Hi all,

I have never spent much time in this part of the forum, but recently I have just glanced in here. All I see is getting a divorce left and right, and how can I get him/her deported, or how can I still stay in the US.

Seriously, am I just showing up at a weird time, or is this really all this forum is about? I am sorry, but what I see is story after story about how the husband/wife deceived me, be it the USC or the immigrant. And I have to admit, when I read this and I hear someone go on and on about how right after they got here that their spouse (most I have seen is the husband) has changed, and that they are abusive, or they fear for their life, well it just has a ring of a bs story.

Sorry guys, I may be all wrong about this, but I just get so ticked off at the thought of anyone using a person for a green card. How can someone have such a cold heart? I am sure that some have legitimate stories, but man this has me depressed.

Well the Forumn topic is " Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits"... and divorce is certainly one of if not the most frequently occuring Major Family Change... so Yes it will probably be the most discussed

ditto, fwaguy!

If its true that 50% of marriages end in divorce then I think its great that theres a forum relevant to this.
Yes, using someone for a green card is dreadful but then so is to be misled by a USC into marriage. I for one, would not return to the UK if my marriage ended in divorce (if I had the choice). Not because the UK is a s***hole, but because I gave up everything there to make my new life work.
Aside from the heartbreak of divorce, why should a foreign spouse be 'sent back' like damaged goods for a refund, because they turned out to be a person with opinions and feelings, not just a geisha in jeans.
To all the people going through divorce, then my heart goes out to you.

Geisha in jeans? Perish the thought.

I think there should be a longer period before the foriegn spouse gets a green card...Five years sounds good....I think that if you genuinely love the person and you moved here solely to be with them, then if the relationship breaks down, people should be prepared to return. Why should the US be forced to accept all these people who no longer have a true basis to be here?
Yes you may have given up a life in your own country, but that was a choice YOU made...

What an awesome idea! Then we would have to re-apply for EAD and AP probably like 3 times, which is NOTHING...just more money out of our pockets, more stress and hassle and "only" 5 years of just being in limbo.
I applaud you for this idea!

It's a tough call, I think, I can see both sides. If it weren't so "easy" to get the GC, then fewer people would consider fraudulent marriages in order to do it.

I'm not sure how I feel about being able to remove conditions after divorce...

I believe, no matter how difficult you make it to get a gc, there will always be fraudulent relationships. But it is up to the government to figure out what marriage is bona fide and which is not.
Why punish the sincere couples with even longer waiting times because of the fraud that some people commit?

About removing conditions after divorce- I don't have a problem with that. Those people have been proven in their visa process and then the aos process that they are in a legitimate relationship, they settled here, have a new life here...some might not have anything to go back to in their homecountry. Why punish those people with refusing the removing of conditions, specially in cases where they have proof of abuse during the course of their marriage?

Are you quite sure?

5 years isn't enough.

I believe that choice is usually made by two people not only one person. There are thousands and thousands of non-USCs who would much more prefer to stay living in their home country. There are lots of things that might not make that be the best choice for the couple. I don´t have to name anything. Everybody has their own reasons and it´s perfectly fine what they decide together. Then if their relationship for some reason doesn´t work out after 3, 5, 10, 29 or whatever years it´s up to everyone specifically to decide where they wanna continue living. Some people that had to move to USA don´t even make any friends there over the years and are pretty happy about being able to move back to their family. Some people start a whole new carrier, make a lot of friends etc and they don´t really feel like starting all over again from a scratch back in their home country, if they already have a life going on somewhere else. So it´s not up to you to decide for others or tell them what to do or what you think they should do cuz you think they have no right to be in USA anymore. There is no such thing. They have contributed to the society, they have paid their taxes etc.
Ofcourse if someone wants to commit visa fraud, that´s a whole other matter.

Yes and know.. EVryones situation is different. some come for the glamour and are mislead. end up with a budwieser belching Fart who really is Load obnoxious priviledged and abusive..Many of my white american born friends deal with this crap ond aily basis..Im sure its 5 times scarier when youthe geisha in jeans!!! SOme of the smarter lets say less submissive type nations east cough rope. Welll i know some of them who already have friends and plan too hook up and runaway to peopel they already have waiting in us>>>

No, I personally are not sure about that, but I don't approve AOS either. Like I said before, there will always be people who get their visas, greencards and whatnot approved and are not in a valid relationship.
But the vast majority is and I think it is only fair that there is the opportunity to remove conditions even after divorce if the foreign spouse wishes to remain in the country, specially if the failure of the marriage wasn't their fault (in abuse cases i.e)

I agree. When I moved to the US I gave up a great job in Europe-- one of the best places there to start a career in my field. After moving to the US to be with my boyfriend (now husband), I had to invest a lot of time and money in additional studies to get to a similar point. I did it because I loved him and wanted to give the relationship a serious shot, but I only agreed to come after I was certain that he was comfortable with me giving all that up to be with him. I should say that my field is not the same everywhere (might be easier if your field is science or engineering) and people in my field attach great importance to a degree that they know from a prestigious university in the English-speaking world, so my situation may be different from many, but a lot of immigrants have had to step back for at least a while and many do love their countries. When I just moved some people would tell me how wonderful it was for me that I could live here and study at a great American university and I always found that a bit presumptuous.

Of course one could argue that you should only be allowed to stay after the basis for family-sponsored immigration falls away if you can get your employer to sponsor a visa but I have at least three problems with that. First, it's elitist and very much favors those who hold high-paying jobs at big companies. Second, after a few years it's often not only about the foreigner who moved here. There may be children who grow up without a father or mother if one of the two is forced to live on another continent, or stepchildren who have been raised by their step parent for a few years and grown attached to him/her, etc. Third, why does the foreign spouse need to be penalized for a divorce after moving abroad, spending energy on getting used to another country, and becoming a productive member of society? It's true that such a person made a choice, but there are other measures (which already exist to a large extent and can be really harsh) to prevent permanent residents from becoming a burden on society-- i.e., by attaching immigration consequences to crimes, limiting public assistance to non-citizens, etc.

JaEnglish girl, what exactly is a 'true basis to be here'?
I work 65 hours a week, I pay taxes and contribute to society in a positive way. If I had a baby with a USC, is that a 'true basis'? And what if I claimed government assistance to help raise my USC child, do I then have more of a right to be here
than without child?, just curious....

Responding to the OP's post: Unfortunately there are people who will do practically anything to move here, or just to get out of their own countries. Remember the boat people? These poor souls were risking their lives. These days the Internet certainly makes things easier for someone intent on living in the US. Of course, true love can begin on the Internet, but there are definitely some people who use this medium to try to date men or women in countries more desirable than their own. Again, this is not to say that all of them are "using" the USCs or even that there's anything wrong with making the country someone lives in a criterion in trying to find a mate. In an online dating scene in which you need to be selective, American citizenship is an asset, just like wealth or education.

However, I do think there's a small group of people who will marry just about anyone for a green card-- to escape horrible conditions in their own countries (including repressive regimes or terrible poverty), or simply because they dream about living in the US and marrying an American appears to be the easiest, or even the only, way to get here. I'm sure a few people will go so far as to "use" American citizens by seducing them and making them feel loved all the while plotting for a divorce as soon as the card arrives. I also think many people who don't love the USC who sponsors them genuinely hope they may be able to develop a relationship or just underestimate how difficult it is to actually live together with someone you don't love. Although these people are probably often not upfront with the USC about their feelings and motives, I'm not sure they are necessarily cold-hearted. Plenty of people ultimately "settle" for a person with whom they aren't in love, and aren't honest about that.

What I don't buy is the idea that in these situations, the USC is always an innocent, unsuspecting victim deserving of sympathy. In many cases (not all) the USC is established in this country and has more family, friends, and resources than the immigrant. I think sometimes USCs don't take the time necessary to make sure the relationship is real, and often the USC takes a risk and knows it. Yes it is a terrible experience to be deceived but often there have been red flags that the USC chose to ignore. Although there are USCs on this board who say their spouse suddenly showed his/her "true self" or revealed his/her "intentions" after the green card arrived, it is hard for me to believe that someone can be such a great actor for the few years it takes to get to that point.

I have to say though, overall I find this forum incredibly uplifting. It's great to read about all these couples who come from different countries and backgrounds and to sense the optimism and courage with which they undertake the visa journey. Too bad this country is so large, it would be great to have a VJ party!

Sometimes even after all the hoops and waiting, people find out they really weren't compatible. Sure, the green card is the only reason some people come here. But, more often then not, the intentions were true to begin with and it just didn't work out. Those who are upset seem to speak the loudest. I'm sure if you checked the statistics, it would be the same or nearly the same as the marriage/divorce rates of non-immigrants.

It's all a crapshoot. You just hope you made the right decisions along the way.

Don't lose heart. There are plenty of true love stories on here too.

I learn lessons from the good, the bad, and the ugly.

In my opinion, 'true basis' means being married to the person you claim you wanted to spend your life with until death do us part....
No, I don't think a baby should make a difference to YOU staying here.....

To Scott and MArta, I suggest you re-read my post and tell me exactly where I 'told' others what to do or 'decided' for them. Thanks in advance.