts and looking at the pictures and etc I had a feeling that she wasn't serious and now reading this post of yours. Once again, I feel bad and sorry for you so please take care of yourself and be more careful next time. And it's a shame that those scammer make lots of Russian women look like a scam when someone could be real and honest.

Joe, do you remember your April 1st Joke in this forum?

Sorry to hear this one didn't work out, but don't despair, there are plenty of girls on your video and you saw first-hand what is available over there. So this girl changed her mind? So what. Start over and don't look back. You've got a good jump on the "Russian girl" business so give it another shot.

And anyway I don't really think this girl "scammed" you because what's $600 anyway? You spent way more than that going over there to see her (and the other potential girls) and the "scammers" usually get WAY MORE than $600. She probably was genuinely going to "give it a shot" and then changed her mind deciding $600 was a nice parting gift.

Chock this up as a lesson learned, take from it what you know already and apply it to the next one. Rough draft, so to speak. Give it another go, and do it quickly because who knows, maybe there's a girl out there that just got told by some American @$$hole that he's now worked it out with his ex-wife and can't come marry her instead. She'll be looking for a nice guy like you!

Good luck. Keep us posted, and just because this happened doesn't mean you can't come back and be a part of this forum! You have valuable knowledge and experience. Keep it coming! And I expect to see some new posts here soon too!

I disagree. If she scammed him, then she scammed me and my fiancee too. I went over to Russia, and actually met her. Shortly after my fiancee's interview, when I went to Russia to bring her back to the US, I looked over her paperwork for her upcomming interview, just to make sure that she had all she needed, and my fiancee talked with her a number of times, both in person and on the phone to help her with the paperwork and answer questions about the interview process. Neither of us picked up on anything fishy, and when I met her, she seemed genuinely excited about her new life.

Sat,

That is a new all time low for you. Nuff said.

You could be 100% right and I could be absolutely wrong but that's the image and idea I got of her when I saw her on his pictures. I am Russian too and believe me could tell few things abour Russian women.
Maybe it wasn't a scam but to me she didn't seem to be truthful or honest.

I'm sorry that this happened to you, but at least you tried.

Well you could say it was a self-fulfilling prophesy.. but whether I did it or not the result would be the same.

Me being Russian as well, we all know way too well how much scam goes on in Russia. Its unfortunate that you were a victim, now you'll know more about yourself and more about this sort of situation. Good luck to you!

So sorry to hear this happened to you, Joe. I remember reading some of your posts in the past where you sensed something might not be right. I was hoping so much that everything would work out well. Maybe she is just not mature enough to handle all the move and everything that comes with it and panicked as things got closer and closer to happening.

In any case, although it hurts bad, to end at this point is still better than having huge problems after being married, etc. I hope that after a little healing time you can go back and find one that will work out. The important thing is not to give up or let it get you down too much (I know right now that probably seems impossible, but try man!). There are some really incredible women out there still wanting a good guy...you just have to keep fishing! Best of luck!

Irish...did you see it coming? Any lessons you care to share with us?

I can see the K-1 visa route has its risks. While it's the quickest and simplest visa to get, I can see it may, at times, result in last minute "cold feet" or unplanned "scams of opportunity."

I won't add more "I'm sorries" but let me commend you for your courage and heart to get out there and take some chances and risks. Take a few months to let the wounds heal...then go out and find the lady that's waiting, this very minute, for you to appear in her life.

I am so sorry too that it didn't work out
But have faith that GOD will guide that special someone into your life
GOD bless

Hey Visa. I would be glad to share. It will be in a few days though as I'm a little upset and want to think about it a bit more.
Thank you and everyone else for the kind and encouraging comments!

I agree with everything Slim wrote!

Hang in there! Everything happens for a reason

It would be nice to see things before they happen, but this is not how life works. If it did I would like to see the lottery numbers just before the multi-million dollar drawing. There are no guarantees with anything. However, I am sorry to hear this sad news... I feel for you Irish, I really do

i see you took the pictures down from your profile. someone commented on them earlier and i wanted to see what that poster was talking about regarding them.
unfortunately, scammers abound in this deal, they are more than happy to take your money and leave you in the dust. however, there is a silver lining to this, believe it or not. she could have gone through with things and decided to beat feet after the 2 year or 10 year green card, and you'd have a lot more money, time, and emotion down the drain, along with being on the hook for the affidavit of support for god knows how long.
as slim posted, there are many women out there that are honest and willing. give it another shot and may the visa be with you.

Joe,

Perhaps it was more of a change of heart than a scam.
Did you at least ask for the $600 back?

I know the situation sucks, and I hope you soon forget about her.

I shared Charles thought... I really wanted to look at that photo again for the hidden meaning too. From what I remember, it looked normal to me.

Irish,
Keep your head up! There is a risk that we all take in finding our lives partner. Don't give up finding that special woman for you. She is out there somewhere. Take some time off and gather your thoughts. Your Heart will mend in time.... Good luck to you!!!

Sorry I'm a little late to the table...Irish...man. I'm so sorry to hear about this. This is such a tough process. There are minefields everywhere, and even the "veterans" will tell you that a lot of it just boils down to luck. There seems to be some speculation as to whether you were "scammed" or if she was ever serious, or whatever, and that's probably going to hang over your head for a long time. You will probably never know the whole truth. Don't let it eat you up though, because in the end, it is what it is. Focus on moving on.

I'm not one of those who believe that things happen for a reason...I just think shiт happens. So take some time to experience and move through all the emotions that go along with this kind of crap, and go from there. Don't jump back in until you're ready, and hell, you may never be ready for it again.

Satellite, someone needs to kick you in the teeth. Seriously. STFU until you can act like a human being.

Irish44,

What to say. This is a very sad time. Past that, Mox and other have thoughts I echo. Its hard to tell on this sort of forum -- but I hope there are people around you to talk with about this.

And Satellite, I remember a time when I didn't find your comments contemptable -- but that was quite a while ago.

I am sorry this happened to you but maybe it was for the best. Better she left now than 2 or 5 years down the road when you would have investmented so much more into your relationship. There is always a bright side to all this. Maybe she developed a conscious and that's why she backed out.

Doesn't look like a scam to me. But good riddance anyway, and good for you that you haven't brought her to the U.S. Try not to feel too embittered; after all, not every relationship workes out and it's especially true of long-distance endeavors where people barely have time to get to know each other. Next time, make sure you take more time!

Oh, of course, the censors are out again.

Since when did saying "I'm sorry for you" become a more valued opinion than "its not a total loss", perhaps you finally got laid and a hot woman paid attention to you for one year for $600. Most people pay a lot more for that kind of attention. At least we are all in agreement in wishing the man the best of luck in his next endeavor at love.

It has nothing to do with censorship you idiot. It has to do with normal behavior. "The "perhaps you finally got laid" and "a hot woman paid attention to you" is condesending and in general a sh@tty thing to say to someone in this situation. You made a big deal out of passing the bar on this site. Your inability to engage your freaking brain before you put your mouth (or fingers) into gear is really showing alot about your common sense, and should tell us just how hard that test really is. You may know law, but you dont know sh@t about common sense. You are a POS of the first order. Im with mox, sit down, have a nice big cup of STFU and think for a while before you speak. I have a feeling that you are not like this in 'real life' and that your 'cyber personality' is an act, because if you really say the stupid crap you say to people in real life, you would probably have a much different attitude.

Normal people don't get all bent out of shape over a freakin' post on an internet forum. If you don't like the post, don't read it. If you don't like the poster, put him in your ignore list. But to go on and on insulting the guy because you disagree with his sentiments is no better than the behavior you're complaining about.

By the way, it used to be "common sense" that black people are inferior to white people. Of course, to some people, it still is. The phrase, "common sense" has got to be one of the most over-used, dumbest and most meaningless phrases in the English language. The argument of "its common sense" is the argument of last resort - when you have nothing more substantial to argue with.

Cheers!
AKDiver

Actually i think Satelite does this because he lacks attention! And when he makes these post he wants people to argue with him it adds fuel to his fire! SO i think if we just ignore him the problem will be solved

It simply called sensitivity and respect for fellow human beings...

Irish,

I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Matters of the heart are always difficult - add space and time and things become almost impossible. Your story is true for many of us - that this process is trying and difficult - some with more devastating events than others.

I had not seen your profile until today's post, so I will leave what your fiancee's intentions were out of this post, as I do not have any knowledge of your relationship.

You sound sad, angry, confused, upset. While those are all exceptionally uncomfortable feelings - they are feelings that help you grow as a person. You sound like a genuine and caring person and these are qualities which I am certain will remain despite these turn of events. Soon, you'll find peace, happiness and love again once those uncomfortable feelings have passed. This is a time to vent, reflect, question and seek compassion. You've already been able to do some of those things, which makes me certain that your heart was in that relationship 100%. Your posts have been factual without being demeaning to the other party, which reflects amazingly on your character. If it needs saying then here goes: that makes you a very good person. I have no doubt that someone will see that light in your heart and soul in the future.

Unlike some friendships in life - the VJ family is bound by one common bond - distance, space and time - something that I am sure no one else quite understands. This makes it a completely appropriate place for you to seek solace, caring, wisdom and compassion.

My heart goes out to you.

ita

I don't think this was a scam. What probably happened is that she got tired of waiting, met someone else and decided to stay. You got off too light if it was a scam. Commodity prices in Russia are the same as they are in the US (and I'm not talking about just Moscow or StP) so $600 buys you almost nothing.

As for political correctness police...so you don't like that someone said what they thought? So Satelite is not a sensitive person, there's no laws against that. Do you people honestly believe random strangers / coworkers / someone you barely know care about your day or what's up? At least his was an honest, although insensitive, remark. Don't get all bent out of shape.

A couple of things. First of all Sat's comments were just Sat being Sat, and did not bother me as much as you think..Yes it was inappropriate and foul to me, but it's part of being on the internet.

Secondly, when I asked her for the money back she said no as she considered it a "Birthday Present" (which was two months ago and I had already sent her a present.) She wanted $3,500 to go to Moscow for the first interview date and I said no. As has been discussed, this is an absolutely outrageous amount and shocked the hell out of me. The red flags went up big time as you can imagine so I took control of the bookings myself.
She said that the rescheduling was fine with her as she was very nervous. At the end when she blew me off she said I was "mean" for not giving her all of that money!

So with that information, let's have a vote. Is she:

1) Misunderstood?

2) Slightly High Maintenance?

3) Extremely High Maintenance?

4) Scammer?

Thank you all again for you notes and support. Believe me that I am very happy that it did not go farther for whatever reason.
As someone said on this thread.. S*it happens.
I do feel bad about her 13yo daughter Alina, who would sit on her suitcase and ask "When are we going?".

Cheers.

Bobalouie,

If she wasn't scamming then why like an honest person she wouldn't return the $600 he gave her? Why would she claim it was her birthday present? Especially now that irish44 said he gave her present for her birthday? And why did she have a change of heart all of a sudden after he denied giving her $3500?
Something to think about perhaps?




Joe,

it's both #3 and #4.......and a spoiled brat who got offended when didn't get what she wanted. Just my opinion.

I would have to go with: (3), (4) & (5)!

You know, I really didnt word that very good NYGirl. I was trying to say that she was pretty good if she was scamming because not only did she get him, she got me and my fiancee as well. I talked with my fiancee about it a little the other night, and she doesnt think she was a scammer. She thought that she might be high maintenance due to the way she acted when they met and spoke. She feels that when Irish didnt want to pony out the $3500 (which she completely understands) that she probably thought that if Irish cant part with $3500 on a whim, then he cant provide for me the life I want. Since she had these thoughts, when she got the $600 she probably spent it on something, or most of it, and then decided to pull the plug.

You know, whatever it is.......something about her gave me the negative vibe. I had a feeling something about her is fishy.

that would be my vote too. the money mentioned was not a gift, it was for expenses. no trip = money should be returned, not kept.