Wa alaikum salaam,
Me either but at the same time I don't want to tell him he can't have guests over. I can move around the house when his friends are there but I just have to get dressed and who wants to do that just to run to the kitchen?
I've had my friends over before though and he has done the same thing.... stayed in the bedroom watching tv until they left.

That's funny you mention that because generally over here if you're not immediate family or very close cousins or whatever, you won't dare use someone's WC out of "heshooma", because one time I had to go and my MIL told me not to and I was like I can't hold it woman you're crazy! And I made them leave "tea" from a friend's house early because nature was calling! LOL So that's how we do, or don't do, restrooms for guests. So funny compared to the States, I was telling my husband that we don't even mind about doing all our business in the WC at someone else's house and he looked at me as if I said that we normally plant C4 bombs in friends' restrooms! LOL

AprilandMohammed: MENA the art of guest and host are still respected, so maybe this is reason being MiL didn't want you going to pee. Or maybe something to do with the Evil Eye or jinn or even people gossiping about you when you leave (again the Evil eye). Not sure ... here in Algeria, no one has problem with using the WC. People (that know you of course) will even knock on your door to use the WC, if they are close to you not near their homes... . And here,your host will even go ahead bring you some slippers then clean up the WC real quick -> to be presentable. Not sure, never heard of what you are describing but will ask my husband.

But I donnow what your MiL was thinking ... they push down cup after cup tea down your throat ... tea makes you pee more then water.

Also OT, but I hate that they cannot understand "I am full" or "I have had enough" ... but I guess I have discovered the secret way around this.

That's too funny! I didn't know that about not going at someone elses house! I'll have to ask my hubby about that now!!! I wouldn't want to embarass myself in the future

you ladies have made me laugh!! I didn't know this either. Good info. for future

What is the secret to letting them know you are full without being rude? I feel so bad if I have to deny becaues I'm full because I feel like I'm hurting their feelings. but I do not eat as much as I did when I was younger and if I get too full, I make myself sick:( ANd it's even more rude i think to spew guts all over the MIL's floor isnt it? AUGH!!! I can imagine the HORROR of my MIL and my brother in laws wife's at that! It'd be a combination of "OMG, an american cannot handle our food!" and "OMG we have to clean THAT!" lol I WOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO STEP FOOT IN PALESTINE AGAIN:(
The oddest bathroom exp. I had there was that 1.) They don't understand toilet paper because they have the spicket thingies from the toilet. I was no I am american and I use toilet paper. Of course I did not know how to say it in arabic, nor did I know where they hid it so that made it even more awkward. But some of the girls would actually follow me to the bathroom. Not inside but they would wait at the door for me to get out and statre at me. Is that normal?

My secret was to keep one hand full and chew slowly, taking smallbits of things. This works really well for stuff like grapes. Keep a grape in the left, be chewing one grape for like a minute, and slowly, but steadily, eat.

I tried:) That had no effect on the palis:)) They are sooooooo nice and giving when it comes to food;) It was so funny. you know those middle eastern pastries and they are stuffed with either dpstachios and cheese? (they are shaped like half moons I guess you could say). So good....I had one in one hand and eating one from another hand. We were sitting on the couch and my MIL must've wished I had more than 2 hands. She put a third on my knee;) I had a little queue goig on with thsoe things. lol

Secret is to not eat too much before you come to the invitation, drink less also before. At the meal, do not drink until towards the end and as Julianna says eat slowly, alway look like you are eating/chewing, ... if they give you a plate, put more on your plate then you know you can eat and keep pushing it around (never have empty plate ... they will keep pushing more on you) If you are eating from one communal plate, then it is easier ... eat more slowly and let the others eat most of the food. Compliment the cook, ask how she made even if it not to your likely. Smile and even if you cannot speak the language try to communicate. This works for me (plus I talk more so I donnot have to eat more)

The reason why they push food on you (hey Henia, kuli kuli!!!) is because feeding you is their way of showing honor to their guests, so by them constantly wanting to feed you and paying attention to when your plate/glass gets near empty, it's their respectful duty to keep up on that, because over here, a woman would be offended if they DIDN'T say kuli kuli because that would mean that they didn't care about her!!! So you won't be offending them at all when you're full, it's more so that they are trying to not offend YOU by "neglecting" you, if you will. Did that make sense? I know kind of weird because Americans don't push food on their guests, they'll set it out and then it's up to you if you want to eat it or not. But waiting on your guests hand and foot out here at least is how we respect and honor our guests, and anything less than that will offend our guests and let them know we don't care much for them. But you know, even though I fully 100% understand this, sometimes the kuli kuli still gets to me when they catch me off guard! What we have to do is just take our vengeance and dish it right back out at them. So I tell my MIL and definitely guests kuli kuli all the time, and whenever I say "kuli, marhababik!" they practically fall out of their chairs with joy! Try that next time, you'll blow them away!

That's soooo funny even though i ate slow they still watched what and how much I ate.. .Koli Rajaa Koli... always the same. Finally I told my husband "do you want a fat wife??" now when they say that to me he tells them that I'll eat if I am hungry and to leave me alone. LOL..

what's kuli kuli?
you know my husband even when we are alone is this way as well. I am by default a slow eater (esp the more full I get, lol) and when we are alone, he will see if I dont have something on my plate. And he will say "Habibi eat this" and put it on my plate;) My husband wants me to stay skinny but if he keeps feeding me the way he does alone, I will be fatter than a tank!!!!

I know I am not spelling it right.. Kooli Kooli RAjaa "Eat Eat Rajaa" you know I told him both my mother and my father are big...so I have my genetics going against me he has lightened up on me eating since than.

yeah me too:)
Reminds me of when my husband and I were in the back of my father and mother in law's car. She had just got kanefa from Qalquiya. ANd we were going back and my MIL started speaking arabic to my husband and they both started to laugh. My husband translated what my MIL was saying. She was telling him she bets I cannot eat an entire helping of Kanefa because I'm too small:) I love kanefa so I took her on. I ate THREE pieces!:)

LMAO That'll show her.....you go girl!!

Kuli or kooli is the command verb for "eat" for a woman and "kool" is for a man, and "kooloo" is plural. I believe it's the same in Pali dialect because it's the same in classical Arabic as well. As for me eating, I'm a decent size, not overweight but not a toothpick either, and my husband keeps telling me to eat more so that I can GAIN weight! I'm like you're crazy, being big is so not cool from where I come from, and he's like yeah well you're in an Arab country and we like women a little bigger out here! It's true too, because I've successfully been trying to lose weight, and now everybody's been asking me if I'm okay, if I'm sick, because people only lose weight if they're sick! SO funny. They're also afraid of my mom thinking that they're not feeding me out here when she comes to visit next month, but little do they know that she'll probably congratulate me on my weight loss! It's so funny, the beauty standards of each country/culture and how much they can be polar opposites sometimes.

So is it heating up for anyone? I finally broke down and gave in and brought my fan out of storage, I was trying to hold out but I'm not getting a draft coming through my bedroom (on the 2nd floor) so that's not good. Well summer's begun for me I guess! I've also been daily taking my naps, because it's a little too hot from about 2-4. I always thought it was only the Spanish who take their "siesta" but Moroccans do too! What about you guys Henia, wach tdirou la sieste kol mor lftor? Ila makanch les invitées bien sur!

my spouse is trying to make me fat literally will pile up food on my plate - that's not fair...either he's still jealous and wants nobody to look at me or he likes extra junk in the trunk how selfish

lol the Arab men to like thier junkie trunks....hamdolah Allah allowed me that blessing

So since it appears it's only ladies here..... gotta question for you and if there are any brothers please chime in.

What is the difference between being "protective" and "Jelouse?"

is there a difference? if so how can one tell.....

Well I think there is a good jealousy and a bad jealousy. I like that my hubby is jealous in that he doesn't want other men looking at me or talking to me lol but I hated that my ex was jealous to the point that I couldn't even go to work without him accusing me *daily* of sleeping with every man in the company
I also think it's cute that my hubby likes to escort me every where as if I'm in constant danger

That's it!! He always says the world is dangerous and I should only go out with him or his mother or sisters when I am there...lol. He forgets I've been in war zones without him.

just think it is enduring and cute...

yes I think the bad jealousy is no good. you know, the kind where the guy accuses you of sleeping with every guy just because you talk to a guy. Well, being flirtatious is no good as there is a fine line. but I think we can all agree that if a woman lives in the western world, she will without a doubt come into contact with men.
but the good kind of jealousy I do not believe has a literal translation into English and that is why we call it jealousy. The arabic word I'm speaking of is gheerah.

In fact, I tased my husband about this last night:) He was kinda cute:)

Me: I forget how I know 971 is country code for Jordan". (and I begin to crank my brain cuz I hate it when I forget where I come up with things)
Habibi: oh......ok habibi you are smart girl"
Me: Oh yeah. I know. <making a bad face> "About 5 years ago before I was a Muslim I talked to a stupid Iraqi guy and he was living in Jordan so thats how I know."
Habibi (his ears perk up when he hears "another guy" uh oh big uh oh) "Habibi dont say that. I am jealous now.." (and he said jealous as jee-ay-lus...cuz he did not nkow how to say it in english:)
After I assured him it was 5 years ago, LONG BEFORE HIM he was fine, lol

lol... yeah gheerah??? tell me more what that means? Mine likes it when I say things he hasn't taught me to him...

mine likes to believe I didn't have a life before him..

It's basically jealousy but not the bad kind. Here's an article about it if you want to look at it. http://almuttaqoon.com/index.php?showtopic=467

Salam all,

I just found this forum and thought i would stop by and say salam!

salam!:)

Salam Choochoo
Welcome and I am glad you found us. We have fun here feel free to relax... some days we get going with a bunch of topics others... we're quite.

Chat with you soon Insha'allah

Salam sister

I just wanted to share an experience with you. I know that some of you have spoken that you haven't had the best experience with becoming friends with other women that were Muslim. Our local Islamic Society had a welcoming party for my husband and myself last Friday night. I was very nervous at first because I am not Muslim but I wanted to let you know these were the nicest people. They had a recognition ceremony and gave us a gift and had a dinner. There were approximately 200 people there. Which was much larger of a community than what we had ever imagined. They had a dinner also. I met several women and they were so welcoming and friendly and even offered to give me cooking lessons on Egyptian food. (My husband complained to them about us not having as much fresh available foods here and that he missed Egyptian cooking ) We will be having dinner soon with a couple from Cairo. I was really nervous for no reason at all. Just thought I'd share this nice experience with you! Have a wonderful day!

salam all brothers and sisters

Alihamdolalilah.... now that is Islam I am glad you had a good time.



Salam Sabah iker to everyone as well...

Me too! Especially when I say funny things like "you're annoying" or "geez who can put up with you?" when we're joking around! Mine doesn't necessarily like to believe I didn't have a life before him, but anything concerning members of the male persuasion, he passes on the information, doesn't even want to know general things, let alone details, because like you all were saying, he's jealous, but in the good kind of way, the way you would hope your spouse would be jealous over you. If not, that might be a problem! Such a fine line though. I like to know things though, especially details about the family history. I've uncovered quote some stories via my MIL, things my husband didn't even know, like when he was being born he almost suffocated, and his grandma was divorced before she married his grandfather, lots of good stuff. He was surprised that I knew things about his family that he didn't even know, but I'm way into family histories. I want to compile a notebook of stories of our families so my kids can know what happened way back when.

Mach'Allah very lovely story! Wish more masjids were like this!

Bassi is the same way and I think it's a good kind of jealousy. At first I thought he was trying to be controlling, but I realized that he is really showing his love and devotion to me. I laugh cause he told me once that I don't know because I'm too innocent, but really every man wants me! I laughed and laughed, but I realized he's telling me that I'm his gem, his most precious possession and he treats me like that. I love it now. He HATES shopping with me. He says that women have extra human strength when they are shopping. But the reality is that the time seems longer to him than it really is. He'd rather be watching a football match with his friends. But no matter how he hates it, he always comes along cause he says I need help carrying packages and being driven around and that's his job. It's so sweet. I miss my sweetie.

awwww mashallah... I know that feeling. You summed it up well "a gem" hehe. It is a great feeling though isn't it??

umm i think in my culture there's no diff in jealousy and protective. women and men both are equally jealous and protective over their spouses like younger couples vs the older couples who have obtained a stable relationship.

When guys try to talk to me here in USA I'm like I'm married and they said so?? You can't be my friend? I'm like no we don't do things like that after marriage - rarely before marriage. And they're like oh you're in an abusive relationship does he beat you? etc.. I can't stand stupid people like that. I guess being faithful/clean to each other is abusive or "wayyy protective and controling" here.

Yes, jealousy is strongly discouraged here.... after all, if spouses are jealous over each other then the other ppl who are trying to kill that jealousy have no chance of sleeping with either of them And that really is all the culture is here... who can do who and how often

by sorry thats some of american culture and some of americans think that . they think the freedom to do what u want regardless hurt others feelings . i didnot say all but some of them and they consider to be clean and faithful to ur wife or hubby is some kind of controlling from the other side . like when they saw woman wear viel or hijab or niqab the first thing that get to thier mind that her familly or hubby force her to waer it and they start to make smart funny comments . if u called it freedom so everyone can do what ever he or she want but they should just care about other feelings and dont harm others by ur claim freedom

Jealous girls are worse though!! Usually of shaytan. This girl from my university saw my husband and always looks at him when we walk by hand in hand in downtown next to school and he didn't know she liked him. Today she asked me who he was and how long we been together and I said "we been together for couple of days now" and she says ohh ok I was just making sure cause I remember dancing with him at my party 2 months ago! But don't tell him bc I was drunk and might have done something. Wow I didn't know he could come and go thru USA and Algeria like that I told my spouse he was so angry and asked what she looked like so he could slap her and talk to her parents. Yeah as much as I'd like that it doesn't work like that here.

Daaaaaang that's triflin...and many other adjectives. That's funny you guys hold hands, my husband and I never touch each other in front of people over here, and I think he'll still be like that in the States even if he sees people all up on each other, because that's just the way he is. I had to warn him about my family members so that they don't catch him off guard lol. His family is very *shy*. If I knew a girl liked my husband, I'd keep HIM locked up in the house and make him wear hijab! Because like I said, chicks can be triflin...and don't forget that there's nothing that a shaytan loves more than to cause problems between a husband and wife, so let's keep our wits about us.

LOL If I try to let go of my hubby's hand when we're out he'll freak out On our honeymoon in Cairo, I had to tell him to stop pulling me because he's a lot taller than me and walks faster than me.... I found myself almost being dragged down the street until I got a backbone and told him "Look man! You're pulling me!!! I'm gonna fall!! Either let go or slooooooooooooow down " He was like why didn't u just tell me? So now he walks slowly so I can keep up and he doesn't have to release the hand. But we don't kiss or anything like that in public ewww lol

As far as women... YES women can be beyond trifling, especially the hoe doggies around here. They don't care if a man's married or anything. It's like a freaking challenge for them!

ok so I talk to my husband via web cam and now at work i have access during my breaks to do just that... well one time (most leave us alone) one gal... or hoe doggie hehe came by and stood and watched my conversation... she than procedded to come up to me and hugg me (like we are best of friends and wave at him) all the while saying Da*n he's cute... I pulled away and said "you can go now" I told my husband and he didn't like that at all. I tried to play it cool with him but later she kept talking about how goodlookin he was... yeah not cool. I told her to find her own and leave my husband out of her head. She laughed thinking I was kidding i just looked at her streight faced.

was I jelouse? nope Protective Heck yeah!!!

My husband even warned me of the "evil eye" with women... we're the worst. Sorry ladies if you disagree.

I have to sayy this story was really funny!!! I am sure this will happen with my husband and I as well. He is very much taller then me too. lol

[/quote]
LOL If I try to let go of my hubby's hand when we're out he'll freak out On our honeymoon in Cairo, I had to tell him to stop pulling me because he's a lot taller than me and walks faster than me.... I found myself almost being dragged down the street until I got a backbone and told him "Look man! You're pulling me!!! I'm gonna fall!! Either let go or slooooooooooooow down " He was like why didn't u just tell me? So now he walks slowly so I can keep up and he doesn't have to release the hand. But we don't kiss or anything like that in public ewww lol

As far as women... YES women can be beyond trifling, especially the hoe doggies around here. They don't care if a man's married or anything. It's like a freaking challenge for them!
[/quote]

Is that why the Muslim women never go out of their house? Well, sometimes they go shopping (in fact if they wanna leave thats all they do:) and I've seen maybe 2-3 working (in the mall) here in Boston when i'm out. But it is always the guys who go out and leave the women alone by themselves. The men go play/watch sports, go kayaking in the river, even have halaqas together. There's maybe one small group of Muslims I saw who are into sports, but the leader of the pack does not like me so I am not in their clique.
I cant wait til habibi comes home because he does not treat me this way. He is the only person I have who likes to go out and actually do things:(

sorry I dont want the last observation to be taken out of context. I do know Muslim women who do work, one even owns her own business. I, too, hope to own my own business or at least be self employed someday cuz I'm sick of big corporations that eat people:)
But I would still say the ratio of Muslim women who leave their house (beyond shopping) is greater than the ones who do go out and do more than just shop. The Koran does not say that women should stay in the house like hermits. We are allowed to go out, provided we are not doing haram (like bars, clubs, etc).
And I dont think the Koran says leave your wives at home all the time and the man goes out. I believe that a woman can go out and do things just as a man can. (halal of course). But my views are not shared:( I'm glad that my husband feels the same way I do and even we go out and do things together all the time when he's here. I could not sand to be locked up! Maybe some women can and like that, but it is their right and its a free country to do what you please. but it makes it bad for thsoe of us who do like to go out...the picking is slim when it comes to making friends amongst Muslims:/

awww I am so sorry you feel this way.. I am blessed to have a great network of gal friends that work daily, married, sports (running group) all in hijab. I wish you could find a nich or perhaps you're not alone inyour thoughts there... have you tried to do a mulismah activitiy group our something??? Just a thought...I wish I could afford to shop everday but instead I am working lol.

Take care everyone it's been two days of great weather here in Seattle Alihamdoliliah

~Rajaa~

I also have a question... I changed my last name to my husband's (we both agreed on this) and I have a friend that was very upset at my doing this...telling me it's not allowed in the Qu'ran. Yikes, I've already got my social security card back with my habibi's name now what should I do??? Is it really that bad?? Is it Haram? I couldn't find it on the "haram" list

ya beeing shy its good around people dont show or say stuff arounf them either but beeing with ur husband and acting like that will not be good. some people are very very shy but not in this point a husband and wife together shouldnt be shy with eachother !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







ya beeing shy its good around people dont show or say stuff arounf them either but beeing with ur husband and acting like that will not be good. some people are very very shy but not in this point a husband and wife together shouldnt be shy with eachother !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ya beeing shy its good around people dont show or say stuff arounf them either but beeing with ur husband and acting like that will not be good. some people are very very shy but not in this point a husband and wife together shouldnt be shy with eachother !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow peaceforall..you joined 20 minutes ago and already using the quote button? I still haven't figured it out!

Jackie