Our school has a no hat rule as well but the constitution of the USA that forbids any establishment from infringing on the religious rights of its citizens tops any school rule

It really depends on how old the girls are whether I would want to make a big deal out of it. If they're in grade school / elementary, I personally wouldn't make a big deal out of it because they aren't really required to wear it before puberty but if her school has an issue with it in the future then I'd take it to the school board.
I take my kids out of school early every Friday as well because of the Jumua'ah and I had to send a note explaining and talk to someone from the school board about that and they didn't give me a problem after I explained that I'll worry about their opinions on Friday when they start making the Jewish and Christian children come to school on Saturdays and Sundays
They also offered to to give the children private time together to pray during the day and excuse them from any activities that I notified them as being forbidden in our religion. Neither one of my kids has to take music class or dance (if there's music) or anything like that and in art class they are never required to draw, paint or sculpt the image of a living creature. My son also was exempted from sex ed this year and we did a health unit on our own to replace the grade. I can't afford private school so I've had to learn how to manuever the system
They also offer vegetarian lunches daily at all the schools in the area but my kids take lunch from home.
Of course, we moved from the country to the city last year and there are a lot of muslims in this area so they're pretty used to it.

we have fought this school so many times in the last few years..........so we kind of go along with what they dig their feet in.........but this coming year we are preparing to do battle with the school system over hijab and a few other things.......pray for us we are going to need it.......i went with my youngest sister yesterday on a field trip.....the kids accepted my hijab well but i can honestly say that the mothers of the children that went to chaperon as well started pulling kids out of the group i was chaperoning to be with them they didnt talk much to me so in the end it was just me and my little sister......we had a ball but the her teacher came up and apologized to us over the behavior of the other women it is not easy being Muslim but it is worth all of what we go thru

Ppl here are usually nice to me, for the most part but there are times when other parents act like they don't really want to talk to me or be around me.... that's OK though because, most likely, I don't want to talk to them or be around them either

Ppl here are usually nice to me, for the most part but there are times when other parents act like they don't really want to talk to me or be around me.... that's OK though because, most likely, I don't want to talk to them or be around them either
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yeah ur right about that.........the problem here is most are catholic and they know NOTHING about Islam other than what they read in the papers lol

that is something that I don't know if I could handle. I dealt with being made fun of and being picked last when I was younger (all coz of curly RED hair and bucked teeth-which by the way str8ened themselves out perfectly all on their own as I got older). I don't think I have the strength to be picked at and ridiculed by ppl who don't educate themselves. lol i'm such a baby when I read that..but oh well..what I am is what I am and I can't change it lol

Honestly Amal, for me I just had to jump in the pool rather than dip my big toe in first. Had I kept dipping the big toe in the rest of the foot would still be dry. I just did it. Period. Sure people had seen me uncovered but then I'm not trying to please anyone but Allah by doing this. The first week was awkward but not because anyone made it so.....moreso because of my own insecurities but I kept saying I am not doing this for anyone but Allah and in the end He is who I have to answer to, not my peers, you know? Same with praying at work. So what if someone catches me now and then........they are not the ones deciding if I will burn in eternity or not.

I don't even give it a second thought anymore. My biggest concern was the kids but wicked funny...today I went to my youngest's science fair and when I was walking through the playground a little boy shouted SALAM ALAYKUM SISTER!!!!. LOL The world is smaller than you think sometimes.

that is what I think too about just jumping in and doing it..I'm just a worry wort and it hinders me big time.
I might try just a basic scarf for a while and see how that feels..and work my way to full cover..I'm not sure.

My humble advice wd be; constant duaa/praying/supplicating asking Allah to give u strength n enuff faith to make u do it... Allah is the only who can make u do it n support u so always ask Him in every prayer and also in the time before fajr adhan; that time is amazing for duaa

good advice I'll try that. thx

At first, I started covering my hair (barely lol) with a small hankerchief. Then I kind of started just wrapping my hair up in something. After I felt more comfortable I started wearing a regular hijab with pants and long sleeves..... then later exchanged the pants for skirts and now I'll usually wear an abaya over it but you'll still see me in a long skirt with no abaya from time to time. The experience is different for everyone mashallah but for me I felt like I was slowly giving other ppl time to adjust to my changes..... You have to know though that dressing modestly was a HUGE change for me LOL

I can't go for the skirt thing... I HAVE to wear pants coz I can't stand being hot and having my legs touch..it gets too hot! I could wear shorts under that but then thats so many layers that I'd die of heat exhaustion...but I do think I'm going to try the scarf first and work my way up... I asked my co workers if they'd laugh at me if I wore scarfs and they said they wouldn't....hmmm now I just have to "wo-man" up and do it!

Amal, seeing you type about the possibility of taking hijab..gives me the warm fuzzy goosebumps I remember the night you said on messenger, "I'm ready, I'm saying shahada tonight! " How long ago was that? I said my shahada May 5 2002. alahamdulillah.

Jackie

I hate that feeling too.... I'll tell you my secret in private

what i do when wearing a skirt is use something like those old fashioned spandex doesnt make u feel hotter by extra heavy layers and also stops ur legs from sticking

Well, I'm not wearing Hijab, but i do cover my hair and I do cover wrist to crewneck to ankle. First thing I did was switch to pants. i did this on my own back in high school at some point. Pants aren't weird, no one is going to mind that. Then, i moved to long sleeves with no deep necks. This was kind of a hard move for comfort... that humidity can be killer. I went to old navy and found some light tunics, and wore tank tops under them. Really helpful was when my Dh had this black chiffon abaya made, and it's 2 layers. you can wear a tank under that with a high neck, and it feels really light, like you don't have anything over your tank top. Depending on how you adjust then you can get gauntlets to cover your arms. last step was covering the hair. I do Jewish covering, so my neck isn't covered. I have worn hijab in Jordan though, so i know how to do it and what it feels like. I would suggest if you really want to cover to start at any time. If you think you may be setting up for fear or failure. try starting to cover in the fall. People wear more in teh cool months anyway. That way you aren't boiling and have time to get used to it. You could also try covering the hair first and then moving to hijab if you're worried about what people think. It's not bad fashion today anyway to cover your hair every once in a while. So you can always just do it occasionally and then move up to all the time then on to hijab... if you're afriad to go cold-turkey. By then people will just be used to it. You'd be surprised. People will ask some dumb quesitons, but the majority of people will not likely say anything.

Ok... I am going to throw my 2 cents in... I was told when we feel embarressed or don't like the way we look it's Chayton whispering in our ears... he would love us to not cover for Allah wouldn't he??? I know pretty tough but I am going through a situation with my 16 yr old son "embarressed" about me covering (remember we live in Washington state" I am considering it a test and after it's all said and done I think he'd be embarressed about his mom no matter what... at least I am being true to myself in this way.

Also, you would be amazed once you start wearing your hijab how many muslimahs start coming around... truly my new job a women came in and walked up to me and said Salam allawyakum... then a man 2 days later at the counter to which i was standing next to didn't look at me but also greeted me in the same. Before you know it... it gets out or you notice or they find you. Subhannalah I really enjoy when that happens. I feel as if Allah has patted me on the back when I am greeted that way because without my hijab on..... would they still offer peace??? not likely.

Also, I have a dear friend of mine who slowly got into wearing the hijab ... baby steps. It worked for her, me I jumped in all the way now I feel naked without it. Each person is different with different timelines and only you know what you're comfortable with.

Insha'allah you will find your own pace... if you want to than do it... we're hear rooting you on.

I'm fascinated by how often any conversation about Islam or being Muslim turns into a discussion about hijab for women, especially among converts. Most Muslim women don't cover, but on message boards, you would think it's what Islam is all about for Muslimas. Strange.

So I've been curious about what others think about this. Covering is on the rise in Jordan... it was lower than 25% of women just 50 years ago and now it's very high, like over 80% of women are covering. Do you suppose it's fashion? I noticed almost none of the old-style of covering and all the girls flocking to scarves and layers of scarves which they had arranged in intricate ways with lots of jewelry. I also informally noticed a lot of men saying they wished their wives to cover.. and there is talk about how girls don't cover to get a man, then cover after marriage. So it could also be a cultural and religious shift.

Seriously, I think a lot of epople think abotu covering as a major part of Islam. Not saying that's why it popped up here, but it something of a hot topic for both pros and cons. I just find it interesting that for some reason covering is associated exclusively with Islam in most of the west.

Really? I never knew that. That gives me a bit of hope then:) Because it is one of the first things that HAD to be done when i converted. Even when I was not in Boston, if I was around Muslims they all covered. But then again, I went to the mosque in Ohio....only one person was brave enough to actually get to know me outside of the mosque. (and she was a revert and covered). I di dnot start covering full time til I came to the east coast and I got around Muslims who once again covered. It was considered bad if you did not cover and they looked down on you. I just assumed most Muslim did it because if you did not, you were not seen as Muslim enough. Since I've moved away from that fanatic belief of the other people, I know only 3 people who do not cover. (they are born Muslim).

Covering is only one of the MANY parts of Islam. I'm speaking generally here but if people cared enough about what was in their hearts and how they treat others as much as they do about a scarf, the world would be a better place. (Please no one take offense to that as I realize I blurted that out in the middle of a hijab discussion. This is not meant towards anyone here. it is just general comment) from observations in real life.

I didn't read any comments stating that you couldn't be muslim if you don't wear hijab but it is a fact of life that for many muslims (not just the reverts) that covering is a major part of the religion so one can only expect that it will be discussed from time to time

hehehe that's cute..i just love kids!



I have a question too.. To those who went from not covering...to covering:
I would LOVE to cover coz I really and truely believe it is a great way to find more of a sense of self rather than worrying about how my outward appearance is to others. I'm really worried though and even feel semi-embarrassed to start covering since the ppl I know have already seen me uncovered. Did anyone else feel an initial sense of embarassment or a feeling of it not seeming "right" when u started covering? I'm really having problems with this and could use some tips and stories from others on it. How did you all get thru the initial transition? How long did it take to feel comfortable?

Thanks
amal
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I started my 4th year in college as a Muslim, had just converted but not wearing hijab yet, our first day of school was on a Thursday, then the next class was on Tuesday, and on Saturday Ramadan was starting so when I had converted 3 weeks before Ramadan I told myself I'd go 100% on Ramadan and until then I'd just sort of "practice" wearing the scarf to the store and restaurants and gas station to see how people would react. Sort of a letdown as they didn't seem to notice me at all lol. I was all prepared So then the second day of our classes I'm wearing a scarf and long sleeves in the desert of Sourthern CA in September so it was kind of hard to go unnoticed especially since everyone had known me for 3 years but since they were my classmates and friends they were just innocently curious about it, and then by that point the people who asked me the weird questions (are you bald?) didn't affect me at all. Also, I was in a sorority (I'm alum now) and I TOTALLY freaked out my whole sorority when I started to cover, but the majority of the girls just asked me why I was wearing it and when I told them they were like "oh cool, it's really cute!" and the worst reactions were just girls not talking to me at all anymore but I didn't really give a hoot about them to begin with so no love lost there! I was also the president of the governing council of sororities on our campus so I was pretty high profile at that time and kind of hard to fade into the background, and I've been having a blast ever since, never been insulted or attacked or yelled at etc. People were pretty mellow where I was living at the time. I wish you the same Amal.

huh??

I don't think she was meaning offence, just an observation. Maybe it is because we are women that we discuss hijab, I dunno. "wonders what main topics brothers babble on about"

lol i dont know but im confused i have been muslim all my life and everyone that i know uses hijab so that kind of shocked me......but i know when we are in pakistan u can always see the men that have women problems they set in the market drinking tea and all their friends trying to give them advise how to fix the problem lol it is very cute

awww hehe so men do same thing as women? Well, they'd never admit it though:) Interesting observation though. That did amaze me though when I was in Palestine. All the men would hang out with men and hardly talk to their wives. I kept asking my husband "Don't these guys have wives to go home to?" I thought that a bit weird. But to each his own I guess:)

well in pakistan and most of the muslim community in india and from what i have seen in egypt the men do not want their friends looking at their wifes or mothers or sisters so they stay to themself with their friends lol.......is pretty normal
hahaha one time my elder brother was in a lot of trouble with my mom.....we went to market and sure enough there he was sitting holding his head and looking at his tea with all his friends standing around all talking at once lol i about died laughing lol........there if one women in the home is angry with any son or husband no women will give him anything not cook not wash nothing lol so it is a lot of problem for them if they get someone angry on the womens side lol

haha my husband must be very nice to the women in his family then:) they all wait on him hand and foot by cleaning his house all the time. the only thing they don't do for him is cook. He knows how to fry meat unless he eats at the family's house. And oh yeah, his mother does his laundry. So yes all the women love my husband:)

The scarf as a symbol of Islam has been allowed to obscure the reality of the faith as so much more than how women dress. The Quran never refers to it as clothing nor prescribes a manner of dress that requires concealing hair or eyes, but as a physical barrier to maintain haya, or as a spiritual barrier against the Word. One can cover and still maintain a spiritual barrier against the Word, which is why I find it so fascinating that the symbolic pre-Islamic tribal norm, has developed from a minor affectation into a major measure of faith for both men and women when it is just cloth. That it been elevated into something you do for God when Allah didn't demand it as a prescription of faith is curious to me.



Covering or not covering is easier to do and discuss than other more important aspects of Islam; covering often substitutes for faith, and its significance as a measure of faith comes and goes as politics and fashion dictates. Women has rebelled against political forces by donning the headscarf, and by taking it off; men have rebelled against political oppression by forcing women to wear it or not wear it. Right now, Muslims are taking political positions that require symbolism, and covering is a powerful image that is used to denegrate the faith by anti-Islamists, and as a badge of honor by some Muslims who need a shorthand way to distinquish themselves from western norms.

As a false measure of faith or as a politcal manipulation, it serves as a manipulation to cow women into covering before they are convinced of the need, and actually serves to divide Muslimas, increase recidivism among converts, and keeps Muslims from addressing more pressing issues in the ummah. It's also interesting that hijab as fashion is about being attractive rather than modest.

This is not to say that there are not those who wear what is called hijab with sincere devotion, there are. However, on the whole, the emphasis on dress has waxed and waned based on external and internal reactions to political and economic forces on and in the Muslim world.

How to have four wives

LOL
or what things to do with 4 wives............and what days of the week they will do them on:)

ahaha lol i know one of my brothers used to always say before he got married that he would have two or three wifes ask him now and he will tell u if u can keep one wife happy ur a lucky man needless to say one wife is all he gets lol ahahaha

MHO is that one of the reasons a lot of ppl convert is because they like the purity they find in Islam. One of the reasons we (converts) discuss hijab (in the form of hair covering) is because it is something that we see as a way to (more) purify ourselves and stop focusing so much on our outer appearances so much. BUT it is not "the norm" here to cover and we didn't grow up with that being normal so it is a big issue to a lot of new converts (especially in the USA). It is probably one of THE biggest issues just because of the comfort level that goes along with it (or the lack thereof) and the way we are treated if we DO decide to cover.

Hair covering is most commonly associated with Islam because hijab is most commonly worn by Muslimas. It is also worn by others, nuns, Jewish, old ladies with purple hair, etc. One can't blame ppl for associating hijab with muslimas coz, well... muslims associate it with muslims too. It IS a way to express ones faith but is also a way to help oneself self-purify (if that makes any sense).

When I learned the reasons behind hijab (non-religious reasons even) it really made sense to me and I think everyone should practice a form of hijab...even if it is to dress modestly or not wear stuff that brings so much attention to oneself.

Someoene mentioned that the girls run around un-hijabbed until they get married but then cover once married. yes, that is true. One of the reasons my husband told me was because the husband and "unmarriable" ppl are the only ones that are allowed to see them without hijab after they are married. It is out of respect that when the woman marries, that she wear hijab for her husband in order to save her beauty (or whatever) for him and the allowed others only... I dunno..that's what he told me anyway...

So..in conclusion...(hehe that sounds like I'm speaking in a board meeting...are u all in ur suits, ties, pantsuits? lol)...I don't find it odd for women of Islam (especially converts) to discuss wearing hijab more often than other women do because there are a lot of things that go along with it other than "do i cover or do i not". For me, it is a lot more deep an issue than that.

Thank you all for coming today, this meeting is adjourned
amal

Well, I think in most cases or what I've heard anyways is that the man may spend a few weeks or so with one wife, then move to next then next then next. So unless he lives with all four at once (and if he's rich he may not)....he still only has to worry about one at a time:)
I don't know how a woman could want to be a second, third, or fourth wife. I have way too many needs to be hassling myself with that. And by needs, I'm not talking about money, a roof over my head, and clothing. I can get that myself !!:)

followed soon by how do avoid 4 mothers in law......

yeah I wonder how do they do that? lol

My son is 10 (almost 11) and he always says he's gonn have 4 wives with 2 or 3 kids from each wife when he grows up I told him he better strike it rich first

wow these kids start the urge young! thanks for the warning, lol

You know, the funny thing is, he's not even INTO girls yet He still thinkgs they're weird and boring LOL

Wow..no bad replies yet..i'm shocked! wow!

My son decided that he was never going to get married. (he's 9) He said he will be staying all of his life with me coz he loves me and doesn't want me to be lonely. He said he will get a job as a race car driver so he can pay my bills for me. If he can't be a race car driver, he wants to be a vetrenarian so we can have horses that he can ride every day.

Have I ever told u all that I love my son!

To Hijab or NOt.... lol It's true a difficult questions and discussion. There is more to it than the external hijab... there is the internal one too. The appropriate behavior.... I have a laugh dare I say cackle that is so hard for me to control. I can put all the layers of clothes (which I do out of my respect for Allah, Islam, my husband and myself) but when something makes me laugh!!!! UUUghhh it' so embarrassing.

As far as husbands drinking tea? Yeah mine meets his friends everyday after work to talk. Reminds me of what men do in the states at bars but without the alcohol. If we need to find my father in-law or any of my husband's friends we just go to "their" cafe' and you know you will find them. In Casablanca there is a cafe' at almost every corner on mainstreets.

I asked my husband about multiple wives before we got married.....lmao he said "baby we must please all equally and honestly I work hard to please just one" I didn't think I was that difficult. love the 4 mother in law comment.... hehe

I do know a women in Egypt is wife 3 I asked her about jelousey problems and she said at first but you get used to it.... nope don't think that is something I can get used to.

OK.. how about Zakat... how do you ladies do that??? do you have somthing automatically or do you do it as you can?

No Amal, her son is wet behind the ears yet:) He will understand the pains of dealing with one woman when he has to deal with one:) lol I wonder what he will say one day when his mother tells him 20 years from now "Son, i remember when you wanted 4 wives" LOL
Amal-your son is too cute;) lol

LOL so true

im a selfish person i dont share so i will be the only wife........Zakat i do as i can

zakat....thats a nice topic.
Personally, I do it as I can. I try to find an organization to donate to...or if a natural disaster strikes donate to the red cross or something.
Speaking of zakat/charity, how do you guys deal with bums asking for money? Do you give them money or food or ignore them?

I always think a good place to start is by not calling them bums.

there are so many ppl here begging for food/jobs/money/etc that one can't give to all (unless they are rich). If I knew for certain that they would not use the money to go buy cigarettes and/or alcohol, I'd give them what I could. If I knew for sure that they weren't actually a serial killer trying to lure their next victim, I'd definitely bring them to my home and feed them. I have often shared an apple or something from my lunch bag if I see someone with a "hungry" cardboard sign and I'm stopped at a traffic signal. (wouldn't wanna throw the apple out the window at them whilst driving 60mphhhh KLUNK right in the forehead..aaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha that would be so horrible...i can see the feet flying up in the air right now... not that that is funny..but just the mental picture..tee hee)

I try to shop at places that I know give back ..like the good will store or salvation army shops. sometimes u find perfectly good stuff at fractions of the retail prices... AND it helps the needy... kill 2 birds with 1 stone that way