it was in tunisia in august....and it was onmy salad and he was criticising me so i tossed it at him....in a restaurant......it became...............shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee threw a tomaaaaatooooooooooooooo at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


even if he is........tell him .......................you are using me for my smokin hot body............................

I think marriage is an adjustment period, but I can see where culture problems could make that even harder. My husband drives, so that is good, he has lived in America before, so he is coming knowing what this country really is about. Husband is an English teacher, so language is not a problem. I am sure there will be things that we will face when he comes; you just got to hang with them, and know that it takes a lot of work sometimes. Pick your battles wisely, easier said than done. I think listening to others, and their experience, and what worked for them helps so much. So sharing your experiences and what works and doesn’t for you, does help all of us.

I'll have to throw in the funnies though. I knew how his sisters waited on him hand and foot. He'd say "I'm hungry" and they would jump! There are still times that he'll say he's hungry.....AFTER we've ate dinner and I'll just give him that "yah.....ok" look. He was also used to his sisters pampering him when he got sick. I'm not saying that I don't pay extra attention to him, but ya know when a man gets sick and they act like the end of the world is coming? I swear it's a lot worse with a MENA man! LOL.

Yes, we have compromised on many things. I know no matter how many times I ask him to put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, it will never happen just like he knows I'm not going to jump up early in the morning to have a big breakfast for him.

I don't know if this makes a difference, but my husband was a bit 'older' when he got here so maybe he grew up a bit before I got him.

yea it sucks

Hmmm that's not what I was told in another thread. I'm filing EAD separately from AOS and I was told it goes to my center which is VSC. http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...t&p=1702649

Do NOT use the expression jokingly: you ate like a pig.

That was a big no no

Don't start a sentence, (during an argument): If you were man enough....

ah!@ i missed the part where you were filing prior to AOS. thanks!

OMG I don't know why but when something happens like stubbing my toe or I get really freaked out I would yell Jesus!!! and he would get sooooo ticked and say, "you are not Christian you are Muslim!". I'd just look at him 'cause that makes no sense.....for if I were Christian i wouldn't be taking the lord's name in vain. I tried explaining that but now I need a new OMG word and I need to practice it when I stub my toe or bump into something. lol

We filed EAD separate as well and it was processed through MSC. Forgive me if I'm wrong but isn't EAD still sent to Chicago?

oooooh those are two BIGGIES!!!!




The guides are wrong. The uscis directions say to file according to their list and for me it will be directly with VSC. http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...t&p=1709388

I looked it up on the forms just to refresh my memory:



http://www.uscis.gov/files/form/I-765instr.pdf

etc etc. although pointing out this error in the guides would have been great as a thread in site discussion.

Hachemi lived in a household with mom, dad and 2 sisters. Mom and sisters waited on the men hand and foot. I remember when I was in Algeria at his family's home, he unwrapped a piece of candy and threw the wrapper on the floor. I noticed he did that often. I told him to pick it up and put it in the garbage. I said you mom and sisters work very hard taking care of you, and his poor mom after cooking and cleaning all day would be exhausted at the end of the day. I reminded him that is exactly why his mom is so exhausted. I let him know that he would not be doing that at our home and he would have responsibilities. He usually picks up after himself now and helps me out a lot. Since he is in school full time, I kinda let it slide because I want him to concentrate on his studies. He had no adjustment problems and only recently after a yr and a half mentioned being (his words) "sick at home" (homesick) . He said not missing Algeria, but missing his mom. Our only and biggest fights where when I was teaching him to drive. He would not listen to me and would get mad and defensive if I tried to tell him something. He scared me so bad that I thought I was going to die many times, lol. If your SO needs to learn to drive, I suggest driving school, lol. He now drives very good, but I still have flashbacks. lol.

Meriem

that would probably work with any nationality.

Sorry I pointed it out in the thread I linked but didn't do it anywhere else.

Doesn't matter where you're from. "Man enough" or "woman enough" and it's all downhill from there.

Well Charles, if you were man enough that wouldn't offend you...(JK)

You go girl!

oh...I forgot about the driving......he I can't teach him to drive because I say bad words too much~ That's why we're paying for lessons now!

Yes, but when one fairy tale ends another once can begin. I hope this time you have found what you are looking for, you deserve it after what you have been through.

Maybe I'm lucky - my husband washed his own underwear in the sink on our honeymoon, and cooks when his mom is 'indisposed' even though he has 3 sisters....

You're right, that's true....It slipped out, but I learned my lesson, that was the first and last.

When I tell him: put yourself in my place. Or I say: I'm going to do just that, so you know how it feels, he always says: I dont like that way, you're always saying that. Don't do what I do.

The only thing that really gets to me is that he's more quiet and reserved, but then he doesn't like me to keep things to myself . So I think I'll do like him, and try to be more quiet and reserved . I'm kiddinggggg, but all joking aside, I think that could be a problem to us when he's here. I know we can't change the people we love, but we can tell them our feelings and it's up to them to change.

Don't get me wrong, he talks to me, but not in it's time. Like for example if I had something that happen today (good or bad), I would text him about it, and he'd probably answer me saying to come online to talk about it. But if it were the other way, he usually waits until we're online to tell me. One time it was the death of a friend, I was very annoyed that he didn't see me as important to tell me something like that immediately when it happened.

Anyway, I'm glad this thread was made, it teaches us what we could expect. Insha Allah everyone who will be reunited this week (bridgettttt this week, ehhh??? ) will be able to work through anything and everything that should come their way.

When things get a little hard, before you say anything, take a minute to try to remember the joy and love you felt when you first saw him at the airport, then talk.

Hugs,

Ayesha

that might not be good since I"ll be one big bag of raging hormones when I pick the poor guy up. lol

Oh my goodness, does that ever sound familiar!

Best word I use is SUGAR but you have to stress the SSSSSSSS!! Wael laughs so much when I use it!

I tell Hicham "Watch out....or I'm going to take you out in the front yard and beat you in front of the neighbors!" He KNOWS that I'm joking, but not to push me any further!

LOL! My mind is totally in the gutter!

Allousa your avatar makes me LOL

aint that the truth!

we won't see doodle for a week or so after he gets here.

hey everyone. i am amena man and read most stuff about this... WHY WE CHANGE WHEN WE GO USA?!
well, i havent been to usa yet... and i know many things i would face over there... money, culture , homesick and work of course...
i guess i passed homesick when i am here in jordan,, i have worked for several times away from my family.. and i miss them but not the much that i get a sickness of that or even effect my relation to my new family ( my wife and my stepson).
and my family arent expeting me making a wilth in couple months cuz money arent on streets in usa or any other place in this world... u need to work hard anywhere you are .. usa or home country...
so what else i should explain? waiting for my wife to get my lunch for me... i do mine here too... and i wash dishes too.. lol.. i dont feel that isnt a manly thing... nothing wrong of that..
friends? i dont think i am gonna have a friends of the meaning of real friends.. maybe work-mates is good to say this.. or niaghbours!! hee hee... but why i wont have friends?
well, thats up to the person.. and for me i am work-home,home-work.. man,, i rarely go out... altho i know 80% of places in jordan.. and for getting lost in the state i live in? no no.. i dont think so.. cuz i can read english and dirctions good...
so my fear is falling in troubles cuz i am so tempered.. i mean fights.. and i dont feel scared of any1... i hit any body.. and i dont care if ur 8 ft tall... lol... thats cuesed of me living in a nighbourhood of arabic gangsters and ask ur jordanian man about something called (deonegee) or D1G...and he will tell if he ever lives in irbed or zarqa... or any refugees camp in jordan.
so.. i already know i will have troubles if i keep reading all of ur writting cuz its individaul things happned with some people... and if u think ALL of mena men gonna change i am gonna be an exception... i hope so..
and something i started to hate in this website.. WHY DO YOU WRITE SOME OF YOUR THINGS ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND THAT SHOULD BE A SECERT BETWEEN A HUSBAND AND A WIFE? i mean writing ur troubles in some website !! and let starnge people read and comment it...
whatever!
yazied

^^

Yeah everyone, STFU

this is something i know my husband would hate (as i could guess most husbands would) especially with "real" friends...more than posting on VJ. if he thought i was telling my friends any of our issues he got extremely upset. we've had fights over that!

oops! look i told some of our business!

well that's gonna be fun to see how that turns out in the usa.

You're in time out.

Ok my husband has been here for 9 months and used to drive in Jordan. Well driving there and driving here are two very different things. Yeah I was a nerveous wreak but we survived, but it was very trying. Great suggestion of driving school.

Explaining things over and over and making sure he understands, speaking slowly was very big. Sometimes we still run into this but mostly on the phone. Sometimes I have to ask him if he heard what i was saying because I think he was on autopilot and just say ok when that was not a proper response. Ok I am also guilty of that at times.

Job opportunites, pay, and amount of time. He has done ok but seeks a better job with more pay and not as hard work but again me too!

He does not like the word stupid at all. He says "tubeless" ok no clue where he came up with this but he says it is much better then stuip. Ok to each his own

*sits on the naughty stool

Because we are Americans. One thing my husband learned fast was that just about anything he told me I was going to tell my mom, my grandma and my sisters. We are all going through a huge life change and it helps to have people who are dealing with the same issues as you are. At least in my case when I try to talk about problems my husband shuts right down so it's pointless. At least this way we have some idea that we're not alone.

*waiting for flames to fly*

exactly what i was really trying to say. lol

Wow. These marriages sound 4 times harder than others. I think if I had to live by all of these tips and rules my ME/NA husband would have divorced my a$s a few days after the wedding. Or the other way around. Not sure.
Where do you guys find the patience and understanding?
Does it ever get significantly easier?

Furthermore to add to this, I am Jordanian and so is my husband and neither of us have an issue with it so it's not just Americans that do this.. I don't consider what I said on here to be a secret in any way shape or form. If anything, it will help other couples adjust and understand their husbands point of view. My husband has no issue with my posts here and I think most women here can say that.

you gotta admit some women come here and REALLY spill the beans though, jp. i do not think a lot of husbands would appreciate it. (like hayati is saying)

and from my personal experience my husband does not appreciate me telling my GFs on the phone about any issues we have.

i don't think amera was insinuating only americans do this. *shrug*

I don't think that it is MENA marriages that are harder than others but anytime you have marriage with 2 completely different backgrounds it will be hard to adjust to each other. Throw in the fact that you many have met online and had long distance relationships, it will only make it harder.

It actually does get easier if you can BOTH learn to compromise, if its only one person compromising then I don't think it would work out.

Bridget, my best advice to help with the upcoming transition is for BOTH of you to be patient with each other and open about your feelings. Know that he might take some of your "helpful advice" as complaining about him and I am SURE that someone asking you 500 questions a day will drive you over the edge of a cliff. I truly wish you both the best of luck and a lifetime of happines.

Oh I totally agree, many spill the beans. But that isn't what this thread is about so I see no reason to start trashing it. On the contrary this thread is to help women here find ways to help their SO's adjust.

My point about the Americans wasn't to Amera but actually it was to Hayati. My point was even someone like himself (Jordanians) don't have an issue with this.

oh i thought you quoted her and i i didn't notice hayati also. i totally agree.

i wish there was a post like this before my so got here!

wow this is one interesting topic!!!! lol i learned so much even though my husband is the USC..... i dont know how hard it will be for me to adjust but im pretty familiar with the culture i ve had american friends thru out my life basically so im good with the language.....i think getting my liscence in pharmacy is going to be hard and will face problems coz i wear hijab!! Also will miss family and having my gurls night out but i can always make friends there .. i already made a few friends online whom im planning on meeting up with insha Allah but seriously i can sooo make it with only him in my life!! he is my best friend . I think having to depend on him is not an issue for me i like it

when my husband was here for 3 weeks -longest ever been together like physically - i noticed im such a neat freak and i wanted everything to be put in a perfect way i didnt know that about myself before i wasnt like that in my single life LOL . Specially with washing the dishes... i take forever and i wd have to smell everything making sure no bad smell he got irritated from that and i got irritated from myself too!! LOL i put in mind when i get there i have to calm down and take it easy and let him have some control since its his country n its only for the frst couple of months until i know my way around things insha Allah... but i think i will have FULL control in the house; im not saying he cant help but i sure will tell him what to do coz he doesnt have a clue lol i already learnd how to deal with his stubborness ... just let it go his way then he realizes i was right so we go back to my way i dont even have to argue anymore lol oh God he is still the best thing to everrr happen in my life!!!! i dont care what happens in this world i wanna be with him and only him and no problems wd ever come between us -hopefully lol- he is more than worth it!! i still thank God for this gift every single day....

Jenn--- im sorry but what does STFU stand for

Lol....thats what I was thinking. Perhaps jail time for violence would change him.




Do you honestly believe that the wives in your hometown don't talk?




Lets just say that the good in my husband far outweighs any difficulties we run into. And yes, once we adjusted to each other it is so much easier. I wouldn't change one thing about what we have gone through together. Each difficulty makes us that much stronger and in love.

i am so sick of this,,, all those girls talking about mena men as they are devils .. .... i am really so upset...
why do i give a f* care to this? i shouldnt even read it!!!!!