I know I should be happy that I will be reunited with my baby in less than 2 months (if my interview goes well) but at the same time, I feel sad that I will be leaving my family behind especially my mother. I know I won't be able to come back any time to see her.........I wish Malaysia is not 26 hrs away from Charlotte....

I am sure many of you if not all, have gone through this "heart-breaking" feeling and I am just curious how you cope with this ????

Cheers...

You have to forget all about them. When you come to America, you become American. Being American means hating all foreigners, even your own parents.

forget your family? NO WAY!!!

jiskat if you can't do that then maybe you are not ready for the awesomeness and amazingness and sheer fabulosity of American life.

Err....

Sounds to me like you aren't ready.

wow troll I couldn't have said it better myself I'm glad someone finally came out and said it!!!!!



I agree. Maybe just stay home and forget about America if you can't conform

He's joking, CL.

I won't kid you, leaving your family and friends and life behind is heartbreaking. It took me about a year to come to terms with it, but I am able to visit often so that helps a lot. Don't forget that the people you leave behind are also going to be heartbroken and angry, so they are going to require as much comforting as you are. It's a terrible situation but, eventually, you'll learn to cope. Just don't forget that you are also going to be adjusting to marriage at the same time.... which is hard enough in itself.... but then it's compounded by the relocation and homesickness. You'll find yourself getting angry and upset with your husband for seemingly no reason. Just remember that the reason is all of the above. Realizing that is half the battle in learning to cope. Big hugs.

I just killed them all off!! Now I dont miss them,and can't visit canada ever again,lol

Oh, good plan, Flames! Why didn't I think of that? You're my hero.

On a serious note - let technology work for you - webcams, snipes and other devices really can make you feel you are in the next room from some one half a world away. I will be leaving four children and my folks behind when I move. I know I will have my good days, and I will have my bad

But think of it this way - life has to be about moving forward - you are about to embark on a great adventure, creating a new life in a new country. Embrace it for what it is, not what you are sacrifing to do it

If only it was that easy

I was heartbroken when I left my family, especially my daughter:( and my now new granddaughter.
You are not going to able to leave home without the pain but you can find ways of making it easier for you. Being a mum, I know YOUR mum will just simply want you to be happy. I hurt so bad leaving my daughter who is almost 22, I missed her so bad and all I wanted was for her to be happy and that makes me happy:)
She had the option to come here, even had her visa and plane ticket, but backed out the last few days to stay with her boyfriend.
We talk almost everyday and I see her and the baby on webcam, that helps alot. I send lots of things to them, even go shopping online to Tescos for groceries for them. I try and do all the little helpful things I would be doing if I was there. I send her flowers and "miss you" cards. She and her hubby were having a first night out together after her having the baby, so I sent her perfume,earrings, a bracelet, necklace and some cute underwear, to make her feel special, as ofcourse she is!
I have been able to see my granddaugher crawl. which delighted me! I have seen her cute funny faces, I have watched her running from her mummy in her babywalker,giggling away!!
The obvious thing I miss most is not being able to kiss and hug, but doing all the other things still help and make it easier for us all. In all honesty yes you are 26 hours away, but thats all! it is not like you are never going to see eachother again.
My advice would be to keep contact as much as you can via phone,cam, letters,cards, and photos!! it truly does get easier. Ofcourse I do have bad days but knowing she is happy makes it better.

*Video chat
*Plan yearly visits
*Plan for them to come visit you too, if that's a possibility for you
*Send them pictures, presents, flowers



Saludos,
Caro

If it's any consolation I feel exactly the same - I was so fired up when I decided to move and now I am excited but there is that feeling gnawing at me that I am going to miss so many things...

I know it is unlikely we will be able to afford to go home anytime soon but I know my mum is planning on visiting next Easter (I'm moving 30th June) so that will give me something to look forward to. I am so glad to have this place where I know people feel the same and I can get support from people who know what I am going through.

On another note - it's not something I have put into practice yet (obviously) but something I have been thinking about. I want to make sure that I am not trying to replace or replicate what I have here in England but I want to make things different and I want to enjoy them for being different if that makes sense. Trying to make things like they are here will be nigh on impossible and so I would prefer to turn things into a big adventure to enjoy and experience than set myself up for a fall

PM me if you need to chat - I feel (I am assuming as who ever knows how someone else feels?) just like you

I'm with Caro here. Although annual visits are in no way going to be in our budget, money and time wise. We would rather do an every other year visit so my new family can see this country on holiday and not just return to the old country every time it's vacation.

"On another note - it's not something I have put into practice yet (obviously) but something I have been thinking about. I want to make sure that I am not trying to replace or replicate what I have here in England but I want to make things different and I want to enjoy them for being different if that makes sense. Trying to make things like they are here will be nigh on impossible and so I would prefer to turn things into a big adventure to enjoy and experience than set myself up for a fall "



You have received some excellent advice here (along with some not so great comments . . . ). Basically, you cope because you have to. It isn't easy and it will add its own type of stress as you deal with everything in your life being turned upside down. Use the computer, the phone, the mail service, visits, whatever you can to keep in touch with your friends and your family, and then try to follow Jeraly's wise counsel quoted above. Treat this as a totally new experience and don't try to recreate what you had back home. That can never be replaced - and even when you go home for a visit you will find it different than it was when you lived there. You are in the process of 'creating' a whole new life for yourself. In the process you will learn far more about and understand better who you are than you did before. You will discover what is really important to you and those are the things that you work on making happen in your new life. Other things you will find are not as important and you will discover how to let them go.

Try to bring with you - or have sent to you - some of your personal belongings that connect you and your family. Don't expect to replace everything new when you get here. Some things just cannot be replaced and it is better to have the originals with you, even if it takes a little effort to get them here. For example, I take great pleasure in wearing a sweater that used to be my Mom's; it helps me feel closer to her - she passed away 5 years ago at the start of my visa journey. It is often the little things like this that help keep the connections strong and make all the difference.

Good luck.

Can I also add here that I have every expectation that I will try to recreate my life and then vet very annoyed and upset when I can't!? I think that is natural human nature though and while I think this is what will happen, I know I am aware of how I can try and change to make things better in my new life.

I am trying to be as mercenary as I can with possessions but at the same time I am not going to leave behind things that might seem silly to others that mean a lot to me... even if they are action figures...

I'm in a slightly different situation to many of you... I left all my friends and family behind when I moved to London almost four years ago, so that bit I'm used to... to be honest, I don't find it so bad; it's so easy to stay in contact via the internet, and phone calls can be VERY cheap if you arrange a good plan, so I don't often feel I'm far from people

of course, now I'm leaving all the new friends I made in London, including my godson and his little brother who I've been caring for these past few months... kids are probably the most difficult to leave, because of course you can't keep up with them via the same means as you can with adults, and they change so fast into the bargain! that can be a wrench

well - turns out, it's much harder to make friends here than i thought.
and leaving my family behind - it breaks my heart.
and yes - i took lots of traditions / customs i had back home with me, but subconciously.
my weekend routines are the best example. the problem isn't that this country makes it impossible to follow them through, the relationship life, as wonderful as it is, just doesn't make a single-girl-saturday-morning-routine possible.
ghaaaaaaaaaaaa, i'm rumbleing, hard to describe things that are so complex.

we are planning to spend christmas in germany as often as we can. we even skip the honeymoon for it, as it means the world to me. *sigh*

Oh Agnes *hugs* I wish I could give you a great big hug!! Maybe before long I will!!! Be scared - be very scared ><

Such an excellently pointed sarcasm: Well said!

don't be scared, aly. NOTHING feels as good as sitting in front of the TV on a sunday noon, still in PJ's and drinking coffee, right next to your hubby.
there are just many things that occupy my feelings and i have to work hard to not let my sad feelings rule my overall mood.
SOOOO soon you will be in cali and enjoying your weekends with jeremy! isn't that amazing?
enjoy every second that you spend with your family and take all that positive energy with you!

anyway you could get her a comp, skype and a webcam ??
it helps tremendously !

You need to move on but it does not mean, you have to forget your family. I know how you feel because I missed my family too specially my mother and now I will be a mother soon. I hope she is also here but this is the path that I chose and I don't have regret or anything. I am waiting for my AP so I can still visits my family and baptize my baby there (Philippines).... I'll make sure that I always have communication with them like Chat using web cam, calling them as often as I can.

Hating your parents? for what reason? i dont see any point in what you are saying... i am readyo to move in US but hating my parents and totally forget them is not my idea... im sorry America is America but family is stil your family nothing can change about it.

Awww........ thank you very much for the wonderful replies and you guys have made me feel so much better. I wrote those when I was feeling down, staring at my FedEx box, thinking about the day I say ByeBye to my mother and sister....

You know I have never thought it is going to be this hard since I have lived out of the country for many years by myself.... My mom often jokingly tells me about staying for a couple months more before leaving but I know deep down inside, she meant it. After all, all she wants is for me to be happy and she knows that this decision will lead me to the path of happiness...

Like many of you have said, you cope because you have to and you must! Thank goodness we have this thing called technology with Internet. I have just bought a nice laptop for my family so I could keep in touch with them every single day on video conferencing and chat though I have to really teach my mom how to use a computer..

Now....I will just have to quit thinking all these soppy stuff and start looking forward to embrace the beautiful life that is awaiting for me in the US.

Thank you once again for your wonderful support!!!!!!

Cheers!!

he was being sarcastic...

Urgh this part really sucks.

I'm so happy to be with my hubby finally, to be able to do everyday things together and I don't regret my decision to move here at all.

But I do have weeks where I just want to hang out with my family, where I wish we'd moved to England instead of here, and everything about the US annoys me.

But I think the good times outweigh the bad, and it has certainly gotten easier the longer I've been here.

Frequent visits (either family visiting you or you going back to see them) help out a lot, and Skype is a wonderful thing.

I too lived out of the country for 2 years - but at the back of my mind at the time it was temporary move. This would be different because it is permanent move - soon you will be calling the new place your new home. It was a mix feeling for me - happy that we finally move on with our life but sad at the same time because I am leaving behind my home.

Frequent visit is not possible due to cost & time to travel. But I do talk almost every other day with my mom/dad. It helps. And, it gets easier with times.

Hey CL79,

It was definitely tough flying over here from Kuala Lumpur for me back in September 2006. We are residing in NC too.
The first nine months was a time for me to adjust to the lifestyle here in NC. It was as if being reborn again in another world. Even though everything starts from scratch, now I look back, it has been a worthwhile journey.
My family in Malaysia also adjusted and gotten used to me being here in US. I haven't been back for over 1.5years now. Looking forward to go back sometime next year.
Allow yourself time to learn and accept the lifestyle here. Definitely maintain a posture of being teachable and humble as well. Folks here in NC are friendly and loves to offer their "southern hospitality"

By the meantime, cherish every moment while in Malaysia!

Honestly, I missed the food more now, since I get to connect with my family, but not the food..hehehe..

All the best in your interview!

Uh-oh, no Malaysian food in NC? Looks like I will have to stuff my face with all the good ol' Malaysian yummies before I fly off.... Hehe...

Anyways, thank you so much for your advice and words of encouragement. Strange enough, your words made me feel a lot better, probably because knowing there is another Malaysian who has been through this journey, this heartbreaking moment and also now residing in NC. Where in NC, may I ask? My fiance lives in Charlotte. I believe I would not have a problem adjusting to the lifestyle there especially with the help and support of my fiance who has moved from Michigan to NC last year, so he's also learning about the people and the places there.

Wow... I can imagine how ecstatic you'll be when you finally get to go home next year to visit your family! Don't we just wish that our country is not that far away where we can go back often

Yeah!! I wish I could just go to mamak at night and pasar malam every week!!
We are living in Greensboro,NC which is about 2 hours away from Charlotte.
I am sure you will enjoy the lifestyle in Charlotte.

Cheers my friend!

wtfk! where on hell did you get this idea...so much morons in this world

Anyways, CL79, the first couple of months being away from your family is really the most tough times but always keep the line of communications open...u can chat with webcam or call them atleast twice a month, send them pictures of your new life here in US...and don't forget to make your self busy so you won't get bored.

cheer up you'll be fine