To all of the MENA families out there that have been hurt and or broken apart because of fears of being used for a green card, my heart goes out to you.

Whether the US citizen had fears of her/his own, or from friends and family or others; may God be with you as you heal.

Whether the fiance/spouse from MENA had fears of her/his own, or from friends and family or others; may God be with you as you heal.

For the children that were born of these families, may God be with each and every one of you as you begin your lives and may you be able to have each of your parent's in your life as all children deserve.

I want to add that I know there are people out there that do use others for green cards as well as other things. I also know that some families are best living apart for various reasons.

I also know that fears are what tear people apart. May love bring peace to you all whether together or separate.

Ameen.

Ditto. Lets all say a prayer.

Ameen!

This very thing almost destroyed my family. My husband and I both had fears of our own.

Please don't forget that the MENA spouses have just as many fears as the US citizen.

We went through a very rough time and we now look back and are thankful that we went through it because we trust each other much more deeply for having gone through that time. Letting go of fears can cause miracles to happen. We are living proof.

If you are going through this very thing right now, know that others have made it through.

We've gone through this same thing! You really can't live in fear and you have to either let it go or go your separate ways!

Happy to hear you made it through!!

Amin to this post. And very nice and thoughtful reminder ... thanks!

We also had a bumpy situation... I am still unnerved from... but getting better everyday with my prayers.. Hamdolah.

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

May Allah bless you, your family and all VJrs that have that black snake of fears creeping at their feet.

Ameeeeen.

My husband is finally here and I am expecting a baby with him and trust me I have not been without my moments both here and when he was there. I had to finally let go. If someone is going to use you for papers, all the worrying in the world will not protect you from the inevitablity of the act.

I will say that I have seen couples where the wife was older and everyone was saying greencard greencard stay together and then I have seen couples where the husband was older, there was no looks disparity, and the guy promptly dumped her when he got the papers.

I have not seen too many couples with babies easily divorce. I do have an American friend married to a Tunisian ( not the Tunisian that took her kids to Tunisia and wont bring them back,, this is another one) she loved him so much and he was CLEARLY using her for papers. She got pregnant towards the end of her marriage and she is in a horrible situation now because he will not leave her alone even for 2 hours without calling her, nagging her and dropping by unannounced to see his kid.

I have seen more situations where the Moroccan spouse ( sorry I am using Moroccans but thats the majority of arabs around here) got the American pregnant and forced her into an abortion by saying that he would leave her if she didnt. I saw this about 4 or 5 times over the last 8 years. The Moroccans actually marrying and adjusting status here the US has slowed down immeasurably because the tourist visas are just NOT being issued like before ( tons of people got tourist visas to visit Orlando and Florida before but with the clamps down on Homeland Security coupled with the bad reputations of what these guys were doing in mass... coming to work at Epcot and just marrying anything that walked.. its just slowed down. I really just dont see too many Americans marrying guys on tourist visas nor do you meet illegals( harragas) running around because its next to impossible to find under the table work here like NY and Chicago.



This whole worrying about someone getting a greencard is really a waste of time anyway. Very little can be done with a greencard alone. In order to bring someone from back home or travel in Europe or other places freely, you need an american passport. The newest thing I have seen is frankly some guys telling other guys wait till you have your American citizenship to leave because it cannot be rescinded,you can go back home for protracted periods of time and you can bring another wife over eventually as well as sponsor family members. Leaving your American spouse prior to citizenship prolongs the citizenship wait as well. If you are still married to the American, you have your citizenship much faster . If you divorce her , it takes longer.


Honestly, the best thing to do is go on with your life and not think about this crap . If it happens, it happens. I have my own suspicions about my husband and I have my moments, especially understanding what people in his family were saying in darja. His mother and sister have been incredibly supportive and loving to me ( she was a battered wife and was divorced and suffered alot) Its been more some nasty things said in darja in front of me calling me LAWRIAT( white marriage..aka He is staying with his La39iat which is a moroccan word for fake wife... his aunt was talking about me. I started crying and none of them knew I understood darja to the level that I did.

Ana la marriage blanche. Je suis vrai hayat/// and I started bawling.

An American that understands spoken darja is a dangerous thing


I am just telling you guys to not worry too much and just keep living your life.. You cant stop the inevitable. Just in my opinion, dont co sign cars, loans, credit cards or go into debt until you are pretty sure he ll be around

Just mho

I think that was very important to bring to attention. My spouse was scared at first to come thinking I'd leave him alone here or treat him badly. Everyone should keep that in mind!

Thank you for sharing these words of encouragement to all!

It is a very tough situation being apart.... I see now why they say long distance relationships are sooooo hard. So as a tv psychiatrist once said, "Let Go, Let Flow"

Definately. You must hit the lows to realize the highs. After some stuggle I too have overcome my fears and so has my husband. Thank God we have overcome this. I hope everyone finds their peace of mind, may God help us all.

Ah, wahrania the expert on all relationships, after being with her husband for how many days now?

/mine's /Canadian/ and we've had our issues, no online chattyness to set aside

Was that really necessary?