Ok I thought I wouldn't have any problem .......I guess I was just one of those optimists that thought I wasn't going to have a problem with religious "differences." Please I need advice not "well you should have thought about this before you were married." well it is kinda late for that. I am not a really religious, I believe in God. I am not into organized religion. My husband found a church he likes here a lot and we went a few times. I support him ...i go with him even though personally I really dislike going. And I am not Christian and I feel like a lot of people are trying to get me to change my faith , and even in some ways I think my husband pressuring me too. I feel too much strangled. He comes from Philippines where it is Catholic/Christian, he is not used to this country where we have many religions. I think he thinks Christianity is the only good religion.I dont want to hurt him but I need to communicate with him I feel really uncomfortable. He is starting to put church before me. What can I do?

that's really tricky...
and you SHOULD have discussed it before you got married, but obviously that isn't an option any more...

is it the style of church, particularly, that irks you? you say you believe in God... if it was less full-on (note I don't know what sort of church you attend, but I'm a Christian who doesn't like organised church much so I can sympathise ) or less traditional, or whatever, would it be easier? could you talk to your husband about finding a house church, or a home group, that you could attend instead?

or, what about volunteering for something that occurs during church time, such as creche or Sunday School or whatever the kids are doing, and getting involved in that?

you do really need to talk to him about it though... he may have totally false expectations about what you believe, and what you're willing to do and be involved in, and you need to sort out whatever compromises you can, and soon

I'm sorry; it will probably be difficult... I wish you all the very best

I think you need to have a serious talk with him and not necessarily about his religion or your disbelief in organized religion but mainly about acceptance. If you can accept him and his religion as long as he respects the fact that you don't want to be a part of it, things should work out. The other thing you should talk about is how you're going to handle this difference in religious beliefs when it comes to children if you decide to have any, or if you already have them, how are you going to go around it. These are very serious talks that shouldn't be taken lightly but it is my personal belief that if you respect each other's point of view and each person doesn't let it affect the relationship, things should work out.

Good luck.

Diana

I think it's important to talk directly with your husband. I'd try to go in with no expectations for the conversation (something I work on in my own relationship. ). It may be that he really just doesn't understand where you're coming from since his faith is more church focused. I'd give him a chance to express his feelings about your future together and for you to do the same and come up with a compromise. It may be what diana said, that you agree to respect each other's belief systems, or like "stilltheprettiest" said and you find a place to attend together... or maybe something entirely different.
As long as you're both open to figure this out, you'll be fine. I think the religion thing is only insurmountable when people are set in their ways and not open to the other person.

Hi Jello,
Me and my hubby have different religion too. But we married in my church back in the Philippines which before that He made a promised to the priest during our interview prior to the wedding that he will not convert me and baptize our child( in the future) into his Church. Every Sunday, both of us attend two churches. First in my church and then to him. For now we dont have problem because before the wedding we talk about that already. He did not force me to go with him in his church but he obligated himself to go with mine even in Filipino Mass ( my church here have Filipino mass every 1st saturday of the month for the Filipinos, and Im happy for that). His church did not convince me either to join with their faith but they welcome me if I go to them.
All you can do now, talk with your husband.... religion/ beliefs is a big issue too for the marriage. But before talking with him pray first and ask God's wisdom for you and for him to understand the matter. Good luck kababayan and God bless.

Daniel and I do not follow the same religion. He's a Christian and I am a Hindu. We had long talks about this difference and we had them a number of times. Things to the extent of how many times we will go to the church or temple, different festivals. I know a lot more about his than he knew about mine. I explained the significance of things to him and he liked it too. Even kids names and what religion they will follow . In the beginning we thought it would be uncomfortable but now we have actually started enjoying these differences coz we were expecting them and had talked about them too. He even found a temple for me and took me there, literally forcing me. We show respect for each others beliefs and enthusiasm in sharing them too. Its wonderful now. He's more excited about Diwali and I am more excited about Christmas
Hopefully you will be able to resolve this issue before it becomes too big. Only talking to each other will help. All the best

i think its not what kind of church or what religion to be engaged with but it is how we believe in God and thats all that matter. We believe in one God right so whether u go in different churches, but your faith is there and that u believe in God nothings wrong with that..If u don't really like going to your husband's church,tell him ahead of time because he might think u like it too because u are going with him,u just have to let him know about what u feel and believing in God and being a christian or a catholic puts no pressure,it is a freewill..God Bless

Perhaps he simply thinks the mechanics of going to church every Sunday is important, rather then a specific faith. Maybe you can find a church that is acceptable for both of you to attend. I'm sure there are some around that might not be so in-your-face about their rhetoric. The Unity Church comes to mind, where they preach a "practical" every-day faith, as opposed to bible-thumping.

Is that the same as the Unitarian church? If they aren't Unitarians are a good place to go if you don't want in your face type christianity. They are pretty respectful of other faiths. The one back where I'm from would even have field trips to other church's to learn about other faiths!

No, two different "creatures." Unity is definitely a "christian" church; while Unitarian is more of a faith-neutral fellowship I believe.

My Mum is muslim and my father catholic , here is how they deal with it .

We never ate pork at home , everything else goes ... celebrated both religious holidays and we could make our choices (studied and went through both religion).

If you feel he is imposing his religion to you , have a chat with him and let him know you have different views about it and there should be mutual respect.

I have no idea for how long he 's been in the US but during the adjustement period most people stick to what they feel familiar : religion, community ,etc...
Maybe he attend church because of the support provided in this new land/culture. Other people goes to Church/Mosque/Synagogue to feel some sort of peace of mind (2-3 hours in a week just to think about something which is not money/material/etc...).

I think it is really down to you if you feel like sharing this aspect of his life as much as he shares other aspect of your life.Personally if I was with a devout person it would not affect me negatively to attend sunday church , I like to go out of my comfort zone:meet people, chat about probs/issues,share joy and think about spirituality.

Again it is based on my experience , yours might be completely different . You already took the right step by asking yourself how does it affect your couple lifes , just go for it and discuss about with all gloves off.

COMMUNICATION

Don't people talk about important issues, like religion, BEFORE getting married?

I wouldn't even seriously date anyone that did not share similar religious views with me. That was just a dealbreaker, like someone who wanted no children or six children.

Good for you... It was more important for us to find someone who shares the same values and principles and wants to share their entire life with us than whether he/she goes to the same place to pray every sunday..

If this isnt that important, why are so many couples having problems with it?
I think its very important to talk about it befor getting married but whats more important is, that you have to ask youself whether you can go all your life with someone who has an other believe.

But you see, other people's religions shape their values and principles, some I just don't share with other religions and don't want to raise my children with those ideas.

If you can look past that, more power to you, but I didn't want to be bothered with it.

It's hard enough being married when you agree on stuff like that, let alone disagree.

I had dated people with differing opinions /faith beliefs and it was ok for a while, but soon it gets to be a huge problem because like Wacken says, religion / faith does have a huge impact on one's worldview.

Aye. That's why I married another Agnostic/Atheist - Because I believe what I do about Christianity, there is no way I could have married one. It would have been a fight-a-day, at least.

makes perfect sense to me!

I agree.
I don't consider myself an agnostic, but there is no way I could have married a holy roller. I grew up in that household and that was enough....

Do you know the first commandment? It goes...I am the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt. You shall have no others before me. Your husband has to put God before you. Its a commandment.

If you are not into organized religion, then you must be into unorganized religion. There are many people that are this way. They say they believe in God, but they want to believe in a god of their own making. (breaking the second commandment "thou shall not make a graven image") Its not the true God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob. Some people will make their god in thier mind and say...well my god just wants me to be happy and doesnt care if i lie for a good reason, or care if i disobey my spouse if i dont agree with him. People do this to feel better about God because they dont want to think they are going to hell if they break his laws.

Now i can understand your boredom in some churches though. I get bored to tears in a catholic church, but thats only because they really dont preach the true gospel or ever seen to give any insight into how the bible affect you or people in your life. They kind of just read a few passages and thats it.

But you know what the difference between Christianity and all other religions is? In every religion in the world except Christianity, you are able to "earn" your way into heaven by basically doing more good that bad. But in Christianity, you can only get to heaven with a savior. Entrance to heaven is a gift from God, that no man can earn on his own lest he brag about it. Most people think they are good enough to get to heaven on their own, but Jesus said, there is none good, not one, but God.

Check out this quick video so you can see what i mean. (its under 4min but in my opinion, it really opens your eyes) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umn3iCn90IY

I'm detecting a serious fundie in the room......

I'm going to guess that being preached at isn't going to help the OP with her problem.

*laughs softly* Then you have obviously NOT been at the mercy of a person who believed this way and used the bible, God, and garnered the support of others who believed this way to justify abusing his spouse. When a woman places herself in a position of complete and total submission to a man, she also opens the door for possible abuse...mental and physical. I have been in such a place and I will NOT EVER believe that God intended for a woman to be in such a situation nor will I ever place myself in that position again. I suppose you will now tell me that I have been "disobedient to God and my former husband" by leaving and divorcing the scumbag too, eh? The mere fact that you would use the words "disobey my spouse" reeks of fundamentalism.

To the OP...I hope by now you and your spouse have had time to sit down and talk seriously about this matter. This is something my spouse and I talked about before we married...and spoke about it at great lengths. I sincerely hope you two have worked out an amicable solution.

Now i can understand your boredom in some churches though. I get bored to tears in a catholic church, but thats only because they really dont preach the true gospel or ever seen to give any insight into how the bible affect you or people in your life. They kind of just read a few passages and thats it.



It makes me sad upon reading this line.... if you get bored then don't go to catholic church and stop saying about that catholic and their priest ok
Catholic Priest and the churches do preach the TRUE GOSPEL OF GOD! and I believe in that!

I appreciate your point and used to think the same way as you ,until I met someone that I loved from a different background and I was willing to work on our differences.
Maybe it is because I was brought up in a mixed religious background (mum muslim and dad catholic) .Overall in my personal experience I gained more friendships by having a change of attitude:trying to find similarities instead of concentrating on differences.

I am sure we can agree that the extreme side of your current approach would be to have in a country communities living closed within themselves and marrying within themselves ,it would be personally hard for me to live in this kind of place....


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But you see, other people's religions shape their values and principles, some I just don't share with other religions and don't want to raise my children with those ideas.

If you can look past that, more power to you, but I didn't want to be bothered with it.
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Religion is always a sticky topic, even between couples. Did you and your hubby talk about this before, while you were getting to know each other? If you didn't maybe it is a good time to do now. Let him know how you feel, but don't argue or be too harsh. It's one of the best ways for both of you to find common ground. Also you need to respect that he has come from a religious background and would want to continue that here. Best of luck to you. I hope it all works out.