Well we finally after 3 airline ticket changes found a ticket that works with his transit visa and its not as long out.


Do you benefit from people being honest about their relationships with their mena husbands?

I fight with mine alot and I dont have the harmonious make up sessions some others do.I stay pissed (sometimes with really good reason)


I think I get pissed when people say all kind of scary stuff get everyone in mena all riled up then dont take any advice then come back and say the things never happened. I personally took alot of the advice Amal and other people had to give. Especially jpaula. But I am not going to sugar coat it.I have been pissed as hell at my husband for delaying 2 months getting her to see his mom although its understandable and he needs the visit.
I get pissed at him because of misunderstandings.Im glad I can come here and talk about stuff...

I voted yes, though I'd probably say yes and no. It can be helpful, but it can also make people over analyze I think - especially those who haven't spent a whole lot of time with their SO.

Also helpful to keep in mind that often people just outright lie and paint a much nicer picture than reality.


ETA: Please don't move this poll - it's pretty clear that it's specific to this regional forum.

Although I find it quite interesting and amusing to hear what is going on I have to vote no. Each one of us here have differing lives and situations. I don't know all of the facts, and lets face it, the minute we see a MENA man acting funky we assume he was only using her for a visa. I have been guilty of that myself.
We are all in a strange world with these men. The cultures, the way they think, the way they react. Then add in the differences between the way a man and a women think. Its just not always cut and dried. I can tell you, my marriage to my husband, knowing our age difference, would bring some pretty major doubt to most peoples minds. Do I have any doubts? NOT ONE! But if I wasn't as strong minded as I am would I let other peoples opinions sway my trust? Probaby.

I would rather people were honest and tell it like it is. Why paint a picture of something to just look good, but yes, it happens all the time. Maybe, in their minds their life is all rosy, than, I am sure happy for them. Marriage is hard period, and people are different, even ones raised in the same culture, so yes, bring the problems maybe we can come up with a way of helping. I can understand why some would not say their personal information, sometimes people can gang up on someone, and that is Intimidating.

Then again, if you don't paint a rosy picture and try to talk about things straight up, you're accused of bashing.

Basically, you can't win on message boards!

You are right, you just can't win

I hope everone feels free to vent if it helps them. But, I also hope no one is drawing any conclusions about their own relationship based on what is presented of others'.

I didn't vote - but I love you all my MENA gurrrrls.... except of course Jenn who is a total b1tch

You smell like fish.

Oh really???? You want drama, eh??? you live off drama, eh??? "You have nothing better to do that be dramatic, eh????

{{{realizes she kind of smells fishy... }}}}

See? I'm always right.

I try to stay away from the personal stuff and venting ...

erm .. first, I'm a guy -so- there ya go.

Second, I think it could lead to bad advice from one or another, make one person look unfavorable, make a jerk out of someone - and lead to ill-will between people.

Sorta like politics & religion discussions, but on a more personal scale. Any "injury" will be more deep seated than if you said something like:

"Hey KyanWan - I think the Governor of CT is a total piece of crap!"

(Personally - I think the Governor of CT [Jodi Rell] is one damned good politician - tough, smart, and sensible - PLUS - She's a Republican, but she's not BLIND [eg, I trust in her to NOT support the party mindlessly. If someone has a good idea, no matter who they are or what party they're with, she WILL listen. ] )

Sure, I wouldn't agree and I'd think whoever says something like that is blind and deaf -but- I'd get over it. Saying you personally or your spouse/family is insult-X or adjective-Y - hurts a lot worse and carries much deeper ill-will.

Personal stuff will eventually lead to that.

That's - part - of why I ... try ... to keep out of principle / belief discussion.

Yeah right... by the way, you forgot this....





Love you girl!

Regifting is soooo tacky....

But I love you anyway!

I thought it to be helpful for other women going thru or will go thru cause even tho the problems differ they are still based on the same misunderstanding. Apparently posting personal stuff on here attracts wierdo's. I don't think women can win with each other. Some are open hearted and kind and others are just competitive and look for mistakes in other people without realizing their own. Altogether it's only a board online and nobody knows the different personalities people carry with their spouse so if anybody came in here scared about their spouse abroad I don't recommend they take anything from deep discussions on here to arab bashings to their heart. Real life and stuff you've encounter on the boards usually can have different outtakes. We usually post unsuccessful marriages here to warn or advise but in real life there's alot of successful loving marriages but you don't hear of those too often it's just overlooked.

Len-Bren-Jenn

Poetry in the midst of drama.

i voted yes


and i always thought you was female

I don't post my business concerning my relationship, so I didn't vote.

No. But I can argue wolf pack mentality. Grrr.

i dont mind at all when people need to get things off their chest. sometimes it makes u feel alot better. i just dont like it when im telling my opinion and someone twist what i say into something i didnt mean and then the slam donna begins.

no ones marriege is perfect. im sure everyone fights. i feel more comfortable talking about my problems one on one with people instead of putting them out for everyone to see. not that i hide any problems but just feel better discussing them one on one.

You got it sistah!

i voted yes. i get a lot of good advice off this board. sure, sometimes i have to wade through people's opinions and some drama here and there, but for the most part i find what i'm looking for. plus, it helps me be prepared for some issues in the future. i've lived with my SO before... but that was in Morocco. things are different there, and i'm trying to prepare myself best for some things that might happen IF inchallah, he gets the visa and comes here.

I voted no, because for me personally I choose not to post real personal information regarding my rel w/Tarek. I fully support anyone who gains support/insight into posting and sharing relationship difficulties or concerns. And I also can see that it can be helpful to anyone that chooses to post topics relative to relationship issues/concerns.

I have found so much support in other areas for sure from each and every one of you and for that I am quite blessed and thankful!

I think it is helpful, though I agree with morocco4ever's first post. My husband is not MENA but there are some of the same issues in our marriage that I see in a lot of the MENA relationships - age difference, big cultural difference, similar ideas regarding the role of women, behavior in public(modesty), etc. so I identify with a lot of what is posted here. I don't really feel like I identify with the S. Asia board b/c honestly I think most of the USCs are male desis bringing over their younger arranged brides whom they have only known for a month or less - no drama or the usual visa hassles related to short courtship or age difference b/c they are both desi and the male is older than the female... So many people, upon hearing of my marriage, without even having met Govi assume he is only using me for a GC and it is very hurtful. I know that some guys do that and yes a lot of times I have applied what I have read here to my own marriage and overanalyzed everything which only makes me stressed and anxious... OTOH I see the successful marriages and advice on dealing with culture shock and I find it very helpful.

There is drama here, of course, but I have never seen a group of people more supportive when someone is upset. Everyone is so welcoming when there is a new arrival and everyone is supportive as people go through the visa process. Honestly, I am suprised at how great everyone is. People here are close for not knowing each other in real life (in most cases).

I voted YES!!! Yes, I have posted some of my "drama" here, but where else can I get unbiased opinions? Tho I have to admit some of the "solutions" to my problems were crazy, and maybe even illegal (LOL), a lot of them were truly meant from the heart. Sometimes, having someone suggest solutions to your problems can be enlightening. It can make you see things in a different light. I know it made me look deeper into myself and realize that not all of the wrong things in my marriage were my husband's fault. Not that he is and angel, but certainly not as bad as I seemed to be making him sound. I think that comes from the hurt and confusion any of us face when something goes bad in our relationships. Posting here and reading the comments and suggestion in reply to my post's made me look at myself and work on the parts of my psyche that needed toning up a bit. Self improvement is NEVER a bad thing! Not only that, but some of the suggestions and helpful hints were hilarious and made me laugh, yes, even at myself!
PS, Super congratulations on all the new visa's granted here in the last few weeks! Summer time is going to be extra fun for a lot of folks this year! Can I hear a YAY for Visa Journey's Victorious?????

I voted Yes even tho i never posted anything concerning my marraige. But i do learn from other ppls problems and situations. Also no matter how much i talk to my friends about the pain of the process they will never get it or truely know what im saying like MENA gurls do!! so i never hestitate to vent here al hamdulillah ..... im sure u all relate on how good it feels and the immense reliefe knowing that U R NOT ALONE IN THIS!!!

I voted yes. There is nowhere else I can go and read anything close to what I'm experiencing especially when my family is not really that supportive. It's not about letting everything influence you but about 'taking what you like and leave the rest' I find that the outside world constantly wants me to doubt my husband's motives and when I come here our love is reaffirmed (yes I understand that's some hoky ####) and makes me feel good and helps me get through those long lonely nights without my Riyad.

hey wow you can't curse on this board!!!

Yes and no. It does help to let it out and some of the advice has been invaluable for me, BUT airing out my dirty laundry has led to some people following me around the internet for the sole intention of trying to make me miserable so just be on the lookout for trolls after that laundry is hung out to dry.

Yes and no but I think more no. Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing too much personal drama on VJ. I know where the info goes and what it leads to. I'm not wild about being fodder for gossip so the less ppl know, the better.

I don't post my business concerning my relationship, so I didn't vote.

Even if you don't post your business you can still vote. The question is...do you get anything out of the advice given on the mena board. Actually it's two questions but the actual poll is do you get anything out of the advice given.

the question/topic is : Do you think it helps or hurts Mena girls when we post our drama on here about our relationships with our men?
my answer is :I don't post my business concerning my relationship, so I didn't vote.

but i am happy that MENA helps members on here like it did with me

I personally wouldn't air out my dirty laundry here concerning issues between me and my husband if they came up. (I know, he's not from MENA but I'm still posting). Reading those kinds of threads doesn't help me at all, but maybe because I am in a different situation. Though hubby is from a very different place. I just don't get anything out of the threads.

The part that bothers me when I read the "drama" or problems or ranting about spouses, is that it's very one sided, women complaining about the men. I wish there were more men posting in this section from MENA instead of mostly only the women part of the equation. We would get a better picture of situations. I don't like complaining about my husband when other women complain about their men(I don't mean joking around, I mean serious annoyance at the husband), it becomes like a "thing to do", even in a work place, to complain about men. I like my husband and I wouldn't want him complaining about me to others in his workplace or on the internet. I'd be upset. Talking about an issue is one thing, complaining is another IMO. We all have things we can complain about concerning our spouses, and they have things about us too. I don't want him complaining about me to people on a forum.

The instructions for interviews, etc is very helpful and gotten alot of people thru this, being there when someone is sad, is always good (if everyone doesnt analyze the prob to death they are having) but no matter if you tell your story in details there will always be someone doesnt agree, everyone sees things differently for their lifes and opinions vary. So maybe the help is to the poster who tells their story and problems sometimes just this talking helps to clear their minds and they work thru their own problems,

Sometimes it is good to have help from other people.Then this past friday after what has happend with us on visa journey we would never again. I have been told Mohamed married me for only 1 thing ! Im sick of this .I know he loves me and wants to be married to me. I just cant believe the way people think thats suppose to be a muslim.
I wont post anything again I cant believe there is a web-site like this to put people down so much.!

Personally, I don't believe that Mohamed married you for just one thing. My admonishions to him have been that his impatience to bed you should not have lead him to convincing you to enter a less than honorable agreement, then to braodcast that this is halal in Islam so that Muslim practice becomes a part of the act. I put the onus on him becasue he has been Muslim all of his life, and you are just learning.

However, I do not doubt his love for you and your son at all. I do question how his priorities that lead him to place secular law over sharia, jeopardizing your rights, and his hypocrisy in response to interfaith marriage for Muslimas in light of his expressed reverence for fiqh. That has been the focus of my responses, not his feelings for you, which seem to be genuine.

For some ppl this is the only place they can come and talk because they do not have any other support group.I did not post personal sstuff about my relationship because it went from great to shaky to over so fast(after almost 2 years) I did not know what hit me. I was wrecked and out of it for a few months. Getting advice from anyone is about flittering it is like a salad bar you put on your plate what want and leave what you don't. If advice is sincere and well-meaning then it is always welcomed.

I think there is a point missing here.

There are people here that anonymously discuss thier relationships, which is fine by me. However, if you are going to post pictures of yourself and your family, disclose your location, names, and other personal information thats when you become a target.

This has been a discussion for a long time in VJ and it will always continue to be. People will continue to post the most personal details of their lives and others will target them for it.

Does it help or hurt your relationship? That's a question for your Spouse to answer.

One person posted that it seemed the MENA group are all women complaining about their husbands.

"The part that bothers me when I read the "drama" or problems or ranting about spouses, is that it's very one sided, women complaining about the men. I wish there were more men posting in this section from MENA instead of mostly only the women part of the equation. We would get a better picture of situations. I don't like complaining about my husband when other women complain about their men(I don't mean joking around, I mean serious annoyance at the husband), it becomes like a "thing to do", even in a work place, to complain about men. I like my husband and I wouldn't want him complaining about me to others in his workplace or on the internet. I'd be upset. Talking about an issue is one thing, complaining is another IMO. We all have things we can complain about concerning our spouses, and they have things about us too. I don't want him complaining about me to people on a forum. "

Why do women do this? Is this just American women? If my wife said the things some women say here I would say the marriage is bad. I have never been around a bunch of guys and the were complaining about their wives.

I think thats just it. Guys don't sit around and talk about that stuff but women do. It doesn't matter where you are from, women discuss these things. This forum is mostly women too, so it goes hand in hand.

My wife doesn't do this, I think I would be worried about our relationship if she was angry at me all the time and complained. If I upset her I do whatever I can to make her happy. She is my life and I love her with all my heart.

I for one do think it helps. I think it helps in many ways.

I think that there are some really weird people on here though that pretend to be petitioning and also people on here who are no longer active in the process that make it hard on the rest of us.

I for the life of me do not know why someone would pretend to be going through this process when they are not or why people who are no longer married would be on here... It seems strange

I get some extra entertainment.

I'm sorry but I still just can't wrap my head around why you insist on coming to the MENA forum to berate the women for whatever they choose to disclose about their lives. What the fukc are you doing? So I choose to disclose a bit less and others choose to disclose a bit more. Are you really so insecure that you need to do this in order to feel more secure about your own marriage. What is your purpose here? Are you really who you claim to be?



ETA: Pardon my outburst, but I'm becoming increasingly less tolerant of people who seem to come on VJ only to try to rub others noses in something. What is the GD point?

Yes I am who I really claim to be, we have gone through all the processes everyone else has. I am not insecure in any way shape or form, how does anything I have said in these define me as insecure? It is reasuring to know I made the best choice in my wife. The only reason I visit the mena posts to be honest is that there are a few women here that are stereo typical American women that complain all the time about this or that. Maybe I keep visiting to see if they will ever change but most often they continue.

From a mans point of view if they continue the way they are don't expect there husbands to be happy with it. Ask any man if they want their wives to complain all the time to their friends and they will all say NO.

BTW

My husband is a really busy man, and he has way more important things to worry about, than his wife on a forum, chatting with others in the process. Everyone has their own comfort zones, some share more than others, everyone is different. My husband knows who he married, and knows that I have some strong stands on certain things, and encourages this. But like I said everyone is different, and some may not be happy with that at all. He keeps promising me he will get into the forum, but he is very focus on different things that involve work, and work consumes his life at the moment. That is why I married him, he always is behind my ideas and is wonderful support.

Venting is always good but I always consider who I am venting to and why.... do I feel I need the support or do I have a valid concern. If I have a valid conern than I should probably go to my husband with it... if I need the suport than yeah I hear yeah just can't take board venting and advise to personal since we haven't walked in another's shoes and what kind of advice to you wanna hear... everything I was told is the worst possible case scenario for our SO... I'd rather not plant those seeds but I voted yes just the same ... LMAO

Ok, so to sum up...no real purpose. You want to reassure yourself about your own decisions through pointing out the faults in women here. That's just fabulous.

I think it depends on your situation. I have been real sick and I am pregnant and I cannot talk to my family about things..issues .. especially about my mena spouse. My mom already has a horrible taste in her mouth because of what she saw done to me ( she was COMPLETELY NOT PREJUDICED BEFORE TRAVELLING TO EGYPT<MOROCCO AND JORDAN) But as far as her daughter being involved with a muslim arab, she was completely not positive about it nor is anyone else in my family. They were very much before, but they got put through the ringer and so did I and they didnt want me really to get involved with someone over there.

I think the mena boards are an amazing support for people married to people over there. I dont know what the mena boards are for you, but where can you find so many Americans married to arabs all at the same place? They all have varied experiences you can draw upon to understand and interpret their spouses reactions and behaviors. After over a year on here, I trust alot of what many have to say here. You are just in the beginning of your petitioning process I think and as the year drags on all things can happen and will. I am glad I have had these boards to help me survive the year long wait to get my husband here ( and my process went faster than many others due to an expedite at NVC. Welcome to the long ride..Fasten your seatbelt.