Okay....I really have to bring this up.....

My co-worker and I were talking about Alex yesterday (Back to Housewives of NY). Now if they REALLY had so much money that they were dropping 5 figures on clothing...then WHY IN GOD'S NAME, would she not spend SOME of that money on that rat's nest of hair on top o' her head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean DAYUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm glad you brought it up. I cant get over the hair. Its like hay. and yes, its puzzling that she seems unaware of it. Sorta like their unfinished townhouse.

Everyone, watch the Real Housewives of NYC so we can talk about how completely insane yet compelling to watch it is......

All I hear lately is be prepared, this is the hard part, etc.

So...since a lot of us are having our reunions this month, why don't you seasoned gals/guys tell us the REAL DEAL Kind of like when I'm afraid of flying and want to hear about worst case scenarios. Might as well since everyone is giving me this down in the dumps attitude about the whole thing. (not all here but other places as well)

So....I'm all ears. What parts really suck about having them here?

I'm not the best one to comment on this...but I can remember a few ....issues.

Watching them drive off for the first time on their own, might feel like sending a kindergartner to the first day of school. He will probably get lost and call you for directions. Don't panic. Hopefully he will call BEFORE getting to a state line. lol.

Get used to sharing the remote control, the computer and everything in your drawers and cupboards. Be prepared to translate and explain ALOT. They know English...but not slang. Ibrahim is learning the difference between crap, poop and shiite. (Lexy is helping him on this )

Culture shock is not only for him..but you also. Amal has extensive research on this and she is willing to share

I do think its a majority of cases in which adjustment cases some issues in the relationship, but not all. I have not experienced parts of it "sucking" that he is here.

I can now attest to the fact that it does NOT suck when they get here! It ROCKS!!

ok so things NOT to say and do:

you are in the doghouse
you are a donkey
throwing a shoe at the guy


others?

This one is kind of funny, kind of embarassing. He was really hungry, eating alot... I said something that was a reflex from childhood "you're a pig!" NOOOOOT the thing to say to a Muslim. Good thing he has a sense of humor......

I made the mistake of saying ''geez or gee whiz' and got the 'dont talk about jesus like that...'

Jackie

Thankfully, my SO never does that. He is very soft spoken.

.. and the title of this thread still irks me to no end.

i hear a mod can fix that

how do i change the title?

Im not going to complain about anything. I waited too darn long, we are too darn sick and life is too darn short. Im going to enjoy every second we have together. And if something he does or says gets up under my nerves, I will remind myself of the hell and high water it took to get him here, count my blessings and get over it.

that would probably work with any nationality.

Thats cause most American women have the sense in their head not to make threads talking about how much American men suck. Yes , they do not ALL SUCK. But like alot of the men putting their foreign wives up on pedestals and then trashing American women, I kinda wanna stick up for American women because their posts are annoying. I was reading through some russian threads and I just didnt even bother posting anything because it served no purpose. Why bash all American men? I have ice cream flavors that I like but that doesnt mean I dont like any other flavors, I just go out of my way to grab the rocky road.

And if you really think about it , all these IMBRA waivers werent exactly invented to protect foreign men from American women. They were invented for the most part to protect women from coming over here and getting killed or beaten by men with criminal records or men who petitioned and petitioned and petitioned and sent the girls back and used the INS like a mail order bride service.

I personally like American men. If I could have found one that clicked with me and made my heart dance it would have made my life alot easier than falling in love with someone far away. I think women in general want to have the best things in life. Some of us just found it faster than others. Some of us got screwed over and then are looking for the pony under a pile of ####. Some of us just give up and eat ice cream. Some of us buy 29 cats. But for Talbert, if you think ALL AMERICAN women have had a gravy train being married to American men, you are SADLY mistaken. Being an American woman is hard as hell because along with the freedom comes a boat load of responsibility and society's attitudes with puts even more pressure on us. We have to listen to AMERICAN MEN say we are not submissive enough yet we have to work like hell in this society to put food on the table, get paid less than men,many American women have to not only juggle our lives but we have to care for elderly parents and family in a society that does not value older people. We consistantly earn less over our lifetimes then men because we are usually the primary care givers. Then I read threads from men raised by American men bashing us all over the place. The reality is that we dont get the breaks that alot of these foreign wives . We got alot of the American men when they got out of the school or army or whatever and hadnt established themselves enough to wonder if we submitted or not. We were too busy struggling along side the men, trying to build a life. Its the trophy wife syndrome. The american women are the workhorses and when hubby decides hes made it, he s all of the sudden looking at her body , who shes become and he did nothing to shelter her from aging and stress and then all of the sudden pronounces her bitter. Well if you are some woman who shouldered all the bills and were never treated well and built some guys life up and his career and stepped all over your dreams for him to get his and all of the sudden you are being compared to some girl in a 3rd world country who has very little to do other than do her hair and sit at home and doesnt live in the western dog eat dog world, it does become enraging. I understand why American women get a case of the ### with american men. If we dont work hard, we are lazy. If we work too hard we are bitchy and dont care about our men. It sure is hell sometimes to be an American woman. And I will be damned if some man who was suckled at the breast of a hard working american woman is going to bash the women that built this country that he is bringing his new wife too... I have too much respect for other women, American and other wise to allow that.

Just my two cents

Sorry I am hormonal/// if I offend anyone

At the time of this post there were MANY people who's husbands came here before mine and who were already either separated or divorced. (they had filed the same time I had filed too). There was a lot of negativity rolling around as well.

Not to mention all of the domestic violence some months back.

I've asked to go to counselling but he's not interested. At this point I don't blame him for not wanting to talk or try to work it out. I didn't treat him really well since he got here.
OH! One more piece of advise..... LEAVE RAPLEAF ALONE!!!!! And other such things.... Don't let suspicion drive you crazy and make you nuts.

Well, I haven't read all 26 pages of this and I don't plan on it. I do hope that I'm not one of the ones who scared you. My husband and I have had problems and are separated now, probably will get divorced too but (and I hate admitting this) it really wasn't all his fault.
my thoughts to you would be, when he gets here just show him you love him as often as you can and reassure him that you're there for him. This will be a difficult adjustment for him most likely. Remember that he left his family, friends and everything he knows behind him just to be with you here.
Be patient..... that's probably the most important one right there.
Also, try to remember that he's a man you've married and not a child you've adopted. I have seen some (s)mothering types on here and I am one of them. MENA men especially don't care for that from my experience. Also, if you've had bad experiences with men in the past, try not to punish him for it.
Try to keep in mind that he can't help the position that he's in once he's here and waiting for his GC (or looking for a job after he gets it). Just try to support his decisions even if they seem a little whacky to you.

Don't talk a lot when you're angry.... you will most likely regret anything you say out of anger... I do.

I could go on and on giving you advice while looking back on my own mistakes but, again, the most important thing is just to be patient.

I would like to appologize to this group for being offended by the title and bashing American women. My ex was pure evil and still is but that is not the fault of all American women. I have been blessed by a wonderful wife now and I appreciate and love her more than she will ever know.

My ex continues to be a monster and hopefully some day she will get what she deserves.

Well sometimes it's easy to forget that we go through a transition as well. It seems all the focus is on how hard it is for them.

Don't get me wrong, the language is hard even though they might be pretty fluent. For example, when he got his Blue Cross card I asked him to call and tell them who he wanted for a primary care physician. Well he called me back saying "they want my number".....so I said yes that is the number on the card, etc. When I got home I looked at it and the reason he was confused is that it starts out with three letters, not numbers.

Simple stuff like that can be confusing but for us, the transition is that now you have someone here sharing your house, sharing the responsiblities and the delicate task of showing them how things work here without coming off as being bossy or condescending.

It's a shame he wont do counseling or talk to an imam.

Bad people rarely get what they deserve.

I can completely relate to all of this. My husband has been here a week and we applied for his social security card and they told us it can take 6 weeks .He cannot get a state ID without the number, a job without the number etc and I can see now that its going to be a long haul. I did manage to enroll him in a twice a week English class and he went today.

I have a little bit of an odd situation because I am pregnant, sick with a difficult pregnancy and I am trying to get my older son out of his 7th grade year, cater to my pre schooler and then make sure my husband is ok with not being too bored. I know he is very homesick already and not being able to work yet is causing boredom to set in. I have to go to my office ( I am in sales) to at least show my face and show I am not on permanent holiday with my husband.

So I feel like I am getting my husband off to summer camp as well as my teen and somehow I need to generate business and get customers, somehow keep everyone entertained.. I dont know how I am going to pull all of this off.

I do definitely think the transitional period is critical. I am trying to enroll him in as many English classes as possible. Right now we are at 2 days a week. He was hesitant to go today but once he got there he liked it.

I feel like I have an exchange student. I am NOT mothering. I am too tired to mother. I feel like I live in a zoo anyway though

But I can always hope can't I?

Wahrania are you near public transportation? The first thing I did was to get him a monthly T pass, which is a pass that allows him unlimited trips on the bus and the subway. That has been a Godsend for us. The first week I took him into Boston and showed him where the most popular mosques are and he quickly learned how to navigate the bus/subway (it's not too hard to do here) and goes in and out of the city as much as he wants exploring different places etc. Also he's been going to the career center twice/week which has allowed him to get his resume spruced up, practice interviewing and even training on how to use various Office software. Aside from the first week here I really didn't need to entertain him at all. He's pretty self sufficient now but again, my house is about a 2 minute walk from the bus and we only live 20 minutes outside of Boston.

Wahrania are you near public transportation? The first thing I did was to get him a monthly T pass, which is a pass that allows him unlimited trips on the bus and the subway. That has been a Godsend for us. The first week I took him into Boston and showed him where the most popular mosques are and he quickly learned how to navigate the bus/subway (it's not too hard to do here) and goes in and out of the city as much as he wants exploring different places etc. Also he's been going to the career center twice/week which has allowed him to get his resume spruced up, practice interviewing and even training on how to use various Office software. Aside from the first week here I really didn't need to entertain him at all. He's pretty self sufficient now but again, my house is about a 2 minute walk from the bus and we only live 20 minutes outside of Boston.

I don't know about the public transportation in his country, but ours here certainly beats his in Morocco. On the other hand, the first bus route from our house is about a 20 or 30 minute walk. The snow and cold in the winter and the heat in the summer can be quite the deterent for that much walking. I guess they think no one in our area needs the bus system.

The problems with the language barrier can be difficult. My hubby is so nervous about the driving test that he just puts it off and off. When I try to help him I can see why. The questions are quite often tricky, and all answers could possibly be correct, and if your native tongue isn't english it can be a bit intimidating. I thought if I signed him up to a driving class that they would help him prepare. Stupid me didn't do her homework. They require he gets his learners first, hence he must take the test. I can freaking teach him to drive, I wanted help with the test!

Any ideas on that one?

Why doesn't he take it in Arabic?