I have been going through a real roller coaster of emotions these last few weeks/months (even had a dream where i was on a roller coaster, LOL). Sometimes the whole situation gets to me, the waiting, the difficulties and struggles I know we will face when he comes, the preparations my roommate and I will need to make, at worst the times when I wonder if he is only using me for a GC and will leave me after I have made so many sacrifices...It drives me crazy sometimes... I am all alone now until my roommate comes back on the 29th and I get really irritable and snappish sometimes and sadly it has been affecting my job - I need to deal with really spoiled entitled Upper East Side princesses at 8:00 in the morning and they have no idea what I am going through - that is no excuse to be rude but I am just saying that is how depressed I get sometimes... when I try to tell Govi he just says 'be happy' and 'why be so negative'... sigh... My mom honestly thinks I should just get a divorce if I have any doubts...
I don't want to go on meds because I don't want to become dependent on Big Pharma - my mom is a nurse, totally bought into the western medical establishment and she has told me to go 'get help' but my insurance does not cover extensive talk therapy and I know they will just hand me a scrip and say 'bye'... I am not suicidal though sometimes in my darkest moods I wish it were an option...it is a real struggle to remain on an even keel during this process, and I know it will not end when he gets the visa...
If we are.. GOD 
the poor man 