My computer has broken down so I wont be able to see any responses until I come back to work on Monday ( I am sure everybody has been breathing a huge sigh of relief LOL)

I have been a little aggravated as of late ( not with you guys) I am anticipating my husbands arrival the end of May but I am starting to feel apprehensive..

Several things.. he is a neat freak ( I am clean but not perfect)

He has certain mannerisms.. if I dont say inchallah every single time I talk about the future he gets upset. I dont say inchallah with americans so its hard to remember.

I am afraid I wont live up to expectations.. I am not floating on a cloud of expectations. After A cr1 visa and this hellacious wait.. panic has now set in

I am pregnant and already kind of hormonal

Also he gets in arguements with his family. If I take sides with him against them, then he gets mad that I am against them. If I take sides with them, he gets mad at me for doing that too.

I dont know if I am ready for all of this

Is buyers remorse setting in?

No cause you don't buy people.. at least I didn't.. Its more fear of my inadequacies.. not anyone elses

I am more afraid that I wont live up to standards

I think you need to focus on his positive qualities as well as your own. I wouldn't want to live with either of you after reading that, lol.

Think about what you can't wait to do together, not how clean the house is. That is so unimportant, really.

You also are engaged to someone who had already been through the immigration process with a former spouse and is eager to come here. I think dealing with someone who is very familiar with immigration is alot easier than someone who has not been through the process before

You will be fine girl, don't even worry about it. Every guy has mannerisms equivalent to the saying Insha-Allah before everything related to future...you will be fine. He loves you and he will adjust himself here and he may gain different mannerisms here within a few months, I wouldn't worry but focus on the lil miracle comin soon, ya theres no certainty in life but I feel you guys have a tight relationship and he will be much less overwhelming than you think. We always anticipate far worse than what really is - like we flinch BEFORE gettin hit.
I am not that clean either...I don't cook...I like my own space...its all gonna change. Of coarse this AP isn't helping,its giving me MORE time to worry about more things but uh I think you will be fine. Remember Bridget's topic about if it sucks when they get here and she wrote a few days ago that it indeed DOESN'T suck It will be shaky to get them adjusted...job...baby! But just trust in God, and feel the blessings. You have a lot of them and God will take care of you.

Its hard for us to comfort when we have the same worries, but we are strong women, we can handle it. Our husbands love us dearly and they will be there for us as well. Or else what's the point of spending so much time and money when you can get one free here?

Love ya girl,
Take care of ur self and no worries

Psych yourself out with excitement and I know it will be a easier pill to swallow as the time for him to come nears. By then you will be so happy for his arrival that all these worries will subside.

Tammy

I would assume that could be seen both ways... dont every feel you are not good enough , you are you, if you dont clean as good, then he is free to help, sometimes best to try and not take family sides etc. I know im not near as polite as ahmed with all his greeting, hellos and thank yous but this is life

I think this has just set in in the last couple of days as I have started to evaluate my pots and pans, my cooking ability and alot of things. There are alot of things very culturally different.. Not bad just different. Because I know EXACTLY what I am " supposed to do" I am panicking.

I have lived alone for 4 years with no husband and only one boyfriend in the interim. I havent had to make big dinners and they do not eat processed food. Everything is fresh. Every meal has salads. Every meal is laid out. They make everything from scratch. I know I am going to change my whole lifestyle. I am looking foward to seeing him . I am terrified my cooking wont be up to snuff... that I wont be able to cook all the things that I need to.
My husband is alot less americanized than alot of people here.. He will not eat any processed food. I am not a good cook. I am not afraid that hes inadequate. I am more scared of my short comings...

Its unimportant to someone "laid back" A sparkling house is very important to some people. I think I am just scared of letting him down.. or the USA not being something he wants.. I am just scared.. I have been trying to cook more just to get myself used to it.. I am just not a good cook.. I struggle

I feel you on the cooking...who cooks from scratch here on a regular basis? Yahoo news today said we cram 31 hours into 24 every day of our lives...I think it will be nice to get some middle eastern cook books and learn together, one meal one night and he can help ya prepare. He can eliminate for you these "shortcomings" which I think are not anything to feel abd about, we are just not used to/have the time to waddle around peeling vegetables and plucking chickens all day...

Take my idea, cook together and let him help you, its a togetherness thing dont take all the burden. I will take my own advice.

Yes, well I guess I'm not sure what to tell you since being laid back is somewhat of a deal maker/breaker for me, pretty much for the very reasons you're talking about.

But it is what it is, so I say you get a cleaning service in to do the bulk of what you need to get done before he arrives. Then you can focus on maintenance. As for the cooking, practice practice practice. You won't be nervous to do something that you've done a hundred times. Maybe a class at a local college would help teach you some techniques that will help you be more efficient and feel more confident in the kitchen.

Well everyone in his family are absolutely AMAZING cooks from the grandmother to the mother to his sister to his aunts. They make EVERYTHING from scratch. All the women there do.. Cookies, breads... Cous Cous Lambs.. Dinner looks like a huge celebration everynight. They even make their own cous cous. I am imagining myself just beginning to freak. Its not middle eastern food either. Its north african with all the simmering , tagines, pastries, hand rolled stuff. The men there just arrive home and sit down. The women do everything. I work a full time job, I am pregnant. Oh I forgot the coffee tray with the sweets and the little cups and the whole spread. Literally , you could do that stuff all day long.,, ( coooking, breadmaking ,etc) and STILL not have time to hang out and sit and relax. Women over there work their asses off to make dinner and stuff. I think Morocco has Mc Donalds. Where my husband lives there are no Mc DOnalds or take outs or anything close. You want to eat? You buy a whole chicken? You want dinner? You buy everything same day. No shopping for tomatoes 3 days in advance. Everything is bought the day you decide to cook. You want ice cream? There is no freezer in the store. Wait till June and take a walk by the port lol

I feel like I have to buy all new everything LOL

You're an old shoe at being a Mom so this should be familiar to you plus you've been a wife before so I am certain things are going to be much better this time around and once he's here awhile it will go smooth for you both. Remember nobody is perfect and when arguments arise take a break to collect yourselves and come back and talk calmly when you're ready.

For now give yourself some much needed TLC and try to occupy your mind with productive busy work until he's here. Delegate responsibilities as needed. You can do this. I have full confidence in your ability!

There is a lot to be said for great pots and pans, that's for sure.

I am one daughter in law that would LOVE his grandmother or mom to move in with us. They are the best cooks EVER

It was a joke.

And yes Badr has been through this process but he was not aware of how the immigration process worked. This time he does because I'm educating him on what happens each step of the way so he won't fail like last time. So in a way, he's really experiencing the immigration process for the first time, with me. All he knew the first time is that he would get some paperwork ready and go to the interview, that's it. He's not eager to get here. Why would someone be eager to come to a country they've never been to and leave everything they know behind?

Wow I feel for you, I can imagine the food is incredible, but, things are different here. Some people adapted faster to a different country than others, my Grandfather was thrown into a classroom where he didn’t speak a word of English. In the day there were no special sets ups for children who didn’t speak English, it was expected that you learn the language. That being said, my Great grandmother never learned English, drove me crazy, you had to speak Spanish period. So give him lots of time, try to find some Algerian’s in your area, he will in for a culture shock, but he will do fine, I promise. When I first left America and had to live in Germany, this was way before computers, when you called the United States you would have to call the operator and then wait for the operator to call you back with your party. That could take anywhere from 30min to 5 hours, this was during the cold war, and when technology sucked. I cried for two weeks, hated everything and everyone, but it passed and I soon loved Germany and cried like a baby when I came back to USA. Hang in there, when Hesham comes we will go down and hang out, and see that soon to be beautiful baby. As far as cooking fresh, just cook healthy and tell him you do it for his health because you love him. I know some of my relatives are not so up on microbiology, they still go by old time ways. I feel bad now because one time I yelled at my grandmother god bless her soul, that she didn't cook the chicken right and that I was poisoned. I was just a smart butt, and just started microbiology in college, so I kinda went overboard. I was fine and never got sick, but just because it was done back home, does not always mean it is the right way.

The main thing Id say is to relax. I worried about this with Mo...because neat....nope I am not. I have a full time job with 2 kids that play every sport imaginable...add to that the fact that his mom and 2 sisters treat him like a king. When I told him ummmm baby it wont be like that here...he said here I am a son and a brother, there I will be a husband and a dad. As for the cooking, if you stress about it you wont enjoy it and the kind of cooking alot of the older generation does...its a labor of love an expression of their desire to take care of and nurture their families. What better way for you and he to bond than cooking together? I think if you looked at it as a love thing and not an oh god it has to be perfect thing it could ease you some.

There was a time in America when women cooked that way. It has been awhile, but there is more than one reason we don't anymore. To be honest, there are some foods that actually taste just as good without doing it completely from scratch. Couscous comes in many flavors now, or you can buy plain and flavor it yourself, but it still doesn't take much time. I have been practicing cooking different things lately, some American, some arabic/Iraqi, and some I just make up something that is in between. My husband knows I am doing my best for him and he watched me winging it when I was with him over there (we didn't have his mom or other family with us when I went on my first trip to marry him). Not only that, my husband had little idea about shopping so we were both learning together in the middle east. I often made things up entirely because I couldn't find all the ingredients to anything I would normally cook and had no idea what the words were in arabic for the different parts of the cow (actually I diddn't know where most of the meats I use here come from on the cow to even explain it). Somehow, though, I managed to put some food together and make it work and my husband loved it no matter how simple it was. Inshallah your husband will be patient with you and understand you don't have that kind of time to devote to cooking. I doubt his mother and sisters and grandmothers could do everything we do here in the United States and still find the time to cook like that every day. Make sure he understands that and it should help.

Yes I was just like this before Mohamed came also. I worried about everything. Thank Allah he is a very wonderful husband. He will help me clean and we cook together for right now.Hes also wonderful with Amir and my other children. I wish u the best of luck!

Dont loose yourself in all this, its your life also....your not here to make his every moment great, let him grow and change some things, make each other happy together

Good point!

Hi Everyone!! Hey there girlie. I gotta tell you.....I had the same worries initially before my husband came to me. Let me let you in on a little funny secret....... When my husband first came ...I pulled out all of the recipes I though were fool proof. I am no gourmet cook but I know somethings I can get away with.....anyway..I made my little "homemade meals" and had them ready for his coming. My husband did not care for any of it but ate it because he loved me and knew I tried hard. A few days later, I decided it was too much work and resorted back to my old ways.....fish sticks, chichen nuggets, hamburger helper........... I know I know!!! Lazy, salty meals...sorry...lol. Anyway, guess what.......he had his first fish stick meal and thought I had given him a hidden treasure!!! He could not get enough and ate them for at least 2 straight weeks. He thought they were miracle food or something. He had never had something so......American before and to my surprise I had a very easy time "impressing " him with the American cuisine. lol Now he has discovered hotpockets . So long story short, do your best but don't worry. Sometimes the things we take for granted and the things they will find to be new and "refreshing" lol, once they come. Good luck sweety and give yourself a break. Love is often the bridge between gourmet and "Goodtimes"!!!!