I was given the challenge of writing an invented conversation between Emilio Gonzales (Retired Director of USCIS) and Paul Novak (Director of VSC) by Hurryup, so, I’ve given it a bash in hope that you all find something to laugh about today.
Please be warned that this piece of work is not politically correct in any shape or form, and before any of you get upset about my flippancy with dyslexia, I am dyslexic. However, I’m not blind, so I appologise upfront to all the blind people.
If anyone from USCIS reads this, I hope you have a sense of humour, as all of us on this website have had to develop one to survive your process.
Legal disclaimer: This conversation is purely for entertainment purposes only, and is totally a figment of my own imagination; I hope there is absolutely no truth in it whatsoever.
(P) = Paul Novak
(E) = Emilio Gonzales
(P) Just want to say that your leaving party was amazing .... I cannot believe you flew in Siegfried & Roy and those tigers from Vegas just for the night ...... I can only hope that those pictures of you in your underwear stay private though ..... office parties, you can’t beat them for indescrepancies.
(E) Yes, it was all quite fabulous, I hope you liked my sparkly costume ..... I’m a bit of a wild man though on the Tequila, and I guess it wouldn’t have taken much for me to strip down to my underwear ..... you only live once ...... those fee raises from July really helped our entertainment budget no end, Siegfried & Roy cost a fortune! ..... I nearly slipped on some tiger droppings later when we were all dancing ...... However, if you want to treat your staff to a fantastic blowout at Christmas, you’ll need to cut your expenditure at Vermont .... do you have any ideas as to how you can still keep the profit and loss account looking healthy?
(P) Yes, and I’ve already implemented most of my budget cuts
(E) Wonderful, tell me what you’re up to in Vermont and we’ll see if it’s viable enough to implement in California
(P) Following a shed load of research, I’ve employed a large group of dyslexics and blind people ..... This plan has made such a saving, not only on the cash flow, but on the amount of work we have to do here at Vermont.
(E) This sounds interesting, tell me how it’s working
(P) Well, the dyslexics have been set to work on the I-130’s .... their output is a little off plan as they do seem to keep messing up which pile of files to adjudicate as we go by date ..... One of the poor dyslexics adjudicated two March 2008 files instead of two August 2007’s the other day .... apparently the number 3 and 8 look very alike .... Admittedly, it’s a bit stop and start and a bit confusing for them, but at least they’re cheap to employ due to not realising what the numbers are on their paychecks.
(E) This is good thinking, any other issues with them?
(P) Occasionally they make some typos on the NOA’s, but they know that they are paid case by case, so if they’re slow, it’s not like we are paying for it ..... All in all, it’s working well, though we’ve had to diddle with the dates on the website to cover our arses here.
(E) Nice job Paul, now, tell me about these blind people.
(P) Ah yes, the blind people, this has been the biggest cut on expenditure of all ..... I’ve got them manning the phonelines ..... It’s been a huge saving, as I’ve managed to remove all computing equipment in the area ..... All they do is feel around for the phone when it rings and say what they have been taught, to whoever is calling .... It’s not hard, they’ve just learnt some key phrases about delays and backlogs, and if really pressed by the caller, they direct them to the website processing dates ..... And when it’s really busy, they just ask the caller to call back in a month or 3 months depending on their boredom level ..... It’s great, we hardly get any phonecalls now.
(E) I like it Paul, you should have plenty in the pot for the Christmas party and still manage for Vermont to look good to the new Director of USCIS when he starts ...... do you have a theme chosen for the Christmas party ?
(P) Yes, I was thinking we could all dress up like Pilgrims as it would be great to remember where we all came from .....
Full Version: ** Emilio Gonzales and Paul Novak conversation **
VisaJourney.com > Marriage Based Immigration (K1, K2, K3, etc) to the USA > IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa General Discussion
QUOTE(KipandSarahJayne @ Apr 24 2008, 04:21 PM) 
I was given the challenge of writing an invented conversation between Emilio Gonzales (Retired Director of USCIS) and Paul Novak (Director of VSC) by Hurryup, so, I’ve given it a bash in hope that you all find something to laugh about today.
Please be warned that this piece of work is not politically correct in any shape or form, and before any of you get upset about my flippancy with dyslexia, I am dyslexic. However, I’m not blind, so I appologise upfront to all the blind people.
If anyone from USCIS reads this, I hope you have a sense of humour, as all of us on this website have had to develop one to survive your process.
Legal disclaimer: This conversation is purely for entertainment purposes only, and is totally a figment of my own imagination; I hope there is absolutely no truth in it whatsoever.
(P) = Paul Novak
(E) = Emilio Gonzales
(P) Just want to say that your leaving party was amazing .... I cannot believe you flew in Siegfried & Roy and those tigers from Vegas just for the night ...... I can only hope that those pictures of you in your underwear stay private though ..... office parties, you can’t beat them for indescrepancies.
(E) Yes, it was all quite fabulous, I hope you liked my sparkly costume ..... I’m a bit of a wild man though on the Tequila, and I guess it wouldn’t have taken much for me to strip down to my underwear ..... you only live once ...... those fee raises from July really helped our entertainment budget no end, Siegfried & Roy cost a fortune! ..... I nearly slipped on some tiger droppings later when we were all dancing ...... However, if you want to treat your staff to a fantastic blowout at Christmas, you’ll need to cut your expenditure at Vermont .... do you have any ideas as to how you can still keep the profit and loss account looking healthy?
(P) Yes, and I’ve already implemented most of my budget cuts
(E) Wonderful, tell me what you’re up to in Vermont and we’ll see if it’s viable enough to implement in California
(P) Following a shed load of research, I’ve employed a large group of dyslexics and blind people ..... This plan has made such a saving, not only on the cash flow, but on the amount of work we have to do here at Vermont.
(E) This sounds interesting, tell me how it’s working
(P) Well, the dyslexics have been set to work on the I-130’s .... their output is a little off plan as they do seem to keep messing up which pile of files to adjudicate as we go by date ..... One of the poor dyslexics adjudicated two March 2008 files instead of two August 2007’s the other day .... apparently the number 3 and 8 look very alike .... Admittedly, it’s a bit stop and start and a bit confusing for them, but at least they’re cheap to employ due to not realising what the numbers are on their paychecks.
(E) This is good thinking, any other issues with them?
(P) Occasionally they make some typos on the NOA’s, but they know that they are paid case by case, so if they’re slow, it’s not like we are paying for it ..... All in all, it’s working well, though we’ve had to diddle with the dates on the website to cover our arses here.
(E) Nice job Paul, now, tell me about these blind people.
(P) Ah yes, the blind people, this has been the biggest cut on expenditure of all ..... I’ve got them manning the phonelines ..... It’s been a huge saving, as I’ve managed to remove all computing equipment in the area ..... All they do is feel around for the phone when it rings and say what they have been taught, to whoever is calling .... It’s not hard, they’ve just learnt some key phrases about delays and backlogs, and if really pressed by the caller, they direct them to the website processing dates ..... And when it’s really busy, they just ask the caller to call back in a month or 3 months depending on their boredom level ..... It’s great, we hardly get any phonecalls now.
(E) I like it Paul, you should have plenty in the pot for the Christmas party and still manage for Vermont to look good to the new Director of USCIS when he starts ...... do you have a theme chosen for the Christmas party ?
(P) Yes, I was thinking we could all dress up like Pilgrims as it would be great to remember where we all came from .....
Please be warned that this piece of work is not politically correct in any shape or form, and before any of you get upset about my flippancy with dyslexia, I am dyslexic. However, I’m not blind, so I appologise upfront to all the blind people.
If anyone from USCIS reads this, I hope you have a sense of humour, as all of us on this website have had to develop one to survive your process.
Legal disclaimer: This conversation is purely for entertainment purposes only, and is totally a figment of my own imagination; I hope there is absolutely no truth in it whatsoever.
(P) = Paul Novak
(E) = Emilio Gonzales
(P) Just want to say that your leaving party was amazing .... I cannot believe you flew in Siegfried & Roy and those tigers from Vegas just for the night ...... I can only hope that those pictures of you in your underwear stay private though ..... office parties, you can’t beat them for indescrepancies.
(E) Yes, it was all quite fabulous, I hope you liked my sparkly costume ..... I’m a bit of a wild man though on the Tequila, and I guess it wouldn’t have taken much for me to strip down to my underwear ..... you only live once ...... those fee raises from July really helped our entertainment budget no end, Siegfried & Roy cost a fortune! ..... I nearly slipped on some tiger droppings later when we were all dancing ...... However, if you want to treat your staff to a fantastic blowout at Christmas, you’ll need to cut your expenditure at Vermont .... do you have any ideas as to how you can still keep the profit and loss account looking healthy?
(P) Yes, and I’ve already implemented most of my budget cuts
(E) Wonderful, tell me what you’re up to in Vermont and we’ll see if it’s viable enough to implement in California
(P) Following a shed load of research, I’ve employed a large group of dyslexics and blind people ..... This plan has made such a saving, not only on the cash flow, but on the amount of work we have to do here at Vermont.
(E) This sounds interesting, tell me how it’s working
(P) Well, the dyslexics have been set to work on the I-130’s .... their output is a little off plan as they do seem to keep messing up which pile of files to adjudicate as we go by date ..... One of the poor dyslexics adjudicated two March 2008 files instead of two August 2007’s the other day .... apparently the number 3 and 8 look very alike .... Admittedly, it’s a bit stop and start and a bit confusing for them, but at least they’re cheap to employ due to not realising what the numbers are on their paychecks.
(E) This is good thinking, any other issues with them?
(P) Occasionally they make some typos on the NOA’s, but they know that they are paid case by case, so if they’re slow, it’s not like we are paying for it ..... All in all, it’s working well, though we’ve had to diddle with the dates on the website to cover our arses here.
(E) Nice job Paul, now, tell me about these blind people.
(P) Ah yes, the blind people, this has been the biggest cut on expenditure of all ..... I’ve got them manning the phonelines ..... It’s been a huge saving, as I’ve managed to remove all computing equipment in the area ..... All they do is feel around for the phone when it rings and say what they have been taught, to whoever is calling .... It’s not hard, they’ve just learnt some key phrases about delays and backlogs, and if really pressed by the caller, they direct them to the website processing dates ..... And when it’s really busy, they just ask the caller to call back in a month or 3 months depending on their boredom level ..... It’s great, we hardly get any phonecalls now.
(E) I like it Paul, you should have plenty in the pot for the Christmas party and still manage for Vermont to look good to the new Director of USCIS when he starts ...... do you have a theme chosen for the Christmas party ?
(P) Yes, I was thinking we could all dress up like Pilgrims as it would be great to remember where we all came from .....
Oh my dear god, that was hilarious. I was in the middle of reading it when the phone rang at work - not very professional to answer the phone when I am snickering uncontrollably!!
QUOTE(KipandSarahJayne @ Apr 24 2008, 03:21 PM)
I was given the challenge of writing an invented conversation between Emilio Gonzales (Retired Director of USCIS) and Paul Novak (Director of VSC) by Hurryup, so, I’ve given it a bash in hope that you all find something to laugh about today.
Please be warned that this piece of work is not politically correct in any shape or form, and before any of you get upset about my flippancy with dyslexia, I am dyslexic. However, I’m not blind, so I appologise upfront to all the blind people.
If anyone from USCIS reads this, I hope you have a sense of humour, as all of us on this website have had to develop one to survive your process.
Legal disclaimer: This conversation is purely for entertainment purposes only, and is totally a figment of my own imagination; I hope there is absolutely no truth in it whatsoever.
(P) = Paul Novak
(E) = Emilio Gonzales
(P) Just want to say that your leaving party was amazing .... I cannot believe you flew in Siegfried & Roy and those tigers from Vegas just for the night ...... I can only hope that those pictures of you in your underwear stay private though ..... office parties, you can’t beat them for indescrepancies.
(E) Yes, it was all quite fabulous, I hope you liked my sparkly costume ..... I’m a bit of a wild man though on the Tequila, and I guess it wouldn’t have taken much for me to strip down to my underwear ..... you only live once ...... those fee raises from July really helped our entertainment budget no end, Siegfried & Roy cost a fortune! ..... I nearly slipped on some tiger droppings later when we were all dancing ...... However, if you want to treat your staff to a fantastic blowout at Christmas, you’ll need to cut your expenditure at Vermont .... do you have any ideas as to how you can still keep the profit and loss account looking healthy?
(P) Yes, and I’ve already implemented most of my budget cuts
(E) Wonderful, tell me what you’re up to in Vermont and we’ll see if it’s viable enough to implement in California
(P) Following a shed load of research, I’ve employed a large group of dyslexics and blind people ..... This plan has made such a saving, not only on the cash flow, but on the amount of work we have to do here at Vermont.
(E) This sounds interesting, tell me how it’s working
(P) Well, the dyslexics have been set to work on the I-130’s .... their output is a little off plan as they do seem to keep messing up which pile of files to adjudicate as we go by date ..... One of the poor dyslexics adjudicated two March 2008 files instead of two August 2007’s the other day .... apparently the number 3 and 8 look very alike .... Admittedly, it’s a bit stop and start and a bit confusing for them, but at least they’re cheap to employ due to not realising what the numbers are on their paychecks.
(E) This is good thinking, any other issues with them?
(P) Occasionally they make some typos on the NOA’s, but they know that they are paid case by case, so if they’re slow, it’s not like we are paying for it ..... All in all, it’s working well, though we’ve had to diddle with the dates on the website to cover our arses here.
(E) Nice job Paul, now, tell me about these blind people.
(P) Ah yes, the blind people, this has been the biggest cut on expenditure of all ..... I’ve got them manning the phonelines ..... It’s been a huge saving, as I’ve managed to remove all computing equipment in the area ..... All they do is feel around for the phone when it rings and say what they have been taught, to whoever is calling .... It’s not hard, they’ve just learnt some key phrases about delays and backlogs, and if really pressed by the caller, they direct them to the website processing dates ..... And when it’s really busy, they just ask the caller to call back in a month or 3 months depending on their boredom level ..... It’s great, we hardly get any phonecalls now.
(E) I like it Paul, you should have plenty in the pot for the Christmas party and still manage for Vermont to look good to the new Director of USCIS when he starts ...... do you have a theme chosen for the Christmas party ?
(P) Yes, I was thinking we could all dress up like Pilgrims as it would be great to remember where we all came from .....
Please be warned that this piece of work is not politically correct in any shape or form, and before any of you get upset about my flippancy with dyslexia, I am dyslexic. However, I’m not blind, so I appologise upfront to all the blind people.
If anyone from USCIS reads this, I hope you have a sense of humour, as all of us on this website have had to develop one to survive your process.
Legal disclaimer: This conversation is purely for entertainment purposes only, and is totally a figment of my own imagination; I hope there is absolutely no truth in it whatsoever.
(P) = Paul Novak
(E) = Emilio Gonzales
(P) Just want to say that your leaving party was amazing .... I cannot believe you flew in Siegfried & Roy and those tigers from Vegas just for the night ...... I can only hope that those pictures of you in your underwear stay private though ..... office parties, you can’t beat them for indescrepancies.
(E) Yes, it was all quite fabulous, I hope you liked my sparkly costume ..... I’m a bit of a wild man though on the Tequila, and I guess it wouldn’t have taken much for me to strip down to my underwear ..... you only live once ...... those fee raises from July really helped our entertainment budget no end, Siegfried & Roy cost a fortune! ..... I nearly slipped on some tiger droppings later when we were all dancing ...... However, if you want to treat your staff to a fantastic blowout at Christmas, you’ll need to cut your expenditure at Vermont .... do you have any ideas as to how you can still keep the profit and loss account looking healthy?
(P) Yes, and I’ve already implemented most of my budget cuts
(E) Wonderful, tell me what you’re up to in Vermont and we’ll see if it’s viable enough to implement in California
(P) Following a shed load of research, I’ve employed a large group of dyslexics and blind people ..... This plan has made such a saving, not only on the cash flow, but on the amount of work we have to do here at Vermont.
(E) This sounds interesting, tell me how it’s working
(P) Well, the dyslexics have been set to work on the I-130’s .... their output is a little off plan as they do seem to keep messing up which pile of files to adjudicate as we go by date ..... One of the poor dyslexics adjudicated two March 2008 files instead of two August 2007’s the other day .... apparently the number 3 and 8 look very alike .... Admittedly, it’s a bit stop and start and a bit confusing for them, but at least they’re cheap to employ due to not realising what the numbers are on their paychecks.
(E) This is good thinking, any other issues with them?
(P) Occasionally they make some typos on the NOA’s, but they know that they are paid case by case, so if they’re slow, it’s not like we are paying for it ..... All in all, it’s working well, though we’ve had to diddle with the dates on the website to cover our arses here.
(E) Nice job Paul, now, tell me about these blind people.
(P) Ah yes, the blind people, this has been the biggest cut on expenditure of all ..... I’ve got them manning the phonelines ..... It’s been a huge saving, as I’ve managed to remove all computing equipment in the area ..... All they do is feel around for the phone when it rings and say what they have been taught, to whoever is calling .... It’s not hard, they’ve just learnt some key phrases about delays and backlogs, and if really pressed by the caller, they direct them to the website processing dates ..... And when it’s really busy, they just ask the caller to call back in a month or 3 months depending on their boredom level ..... It’s great, we hardly get any phonecalls now.
(E) I like it Paul, you should have plenty in the pot for the Christmas party and still manage for Vermont to look good to the new Director of USCIS when he starts ...... do you have a theme chosen for the Christmas party ?
(P) Yes, I was thinking we could all dress up like Pilgrims as it would be great to remember where we all came from .....
Sarah, this is the greatest work from you ! Oh my gosh, I still can't stop laughing on it, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL I liked so many things here - like standard phrases, slipping on tiger droppings etc.
You're great !I heard one more thing - Paul is going to add another 3,000 blinds and possibly another fee hike to enjoy this upcoming Christmas
LOL
Really good stuff.
I love the blinds the best.
Really good stuff.
I love the blinds the best.
QUOTE(KipandSarahJayne @ Apr 24 2008, 03:21 PM)
I read it again and started laughing again
If E or P will read it, they will attempt to suicide
QUOTE(lotofpatience @ Apr 24 2008, 03:41 PM)
QUOTE(KipandSarahJayne @ Apr 24 2008, 03:21 PM)
I read it again and started laughing again
If E or P will read it, they will attempt to suicide
Latest news... E is trying to suicide...
Pleased you guys like it ..... I was a bit nervous posting it, as if anyone ever Googles for these guys, this thread will show up .... but then, like I said it was for entertainment and not true.
However, the longer they leave me apart from my Husband, the more bored I will become .... the more I will stare aimlessly at the 02/24/08 on the USCIS website and more I will lose the plot .... the knock on effect will be more Giggles from Sarah .....
I reckon the dyslexics also keep getting the K1 visa petitions mixed up with the K3 visa petitions and are wizzing through the wrong visa petitions ....
However, the longer they leave me apart from my Husband, the more bored I will become .... the more I will stare aimlessly at the 02/24/08 on the USCIS website and more I will lose the plot .... the knock on effect will be more Giggles from Sarah .....
I reckon the dyslexics also keep getting the K1 visa petitions mixed up with the K3 visa petitions and are wizzing through the wrong visa petitions ....
You are great sarah!!!Hope we can email this link to P and E.
Sarah Jayne your crack me up! Hope your well lovely.
Thank you for this post!
Thank you for this post!
QUOTE(kns123 @ Apr 25 2008, 08:26 AM)
You are great sarah!!!Hope we can email this link to P and E.
I'm sure if anyone Googles for them, they'll find this
But I'm sure the leaving party was big though
QUOTE(BexandAlan @ Apr 25 2008, 02:50 PM)
Sarah Jayne your crack me up! Hope your well lovely.
Thank you for this post!
Thank you for this post!
Thanks Bex, yup I'm hanging in there .... thought I'd attempt to cause a few sniggers during this time in our lives.
Hope you're well too
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