perhaps...

but it does raise a good question. Does it count when we give to someone begging on the street??? I am one of those that "selects" her beggers. There are alot of them in Morocco my heart is with the children but I also know they know that too. But honestly, look at them... they are amazed when i give them 10 dhms. But just not sure it counts or not???

I personally don't give out money because some people are poor because they've spent it on drugs or sharab. Are they going to eat the money or something?! There are the ones who are in desperate need. I just give out food and offer water in a pot to wash their hands.

Same here.... I usually ask them what they want from McD's if they ask me for money... if they place their order I'll run down to the store and get them something to eat but I've actually been told on more than one occassion that they don't want me to buy them anything, they just want the money. Since I'm pretty sure they just want it to buy cigs or beer, I don't give out money. If they were truly hungry, they'd tell me to get them a cheeseburger or something!

As far as zakat, my husband pays that on our behalf every year.... whatever sadaqa I give other than that I don't tell him about unless it's from his money, and then I ask him first.

I've never been rejected when someone wants food. They are always greatful but who knows what they do with it after I leave. Actually one time I did get turned down. I was in NY and I have actually seen the woman before. SHe is an old woman, says she's from Palestine. Speaks no English except the words "bomb, money," First time my friend and I were in Manhatten and she was hanging around the mosque. then she did want food and she rubbed her belly so we bought her a gyro. But then I was walking around Atlantic Ave. in Brooklyn several months later. ANd she came up to me as I was walking out of the mosque. She said "Falisteen, bomb" and she uncovered a part of her chest/collarbone area and there sure was a big gash there. I don't know if she was really Palestinian becaues I know Palis would not throw their mother away in the middle of New York like that! But I don't pick up on the diallect as I don't speak arabic and I cannot ask her detailed questions. I pointed to the gyro place and said "gryro?" and she said "no, Queens, money". She wanted money to go to Queens. I said no, but I will give you food and kept pointing to halal places and offered her my unopened bottle of pepsi. but nope.....that still bothers me to this day. What could a old Pali woman be doing in the middle of NYC begging? Where is her family? And if she is not a Pali.....then that's even more sad because she's posing as one!:/
When my husband gets here, we will go to NYC. ANd maybe I will find her again (hehe I know she hangs out around the mosques around prayer time) and I will just have my husband talk to her:) He will know right away everything because he knows the accents of Palestine and he can speak arabic!

**bump**

Esalaam/Hello

Well here in Algeria, the 'beggars' even go as far as to come to your door. Making it virtually impossible to turn them down! Generally, here also you can tell by them 'series beggars' who is legit and who is not! I have several times had these people just walk right into my home (reason why it is ALWAYS locked now) ... once one lady walked in on me in the shower! Waw, I had to give her 100 dinars just to leave my house!

I myself, give food and clothes more often then money! At least, this way I know that person is utilizing what I am giving them.

Donations of food and clothes are no longer excepted in the masjids thou. And this is shame. But elhamdullah there always people, needy outside the masjid willing to except "leftovers".

I tutor English for a small income, but do have a student who I tutor for free (sadaqa). Also I have been invited to tutor at an orphange in Draria, Algeria near Alger. This orphange has cancerous and orphanged children from birth to age 18, who have no outside contact with people, thus have no skills to use once throwed into society at age 18. There is also an organizations that is in the beginning stages here in Algeria as a form of free clinic (private doctors giving their time) as well as donation center for items like (unexpired) medications poorer people normally could not afford, eyeglasses and something new we are trying to get off is organizing an Eid gift drop for children! If anyone is interested in helping out, or can pass word along ... plz PM for further info! I am trying to get Algerians (and all people) living in the better off countries to help out!

Because of where my husband lives and my heart is with children I would love to see what I can do to help. I have some sisters here in the states that want to do something too but just don't know where to focus. I think what you're doing is wonderful Hamdolah I wish I could do something like that... pm me i'll talk to the sisters tonight and see what they have in mind.

Esalaamu Aleikoum!

Jazak Allah kheirn (saha) Rajaa! Enchallah, if everyone does not mind I think I will post a thread. But I will also PM you with more details, enchallah you or others can help out! This is strictly charity ... I nor anyone else involved benefits from this (other then spiritually and ajr) I am sure donations would be tax deductable (accounts plz comment!) Ok soooo... I am going to conpile a post then post it!

good idea... you know I work at Fedex Kinkos and get 75% off shipping.... that might help us??

That is very very admirable not to mention respectable.

I agree masahallah..

Esalaamu Aleikoum,

Saba'kheir everyone! Sat up until midnight last night brainstorming and typing up a mission statement ... something more proper to post here. Enchallah once everyone on board reads throu what I wrote, then I will be able to post it enchallah!

I know here in Algeria life is not easy (but where is ?) but it really peeves to see people sitting around complaining and attacking the system from their cushy Lazy-boy chairs! Isn't it better to get your hands dirty and DO SOMETHING? Allahu allem ... but I feel I should! ... least try!

Sabah Iker... I agree it's hard to make a positive change when we all look to someone else to do it for us...
Have a good day.

Begging in the street is a profession in NYC. They live in apartments in the city and get up every morning and go to work, just like you or me. The most lucrative spots are on Broadway in NYC, they focus on the universities for steady income. You'd be surprised to see some of them get off the train, dressed regularly, then go into the subway restroom and change into their "uniform" begging clothes and hit the streets to make the income. It's pretty sad really. I don't give any money to beggars.

Bassi and I give regulary to a children's home in Kenya and then he likes to make visits to hospitals, nursing homes, orphanages, city missions things like that. Sometimes other things come up that we will give to if we have it. We do it as a family and it makes us feel closer. My daughter is only six, so it's mind boggling for her. At our visit to the city mission, she was amazed that there were children without mommies and daddies. She wanted to bring them all home with her.

You have a good day too!

Don’t forget about children in the states who go to bed at night hungry, I worked in the system and can say that a lot of children in the states are alone and not cared for, by anyone. Other industrialized nations have lower poverty rates because they seek to prevent hardship by providing assistance to all families. These supports include “child allowances” (typically cash supplements), child care assistance, health coverage, paid family leave, and other supports that help offset the cost of raising children.
But the U.S. takes a different policy approach. Our nation does little to assist low-income working families unless they hit rock bottom. And then, such families are eligible only for means-tested benefits that tend to be highly stigmatized; most families who need help receive little or none.
In addition to the harmful consequences for children, high rates of economic hardship exact a serious toll on the U.S. economy. Economists estimate that child poverty costs the U.S. $500 billion a year in lost productivity in the labor force and spending on health care and the criminal justice system. Each year, child poverty reduces productivity and economic output by about 1.3 percent of GDP.
The experience of severe or chronic economic hardship limits children’s potential and hinders our nation’s ability to compete in the global economy. American students, on average, rank behind students in other industrialized nations, particularly in their understanding of math and science. Analysts warn that America’s ability to compete globally will be severely hindered if many of our children are not as academically prepared as their peers in other nations.
Research also indicates that economic inequality in America has been on the rise since the 1970s. Income inequality has reached historic levels—the income share of the top 1 percent of earners is at its highest level since 1929. In 2007, income increased by about $180,000 for the top 1 percent of Americans, by $400 for middle-income Americans, and $200 for lower-income Americans.
Economic mobility—the likelihood of moving from one income group to another—is on the decline in the U.S. Although Americans like to believe that opportunity is equally available to all, some groups find it harder to get ahead than others. Striving African American families have found upward mobility especially difficult to achieve and are far more vulnerable than whites to downward mobility. The wealth gap between blacks and whites—black families have been found to have one-tenth the net worth of white families—is largely responsible.
What all of these trends reveal is that the American Dream is increasingly out of reach for many families. The promise that hard work and determination will be rewarded has become an increasingly empty promise in 21st century America. It is in the best interest of our nation to see that the American Dream, an ideal so fundamental to our collective identity, be restored.

My husband is muslim and currently on AP in Lagos Nigeria. They have had us there for over a year now. They state they are validating the marriage yet no one in his family has been contacted. How are they investigating then? They have the original certificate of marriage. I swear they are after something else...Sad that a country that is considered "FREE" can hold us hostage like this. Some of his friends say this is all because they realized he is Muslim. I would hope not as that is assuming all Muslims are bad and we all know that is not true of any race or religion. I will pray for u all to be with the ones u love. Take care.

I am sorry to hear of your torment... I hope that will end soon and I hope all of us will be reunited soon.

Im really sorry to hear this i will pray for u guys i hope u get the approval for visa very soon
sara

I'm sorry to hear about this. I hope you wo can be reunited soon.
H

Esalaam,

I will make dua for you and your husband! Enchallah there is always a light at the end of the dark tunnel!

Ladies... how do you communicate with your MENA man if you're state side and how often??

Esalaamu Aleikoum,

Well when I was in the States, in the beginning (when not married) we basically communicated by weekly/bi-weekly Internet conversations. But after we got married, we dove into the whole phone, SMS, IM/webcam bit! We talked everyday I believe! We had some type of communcation on a daily basis I do remember that! Boy, do I (and him) NOT miss those bills!

I cannot wait to stop paying $400 phone bills! Phone cards too much of a pain in the butt (misrouting calls to Palestine) and I'm not home enough to use vonage:( I have to use my cell phone on the go:( I've decided (havent told him this yet) that his first paycheck is going to pay for my phone bill, lol

What phone card are you using ? My husband and I talked every day -- always for more than an hour and sometimes for several -- and the bill was never that high ! I may have some suggestions that could save you some money.



-MK

extracheapphonecards.com try it and see if you like it

we've talked everyday every single day. If there was connection problems he'd travel to another city or stay awake till 3 am over there. I swear the wait is soooooooooo worth it!!

I used to use phone cards off of stiphonecards.com They started misrouting calls so I'd wake up some poor Israeli people I've been just using my verizon cell phone now. I get rates for .20 a minute if I pay verizon $3/month. I switched for a while though to use virgin mobile phone (he left his cell here since it would not work in paletine). But even so we'd go through phone cards every other day. It's a pain:(

WOW that's awesome!!!

yeah jut got my last phone bill wayyyyyy too much (I don't think I'll post it here... HI baby if you read this ) I really like to talk to him on the phone once a week but we do see eachother via msn Im daily.. i really miss him but appreciate hearing and seeing him anyway I can.

STI is such a bad company i swear - The cards I get are 100% no taxes or connection fees thats I go to that extracheapphonecards.com. If you buy 4 you get a little discount. The connection on that card has NEVER i mean NEVER failed me it's so clear. $4.65 (5$ card) currently gives me 35 minutes exactly (i checked on my call timer) It's better getting them online vs going out and buying them and people taking extra money from you.

oh yeah and using Local access numbers save you cents too

before the economy drastically started declining i was wondering if we'd one day experience free calls internationally ...lol just a pondering thought

OK you can get 43-58 minutes for $5 (depending on whether you're calling a land line or a cell, and depending on which cell service) with the Aquarius card from Speedy Pin -- check it out at www.speedypin.com. I usually buy in bulk -- they give an extra 5% discount on $40 orders.

I'll check those phone cards out thanks. Habibi gives me crap about my phone bill all the time (even though he doe snot pay it:) He has said to me before "you dont need to call me 3 times a day, just once a day is ok" haha but when I do call he does not complain then:) It's only if I complain about the bill so i stopped complaining.
Speaking of complaining....when I was in Palestine, I talked for free. My phone worked miraculously because verizon does not have sim cards in their phone and they only have the american technology. I did not expect my phone to work since it was unlocked. So I get there and i'm sitting in the waiting room at Ben Gurion waiting to be "questioned" and my phone goes off. I answer it and it's him calling to see if I was in Israel yet, lol I talked on my phone way too much in Palestine. ANd I've never been charged by my phone comapny for it. I hope they never find out about me using my phone for free on Israeli network:)

Well, I do agree 3 times a day is alot ... but if you can afford and your heart tells you that you must hear his voice ... then who cares! Afterall money does come and go! Soon you will hear it in personal enchallah!

My mom made the interesting observation out here that it's not that the guys want to be in the cafés, it's that they've most likely been kicked out of the house by the women who want to have guests over for tea, and my mom observed that women pretty much rule the roost here in northeast Morocco which I'd agree with so she actually felt sorry for all the poor chaps displaced in the cafés!!! Haha. We women get to make good food and good tea while the guys are stuck with the poor-quality crap they serve in the cafés, I'd rather make my own stuff any day. And I actually like it when my husband goes to the café, it gives me a break, and I definitely like hanging out with the women of his family, it's like hanging out with my own girlfriends back home, because I need my girl time and he needs his guy time. I love it when relatives come back for the summers because then he's out with his cousins and friends who live in Europe and I get to visit with his cousins or his cousins' wives, etc. But I'm one of the lucky ones!

As for charity, I only do zakat once a year, and I do sadaqa (charity) once or twice a month, depending on when I can go hit up the ATM. My neighbor who lives directly across from me in an apartment building is poor and they have 2 little boys and her husband just had an accident at work, he's a carpenter and he cut off two or three fingers so basically he's screwed, so I try to buy them things that are a bit expensive like oil and laundry detergent and chicken, because her husband still goes to the shop trying to work so it's not like he's sitting on his butt saying "oh I'm such a miskeen" and she cleans houses too so I try to help out a little bit because they're both making efforts to help themselves, THOSE are the kind of people in MY opinion that really deserve charity, not the people glued to the sidewalk with their hand out, and they have a kid next to them posing as their daughter or son when it's really their neighbor's kid that they "borrow" to receive donations from people. It's my dream one day to sponsor a young couple who are poor and who want to get married, that I'll pay for their wedding and give a little extra $ to start with, what more beautiful kind of sadaqa could one give than to help a couple get married, after all it is half the deen It's unfair that couples are kept from getting married because the cultural standards of weddings call for such expensive weddings and it's heshooma if they have a small wedding so their families would rather not even bother which only puts the couple in a hard situation, don't you think? At least out here in the northeast, they'd rather break the bank and create debts with everyone they know than to have a small simple wedding, and for what? It's just one day! It's not like all that $ is going to guarantee that the marriage will be a success, if that were the case then of course by all means, go for the gusto. I'm lucky to have had a beautiful taksera wedding, but my heart goes out to those who can't afford it, out here, in the States, and everywhere.

Here too, in Algeria women rule the roost. Men are basically "displaced" to sit on the corner stoop or in the cafe. Esp, when I know these are unemployed men. I have a neighbour, who is pregnant, her husband does not work. Not that it is my business ... but I just want to kick him in his backside sometimes! Get a job, man!

I rarely see, amoung my neighbours ... the men bringing around their friends for coffee ... while the women have their guests over daily. Something, I guess become cultural acceptable since women in 2 generations pior did not even leave the house.

Saddening, how sometimes one can be coming home from functions and still see men outside just sitting there at 1 or 2am! LOL ... go home already! Makes me wonder what type of homelife they have ... maybe they donnot want to go home!

Exactly! LOL I love it!! Hahahaha. Yeah I think that the whole not bringing their friends over for tea is because it's common knowledge that the house is the woman's territory and the cafés are for men's entertainment. I live in a tiny city here on the border and there are NEVER any women EVER in the cafés because everyone knows each other and that's just the way it is. Kind of weird at first but after my mom's observation it kind of made me happy that we get to keep the house and that it's not US being displaced elsewhere lol! I notice that the guys always stay out late when the women have guests over, and also in my husband's family the guys do have guests over, but when they do we know at least a day in advance because we're the cooks so we have to be prepared and we give the men our shopping list to bring us our ingredients, then when the guests come over we stay in the kitchen and close the curtain so they don't see us because we're all running around in lbass without scarves hehe. Especially in the summer when the kitchen gets way too hot! So you're in Jaza'er huh? I live in Ahfir, know where that is? I think our cultures are almost identical because here on the border we share a lot of Algerian customs and even language from the dialect, we speak a darija quite different from Western Morocco. Eat any bouzalouf lately? Do you guys wear jabador and jellabas and stuff like that too? I love it here, been here a year. How long have you been there? Baslama w tel belati inchallah!

In Palestine (at least my husban'ds house) the men and women can all have guets over. the houses are so big there that teh men take up one side and women stay in kitchen. Sometimes they go into the tv room to watch tv but thats it. But I only like staying in the kitchen when they are making food:) lol

I talk with my hayati everyday, around twice a day. I use STI to buy my cards, took me a long time to find a good one that gives me about 42 mintues to call Lebanon. Since there are rolling blackouts in Lebanon, we get cut off when we are chatting on the computer at times. Plus hearing each other voice is much better then the computer ...

N

My husband does not know how to use a computer Or I would be talking to him ALL DAY!!!!:)

Mine didn't have internet except for at work... and couldn't take the time for internet cafes... he needed to get home to his village. So we did the phone thing the whole time.

I use uniontelecard.com. I like them because they have many different cards to choose from so you can search for the best rates for your country of calling and after every $100 that you spend, they give you five dollars as a bonus. So, it's a nice addition since I still spend a lot of money on the cards to talk to my SO.

Wow ladies.. thank you for the calling card advice... I 've been talking to him so nice when he is not near a computer but the cell phone is so hard to hear. I would prefer him to go on aland line but like the convienece to be able to talk to him when I need to. Soooo missing him. but i see some ladies here have been without seeing there hunny for a year????? I don't think I can do that.... insha'allah none of will much longer.

Yeah, I forgot to mention that when it's the immediate family, we do all eat together, like my husband's brother and uncles and cousins, there's no problem there, we all eat at the same table even. Which is good because I love talking to his uncles and brother. Some families I know don't even "mix" company even when it's the immediate family members! My husband's family is traditional and conservative but not in the extreme, not to a point of overkill alhamdulillah, and the guys always have different topics of conversation so I like to mix it up a bit now and then. My brother-in-law is coming out in 3 weeks insha'Allah! I'll be busy in the kitchen in the hopes of giving my MIL more time to spend with him and his wife and their two kids. We're thinking of hiring a maid for two weeks to help out because we're going to have 6 house guests all at once for two weeks and it's just going to be a circus! I love the chaos though, it makes me feel alive.

Something I have noticed ... in ME, the men do tend to bring guests over ... since they have a seperate 'entertaining' room ... while here in the Grand Maghreb ... men tend to stay outside and conduct all their affairs.

April and Mohamed: Here in Algeria, unless the family is very strict in their religion ... women and men eat together. It is more in the ME that men and women seperate.

My Dh's village doesn't segregate but people generally also cite that as odd in the area.

In Libya the houses are set up so that the men who visit don't need to have access to the main house to visit with the men there. They come in and there's a big room they stay in. They have a bathroom and everything and then at the end of the hallway there is a door that leads into the main house where the women are. So basically the men have a room and the women have the whole rest of the house
I've been trying to set up something similar to this design at my own house but it presents a problem since the bathroom is in the back of the house, so no matter what, if someone has to use it, they have to come thru the rest of the house.
When we have guests I usually take the women in the kitchen and we leave the men in the living room alone. I put up a sheet in the door way that separates the two rooms (I don't know why there isn't a door there ) and if my husband has guests and I don't, I just stay in my room until they leave.
What do you other women do with your houses? How do you set this separation design in your home here in the states?

At the beginning of this clip she gives us a tour of her Saudi house

Esalaamu Aleikoum,

In Algeria where the families are religious ... here is usually two entertaning rooms in bigger villes... but in the cases where space is limited there will be the one 'living room' then also another real fancy room (used as bedrooms at night). Women usually are taken in first ... then the men.

Also women going into the kitchen is common. Since they think women feel more at home in the kitchen.

In the US, we used to (first marriage) do the same as you .... wait in the room until the males guests left. I did not like this much.

Now, since our second\third floors (floors with bedrooms, WC and terrace) are not ready yet. If I have guests over, and my husband comes home ... he will just go to see his friends ... or take a nap upstairs on a mat (in the middle of the debris poor guy) ... he rarely brings guests over due to lack of space ...he will sit them in the living room... then I sit in the kitchen.